328: How Should I Spend My Inheritance? | Feedback Friday

Transcript for How Should I Spend My Inheritance? | Feedback Friday (Episode 328)

Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:03] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger and I'm here with producer Jason DeFillippo. On The Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most brilliant people, and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. If you're new to the show on Fridays, we give advice to you and answer listener questions. The rest of the week, we have long-form interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks from spies to CEOs, athletes to authors, to thinkers and performers.

[00:00:31] And this week we had Austin Meyer talking about patent trolling. Now, patent trolling is terrifying because basically some big company can come and say, "Hey, are you using our patent for like using the App Store?" And they can sue you and it will cost you a million dollars to defend, so basically, you end up settling. Well, patent trolls are law firms and other folks that just look for random small businesses to essentially extort and sue, and it's really, really scary. We also had Neil deGrasse Tyson discussing what Neil deGrasse does best, which is just be awesomely entertaining with science and astronomy. He's always a pleasure and this is an episode from the vault. So if you like Neil deGrasse Tyson, you will like this episode because he was in kind of a rare form, I would say.

[00:01:12] Of course, our primary mission here on The Jordan Harbinger Show is to pass along our guests and our own experiences and insights along to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you. That's what we're going to do today and every Friday here on Feedback Friday. I just want to place one brick in the structure that makes up your life, and that's really what this podcast is about, and you can reach us at friday@jordanharbinger.com.

[00:01:36] A few people have asked me recently, what's something you spend money on now that you didn't before? Either before having a kid or before turning 40 or maybe before having any money, I guess. Now that I'm a little older, I spend money on experiences. I don't try to buy nice things as much because you just forget about it and you go back to a kind of baseline. Experiences build stories. They build a life narrative. There are all kinds of research that shows that you should be spending money on experiences instead of things, all other things being equal. So I try to do that. Now, if I travel with my baby, I plan on spending on a nicer airfare class. I'm cool with the economy personally. I don't care. I can slum it, but I've got the baby now and it pays to have a little more room and just not be in someone's face with a freaking kid. Also cleaner, safer, nicer. Airbnb is if I'm in a sketchy area of town, that's never fun especially if I'm bringing the family. Again, I slummed it up as a bachelor, but I think my big lesson recently has been -- buy one nice thing instead of two sort of medium or average things, or one medium thing instead of too low-end things.

[00:02:43] So if you're going to get a car and you don't need a car yourself, but you can share one with your spouse, just get a nicer car, but have one car. And then for the two times a year when you actually need the car at the same time or two times a month, whatever, just use Uber. Even if you need the car every single week at the same time as your wife multiple times having -- just using Uber and having one car, it will still save you a ton of money. Also, either buy the cheapest item or the absolute best item that will do the job. So most items in the middle, like let's say we're talking about knives, either get a cheap knife that just cuts stuff or get the bomb knife that like never rusts and never gets dull and has a sharpener in the sheath and is really portable and folds well and comes with a lifetime warranty. Most things in the middle, most items in the middle of the -- what do you call it, Jason?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:03:30] Spectrum.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:31] Most items in the middle of the spectrum, they're not as good as the best, but they are more expensive than the low end because you're paying for marketing, you're paying for branding, you're paying for packaging and positioning. You're not necessarily paying more for medium quality. You're paying more for the same low quality but like a nicer handle and a nicer box.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:03:51] It's interesting. I actually use that all the time when people ask me about microphones and podcasting equipment. I'm like either get this cheap one, get a Samsung Q2U for $59 to figure out if you want to do it, or you're going to go out and spend maybe a thousand dollars for a professional rig because when you buy in the middle, you're going to end up rebuying it. Because you're going to have to get the nicer stuff later, and then you're stuck with this middle of the road crap that nobody wants. So it's like either go cheap or go big.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:17] Yeah, you're right. You're going to end up with one that does great stuff for video games, and it looks cool and it has lights on it, and it's like, ugh, no. Now you're just paying for something that they spent $200,000 on Facebook ads to sell a lot of them. You know, that's the item you're getting, so you're getting no value from the money they spent on marketing, but you're still paying for it. That's why a lot of types of items, like audio gear or a lot of items that aren't fashion per se, you're getting something that is much, much better. You're paying out the nose for it for, let's say, high-end audio gear, but it's actually the best. Whereas you can also get like a $5 made-in-China sort of speaker off of Amazon and it'll play sound. It just won't be as high quality. But a lot of the stuff in the middle is just that same $5 Chinese speaker in like a nicer case and it's not really going to be worth it. Anyway, Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:05:12] Hi, all. I have an unusual but maybe not uncommon question. The gist is that I'm a young adult in her late 20s who came into a large amount of money due to my dad passing away last spring. I was wondering if you have advice on how to find things you're passionate about or worthwhile to you. Six months after his passing, I quit a decent paying job that I'd been working at for three years and I'm ashamed to say that I've not been able to stick with anything else since I feel purposeless and lost. I want to make sure I can make the gift he gave me worthwhile and give something back to the world. I've been using the money I inherited to try things out that might actually bring joy into my life but have so far found nothing. I found instead that I'm now overwhelmed with choice and I have no idea what direction to go in. I would normally go to my dad for these types of things, but that was taken away. I feel like a spoiled brat writing this because most people don't get this kind of a chance, but it didn't come without a price. But if it were up to me, I'd rather be homeless, penniless, but get to have my dad back. Since that's not a choice, do you have any advice on finding a direction towards a meaningful life? Sincerely, Lost Daughter

Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:20] Right now, you've actually got the same problem you'd have without money, but with the luxury of a little bit of money, you aren't just so busy surviving and paycheck to paycheck that you didn't notice, which is where you were before. In other words, since you now don't need to bust your butt in a job that you hate, just to put food on the table. You're starting to realize now that you're not exactly sure what you want to do, and you don't sound spoiled, at least not to me. In fact, I'm happy to hear that you're spending time and resources trying to figure out what you want to do instead of just putting it up your nose or becoming some sort of bullshitty Instagram influencer or something like that.

[00:06:55] So there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that no matter how much money you have, you can still feel unfulfilled. The good news is that no matter how much money you have or don't have, you can still find something that makes you feel fulfilled. And I liked the idea of trying several different things to see what strikes your fancy and what speaks to you. I would warn you that most things don't instantly sparkle right away. And once the honeymoon phase wears off of any activity or any job, the real work sets in. So when trying new things, stick with them for a while and make sure that you can really write something off in an educated way. Try jobs for a year and not just for two months. Pick up hobbies, maybe stick through the white belt phase as it were, and see what you actually enjoy once you start to develop a little bit of proficiency.

[00:07:43] By way of example, the first two or three months of Chinese, I was just making sounds that were really unusual because the teacher was just like, "No, this is like a U. This is like a weird tone or this is like this sound. It's not like an R. It's like this other sound." You're doing all these weird things trying to get your mouth to make sounds and it's not fun. And you're not able to do anything. You can't order Chinese food, you don't understand anything. But once you've suffered through that and you get it, then you can start to read and you can start to write and you can start to speak and you can start to listen. And that's fun. So you have to get past that white belt phase. It's kind of like the first time at the gym after a few months. You lift and you're just like super sore and you hate it. If you didn't know that that went away, you just never go back to the gym again.

[00:08:27] So what I would do if I were in your situation is make a list of skills you'd like to learn. Let's say it's sales or teaching, publicity, marketing, whatever. Get entry-level jobs in those areas. You'll be paid less than you might be worth, but it won't matter because you don't need the money right now. And if that career ends up being great, great. And if it ends up driving you nuts, then you can switch to something else in a year or so. But now you've actually got a skill to stack with others. You didn't spend three months in a marketing department, you spent a year in a marketing department. You might hate sales, you might be miserable at it. They might fire you for lack of performance, but you might actually have a skill that you have a little bit of a handle on, or you might get good at it and decide you don't like it. You have a skill, you understand the process. You may eventually want to start a side hustle or a business having skills like sales, publicity, marketing, et cetera. That will go a long way. Most people have to learn that on their own dime and make their own mistakes that cost them money and if you're doing it at a company, well that's great.

[00:09:26] You can also pick an activity where you'll meet amazing people, but you won't be paid nearly enough. For example, if you wanted to work at the Red Cross or an NGO of some kind, you would gain amazing experience and not need to worry about the fact that maybe you're a little behind on your retirement savings. You know, if I were you, I look at the Peace Corps. It might be something that doesn't interest you at all, or it could be the beginning of an amazing international career, a once in many lifetimes type of experience. If I'd thought of it when I was younger, that's what I'd have done instead of going to law school. In fact, I might still do it after I retire from podcasting. Who knows?

[00:10:03] Last, before I sign off here, I think, you know, you're only six months after having lost your dad. And I think it might take a little while before you throw yourself into something you're still grieving, even if it doesn't feel like you are day-to-day. So give yourself a little bit of time, maybe see a therapist about this kind of thing, and don't feel the need to pick your life career in this current emotional state that you have. You're young, you just lost a parent. Give yourself some time and don't beat yourself up about finding the perfect life path just yet. So best of luck and let us know where you land. All right. What's next?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:36] Hi, Jordan, Jason, and Jen. I've had chronic pain and fatigue for 17 years. It impacts my life every day. I'm still pushing forward with my career. I nearly tripled my salary in five years, but it's hard to balance a family, corporate IT day job, musician night job in time for physical therapy, doctors in extra sleep because I'm tired and hurting. All the people I know with health issues as bad as mine, either let their career stagnate by doing the bare minimum or can't even keep a job. I'm not ready to give up that fight yet. How can I find time and energy for self-improvement? If you develop a never-ending headache and fatigue that lasts for decades the doctors can't solve, how would you handle the fact that everything takes more time and energy? At some point, should I just be happy to stay where I am so I don't risk doing too much in worsening my health? Thanks for any advice you can give me and anybody else with similar issues. I'm sure that I'm not the only one. Signed, Sick and Tired, But Not Giving Up.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:34] Well, first things first, I am not a doctor. I would say you're doing a ton of activity and that's great. You sound busier than me and there's just no way for me to get you more hours in the day. So I think there are a few suggestions that might make things easier. One, stop measuring your own life against that of other people. I do this all the time. I'm the last person who should be giving you this advice. I need to take my own advice on this for sure, but it is an insane metric. Remember that you're comparing your blooper reel to other people's highlights. You don't know how much other people get done for real. You don't know how they feel about it. You don't know how tired they are. You don't know if they're getting anything done, they're just talking about it. So stop doing that. You're just beating yourself up already on top of feeling bad. Two, you seem to have a pretty fulfilling life, but you sound burned out. And the common wisdom here is, "Oh, you've got to take a vacation." That might not make a ton of sense because this is just a short-term solution. It's not a long-term solution.

[00:12:29] But maybe you could try one or more of the following -- A, try a flexible work schedule. Do you have to work from nine to five or can you work from nine to two and then four to seven? Your employer might be able to accommodate this and you'll end up with some rest in the middle of the day, or some family time in the middle of the day, et cetera. B, even better, see if you can pull off a four-day workweek. There's no reason you have to work five days as long as you're getting your work done. Now, I know you think this might stagnate your career and it's possible that it might or it might end up being something that works out really well for you. There's new data. I saw this -- I think it was Adam Grant who emailed me this. He showed me that a few companies are offering employees a four-day workweek if they can get their work done for the week. This encourages focus. And guess what? Most people who this is being tested on, they're now getting done in four days what most people get done in five. And they thought, "Oh, it's impossible. We can't possibly squeeze this work in." But guess what? They don't seem to be having a problem if they get Friday off.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:13:30] Yeah, that was Microsoft. They tested that in Japan and found that people were more productive with a four-day workweek than a five-day workweek. Believe it or not,

Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:37] That's bonkers, right? Especially in Japan. For them to have tested it over there kind of seems crazy to me. Those people work seven days a week.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:13:44] That's probably why they tested it. They need people to take some damn time off and get right with themselves.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:48] Stop croaking in the middle of a workday. How about an extra day each week for your family, for rehab, for some sleep? Not bad, right? Maybe you pilot this program in your department. You certainly have a good excuse for asking them to give you a shot and you see how it happens. I might just work out. It might be a great thing for the whole dang department. I don't have a magic solution for you, but I think generating flexibility in your life where most people don't have it is probably going to be the key for you juggling all of this responsibility and activity in your life or sell your kids. I'll leave that one up to you. Jason, what about you? You've got any thoughts on this?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:14:23] I do. I've got chronic pain and fatigue after a botched ankle surgery a couple of years ago, and I have a hard time sleeping because it's just basically nerve pain because the guy who looks like the guy that started Family Guy was my surgeon and he didn't do the best of job. So I know what he's talking about here. And you got to take those moments where you can too. And if you're doing social media. Turn it off, get rid of that. That's going to save you a ton of time. It just pulled back the things that aren't as important. So when it comes time to be with your family or go to therapy or go to your doctors and all that stuff, you have extra time. Just cut out the cruft. You know, that's really what I've done. It's like, "Okay, I don't need to watch TV for two hours a night. I don't need to spend an hour on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram a day." Cut that stuff out. I'd rather spend that time with my dogs and my friends, and that's how I pulled back that time because I'm not going to be able to fix the problems physically that I have, so I have to find other ways to do it. And that's kind of how I do it by just cutting out the cruft and the BS that everybody kind of gets into every week. And it gives you a ton more time to just be happier.

[00:15:31] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:34] This episode is sponsored in part by Oura Ring. I love this. It's a ring fitness tracker, but mostly I use it for sleep. This is an awesome sleep tracker and being a guy with a new baby that sleeps less than I probably should. I've been using this to find little issues. It'll tell you like, "Hey, you went to bed too late last night. Here's your optimal bed window. The time to go to sleep." "Hey, were you looking at your phone last night?" "Yeah. Busted." "Okay. Don't do that. Here's why. Look at how it damaged your deep sleep or your REM sleep." So the key to your professional life, of course, if you're creative at all, is REM sleep. During REM, you consolidate memories help you stay sharp, ready for each day. The ring will tell you if you've gotten enough REM sleep, deep sleep, light sleep. If you've been awake, if you're waking up, tossing and turning, and it works on your finger, I know you think, "Oh, I've got a watch or something." It's a hundred times better than the watch because your pulse is better on your finger, not the back of your wrist like everything else. So this is something that you really got to see to check it out. I was kind of anti, I thought I don't need another stupid device. And when I got this, I realized this is actually a game-changer, especially for sleep. Jason.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:16:37] if you want to positively impact your life and hack your body head to ouraring.com/jordan. That's O-U-R-A-ring.com/jordan and get $30 off your new ordering for a limited time. That's ouraring.com/jordan.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:16:54] This episode is also sponsored by FIGS. I love these. These are scrubs. I'm obviously not a doctor. I can barely play one on a podcast, but a nurse walks about five miles per shift. Doctors work up to 80 hours per week, all on top of devoting themselves to our wellbeing and getting coughed on and barfed on all the time. So these people are practically superhuman and they have to walk around and thin glorified bedsheets with drawstrings that break all the time. FIGS, these are scrubs for people who actually need to wear scrubs all the time. It's an incredible company that's kind of doing something about that whole issue. They design medical apparel that looks good, feels good, helps medical professionals perform at their best no matter what the day throws at them. So there's a lot of functionality in here -- anti-microbial, anti-wrinkle, moisture-wicking fabric, full of stretch. You know, sometimes you just need a little stretch in your joints, in your clothing -- what's the word I'm looking for? Crotch. That's the word I'm looking for. They're also ridiculously soft and pockets, tons of pockets. Some of their styles have 10 pockets. I can imagine you need one for your stethoscope, your pens, your penlight, scissors, tape, alcohol, pad, sanitizer, snacks, more snacks. You get the idea. Check these out. They look good, they're comfy, they got accessories. Jason, tell them where they can get FIGS, either for themselves or for the medical professionals that they know and love.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:18:12] So is there a doctor in the house or a vet tech or radiologist or any other awesome human in the medical industry? Even if you don't work in the medical industry, you definitely know someone that does and should tell them about or gift them some FIGS. Listeners of our show are getting 15 percent off for a limited time. Go to wearfigs.com. That's W-E-A-R-F-I-G-S.com and enter code JORDAN15 at checkout for 15 percent off.

[00:18:37] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, just head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:04] All right, next up.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:19:05] Hi, Jordan. I'm a 37-year-old software engineer who stutters. Life is awesome. I have a solid nine to five, an incredibly supportive wife, and healthy, energetic, and fantastic kids. At night, I work as a founder on a passion project, developing an app that makes it possible for the average Joe to explore and hopefully understand the electromagnetic spectrum. I've finally gotten to the point where the main technical hurdles have been crossed. So now I've gotten to the hard part, marketing. This brings me pretty far outside my comfort zone. Technical writing is fine and conversational talking in small groups is typically not too bad, but technical talks at conferences and networking events or recording videos for social media is really tough. Selling has never been my strength. I've always preferred being bluntly honest about what a system can and can't do. I've always been willing to put myself in front of audiences, but stuttering can be a physical struggle. From my experience, I've seen that 99 percent of people are very kind. And when they see someone struggling with a disability, they can get caught up trying to lessen that struggle. I feel that their mental effort to make my life easier, it can distract them from truly listening. That's making it harder for me to effectively communicate my message. And to be perfectly honest, stuttering is a distraction for me too. I can try my hardest, but sticking to a script isn't always that easy. Do you have any advice for how I might be able to engage my audience and retain their attention while stuttering? Something that could even work in videos or social media, something that's a bit foolproof. Thanks for listening. An Optimistic Stutterer.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:37] This is a tough one. I asked a speech therapist who recommended that you, of course, try some of the innovations in speech therapy, and she said it's really, really tough to get rid of a stutter. I'm sure you had no idea that was the case. Right? There are devices that can help with stutters as well, and those may be of help. I don't know when the last time is that you tried to get therapy for the stutter. I think a lot of people give up on trying to get therapy for a stutter because it's so difficult. Again, I know I'm telling you something that you clearly know already. But there are innovations that seem to be new, that are technological in nature, that are very, very helpful and promising. In the end, though, doing a live talk with a speech impediment or stutter, it could be tricky. The obvious fix here is to hire out any talks, but I know that's not what you're asking.

[00:21:23] As for social media and videos, I'd recommend doing some animations and you can voice over the animations. You can either do the voiceover yourself and just edit the file and take the best takes and put them together. Or you can hire out the VO. I do a lot of voiceover. You can get dirt cheap voiceover for videos if you don't want to do it yourself. Websites like voice123.com and other sites will do amateur or pro-voiceover. I think they've got like a 24 or 48-hour turnaround. This way you don't have to do these things yourself. I'm really sorry to hear that you're running into this issue. Honestly, it seems unfair. It would drive me crazy if it were me, and I think that trying to attack the problem is a clear solution, but it's probably something you've already tried.

[00:22:04] So in light of that, I'd simply decide not to worry about it or work around it. That's really all you can do. Thankfully, you do not need to be making selfies, social media videos on a regular basis to promote something like your app, writing about the app, and sharing it in places with other hobbyists or the other hobbyists will find it like Reddit, subreddits, and tech websites. That's going to be a better place for a project like this anyway. I know everyone says, like, "Oh, social media, you've got to do videos, you've got to do talks." You really just don't. I think a lot of that is overhyped and is focused on influencers, which just don't even get me started there. Being some sort of swabs spokesperson really isn't necessary at all. So good luck, my friend and I'll see on the interwebs. All right, next up.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:22:50] Hey, Triple J. I'm a partner in a small town CPA firm. My main niche is tax consulting for the beauty industry. I've been able to grow a steady clientele on my own and I'm very happy with how things are going. I recently had an influencer in the beauty industry reach out to me wanting to record some video for her online coaching program. In addition, I would be part of the community, which means that I would attend her live events. My payment would be exposure to potential referrals and a cut of video sales for the first year when they're sold outside of the coaching program. As I considered the offer, it seemed odd to me that she would be getting almost $4,000 for each person who purchased the coaching program and then I would get nothing. In addition, the time it would take me to properly prepare for the videos and attend multi-day live events would be significant. Not to mention that she wants to do this ASAP during the busiest time of the year for my business. I emailed her to see if she was open to compensating me for my time and paying a royalty for the use of the videos in the coaching program. Basically, she said that her referrals would be a huge boost to my business. She went on to say that she's looking for someone who believes in her vision of elevating the industry. She's looking for someone who wants to help in a bigger way than money. I don't want to seem ungrateful for the opportunity, but at the same time, it feels like she's trying to profit from my hard-earned knowledge and expertise without fair compensation. I understand only working for referrals before you have an established business, but that's not my situation. Yet, I've never worked with a quote-unquote influencer and I don't know the norms for the industry. Am I wrong to think the promise of referrals is insufficient payment? I also don't want to burn a bridge with someone who has a significant influence with my target client niche. What's the best way to decline the offer while still maintaining a good relationship? I appreciate your wisdom on this one. Signed, Skeptical of the Influencer.

[00:24:48]  I don't know about you, Jordan, but this one's just kind of irked me.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:50] Yeah. This one got up my crawl a little bit.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:53] A little bit?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:54] So influencers -- first of all, I hate the word. I hate the word influencer even more than I hate the word entrepreneur. It's just so bullshitty and overused. I'm just not going to sugar coat this. This deal -- and I put that in air quotes -- that you got from this influencer -- which I also have to put in air quotes.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:25:12] You got a lot of air quotes in this one.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:14] It's just complete baloney. Influencers, especially on Instagram, especially, especially in the beauty niche or any sort of self-helpy niche, whatever -- I take it back. Every influence that is pretty much who's trying to sell you something based around their personality is just almost universally just grifters ripping other people off who follow them. Of course, it's not 100 percent true, just like 98 percent true, and I know some of you are probably like, "Jordan, you're influencing us right now. You're doing your show." I'm doing the show. I'm not trying to get you to buy my brand of whatever. Like I want you to listen and I hope that my advice is good and I hope my interviews are good. But I'm not like, "Buy this Jordan Harbinger branded, whatever. That's better because I urinated in it." You know, like that's not the, "Put this on your face."

Jason DeFillippo: [00:26:00] Yeah, you even give your course away for free.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:01] That's right. The course is free. Like I'm going to eventually sell some sort of negotiation course. I think that's where we're aiming, but it's not going to be like, it's good because it's mine. I'm going to be partnering up with somebody who actually knows what the hell they're doing and I'm going to actually pay them for their work. I know it's just a wild strategy. But I'm going to compensate the person who's working on it with me.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:26:19] What a novel idea.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:20] I know it's, we're innovating over here. There are a few coded red flags in the messaging as well, and I think all of us would be kind of good to mark these special influencer red flags. For exposure is the first one. You don't need to do anything for exposure. That is code for unpaid work that someone has no intention of ever compensating you for. For exposure is how artists get ripped off. It's how professionals get ripped off. It's not exclusive just to creators. It is something that is complete baloney. Now, look if somebody says, "We're going to get you on Oprah. it will be a good exposure." That's one thing, right? But if someone says, "Can you do a bunch of free work for me? You'll get a bunch of exposure because I'm going to post it on my social media." They better have six zeros after their follower account on any platform. If not, it's a bunch of crap. Even if people have 100,000 followers, it's largely not going to do anything for you. Most followers on any social media platform are dormant. I won't mention who this person is, but I checked out a buddy of mine on Twitter. He was an OG Twitter user. I think he had like 1.2 million Twitter followers. His last tweet got two likes after a day or two days, not like after two minutes. After a few days, two likes, no replies, and I looked at the rest of his feed. Same thing three likes, four likes, two likes, one like one reply, no replies. It's dead. So the follower account doesn't do anything. How much exposure do you think when this person posts for you? None. You get none. Also, somebody who wants to be involved in a bigger way than money. That's the second massive red flag, coded red flag. They're fine. Look, I agree, you should do things for reasons other than money. That said, those things are above and outside of money, not instead of money. People who tell you these things are trying to trick you into working for them because they're either broke and can't pay you, or they're greedy and they don't want to.

[00:28:20] You bet your butt that your image, your likeness, your advice, it's all going to be in her marketing. It's all going to be her IP. She might even write in that she now owns it. You got to be really careful there. Also, the referrals thing, the way this is structured as BS. She's not going to refer anyone to you really. Some people might hire you to consult or do taxes, but it's a crapshoot. You're rolling the dice. You might as well hand out flyers. Most people won't be able to afford to hire you. You're going to get a bunch of junk leads or she won't actually refer people to you because there's no incentive for her to refer. You're already doing the work at first. Why would she then go out of her way to refer people to you? She doesn't need to. You're paying upfront. She's getting what she wants upfront. You're performing upfront. Does she get anything for referring people to you? No. So why would she bother doing it? Yeah, maybe she's nice. I don't know. Maybe. Do you want to rely on that? Do you want to take that to the bank?

[00:29:11] The way this should work is she should pay you for what you're doing for her. On top of that, she should send referrals your way and then you pay her a piece of those referrals. In other words, you're compensated either upfront or with a revenue split on tickets sold to her BS mastermind or whatever's going on. And then she should refer people to you in exchange for a referral commission. That is how I structure my partnerships. Right now, she wants you to work for free and in return, maybe she'll point someone your way as long as they fall into her lap and she has none like has no work to do to pass them along to you. It just makes no sense. The incentive for her to send you clients just isn't there. You're not burning a bridge by not doing this deal, by not taking a bad deal. You're telling somebody who sounds like a little bit of a scammer to piss off and go find another victim here. Also, the beauty niche is so saturated, especially on Instagram. You could piss off 100,000 of those people. There'd be another millions of them ready to take their place, so be polite but firm and you'll be just fine. You're not going to burn any bridges.

[00:30:15] Here's the truth. If she thought she could refer people to you, she would jump at the chance to refer people to you for a commission on people she sends your way. Tell her what you think is fair, and if she isn't interested, it's either because she got a better deal from another sucker who's going to do it for free and/or because she knows she's never going to refer anyone to you anyway so why negotiate a commission when she's never going to perform. The only exception to this is if the influencer in question has literally millions of followers and each of their posts has thousands of comments on Instagram, then you're talking with the real deal. But if this is just some random, nobody with 20,000 followers on their Instagram and two comments on each post, they're grifting. They should be ignored. I'm messaging you privately to see who we're talking about. I can advise further here. Look, people, influencers are usually BS. It is smoke and mirrors a lot of the time. Real business people don't want free labor most of the time because free labor sucks and everyone ends up resenting the final product and the process that you have to get there.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:20] We'll be right back with more Feedback Friday right after this.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:24] This episode is also sponsored in part by Capterra. You need to find software, but you don't want to spend all day looking. Use Capterra to simplify your search. Quickly filter options to find the features and pricing you need compared to top choices side by side and save your favorites. And with free in-depth software guides and tools, plus over a million reviews from people like you, Capterra gives you access to everything you need before you buy. So spend less time trying to find software and more time doing what you do best. Capterra is a business ally. It's a free online resource to help you find the best software solution for your unique work needs. Search more than 700 specific categories. They've got like yoga studio management software, that's a thing. And they've got over a million reviews of products from verified users. So no matter what kind of software your business needs, Capterra is like a search engine for finding the exact type of software that you need. Jen actually used Capterra. We were doing our Six-Minute Networking course, and it was on a piece of software called Kajabi, and we were kind of annoyed with it. So we went on Capterra, well, capterra.com/jordan of course, and we looked for other online teaching software and we found Thinkific and it's got better reviews. So we migrated the whole course, and it's been awesome so far, and their support's been awesome. So definitely recommend Capterra if you're looking to upgrade software or you just need software for some reason for your business. I highly recommended it. Jason.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:45] Visit capterra.com/jordan for free today to find the right software choice for your business.

[00:32:51] capterra.com/jordan Capterra that C-A-P-T-E-R-R-A.com/jordan. Capterra software selections simplified.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:02] This episode is also sponsored by Better Help. Believe me, I understand it. Not wanting to find a therapist, it's time-consuming. It's tedious. And even if you find someone you like, you have to hope their office is close to where you live and cross your fingers that they have convenient parking, but with Better Help, those concerns don't exist anymore. Better Help is an online counseling service that will find you a professional therapist, and you can communicate with them from literally wherever you are, even from your parking spot on your couch. And our help has a network of 3000 therapists in 50 states and all over the world who are trained to approach every possible problem. You can chat, you can video call, you can phone call, you can live chat with them. It doesn't really matter, texting. They just want to get ahold of you and wrangle those personal demons. Not only are these licensed professionals on Better Help train to handle these issues -- self-esteem, relationships, grief, anxiety -- but if you don't love the therapist you're assigned, you can switch at no additional cost as well. We use apps to order food. Why not use an app to order emotional support when you can have your therapy sessions anywhere in the world. It's kind of nice to do that at your own pace from the comfort of your freaking couch. Jason.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:34:09] Our listeners get 10 percent off the first month with a discount code JORDAN. Go to betterhelp.com/jordan and fill out a questionnaire to help them find the right counselor for you and get started today, betterhelp.com/jordan for 10 percent off your first month.

[00:34:24] Thank you for supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers keeps us going and keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:34:41] All right, next up.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:34:42] Hey, J's. I'm a 30-year-old female who has only had about five or six jobs in my working history since I was 17. I'm always interested in unconventional jobs that played to my strengths since I have no real schooling behind me. I've been in my current job for a little over two years but could see the writing on the wall when it comes to the longevity of the position, and quite frankly, the company itself. I can tell it's time to make a change, but I worry that my expertise is only valuable to sales and commission-related jobs which I'm trying to transition away from since the irregularity of paychecks and around-the-clock stress takes a toll on me. While I opened myself up to more training and course learning in another field, I'm still applying to jobs in my related field. I've applied to about five different jobs over the last year. Jobs directly asking for the experience I've acquired and none of them have resulted in a second interview. Well, I can ruminate on what I could have done better in meticulously critiquing my resume. Is it possible something online exists about me that could be degrading or something on some permanent record that is circulating out there that I'm not aware of? Does such a thing even exist or am I just paranoid? Any insight you can give or resources you might suggest, I would be forever grateful. Thanks for all you do. Signed, Paranoid about the Panoptix Con.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:01] First of all, sales and commission jobs are great as far as skill-building. The stress is horrible. I get not liking it, but you're not leaving empty-handed if you have a job where you have to eat only what you kill for the past couple of years. Just making it that long shows you can survive in one of the toughest positions in the business. So don't sell yourself short here. There is no permanent record that employers secretly pass around. I haven't seen one if there is. What I would do is look online, make sure there's nothing degrading or some serial killer with the same name as yourself that's on the loose in the South. I don't know. Also, if you're really paranoid, do a background check on yourself and see what shows up. I mean like one of those $50 to $100 ones. You don't have to shell out for a PI or anything. It's probably not that though because employers usually do that part last, not after the first interview. What's more likely happening here is that you were good enough to get your foot in the door. Your resume looks great, your job experience looks great, but you weren't up to snuff enough for some reason to get the job because there were probably other people competing for that same job that had more experience or something like that.

[00:37:06] You can always call and ask why you weren't hired. They might lie or not tell you, but it doesn't hurt to ask. It seems like you might actually be a bit self-conscious about your lack of schooling and perhaps you actually undersell yourself during the interview because of that. That's what I'm worried about here. Maybe you're undervaluing your experience. Maybe you show up and you say, "Well, you know, I did this and it's not that big of a deal and I didn't graduate from school, but--" You don't want to do that. And I'm not saying that it's clear that you're doing that, but I get from your letter that the tone, this is a narrative that's going on in your head. You don't want that to shine through during a job interview for sure. You don't want that. That's what I'm getting from the tone of your letter. You might look great on paper, but maybe you're not wowing them when you get in there because you feel less than, and you're going to have to work on that. And I'll tell you right now, I'd hire someone with five years of experience, well before I had hired someone who graduated from a university any day, especially somebody with sales experience. I don't care if you went to Harvard, I'd rather hire the guy who managed a freaking car dealership for a few years or something over somebody with a lot of academic education. So don't worry about it. I think you're probably going to be fine. It's probably a numbers game you probably got beat out by more experienced people. It's hard to say, but definitely don't start filling in the blanks about why did this happen to me? Why didn't this happen to me? with "Oh, I knew it. It's because I didn't get a degree from a four-year institution." It's probably not why and you're just going to end up beating yourself up about something that you can't verify. So don't do that to yourself. All right, last but not least, Jason, I know you wanted to talk about this. What's the deal here?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:39] So Jen puts something into our Slack feed that she thought might be interesting to talk about for the show. And this is a Q and A with a person who does not have an internal monologue, and you're like, "This might be me."

Jordan Harbinger: [00:38:52] Yeah. So I didn't know what people were talking about with internal monologue. I was like, "Oh, everybody has an internal monologue where they can say things in their head," and it turns out that people are constantly monologuing in their head, which is so weird. I do not do that.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:06] I mean, I can't believe -- I don't know how you live without being able to talk to yourself inside your head. I hear myself all day long.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:13] Yeah, I don't.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:14] That is so strange. How do you actually put thoughts together?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:18] So it's not that I can't hear myself in my head, like if I go, "Hmm, I better read that sign right now." I can manually do it in my head, it's just freaking exhausting. Like I'm not going to go put my watch on, "Oh, I've got to charge my Oura Ring." "Oh, I'm going to put my phone in my pocket and put this over here." Like I'm not doing that. It just, things happen sort of automatically. And if I'm reading, I will read out loud in my head, so to speak, but it's really slow and it's really manual. That's why I like audiobooks because I don't have to do that. And I don't say things to myself unless I save them out loud. Like if I'm in the shower and I go, "Got to remember to charge my smartwatch. Got to remember to charge my AirPods." I usually just say it out loud. I don't think in my head that I have to do that in a way that would sound like a monologue. I might picture my AirPods or something like that, but I don't think in terms of the words at all.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:40:10] That's so crazy. Yeah. I have like, you know, voices in my head all day long and I think most people do. That's the whole point of this is like everybody can kind of hear themselves, but it's strange when you hear the people that -- aliens, like you are out there that don't. It's so odd.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:22] Well, what's really freaky is I assume everyone was like me in that respect. So when I would watch movies, for example -- you know when you're watching a movie or a sitcom and the person has the monologue in their head, like on Seinfeld, where it's like, "Is he really going to go do that?" "No, he's not going to do that." "I can't believe he did that." "Oh, where's the door?" And they're like, run out the door. I remember thinking, "Wow, that's so creative that they thought about doing that. Like he's talking to himself and he can actually hear it." And then in movies, sometimes I'm thinking, "Wow, wouldn't that be kind of cool if you really did have a monologue going on like that in your head?" And it turns out that I'm like the only one that I know who doesn't.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:41:00] Yeah. You're like the 20 percent of the population that doesn't because it's like, it's maddening. I literally have to have my phone next to my bed at night and when I wake up --  you know the voices will just start, "I have to press a podcast so I can have other people's voices." So mine don't take over. It's crazy. So many people, it's just that that's the way it is and that's why -- that's honestly why I believe podcasts are so popular because they stop the voices in your head.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:26] Maybe, and look, it's not like I don't have anxiety where I go, "Oh, what if this happens?" "Okay. So if that happens, then this other thing's going to happen." I can think about those things as words. Well, I guess I'm not really thinking about them as words. I'm thinking about them as things that are going to happen. Like I can make plans in my head. Just to be clear. It's not like there's just nothing in my head at any given time.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:41:47] Just some great void.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:48] Yeah, there's just this blackness and then until I switch on and function like a robot, no. Like I can think, "Oh, okay, we should go out for dinner tonight," but it's an abstract concept. It's not a voice going, "We should go out for dinner tonight." That's not happening.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:42:03] When I was getting ready to reply to this, I'm talking to myself in my head saying, how should I follow up to this? You know, it's just a constant incessant voice that I hear my own voice talking to myself. I think in the Matrix they called it residual self-image, and I just hear myself all the time, and I think so many, I think everybody's like that except for crazy people like you.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:22] Geez, that's so weird. There was a YouTube where they interviewed this girl who is the one that freaked out, the original author of the article, who she didn't have the internal monologue and the guy, he was like, "This ruined my day." So he wrote a piece about it. They did a Q and A with her, and most of what she said made perfect sense to me and it freaked the guy out. So I'm so curious. We're going to link to it in the show notes. It's got like millions of views now. If you want to see the Q and A with this person who does not have an internal monologue. I'm so curious how many of you have this same thing and if it's different for you because I think there's probably a spectrum here because she seemed extreme. She's like, "I'm never thinking about words in my head." I'm like, well, of course, I am, but I'm just not doing it all the time. And most people I've talked to, they're doing it all the time. And I'm not doing that.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:08] Yeah.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:09] And I thought even maybe I was unaware that I was doing it, and it turns out that I really paid attention, and I'm not doing it in my head at all. There's no monologue in my head.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:17] That's crazy.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:18] Yeah.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:19] That is so crazy. Kind of neat though.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:21] Yeah, it is neat. But you'd think that given what I do for a living, that, of course, there's a conversation going on in my head like me of all people, there should be a conversation going on in my head and there's not. But I think it helps because I'm not being distracted when someone's talking with me. If I'm not listening, it's because I'm deliberately thinking about something else, or I'm getting distracted about a concept, but I'm not like talking to myself, you know? So I can sort of listen to that, what they're saying and have this other concept in my head, but I'm not being interrupted by myself, I guess

Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:52] You've heard the thing that happens -- they do this in movies and TV too. It's like, "Oh, did I say that out loud?" You've heard that before, right?

Jordan Harbinger:  [00:43:58] Yeah. That would never --

Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:59] Because if we're saying it to ourselves in our head, it's like sometimes, "Oh, I actually said that out loud. I didn't mean to."

Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:04] Oh yeah, no, that would never happen to me. Whenever I saw that in sitcoms or movies, I was just like, "That's so fake," but I guess --

Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:10] Nope.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:10] So you're saying that that's a thing.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:11] Oh yeah, no, I've got a thousand thoughts in my head every minute, you know, I'm just like, "Oh, this and that." And then sometimes they just blurt out and that's what happens especially if you're in a fight with somebody. It's like, "Well, yeah, you let your cat die when you were 12 you're an asshole."

Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:25] That would never happen to me because I would have to deliberately be like, "I'm going to say something under my breath now."

Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:30] Yeah.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:30] That's a thing that would require effort from me. It's not like I just voiced something that's going on in my head. So this is so weird. I did not know this about humans.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:38] I tell you what, man, if there was a pill that I could take to turn it off, I would take it in an instant.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:43] Wow. Yeah. It's got to be super annoying. Like, did you go to bed and you're just having conversations with yourself that you wish you weren't having?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:49] Oh, hell yeah. Every night, if you wake up at two o'clock, three o'clock in the morning, and you just got to get -- when you get to my age, you got to pee at that time of night and then your brain just starts up and then you just have these conversations with yourself. It's like, "Why am I failing at life? Why didn't I do this, this, this other thing?" And you just have all of these thoughts. It's like, and then you have to calm yourself down to get back to sleep. Yeah, man, it's an incessant thing.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:10] Wow. Well, that is tripping me out right now. So I'm going to go ahead and the show and then go think about this, but not out loud and not in a voice. I'm just going to go think about it in abstract concepts for a while here.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:24] Well, then how about we just talk about the Recommendation of the Week.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:27] That sounds good to me. What do you got?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:28] I got Who Killed Malcolm X? and fortunately, I'm not done with it yet. So this is going to be -- it's a six-part series on Netflix where this guy goes and find the actual killers of Malcolm X, and I'm on part four of six. But his whole premise is that two of the guys that were arrested for killing Malcolm X, we're not the actual guys that were even involved in the plot. One guy that got, yup, he admitted to it and he came out and said, "No, these other guys, they've got nothing to do with it but there were four other guys." So I'm getting to the end now and I'm hoping that they -- they actually just named one of them, so I'm hoping they get all three of them. It's really fascinating. And I don't know. Jordan, did you watch the Godfather of Harlem?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:08] No, I haven't seen that.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:46:09] It's a new show on Epix and it is fantastic, but the guy that they got to play Malcolm X is so unbelievably good. It takes me out of this because I'm seeing all this historical footage of Malcolm X. And I'm like, it's the guy, it's the guy from the show. He is that good. All of his vocal tone nations, he looks exactly the same. It's crazy. But my roommate and I, we've been slow dripping it. It's not something that we've binged because it's actually really fascinating. So we're taking our time with it and yeah, Who Killed Malcolm X? Man, I'm just, I'm in love with this series. It's so good.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:42] Well all right. We'll link to that in the show notes and I hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com.

[00:46:51] Quick shout out to Mani from Leicester. He is a huge fan of the show of course. He says the show has helped with his wife, kids, siblings, and parents, side hustle, work and business. Well, we leave no stone unturned here On The Jordan Harbinger Show. He's wearing his Oura Ring as he typed, so thank you for supporting the show. That's awesome and yeah, thank you for the kind words. I appreciate everything that comes in my inbox. Well, almost everything -- some of you are kind of dicks -- but most of you like 99.9 percent of you are just awesome.

[00:47:19] Go back and check out Austin Meyer and Neil deGrasse Tyson from this week if you haven't yet. If you want to know how I managed to book all these great people, well, it's about the network. I manage my relationships using systems and tiny habits. This is taken just a few minutes a day. The Six-Minute Networking course, which is free, is that jordanharbinger.com/course. Do it now. Don't do it later. A lot of people write in, they're like, "I'm so busy I can't do it." You're on Instagram telling me how busy you are you can't do this networking thing that takes less time than checking Instagram. Come on. These take a few minutes a day. Ignore it at your own peril. jordanharbinger.com/course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at @JordanHarbinger. It's a great way to engage with me in the show. Videos of our interviews are at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:02] And you can check out my tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks. We're in the top 20 in tech. Yeah. Woohoo! We discuss what went wrong on the Internet and who's to blame along with cybersecurity apps, gadgets, books, and more. It is a variety show that you will love. Just don't have the kids in the room. That is Grumpy Old Geeks on any podcast player you can find.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:20] The show is created in association with PodcastOne. This episode was produced by Jen Harbinger, edited by Jase Sanderson, show notes for the episode are by Robert Fogarty, music by Evan Viola. Keep sending in those questions to friday@jordanharbinger.com. Our advice and opinions, and those of our guests are their own. And yeah, I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer. So do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love, and even those you don't. If you found this episode useful, please share it with someone who could use the advice that we gave here today. Got lots more in store for 2020. I'm very excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.