If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at email@example.com. Now, let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- If you’re a DJ networking with other DJs, what’s the smoothest way to ask them to check out one of your tracks or demos without coming off as that guy?
- Is your dislike for a coworker’s rude table manners and loud chewing something you should just get over, or is there a polite way to bring it to his attention?
- Have we ever done an interview that wasn’t good enough to air for some reason or another — and if so, how did we break the news to the guest?
- Is social laziness a real thing?
- How can you best tell others to piss off without alienating or offending them?
- Is it right for an ex’s significant other to request they cut ties with you?
- How can you stay motivated to continue your studies after an academic hiatus?
- Recommendation of the Week: Evil Genius
- Quick shoutouts to Brooke and Amanda!
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org!
- Connect with Jordan Harbinger on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason DeFillippo on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
- Connect with Jason Sanderson at Podcast Tech, on Instagram at @jase_sanderson, or his personal website at jasonsanderson.co.uk.
- Have Alexa and want flash briefings from The Jordan Harbinger Show? Go to jordanharbinger.com/alexa and enable the skill you’ll find there!
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!
Resources from This Episode:
- TJHS 48: Nir Eyal | How to Manage Distraction in a Digital Age
- TJHS 49: Alex Banayan | Why Mentors Are Important and How to Get One
- DJ Mick Batyske
- Quiet Please… (the Misophonia documentary)
- TJHS 37: Duana Welch | The Science of Jealousy and How to Manage It
- Evil Genius
- Ear Hustle
Transcript for Feedback Friday | How to Handle Someone with Terrible Manners (Episode 50)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:00] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. I'm here with both Jason's today and a rare treat.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:00:06] That would be two of us. Yes, two for the price of one.
Jason Sanderson: [00:00:09] Hello.
Jordan Harbinger:[00:00:11] That's right. Two Jason's for the price of one. Well, actually that's technically true right now. So here on the Jordan Harbinger Show, we'd love having conversations with our fascinating guests. In fact, this week we had Nir Eyal talking about focus, traction and distraction, and we had Alex Banayan talking about, well Jason, this guy was interesting. He hacked The Price Is Right to get enough money to write a book, and he ended up thinking, I'm just going to email Bill Gates and Maya Angelou, and a few other people, and see what their advice is on careers, and that sort of set him on this seven year journey and interesting kid, really not your typical millennial. And he gives a lot of tips on reaching out to influencers, reaching way upwards, the right type of persistence, finding mentors and things like that.
[00:00:54] And of course, our primary mission on the Jordan Harbinger Show is to pass along our guests as well as our experiences and insights along to you, the listener. In other words, the real purpose of this show is to have conversations directly with you, and that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us email@example.com. And Jason, tell us why today is so special.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:01:17] 50th episode, biatches.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:20] That's right.
Jason Sanderson: [00:01:21] I thought it was because I'm here.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:22] Oh that too. Yeah, and also because you're here.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:01:24] 50th episode, we'd made it. We only have 950 to go to get back to where we were.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:31] We'll get there in no time. Although all joking aside, 50 flew by. Real talk. We've been doing this for like four months, not even.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:01:39] It's been work, but man it's paying off. The feedback we're getting from everybody is fantastic. Thank you everybody for writing in and letting us know how we're doing and leaving those iTunes reviews. It really keeps us going over here.
Jason Sanderson: [00:01:52] It's really warm until see these reviews coming in and seeing how much that this part of the team, really meant stuff to people.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:01] Yeah. I noticed that you guys get a lot of fan mail, can't help but notice that. People always appreciate you guys. We do. As of right now, we have 1,556 iTunes reviews in the US music store. So that doesn't count, Sweden and Switzerland and Canada and UK and Australia. And if you're down there, we need your iTunes reviews more than ever because those are the places where people go, “Oh I don't know,” and there's fewer people involved in writing the reviews. So we have 1,556 reviews and as of this recording in the last 30 days, we've had 2.2 million downloads for the month.
[00:02:35] The past 30 days only, total downloads all time, 5.4 million, and of course, that's rapidly climbing. And that's just as of this recording is when you're hearing this, there's a lot more, because that's how this works. Podcasting offset in time, who knew? So all that basically means that we have just really been crushing the relaunch of the show and I owe it all to you guys, mostly. Mostly you two and some other folks, the rest of the team and everybody else who's not on this particular call, but they're not here to defend themselves or chime in. So as far as you guys know, you're the main drive, but the real credit goes to you, dear listener, for tuning in. Speaking of which, let's get to their letters right now, shall we, Jasons? What's the first thing out of the mailbag?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:03:17] Hey, Jordan. First off, I want to say that I love the podcast and I appreciate everything you guys do. It's hands down one of my favorite things to listen to while traveling and touring. Right now, I'm a DJ and music producers that just moved from Boston to LA. I've been invited to a lot of exclusive parties where I'm able to interact with some very well-known DJs, which has been incredible. Here's my question for you. What is the best or smoothest way to ask them to check out one of my tracks or demos? I feel like if I ask too quickly, especially at these type of events, I come off as that guy. However, if I wait too long to bring it up, I may miss an opportunity that could've been valuable because in many cases the artists are always traveling. So they're only there once in a blue moon. Any advices appreciated. Signed, DJ Pizza.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:03] So obviously, I didn't know how to answer this question. I just assumed that anybody who gives a demo tape, which it's probably not called that anymore, but anybody who goes, “Hey, check out my song cloud” is probably that guy. Especially at an event like this, it's probably the best way to get uninvited. So I asked my friend, Mick B., he is a very well-known DJ, and I wanted real advice from somebody who's in this, who also has mixed tapes flying at them at all times. And he said, well for starters, I Googled DJ Pizza and his Twitter header is him eating some pizza in a very strange pose. So there's that. And he said, but here's what works for me. Lots of times DJs will send me their remixes slash edits slash mashups of popular songs I'm already playing, and their versions, if good, give me something in my sets.
[00:04:49] Most other DJs in my circuit won't have, which I love. So when DJs approached me to send me stuff like that, I always say yes because it helps me. Once you do that and establish trust, meaning I like your stuff, and you establish communication, meaning you're not an arrogant entitled douche. They should totally send over some original stuff too. But it's better to send something totally useful at first and then go from there. And as for the pizza thing there, DJ Pizza, I asked Mick what he thought about that, and he said, “No, really it's a good way for him to spread his name because I'm going to think of DJ eating pizza every time I play the song in my sets, and I will potentially share it with peers. Hope that helps, Mick.”
[00:05:26] And now what I love about this is DJ Pizza. What you can do when you get invited to these parties, you can sort of try to guess who's going to be there or you can mash up a bunch of other well-known DJ stuff, and you can have it online. And then when you run into them you can say, “Oh yeah, good to meet you. I actually mashed up one of your tracks. It's this one and here's where you can find it. I know you're really busy but since it's a mash up of your own track, I would love to hear your opinion on it because you're really the only person in the world whose opinion on this one matters.” And if they like your stuff, now you're in like Flynn because they'll respect your work, they'll respect craft. And of course, if you're trying to get your foot in the door, you heard it here straight from a DJ that's worked directly with Jay Z, and incredible amounts of other very well-known DJs in the space. So thanks to Mick for that expert advice, and thanks to you DJ Pizza for writing in. All right, what's next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:06:13] Dear Jordan and Jason. The problem, I have concerns one of my coworkers. I work as a research assistant in a physics lab, studying towards my PhD. I really like my colleagues and we get on very well. I used to have lunch with them every day, but two months ago this guy joined the team, and his way of eating disgust me so much that I can't sit near him at the table without completely losing my appetite. Yum. He chews with his mouth wide open in spews half chew food at people while talking and eating. I can't eat or focus on conversations with him munching near me. It's so distracting. This is probably all my fault because I'm not being tolerant enough. Do I need to somehow try to change my attitude? At the moment, I'm just having lunch with people from other departments or on my own. It would be nice to eat with my close coworkers again, since lunch is sometimes an opportunity to discuss our projects, should I confront him about his behavior? How could I do that without hurting his feelings or seeming arrogant? Should I maybe talk first to my other colleagues and see if they feel the same way, or I could just carry on eating with other people, not cause a fuss and stay friends with everyone. Thank you so much for your help. Signed, Grossed Out.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:22] Oh man, that sounds really disgusting.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:25] Nasty.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:26] Oh yeah.
Jason Sanderson: [00:07:26] Who's not other housemate like that, never mind a work colleague.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:29] Yeah. Yeah, that's true. There's always one I suppose, especially in a group of research scientists, it seems like that might be a thing that happens. I would say though, check in with one to two other people in a way that asks if you are the problem or if they've noticed, so you don't want to check with everyone or checking a big group because it could come across as gossipy like, “Hey, have you seen how Jim eats? It's so gross0”. “Hey, have you seen how Jim eats? That guy is so gross” What I would do is say something like, all right, pick one or two. “Is anybody bothered by the way that Jim eats or is it just me? Maybe it's just me. I don't know.”
[00:08:04] And if they go, yeah, I haven't really noticed, then yeah, it's just you. But if they have noticed, then what I would do after you get one or two confirmations is just approach the offender directly, but in private, do it in private. Don't mention you've spoken to anyone else about it because they're going to be embarrassed and you should spare them that. You can also indicate that you don't really care that much, but you're worried that it might affect his career track and yet are better things to be known for it than poor table manners. Then simply mentioned what it is that you've seen or heard, and hopefully he can get better about it. I get why it's gross. I really do get why it's gross, but realize that if everyone else is eating together and talking about projects and you're opting out because of one guy's table manners, you're really only hurting yourself. So it might be best to just get over it if the direct approach doesn't work.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:53] I'm just wondering if grossed might have misophonia because we've talked about this on a couple episodes in our previous incarnation. And there's a documentary called Quiet Please, about misophonia and how it kind of can affect different people. And I'm just wondering if this guy might not even be that gross, but if Grossed Out has misophonia and just needs to kind of figure that out.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:09:14] Yeah, misophonia was crazy. That was the one where there was a spectrum of reactions that people might have to certain sounds. So things like mouth noise, like I find it annoying, I don't like it.
Jason Sanderson: [00:09:27] As editors I hate that noise.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:09:30] Yeah. We've developed some of misophonia I think.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:09:33] Yeah, I have a visceral reaction to that noise, so that's why I would recommend checking out the documentary. But just before a warning, that in the documentary they make a lot of mouth noise, and it is kind of a hard watch.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:09:44] Yeah. I think what's really interesting about the misophonia was that, not only are a lot of people afflicted by this that don't know about it, but there's a spectrum. So the first rung of the spectrum is you don't really even notice it, it doesn't bother you at all. The second rung is where I'm like, okay, I don't love that, but it's not the end of the world. The other rungs above that are like Jason where he's like, “Oh shiver, I hate that.” And then above that, as you approach the 10 out of 10, there are apparently people who have compulsive violent reactions to certain things. And I assume those people are in prison, right?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:19] Probably.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:19] Because I assume that if someone's like, and you just can't not stab them with a fork, then you go to jail at some point early on in your life and you stay there, because you're a violent repeat offender. So I think that misophonia is fascinating. And when we talked about this before, yeah, we got so much mail that was like, “Oh my gosh, I think I have this.” The truth is it's only a disorder if it starts interrupting your life, right? If it's just like, oh, I don't really like that and it becomes a pet peeve, NBD. But if it's like I can't be around it because I literally cannot focus or get any work done when other people are eating near me. Well, you got misophonia, and it's going to be an issue. So I suggest investing in some noise canceling headphones, which might be a little rude at a group work meeting.
Jason Sanderson: [00:10:59] But maybe you also could just question like why is it effecting him so much as well? I mean like it's probably over blowing it, you know.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:06] It's possible that he's overblowing it, but if somebody is really objecting food particles and just, [indiscernible] [00:11:11] I mean that's gross, and he needs to fix that because the majority of people are going to go, I don't want to hire this guy. You're at an interview or at a lunch and he's working there over the summer or he's at an interview and they have a lunch in after and they're like, I don't want this guy around. Gross. It's going to affect his career track. So it would be better for both of you if you were able to find out about it in a way where he can correct the problem. However, if you're the only one that notices he has a problem, well then it's your problem and not his.
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[00:13:57] All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:13:57] Hey guys, have you ever done an interview that wasn't good and you've had to not air for one reason or another. That you thought, “Man, I'm trying to pull something valuable or interesting out of this for my audience, but this speaker just isn't given me anything here.” Or that show was such a dud, we can't put this out there.” It seems unlikely because all of your episodes are golden, but it would also be an astounding record to have done as many shows as you have and not one be a flop during all that time. I know you and your crew do your homework and have only quality guests on your show, but are there any instances of flops from back in the day starting out that you might be able to share? If you have had to pull one from the show, how have you handled the relationship with your guests? How would you balance a, what's good for your audience with B, not burning bridges with guests in your network or C, you're just that good, which is why the podcast is the best? Signed, Quality Control Curious.
Jason Sanderson: [00:14:52] This is a good question.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:14:53] Yeah, it is a good question. And I wasn't originally going to pick this sort of inside baseball question, but I thought it was interesting because we have definitely dumped shows. I don't want to mention any names, but we have dump many a show, but it's been so few recently. I mean, there was one that we did where the story was supposed to be really exciting, and then it turned out to be really boring story, and there was just nothing else to the story. I'm trying not to add too much detail because I don't want it to become like, “Oh, that.” And we've had other people come in and they go, look, I've done hundreds of these. I don't need to review the prep. Look, I didn't have time to review the prep. I didn't have time to do this, but don't worry, I've done hundreds of interviews and sure enough, they come on and they start rambling and you go, “Oh, I get it. You've done hundreds of interviews with other podcasters that don't have the guts to tell you that these are all terrible, or they don't know the difference.” And so we just delete the shows, I think Jason, how do we usually handle those?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:15:54] Well, it depends, depends on how sensitive the guest might be. Because usually we're trying to be honest. We're like, look, this just, it didn't land. And come back later and we'll happy to try it again if they were close, but not quite. But some of them are just so bad that we just have to kind of say, “Look, sorry this just didn't work out,” and let them know but be gentle about it and be tactful about it. You don't have to be a jerk. It's like, “Yeah, yeah, you sucked on the mic. You had too much misophonia mouth noise and we can't put you out there this week. But I think we've handled it fairly tactfully in our history, because there are some people that have come on the show and we have said no, and then brought them back. Ryan Mickler is a perfect example of that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:16:38] That’s right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:16:39] His first show did not land, and we're like, look man, go write a book. Come back to us when you wrote a book. And he did, and then we had a great show with him.
Jason Sanderson: [00:16:47] And it can be able to be like upset and the other way around when you've had guests where they're like amazing, and you buy them back quite a few times and they've been so good. But then they just do a terrible show and it's like, where did that come from? It was expected to be so good.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:03] But yeah, we still handled it the same way. We just be really, really gentle with them and say, “Look, we know you had an off day.” I think you have to be tactful in those situations because they're spending their time to talk to you and you need to respect that time. But if it's not going to work out, it's not going to work out, and it has happened. And then there are the people that come on and have completely lied to us and didn't even write their own book.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:17:24] Yeah. Well, I remember that one guy that was looking up the answers in his own book, that I'm pretty sure we've talked about this on the show before so I won't beat it to death. But there have been instances, one in particular where we would ask a question and we would hear the dude flipping pages, and we eventually had to say, “Hey, are you looking up the answers to the questions were asking you in your own book?” And he went, “Oh man, it's just been so long since I wrote this.” And we're like, it just came out. So it just came out that week and I thought, okay, well if it has been a long time, which is totally possible, I understand that. You might want to reread your own books so that you can just jog your memory. But we didn't believe, I don't believe him.
[00:18:02] You at least have a clue about the content that's in the book and you're not thumbing through and figuring out which chapter it might be in. Because it wasn't just like flip, flip, flip, “Oh right, here's the five bullet points.” It was more like, “Oh, did I talk about that in the book? Is that in the book? I'm not sure if that's in the book.” And then he just tried to make up for it with enthusiasm, which didn't work at all. And he didn't do any homework about what our show was about. So he kept trying to be like really bro-ey, and that didn't work either. He was just convinced that we were just a couple of dumb young bros talking about chicks. So he kept saying words like, I don't even want to put them, I don't even want to say. But he kept using words for women's body parts that we just don't, I haven't used in 15 years ,and I'm just like, “Hey man, I'm not in high school. I don't really talk like that.” I just thought that was ridiculous. So it comes down to a lack of prep, a lack of coherent thought, and usually a lot of arrogance because they think they can fake their way through it, which doesn't work.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:19:01] We've been doing this a while. We can smell BS.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:03] Not only that, but at I've spoken about this on a few other programs. Our job is primarily to be an advocate for you as listeners. So every minute, we realize every minute of your time is earned. That's why we don't put a bunch of ads in the beginning of the show. We don't talk about, “Hey, how was your weekend?” “Oh, it was all right. I had some ribs.” We don't do that stuff on the show. We try to make it as nutrient dense as possible and some our little banter, we'll put some entertaining stuff in there. We'll throw a story in there, but it has to be at least in some part relevant or interesting. If not, we're failing you because you have so many options out there and so many things that you could be listening to from books to other podcasts that there's no reason for us to assume that you're going to sit through and suffer through whatever it is we have. And so to disappoint one person, namely a guest, is much more palatable to us as hosts and producers than to waste hundreds of thousands of people's time as listeners. Because if the guest gets mad, well, then they can go do a better job. We can try again, or if it's our fault, we'll give it another shot. But if we fail you, well now you start questioning your decision to listen to the show in the first place. And that's just something we can't afford. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:15] Hey, Jordan and Jason. Quite often when I'm with other people, work colleagues, acquaintances, family or with others in a group of people, I often find I can't really be bothered talking to them or making much conversation. This leads to people obviously perceiving me as introverted, shy or quiet, but that's really not the type of person I feel I am, but maybe it is. I have a great group of friends and I'm not a shy or socially awkward person. I spent quite a few years working in sales and customer service, so I'm comfortable and confident when dealing with people. At the risk of sounding full of myself, I've also been told by others that I'm trustworthy, easy to get along with and tell a great story. I have no issue starting, holding or carrying a conversation when I feel like it, but a lot of time I'm quite happy to just sit and listen.
[00:20:58]I'm also happily married, so this is not just an issue with talking to women. This may also sound like a laziness issue, maybe a social laziness, but that's certainly not me either. I currently work an average of 90 hours, seven days a week. This obviously limits my social life and interactions, but I feel like I've had this issue in the past when I've had less demanding jobs. Have you had this issue or come across it before? Do you have any advice, strategies, books I can read or anything to help get me out of my social slump? I'm very happy in all other aspects of my life, but I feel like I've lost the spark a little. Regards, The Social Doldrums.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:34] All right, Social Doldrums. I totally have this problem too, and obviously I'm not some sort of weird, can't talk to other people type of introvert. I don't have that problem. I've worked through those problems. I think honestly, I think you're tired. You're working 90 hours, seven days a week, that's enough to strip you of all of your cognitive faculties, and frankly, not make you want to make small chit chatty small talk with people that you don't necessarily need to engage with when you're busy at work, 90 hours a week. Now, it's hard to motivate to get interested in a conversation and often we don't see the benefit, especially if we've been working that hard, really. So what I would do if I were you is I would pick something to get the momentum going, joke around, tell a story, react to their story. And once you put in just a little bit of energy, it tends to take off from me and things get going again.
[00:22:30] Now I know it might be hard to motivate yourself, but here's the thing. If you think of, “Oh man, I'm going to have to talk with this person for 20 minutes, it's going to be so much energy.” Stop thinking of it like that. Start thinking. All I have to do is have 10 to 15 seconds of energy in this conversation and that will get the snowball rolling down the hill. So ask questions about other peoples to show interest, get them doing most of the talking. And I find that the conversation often naturally flows from there for a little while and then I can either decide to keep it going because now I'm kind of in the mood. The conversation is peppy and energetic, or I can just check back out and relax because at least I've put in some effort and people at the party or the dinner or whatever say, “Oh yeah, I spoke to that guy.” He was nice or interesting because they remember the initial burst of energy and that first impression.
[00:23:18] So don't think of it as, “Oh man, I've got to motivate to be interesting for 45 minutes or an hour and a half at this party or this dinner.” Just put in the initial few seconds and that often kicks off enough russ, where I go, “Oh, I'm actually happy to be here now, or I am happy to be social.” Or it gets the other person going and you're kind of off the hook. Hope that helps.
[00:23:39] This episode is sponsored in part by Microsoft. Microsoft Teams, this is your hub for teamwork in Office 365. If you use Office 365, you need the Teams upgrade, add on, hub. What does it even mean? It means the Teams is a digital workspace. Teams can create, collaborate, and communicate just like they would in the real world through screen and a keyboard. It was so much to look after in your work life already. Would it be great if there was just one place online to look? Well, Teams is that single workspace you can share, connect, work with all the people in your work life. Teams brings together your chats, meetings, files, and apps all in one place. Take Team work where you work, mobile apps, desktop, so whether you're sprinting towards the deadline, sharing your next big idea, Teams can help you and your Team achieve even more. Microsoft Teams in Office 365. To learn more, head on over to office.com/teams.
[00:24:30] Oh by the way, if you liked this podcast, check out Reasonable Doubt, every Saturday at PodcastOne. World renowned criminal defense lawyer, Mark Geragos, also known as guest number one from the Jordan Harbinger Show. Reveals the latest in our nation's most high profile legal cases with podcast king Adam Carolla, and examines, does that make me the prince? Don't go there. There's too many jokes in there, and it examines how changes in the legal system effect you. Check out Reasonable Doubt at PodcastOne and in Apple Podcasts.
[00:24:59] All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:25:00] Hey, Jordan and team. I recently found out via a DNA test that the man I've known my whole life to be my father is not my father.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:08] Oh.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:25:08] Yeah. It's a tough one. Obviously, this has shocked the whole family and I'm finding myself in a position where I'm being the rock for them. I've always been the optimistic one in my family and I kind of feel that nothing has changed. In reality, no one has passed away or something really tragic has happened. At this time, I kind of just want to focus on myself and serving my wife and two daughters who are most important. I'm aware of how some men find out things like this and they go off the rails. My wife and I have a thriving business in a newborn on top of my demanding job in real estate. I'm a Marine Corps veteran and pretty strong minded or stubborn. Take your pick.
[00:25:42] I don't want to be blind to the process that needs to take place, but I will not let it damage my wife or daughters. It feels like I'm juggling knives with no handles. So my question is, how can I best tell others to piss off without alienating or offending them? How do I balance processing this, and maintaining the progression in my life I've been building and seeking. What area or thoughts did you focus on when the stuff with the quote unquote “other show happened?” I feel like you would have gone through something similar with that whole situation. And a side note, we did locate a potential biological father, and I'm awaiting a DNA test. Sincerely, Man on a Mission.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:17] Wow, that's a crazy story.
Jason Sanderson: [00:26:18] How can you put yourself in this position? It's like, wow, you know.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:22] Can you imagine how the, I do imagine how the family feels, and I get that his brothers and sisters and I'm going to, what do you even think? Like, “Oh my gosh, mom, what happened?” And you know the other dad, and like so many questions, what's happening?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:26:39] So many questions, yeah. The backstory is you got to be crazy, and I've heard this a couple of times now because on my other show, Grumpy Old Geeks, we talk about these DNA tests and you start to see these stories all the time now, with people that are going through this and I can't even imagine it. It's crazy.
Jason Sanderson: [00:26:57] But does he even need to tell them to piss off all like can he just spend less time being there? You know, less time being available. You just find yourself busy in other ways and people are going to turn elsewhere follow this part of the need. It truly it doesn't need to tell them to piss off.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:13] Yeah. I just think it's a really strange situation. I understand how everyone else is feeling and I understand how he feels. What I did in this situation, what we I should say is we just got back to work.
Jason Sanderson: [00:27:25] That's what I mean.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:26] So we helped other people and we help them, that they'll move forward as well. But I would say don't make a big deal out of it if you can. Even if it is a big deal and you're privately making a big deal out of it. If you sort of keep the drama level low and you go, look, this isn't affecting me that much. We're going to work through it. There's no need to go into this crazy situation right now. There is no urgency to handling this. Nothing has changed. We still were raised in the same house, we still raised by these great people.
[00:27:53]Yes, there's this other person coming into the play. We should be excited about it. We don't have to be angry. We don't have to be crazy upset. We can process this. We have all the time in the world to process this. So if you don't make a big deal out of it, and here's the thing, if they insist, if the rest of the family sort of insists on making a big deal about it, opt out of the drama because you owe it to your family and you owe it to yourself to protect your mind on this stuff.
[00:28:16] So I think he's doing the right thing. I think you're doing the right thing, Man On a Mission because if you indulge this sort of running around like a chicken with your head cut off panic mode, oh my gosh, let's have crying fits. That doesn't do anybody any good because in reality nothing has changed. You're going to have a new player in the family in a minute to the extent that you want to let that person in, but that's really it. It doesn't mean your whole life was a lie and all this other drunk addict stuff that people are going through. No, I understand there's some emotions here, a lot of emotions, but I don't think it does anybody any good to make a big deal out of that stuff. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:28:51] Hello guys. So my situation is with a girl I met two years ago. We met on Tinder and on our first date we hooked up. After talking a bit, we realized we didn't have the same future plans. She wanted a kid, but I already have one and don't want more. We were friends with benefits but would stop if she was going to date somebody. About six months back, I got her a job with my company. We went out with my friends and on the train ride home, she started pressing me hard about being in a relationship. I told her I'm not in a place for that. She got upset and blamed me for getting her the job and said, I'm just making excuses. She ended up hitting it off with the guy sitting next to her. He's a good dude, and I suggested she should explore things with him because I knew I couldn't give her what she wanted.
[00:29:32] So they did start dating and have been going strong, but then he decided that given our past, he doesn't feel comfortable with her talking to me anymore. We were very good friends, but now she feels she has no choice but to cut me off. I get what he's feeling, but nothing was going on with us when they started dating. I've always asked if they both would like to go out as a group. Nothing had always happened and yet I'm getting shut out. Should I just cut ties and move on with my life or say something about it? Thanks for all your help, Benefit and Friendless.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:02] Wow. Yeah, this is a strange one, but not too unusual really, because obviously the other guy's jealous and sees him as a threat. I mean, sort of get into that in a second, but my advice for Benefit and Friendliness initially is, and this kind of sucks, but I understand why this needs to be done and I'll explain in a second. I would say limit or cut ties because this is best for her. It's best for you in this situation. It's really too bad because this is all about that other guy's insecurities. I think it's weird. I think it could be a signal of other controlling behavior from this guy, but he could also just totally get over it and include you later on. Only time will really tell here. I would talk it over with her and let her know that you think it's probably best for her to move on.
[00:30:49] If they're happy together and everything's fine, and it's just a momentary insecurity and he doesn't do other weird things, like not let her carry money or not let her talk to other guys. If he's doing that stuff then that's strange. But if it's just you in particular, then I got to say I kind of get it a little bit. I think it's unreasonable, but I think he'd get over it. And it doesn't mean you're not friends. It just means you have to tread more lightly here. Still though, there's a part of me that just hates all this sort of stuff because it could go badly if this guy turns out to be a controlling creep who isolates her from all of her friends. So look, if it's just you, it's because he sees you as a threat because he knows she liked you and possibly still likes you in which case his reaction would be pretty normal.
[00:31:32] But you got to keep an eye on this situation because it would be a shame to have her isolated. And then you find out later that he isolated her from all of her friends, male and female, and she's not allowed to talk to anybody. And it's just a slippery slope with all this jealousy stuff.
Jason Sanderson: [00:31:48] I was just going to say that like she's accepting these insecurities and then they'll end up coming on to stoke in the end anyway. So he's like, just be willing to accept it now. But you probably do friends later don't line anyway because he's probably going to fall apart giving these shaky grounds that have started on.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:05] Yeah, I agree. And I also think that part of this is you can't say, “what? He's that insecure.” Well you should break up with him. That's not really going to make any sense either. She's probably not going to listen to you. So this might be a lesson that she has to learn, but only if the lesson is, “Oh yeah, that guy was insecure.” If the lesson is that's coming out of some sort of crazy abusive relationship, then you really have a duty to try to prevent that wherever possible. So I would say that have a talk with her about this and keep an eye on the situation because you don't want your friend to get into a negative situation. Especially since you made that introduction. I’m not saying you're responsible for it, but I am saying that it would be nice because she might be relying on you. She might not have other guy friends that she can count on. Next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:48] Hello, Jordan and Jason. I am a male certified medical assistant that has decided to go back to school to become a registered nurse. I've taken all the required prerequisites, science and general courses, and I've been accepted into the nursing program. Congratulations. The issue is the cohort I will be part of won't get started until fall of 2019, that's a little over a year and a half wait, and during that time I'll go back to work full time to support my family. I would transfer to another school, but the nearest nursing school is an hour and a half away. My fear is that during the wait I might become impatient, disillusioned, and decide to forgo it all together. I also don't want to wind up mind dumping all that I've learned so far due to the long gap before school. My question is what can I do during this waiting period to stay motivated to keep learning and prepare myself for a smooth transition into the nursing program a year and a half from now? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance, Future Nurse Patiently Waiting.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:43] Man, that's a long wait.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:45] Yes, a really long.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:46] Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:47] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:47] Sheesh. I mean come on, man. That's a really long wait. I would say talk to the teaching staff at the school and ask what they'll be teaching? I would also ask what most students come in needing and where most people fail to prepare. Also there might be some books and material that you can take online that you'll go over again in the classes, or even another school that has refresher info online that you can use to get some experience with the curriculum beforehand. So say that this school has online materials to keep current or refresher courses or maybe some of the classes are taught online. See if we can get access to those first. And yeah, you're going to be repeating some things, but this is actually good, because it means you'll be far less stressed when you get to the courses. You'll have a general familiarity with the material. You'll understand maybe if the same professors presenting it, you'll get used to their style. You'll get an overview of everything. You won't have any exams with grades, so you'll be able to just kind of absorb things as needed, study at your own pace.
[00:34:43] So this is always a good thing. And in addition to the teaching staff at the school, I would find other students from that same school who just went through the year of courses that you'll be going through. Find out from them the same info, what they learned, how they learned it, what they wished they'd have known going in. And then ask them how they prepare differently, and dedicate maybe five to 10 or so hours a week in doing that preparation. You're going to bank a ton of study time. You'll be much better off when it comes to taking the classes for real and you won't be freaking out if you find something new, because you'll be familiar with 90 percent or 80 percent of what's taught in the class already.
[00:35:23] So I actually think this year and a half has a huge advantage. It's going to get you better grades, you're going to be able to perform better, which hopefully will get the attention of the people who do job placement. I think you can turn this into an advantage if you actually try to do so by getting in of the professors and some current students as soon as possible.
[00:35:41] Recommendation of the week. Jason, you told me about this evil genius. What is going on? This thing was crazy.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:48] Is that not one of the craziest documentaries you've ever seen?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:51] Yeah, it's full of crazy people first of all, and I don't even know how to explain this. So this guy shows up at a bank, robs a bank because he's got a bomb strapped around his neck, and then suddenly it's like, is he in on it? Is are other people in on it? Who put him up to it? And there's all kinds of, as soon as they get close, somebody turns out to be the wrong person or a dead end or they pass away, and it's just this crazy mix of scavenger hunt plus homicide plus bank robbery and there's a bunch of psychopaths involved. It's just fascinating. I don't want to give away any spoilers.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:36:36] Yeah, that's the problem. You can't talk about it too much without giving it away. But it's only four parts, which is great, but it's utterly engaging. I loved this story.
Jordan Harbinger: [00: 0:36:46] Yeah, it's on Netflix, and it's just like you said, four part series. You can watch, you can binge watch it in a couple of days without going crazy and just fascinating. Also a little scary, but I got to say, Jason, some of the people in there, I just thought you're pretty F and dumb are you? You're pretty stupid.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:37:04] These are not the cream of the crop criminals that are out there, you know. This is no Italian job.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:37:10] No, no. This is no professional heist, that's for sure. Pretty original idea though. So check it out. Evil Genius on Netflix. We'll link it in the show notes. Hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week and who has ever written in episode 50. Don't forget you can email us firstname.lastname@example.org to get your questions answered on the air. Happy to keep you anonymous, of course, we do that with everyone. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com.
[00:37:38] We've got our Alexa Skill, so when you ask Alexa for your news in the morning, it gives you a little show clip. So if you've already heard that episode. Great, you get a little tidbit, something practical, a little refresher. If you haven't heard that episode, well now you know what you're getting into. You can select a listen to that episode on your commute that morning. So you go to jordanharbinger.com/alexa, and you can install it right there. Or if you've got the iPhone or Android app, you can just poke around and search for Jordan Harbinger, and you should find it right in the app. And hundreds of people are using this to play little clips of the show, and I want to hear what people think of it. Of course, jordanharbinger.com/alexa.
[00:38:15] Quick shout outs to Brooke and Amanda. Amanda actually currently incarcerated and her friend Brooke wrote in. Amanda stays super positive. She's motivated, she has big plans for when she gets out and the show is helping her with those big plans. Although Jasons, I'm a little confused. I didn't know that you could listen to podcasts in jail or in prison.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:37] Well, you can actually make podcasts from prison. There's a show out there. It's called Ear Hustle.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:38:43] Yeah, it's Ear Hustle. But that's done where there's production crew comes in and they probably got all this special permission and stuff like that to make the show. But how do you just download and listen to shows in prison? I don't get it. It must be a minimum security deal.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:57] Yeah, and probably the library. You can probably listen to them at the library or in the new media center, because a lot of prisons do have new media centers where they're teaching inmates skills, so I'm guessing that's where they can do it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:07] So shout out to anybody locked up right now listening to the show. If you're locked up and you're able to get me a message somehow. I am very curious to hear your story even if you don't think it's exciting, because I just never occurred to me that people would be listening to us while in prison.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:24] That's pretty cool.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:25] That is cool. That's very cool. I'm glad we can help you stay positive. I'm glad that you are learning skills from us that you can use to stay on the straight and narrow when you get out. Anyway, Amanda stays strong. Thanks for listening to the show and thanks to your friend Brooke for giving us a shout. I'm on Instagram and Twitter @jordanharbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Jason, where can they find you?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:45] I'm on Instagram @JPD. Twitter is JPDEF, and you can check out my other podcast every Monday when I'm not sick, Grumpy Old Geeks. There's no episode this week because thank you food poisoning from Domino's, ye-hey.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:56] Sanderson, you've got your own podcast production side gig. You want to tell people how they can find you and what you do.
Jason Sanderson: [00:40:02] I did podcasts for whoever wants a podcast editing, PodcastTech.com.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:08] Yeah, way to sell it, man. He's easy buddy, easy.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:40:11] High energy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:12] High energy, really selling it. No pressure.
Jason Sanderson: [00:40:16] No, I'm chilling for you know that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:17] Keep sending in those questions to email@example.com. Share the show with those you love and even those you don't. We've got a lot more like this in the pipeline. We're excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen and we'll see you next time.
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