You were laid off, your wife’s business is in the red, and you have a baby on the way. In spite of occasionally inconsiderate guests being a drag, renting your spare room through Airbnb is the only thing bringing in steady money right now. Should you shut down the business that doesn’t make money and focus on how you can make Airbnb a more sustainable and tolerable source of income? This and more on Feedback Friday!
And in case you didn’t already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Should you shut down your business that’s in the red to focus on renting your spare room through Airbnb?
- Given that everyone has limited time and energy, how do you decide what to pursue and what to let go of, and vet opportunities to ensure they’re worth the effort?
- What can you do to help your friend cope with the serious social anxiety that has literally driven her to drink?
- As a recovering addict, you know following through with the attraction you feel for a fellow recovering addict would be a poorly timed mistake — right?
- Is it rude to offer unsolicited feedback on someone’s resume when you notice room for improvement — even when asked to share it with the people in your network?
- Life Pro Tip: Make a checklist of things you need when traveling and stick it on your closet door (or in your phone’s notes app). Every time you realize you forgot to pack something, add it to the list when you get back. It saves you time running around trying to remember what you will need each time you have to pack.
- Recommendation of the Week: Generation Wealth
- A quick shout out to Sam Windham!
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at email@example.com!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, join his podcasting club, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Resources from This Episode:
- Christian Picciolini | Breaking Hate Part One, TJHS 317
- Christian Picciolini | Breaking Hate Part Two, TJHS 318
- Kobe Bryant on Parenting, Taylor Swift and Life after Basketball in Interview Months before His Death by Jordan Harbinger, Newsweek
- Podcast Movement
- Calm the Beast with Dan “Nitro” Clark
- Web Summit
- Six-Minute Networking
- How to Rescue Your Loved One From an MLM Scam | Feedback Friday, TJHS 164
- Simon Sinek | How to Play the Infinite Game, TJHS 300
- Tom Cruise at Twitter
- Tasha Eurich | The Surprising Truth About Insight, TJHS 296
- Better Help
- 7 Benefits and Uses of CBD Oil (Plus Side Effects), Healthline
- Why It’s a Terrible Idea to Make Your Own Vaping Juice, Healthline
- THC Products Were Involved in Many of the Vaping-Related Illness Deaths, Officials Say, Vox
- Kris Buckner | Who Does Counterfeiting Really Hurt?, TJHS 308
- The Ultimate Guide to Romantic Relationships After Addiction, Ashwood Recovery
- Dr. Drew Pinsky | Give the World the Best You Have Anyway, TJHS 72
- How to Ask for Advice (and Make the Most of It) by Jordan Harbinger
- 7 Common Resume Mistakes That Are Easy to Fix, FlexJobs
- PDF Expert
- Generation Wealth
Transcript for Should We Shut Down Our Business? | Feedback Friday (Episode 319)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:03] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I’m your host Jordan Harbinger and I’m here with producer Jason DeFillippo. On The Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world’s most brilliant and interesting people, and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. If you’re new to the show on Fridays, we give you advice and answer listener questions. The rest of the week, we have long-form interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks from spies to CEOs, athletes to authors, thinkers and performers.[00:00:33] This week we had a two-part series with Christian Picciolini. This guy, he’s an interesting cat man. He was a skinhead, like a violent neo-Nazi skinhead and was a gang leader back in the ‘90s and later, honestly, and he wrote a book about getting out of that, what got him into that. And now he spends all his time helping deradicalize people and helping people escape from these gangs. It’s crazy. He’s a fascinating and super sharp guy. Christian’s got a new book called Breaking Hate. It’s almost like the exact same story as American History X in so many ways. He even lost his brother at the end of the whole thing. It’s really heartbreaking, but also somehow inspiring and super interesting story. So check out the two-parter with Christian Picciolini that we had for you this week. [00:01:16] Of course, our primary mission here on The Jordan Harbinger Show, we want to pass insight along to you, whether that’s from us or our guests, and that’s what we do directly here on Friday on Feedback Friday because we can answer your questions directly. I want to place one brick in the structure that makes up your life. That’s what the show is really about. You can reach us at firstname.lastname@example.org. As always, we’ve got some fun ones and some tough ones. [00:01:40] And you know, I’ve written a piece on Kobe Bryant for Newsweek, a lot of good feedback. I tried to keep it classy and honor the guy instead of making it about me. I saw a lot of these influencer types online, which I hate that word, and honestly, those people drive me crazy. They were posting like Kobe selfies and pretending they were all closed and posting their interview with them. “Hey, this is an awesome interview with Kobe,” and it seems so shameful.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:02:02] It was totally gross and just come on guys, you know, the guy died with his daughter. Have a little class.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:08] Exactly. Yeah. So Newsweek asked me to do a piece about Kobe as part of the memorial and I did. And a lot of good feedback on that. I’m glad you guys agree with the tone because I’d rather err on the side of not doing anything than doing too much. How desperate are you for attention on the Internet people come on anyway, Jason, what’s the first thing out of the mailbag?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:02:27] Hi Team J’s. About three years ago, my wife and I had our firstborn. After maternity leave, she decided with my support not to return to her management job, we took out a business loan and she started a franchise. Three months later I was fired from a well-paying job, which was my mistake. We listed our spare bedroom on Airbnb to make some extra cash. I got another job, but it was terrible. I stayed for months and then I worked for a startup. Clearly, badly run in obvious would go bust soon. For six months, I’ve been at a company, which also has many major issues. I’m looking for something better, but it’s at least stable. I’m not in a desperate hurry to leave and we’ll wait for the right opportunity before leaving. My salary is barely enough to cover our bills. Two to three hours every night, I teach English online to foreigners. Throughout this, Airbnb has been a huge side income, 330 nights in 2019. My wife has severe hip pain, so I do a substantial portion of the chores. Several weekends I’ve delivered flyers door to door for her business. We also just spent thousands on my immigration fees. Her business has not produced income and it’s $1,500 overdrawn. She has a plan to cut expenses, to turn things around. She’s wanted to stop Airbnb for several months, especially with our next child due in two months. The physical demands are too heavy. Our toddler has peed herself. While guests were in the bathroom. She sometimes has to plan her day around their arrival and departure times and resetting the room. Sometimes the guests drink the last of our milk. They interrupt her work time with stupid questions and small talk. I’m willing to stop when the baby comes if I get a better job or her business picks up. When the baby is a few months old, I’m okay to compromise to max 12 nights a month. Until then, with our business in debt, me working a lot of overtime and not much savings, I feel we have no choice but to carry on hosting. I do much more than my fair share already and feel she should contribute to, but she finds Airbnb quite taxing. Should she just make do with this unpleasantness for the much-needed side income or should we give it up so that she does not have this pressure anymore? Thanks, Dad B and B.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:26] With this, I feel like I might be missing something here. If you’re not getting the side income that you need, you should definitely not give up that side income for what amounts to in large part a luxury. So I can’t imagine people living in my house interrupting me while I work with small talk. I would go crazy. So I understand that. I also would not want my baby to pee himself because guests can’t get the hell out of the bathroom in a timely manner. I mean, that to me is a rude guest and kind of insane. So I do understand that.[00:04:55] That said, your wife has a business that has a negative income. In other words, it actually costs money to run this. Sure, it might be in the black eventually, but do you have a plan for that? Is it projected based on current numbers to be profitable? If so, when is that going to happen? If it’s only going to become profitable someday, if she gets more clients, that’s not a business that is not a side hustle. You have a hobby that you are hoping to monetize that is currently not monetized. It’s an expensive one during a time when you can’t even afford to keep strangers out of your bathroom. So look at it that way. You might be able to stop doing the Airbnb, but not if your wife is also draining your finances, running a business that is not a business. [00:05:38] So the short version is yes, you should keep running the Airbnb as long as you need the income. It’s a bummer. I think you should maybe have some rules like don’t drink my milk and don’t stay in the bathroom for 20 minutes. There’s one bathroom. My kid sometimes needs to pee. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Unless the business is projected to be profitable or even just break even in the coming months, and it’s a real projection, not just wishful thinking, shutter or pause the business. There’s no reason to keep running this business. Your wife might think it’s fun. I understand that it gives her a sense of purpose. That’s valuable, but it’s not actually valuable enough to go into debt especially right now. It sounds to me like you’re asking if your wife should give up a business that has no income and actually costs money. Or if you should run a business that makes a lot of much-needed income and is probably less work for both of you. So the answer is yes, you should do that. When you boil it down, it’s really, really simple, right? For me, the choice is very clear here. [00:06:36] And by the way, I don’t know if you’re doing this, but an Airbnb little pro tip here. Look for long-term renters. You could even say, look, we’ll sweeten the deal for a long-term rental over one or two weeks, and you might end up with somebody who has a job in the area that is going to buy their own food, that is going to keep it in the mini-fridge or whatever. That’s going to understand that they are now kind of part of the family, so to speak, and they can’t spend two hours in the bathroom. They have to get up earlier. This is their time to use the bathroom before they go to work, et cetera, et cetera. Because when you’re just getting random new travelers every day, you’re going to get people who are poor and backpacking through the country or people with nothing else to do that are going to be asking you small talky questions and sitting around using your TV because they’re just killing time. You want somebody that’s got a job in the city where you live, that might just be looking for essentially roommates in their own room. That is not somebody who is going to rely on you for entertainment during their three-month quote-unquote vacation because they don’t have a job. My brother-in-law does Airbnb and he gets people in for like a year, half a year at a time. We never see them, and when we do, they’re like old friends because we see them on and off all the time for two seconds at a time. Or they call us and they say, “Hey, someone’s blocking the driveway.” And we’re like, “Oh sorry, we didn’t think you were coming back.” I mean they’ll show up for a barbecue and it’s fine. When you get the new person every day, then you’re dealing with entertaining a stranger for frankly not enough money. There’s just not enough. So long-term rental is the way to go. All right, Jason, what’s next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:03] Hi, Jordan and Team. You’re all successful people in a hot entrepreneurial space, so I’m sure there are dozens of opportunities presented to you on a daily basis, like speaking engagements, networking functions, et cetera, all on top of the numerous things you could be doing to improve your business and meet responsibilities in your personal life. Given that everyone has limited time and energy, how do you decide what to pursue and what to let go of? For the external opportunities, how do you vet these in advance to determine which ones will be worth the effort? I’m about to hit the one-year mark on my creative path as a standup comic. I’m starting a side hustle, trying to find a new paying job all while also trying to maintain my health and show up for the people I love. Most of the long-term goals I’m pursuing have no clear paths, so sometimes it’s hard to figure out what I should say yes and no to. How do you all do it all or at least do enough? Signed, Getting to Yes.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:53] I totally understand, and not having a set path as somebody who’s in a creative industry. I actually find that really stressful and annoying. Like there’s not one specific set of things I can do to move my business or brand forward. Most of the stuff that people advise, I think is awful and it’s not good for a creator. “Oh, you need to be on social media.” Okay, so I need to like do selfie videos —
Jason DeFillippo: [00:09:15] No, you don’t.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:09:17] Technically, I kind of do, but also, what am I going to do? Make selfie videos from an airport lounge? Like, no, thanks. I happened to notice that really awesome artistic, amazing, talented people. They might be on Instagram, but they’re not doing 17 stories a day. The people that have absolutely nothing to say are doing 17 Instagram stories a day. They have to stay relevant. Real artists or real creators, their art keeps them relevant in a way. Yes, they have to appear and they have to do media and they have to do this and that, but doing something where you’re like, “Hey, what’s up, y’all? About to take a shower?” That’s not keeping you relevant. It’s keeping you in people’s feeds, but it’s just keeping social media addicts and the feed. Anyway, that’s a digression.[00:09:55] The point is, there’s not one specific set of things that you can do. It’s like if you work at a bank, you work and then you want to become a managing director and then you want to become a VP or whatever. I think it’s in the other order. You’ve got things you want to do, and then you move up to the C-suite and dah, dah, dah. With creative stuff, it’s like you float around, you find something you like, you really hope something catches fire, you do marketing, you try and do growth, but man, finding the right metrics on whether I’m improving or moving forward, all that stuff is in the air. So you can’t really say, “Is this going to help my business?” Different opportunities require different frameworks, but here’s whether I decide if I’m going to go to an event or not, whether it’s for speaking or to participate in some podcasting conference. So it’s the three Ps — people, place, and price or people, place, and platform. It depends on what we’re doing. [00:10:42] So if I look at, let’s say I’m going to Los Angeles for Podcast Movement, which we did a couple of weeks ago. People, who’s going to be there? Tons of podcasters. A lot of people I know, you were going, Dan was going. Dan Nitro Clark was going, so I wanted to see everybody. I thought that would be fun, a lot of industry connections. The place, it’s in LA, it’s an hour away, not too far. And the price, well, I happen to be able to slide in pretty easily. I bought a cheaper hotel room. Sometimes I’ll even stay with friends.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:08] And you used my pass.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:10] And then I used your pass after you bailed. The price was low, the place was close and the people were great. If I got two out of three, I’m down. I got a speaking opportunity in another city that I think was in Texas a while back, and I was like, “Ah. The people?” I don’t know who’s going to be there, it’s just some corporate sales conference. The place, it’s kind of in the middle of not really anything going on. It wasn’t in like Dallas or Houston. It was like three hours outside, so that’s not going to really do much, but they were going to pay me, I think, 20 grand plus travel. Plus I got some other stuff and it was at a really nice resort. So that was kind of cool, right? So I got some compensation for that.[00:11:44] Now, I also mentioned platform. So let’s say that you get the opportunity to speak at the web summit. It’s in Portugal. Maybe they’re paying for your flight, or maybe you have to get yourself out there, but you’re going to be talking to a room of, I don’t know, 14,000 people all in the tech industry. I would probably go do that. Because the platform itself is in a way compensation. And to be honest, Portugal sounds dope. The place is probably going to be an A-plus, and maybe I’ll meet some people, but I don’t know, so that’s a wash. So people, place, price, and/or platform. So the three/four Ps. Now, if you’re not really sure in the places far away, and they’re not paying you, but you know you’re going to meet awesome people, not they tell you it’s for exposure. Anything for exposures, garbage. Unless the platform is actually massive and it’s verified, not like, “We’re going to blast this to our social media.” No. If I’m not on the stage for an hour-long keynote with the main stage there and there are 2,400 people in the audience, then there’s no platform. Do you want facts about the platform? Just as you want facts about the price. “Hey, we might pay you.” You’d never go for that. “We might pay you between four hundred and four thousand dollars.” You’d never go for that, so you should ever go for, “We’re going to blast you out on social media, and some people might see it.” You shouldn’t go for that. Treat platform as compensation. If you know it’s going to be large, then you go for it. You get it in writing. And if you’re not sure about the people who are going to be there, you can always sort of just try and guess. But I recommend you mark it as a zero or a wash, neutral, and then you don’t consider it. [00:13:14] Another example of how to do this, I got invited to go to a five-star hotel in Hawaii, all-expenses-paid. I asked them to fly my wife Jen out there as well. There was no other compensation and my friend was running the event, so I knew at the very least I would get to see him, but he was going to be busy. So price, platform, nothing. People may be plus-minus, but probably a wash. I think it was at like the Four Seasons in Hawaii. I’ll take that. That’s pretty good. That would cost me a lot of money to get there normally, and it’s Hawaii. At the end of the day, I can go and chill on the beach and eat a bunch of food, like where do I sign. [00:13:48] So once I decide based on those three or four Ps, whether I’m going to do the event or the experience. After that, it’s all about the ABG principle from Six-Minute Networking, not ABC. So instead of always be closing, it’s always be generous or always be giving. So once I get there, I don’t start evaluating, should I talk to this person? Who is this person? What’s in it for me? I treat everything according to this Six-Minute Networking principles and do ABG. So if I’m not sure I’m going to meet anyone there and I’m just there for the place, or I just got paid to be there. It doesn’t matter. You’re always respectful. You’re always doing the ABG-type stuff and trying to generate connections because that’s the bonus you get from going there. Now, if you show up and you find out that, “Oh my gosh, I met some sort of like MLM convention or something like that, how did I get duped into this?” You can do your keynote or you can cut and run. It’s up to you. You should vet your opportunities better. But once I’m down there, I don’t worry about what’s in it for me. I’ve already made the decision and then after that, I treat every event pretty much the same way. And as for maintaining your health? Yeah, self-care is key, but I’m pretty bad at it too sometimes. The key is to make self-care a part of your routine. Simon Sinek talked about this in more depth in his interview that he did with us. So go back and check that out. He mentioned he treats self-care, going to the gym and things like that, like a business meeting, and I recommend that you do the same. So use the three Ps and ABG once you get there and you won’t have any problem evaluating opportunities and then taking advantage of them when the time is right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:15:16] This is Feedback Friday. We’ll be right back after
Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:19] this. This episode is sponsored in part by Clear. Now I love clear because this gets you through the TSA line as fast as possible. In fact — little anecdote about this — I was at San Jose airport and a fire alarm went off. I think one of those food venues, they had a fire alarm go. And everyone had to disembark the plane, go outside, and then go back through security because there was a lot of like running around back and forth and I think, you know, something with the TSA had to do that, not their fault, obviously, and there was a massive line and everybody was stuck waiting. You couldn’t even get up the escalator. I just went up the elevator and I was like, “I’m in Clear.” And they’re like, “Oh, just go through this line,” that absolutely nobody is in and I walked right through. And if you’re late for your flight, you don’t have that I’m-going-to-miss-my-flight anxiety because Clear will make sure that you — not only do you not need your ID cause they use some other stuff to get you through — they will enroll you in five minutes at the airport. I’ve seen people enroll because they were late for their flight because it’s so fast. And they’ve got 65 airports, sports venues where you can also get ahead real quick and other locations across the country. They need to put it at the freaking Starbucks at the airport. That’s where they need Clear. So Clear members can also add up to three family members for a discounted rate, and kids under 18 are free. If you fly even once a month, get Clear. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:16:39] Clear is the absolute, the best way to get through airport security. It works great with pre-check too. Right now, listeners of our show can get their first two months of Clear for free. Go to clearme.com/jordan and use code JORDAN at checkout. That’s C-L-E-A-R-M-E.com/jordan, code JORDAN for your free two months of Clear.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:17:00] This episode is also sponsored by HostGator. Have I ever told you how much I like your style? Well, I would if you had your own website. I tried to find you online, but there were 17 other people who share your name on Facebook, 14 on Twitter, 24 on Instagram. If your email where something like email@example.com for example, I could have followed it to your domain. But you’ve only ever written to me from your stupid Gmail address that says Gmail as your name. I’m beginning to feel like you don’t want me to find you online at all, but I won’t take it personally. You probably just don’t know that HostGator can set you up with your own personally or professionally branded website with a distinctive email address and the time it takes you to listen to this podcast, which you also should do, by the way, and you don’t have to have the faintest idea of technical knowhow because HostGator will take care of all that for you. That’s why we recommend HostGator for creating and maintaining your best possible online presence. You don’t have to know the first thing about programming or design in order to custom craft your own mobile-friendly website. Thanks to HostGator’s simple drag and drop builder. Choose from hundreds of themes to effortlessly switch up your presentation as you see fit. Run it all on WordPress with one easy click if you must. And if you’ve got a tight budget, don’t worry. As long as you’re a new user, you get to try any HostGator package for up to 62 percent off, just for hearing the sweet mellifluous sound of my voice. And if you’re not completely satisfied with everything HostGator has to offer, you’ve got 45 days to cancel for a refund of every last digital penny. So check out hostgator.com. That’s hostgator.com/jordan right now to sign up, hostgator.com/jordan.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:18:32] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you’d be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review on iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let’s hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:57] All right, Jason, what’s next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:18:59] Hey Jordan, I have a friend and she suffers from serious social anxiety, like she ruminates on the little things, acts in a certain way just to avoid that social interaction, and to cope with it. She started to drink a lot. I tried to put myself in her situation and try to help her out and talk her through things but only do it to an extent. For me, I always think it’s not that serious. I’ll get over it, but in a few instances, I can’t find a way to work it out. Are there any books you recommend or previous episodes that I should really listen to, to gain a perspective to help her out? Or even better, if you could talk about it if you know someone who has had serious social anxiety. Sincerely, Trying to Be a Good Friend.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:34] Depending on the kind of anxiety we’re talking about here. This is a medical condition is, especially when we’re to the point that someone has started self-medicating. Now again, I am not a doctor. You know what, Jason? There are different kinds of anxiety. So I would say it kind of depends. We all know people that probably have an actual medical condition of anxiety, but we also know people who are just kind of, they whip themselves up into a froth because they have really bad self-talk. We don’t know which one this is.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:00] That’s the interesting thing about this because you know, I had social anxiety for years, years, and even when we met, I had really crippling social anxiety. It took me — I mean, it was an effort of will to get out of the house to come to meet you for the first time. And that was just basic anxiety because I had anxiety issues.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:19] I understand being nervous to come and meet your all-time hero podcaster, and that’s completely understandable.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:25] It is actually kind of funny because I thought you were kind of a rockstar because I had listened to your podcast for like six months when I was moving from San Francisco to LA. It was just in the background. I’m like, “I’m going to go meet this guy. This is kind of cool.” Even though I had met, you know, Tom Cruise at that point. I’d met John Woo. I’d met basically everybody on Star Trek, but I’m going to go meet this random podcaster and I’m nervous. What the hell?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:48] I appreciate that. That’s how it should be. You know, I’m not a fricking crazy person. I don’t try to convince people that Scientology is real. There are all kinds of things I’ve got on Tom Cruise. Probably not too many, but that’s one of them.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:00] Well, you definitely have a couple of inches in height.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:02] Yeah, maximum.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:03] I used to have like just tons of anxiety, but I didn’t think it was a medical condition. I thought it was, you know, just me being me. And now that I’ve gotten past this, I did medicate like this person has done. I finally got past it when I just realized that nobody else cares about what people think of you, which is the best way to get past it. As soon as you realize that nobody else cares, then it’s really easy to go out and talk to anybody on the planet. I think she could definitely use some psychology here. What do you think?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:31] It’s worth asking an actual medical professional, which again, we are not in that category. I know that there’s a lot of things that go wrong and that should be treated right when you start to self-medicate. I know this because you and I both used to do it. It’s like, “Oh, I’m a little nervous right now. Let me have seven drinks.” Like that doesn’t work and when I got over my own social anxiety issues, I saw my clients doing it all the time back when I was doing the whole like take guys out and teach them how to meet women thing that I did for years and years — well before that turned into a creepy nightmare. But some of the guys that had been going out and having a drink when they’re working on their social skills, you’d see them in two years and you’re like, “Dude, you’re an alcoholic now. Like what’s happening?” And this is not something that we can convince someone to let go of or stop doing. In fact, self-medicating, being anxious, trying to get them to stop doing it, it just makes the other person feel like an alien because they know you’re right, but they can’t do anything about it. It’s like telling someone to just be taller or stop being afraid of snakes. It doesn’t work. It ends up making the other person feel worse for not being able to do something that seems just effortless to other people.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:22:37] You mean just be yourself is not good advice?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:39] My favorite, just be yourself. No. If you could actually follow that advice, great, but you’re not somebody who walks around smelling of lush cologne and carrying roses and then opening the door and pulling out the chair for people, that’s not yourself. You’re putting on a show. And most of us can’t be ourselves in any situation, that’s not super, super comfortable. That’s the whole point. So the people that tell you to just be yourself, those are the people that have known you for 20 years and they’re like, “Be the best version of the person I usually see.” Words are so easy. Come on.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:23:07] Yeah, exactly. It’s not that easy because that anxiety just creeps in and you’re not that person because you’re thinking about everything as it goes forward. And I honestly think that people that do have social anxiety are some of the smartest people that we know. Because what they do is they think, they think, and they overthink, and it gets them in that downward spiral self-reflection loop. It is just so toxic.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:23:32] Yeah. They’re smart and they’re introverted. So they’re going, “Ooh, does this look okay? Ooh, I need to worry about my body language because people talk about that. Oh, eye contact. You know, it’s loud in here. Am I speaking loud enough? People here look pretty good. Am I underdressed?” When you’re a dumb person and/or a dumb extrovert — not that those things go together — but if you’re like a not intelligent extrovert, those are the people that rock in social situations because they’re totally, totally un-self-aware. They’re just talking about themselves the whole time and they make it look easy. The smart person who’s naturally introverted, they’re in trouble. They’re highly self-aware. They’re very well attuned, and they’re looking at all these other things that are going on. It’s like, of course, of course, they have more trouble than somebody who’s not even paying attention.[00:24:12] The problem is our society doesn’t really treat anxiety like a disorder or a real issue, whether it’s a medical condition or not. We just think that people who have it, maybe they’re just overthinking things. Maybe they’re just nervous because they have low self-esteem or something, but it’s either not that or it’s more than that. And I know tons of people that are bad-ass superstars in their industry, but the idea of going to a party or giving a talk makes them want to crawl into a hole and die. You’ll know you’re, you’re one of these people if you fake an illness or you drink a full glass of vodka to get around your jitters.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:43] Been there, done that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:44] Well, yeah, we all have now it’s like, “I’ll have a beer,” and I’m like, “Oh, I didn’t have jitters and now I’m really loose.” If you can’t function because you’re going to go up and give a talk in front of 13 people, so you have six drinks and now you’re barely able to keep it together, you have an anxiety issue. If you’re faking an illness to not go to that conference because you might have to socialize. That’s more than just being nervous. That has its own problems associated therewith. Now, what you can encourage your friend to do is realize that she’s not just a mess of a person because I bet she feels that way sometimes and what she’s going through right now, you can make her feel like that’s more or less normal or at least socially acceptable. She should talk to a doctor or a therapist about it, not a pill-pushing doctor, by the way. She might not want to do this because when we go to a doctor for an issue like this, sometimes it feels like we’re admitting something is wrong with us, with our character. We resist it and it’s okay. Unfortunately, stigma is a result of society treating a lot of people with anxiety or anxious people. Or people with any other invisible mental or emotional issue, we tend to treat them like they’re just imagining the whole damn thing. “Have you tried not being depressed? Oh, why don’t you just smile more?” It’s like —
Jason DeFillippo: [00:25:53] Put a pencil in your mouth and you’ll smile and then everything will be okay with the world.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:57] Yeah. Tony Robbins told me, you can cure depression by asking a room full of people who are strangers if they love me. I mean, no, just no. And not everyone needs medication, but pretty much everyone can use some therapy, talk therapy especially. I suggest starting with something like Better Help. We talked about them in many shows here. Betterhelp.com/jordan is where you can find a discount on that. They don’t pay me, by the way, for these types of mentions, I just want people to know, like my decision to recommend therapy is not influenced by the sponsors. I recommended therapy for years and you can go back into back episodes and find that. Go get talk therapy, dip your toes in the water. Better Help is a great way to do this cause it’s online. You don’t have to find some therapists in another neighborhood and drive there and park. After that, if needed get a referral to a medical doctor. If the therapist says that’s required. Start with talk therapy first. It’ll help a little bit with the stigma. You’ll find out that getting help isn’t so bad. It’s convenient. It’s cheaper than most doctors anyways. You can start to see that you’re not the only one in the world with this type of issue, and it’s not something that you are supposed to solve yourself. You are not supposed to fix yourself by, again, putting a pencil in your mouth or whatever stupid stuff you’re seeing online.[00:27:04] You’re a good friend by the way, for reaching out on behalf of your anxious friend. You’re really trying to help, and I think we could all use a friend like you frankly. In this case, I think the best thing to do is help your friend realize there might be something else going on here and she’s not supposed to just get over it or stop being shy or whatever else those around her have suggested, maybe even you’ve suggested for the past few years. What she needs now is a hug and some reassurance that she’s not broken irreparably in any case and that her friends are still going to love her and want to hang out with her, even if she feels anxiety about normal life some of the time. And then get her on the therapy train, and I think she’ll feel empowered by that. And that is what a lot of us anxious types really need.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:27:47] You know, what has helped me — and I am not a medical professional in any way, shape, or form — but CBD has helped me immeasurably because it takes away that just tinge of anxiety. I think I started taking CBD when I was 47. So I’m like 47 years of just having this anxiety all the time. A little bit of CBD, and I’m just like, wow, that anxiety, just like it falls off your shoulders. It’s always there. You’re always tingly. You’re always anxious. And I started doing that and it all went away. So it’s an option and it does react differently to everybody. And it is not medical advice in any way, shape, or form but for me personally, it has changed my life for the better in every way that I can quantify, period.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:28:33] That’s interesting. I will say, from my experience, I’ve tried a billion different brands of CBD cause there’s so much hype and so much buzz around it. I’ve never experienced any results from it at all. That can’t be attributed to something else. It just didn’t work for me. And I’ve tried things like — I’ve called the people who manufacture it and I’m like, “What can I do?” They’re like, “Take this.” And then I would call and be like, “It didn’t work.” And they’d be like, “Take twice as much.” And I’m like, “Look, let’s see if this does anything for me. And I would mega dose it and take like 10 times the dose.” And I’m like I don’t feel anything other than my stomach feels kind of gross because I’m burping up CBD oil. And I tried different brands and I tried different types and I even went to the dispensary because medical and recreational marijuana is illegal here in California. And I said, “Look, maybe the hemp CBD is not doing anything. Can you give me the CBD that is made from marijuana?” And they were like, “Sure.” And I tried that and it didn’t do anything. And then I called them and I was like, “What the hell? This doesn’t do anything.” And they said, “Yeah, different people, different results.” And then the guy said, “Why don’t you try some THC?” And I was like, “Look, I know that that works. That’s called weed. It’s effective on pretty much everyone.”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:29:35] It’s called getting stoned.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:36] it’s called getting stoned. And I’m going to pass on that because I don’t really need to do that. I don’t like that feeling. So I will say that. We’re not doctors. I’m a lawyer, but not your lawyer. You can try the CBD thing, but it didn’t do anything for me. But if you swear by it, look, even if it’s a hundred percent placebo, that’s fine.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:29:51] Yeah, I’ll take the placebo. It works for me. And you know, the same brand that I use a couple of other people have used and it has worked for 50 percent of them.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:59] Well, there you go.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:30:01] I am totally fine with saying that this — you know, your mileage may vary.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:04] Yeah, I’m careful about recommending any stuff like that, but if it worked for you and it didn’t work for me, then people have the information they need to go ahead and give it a shot. Just be careful. There’s a lot of people like making it now and I’m like, no. Get it from a real brand or better yet a dispensary that gets it from a real manufacturer because who knows what the hell you’re doing and don’t smoke it. This vaping stuff is so bad, especially in other states where this stuff isn’t recreational legal. Did you hear about this, Jason? I don’t want to go on a tangent, but this is important. There are all these folks that are smoking like homemade vape stuff.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:30:39] Yeah. I mean, people have died from this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:41] Yeah. They’ve died from it because it’s either made in China in a dirty ass lab or it’s made in the United States in a dirty ass garage. And Kris Buckner and I talked about this in the counterfeiting episode, it’s really easy to be like, “Oh yeah, I’m going to turn my own hash oil into this, or I’m going to turn my CBD oil into that,” and you can just add these cheap dirty ass oils, put them in cartridges and sell them online, and it’s impossible for people to regulate this.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:07] Yeah. I think it was a vitamin E thing and it sticks to your lungs and gives you in basically like limits your lungs capacity to actually absorb oxygen.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:16] Yeah. It coats your lungs, it coats your lungs with oil that you cannot get out easily and it will feel like someone is stepping on your chest and yeah, people have died from this and I get it. I get the logic here. Oh, it’s vitamin E. what could it harm? It’s a freaking vitamin.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:29] It’s got vitamin in the name. It’s right there on the tin. It must be good for me.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:32] Yeah. Hey, bonus, you’re getting vitamins when you smoke this cheap crap I made in my parents’ basement. The unregulated vape stuff is like meth, right? Like smoking anything, not good for you. Smoking something, somebody made using chemicals in a basement, you are insane. Even the actual regulated government-regulated vape stuff from name brands is bad for you. So imagine what it is when some guy who can’t be bothered to wash his hands is making it.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:55] Yeah, and just to be clear, the CBD that I use is an oil that I put under my tongue. So I’m not vaping anything.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:01] Again, worst case, you’re ingesting something that’s, you know, does nothing. But costs money, but if it’s placebo effect and have at it, man,
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:11] We’ll be right back with more Feedback Friday, right after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:14] This episode is sponsored in part by Oura Ring. I am again, a huge fan of this. I’ve been using it for years. I gave one to my brother-in-law. Jason. I know you had one of these. These are amazing. It’s a sleep tracker that’s the size of a ring. I don’t even know how you fit electronics in it. That’s like one of the miracles of modern-day tech that you can fit electronics in something that’s actually the size of a freaking ring.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:34] No, it’s crazy and it lasts forever. I charge mine maybe once a week. And when I’m in the shower, I just take it off, put it on the stand and it’s charged and I don’t even have to think about it anymore. And I bought one for our mutual friend at Dan Nitro Clark from American Gladiators and you hooked him up with their sleep science guys because he was like coming back with, “Oh no, deep sleep.” It’s like, “What? How do you not get deep sleep? Period.” The Oura Ring actually identified that and now he’s got a path to fix it. It’s an amazing piece of technology.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:06] Yeah. There’s a lot of REM sleep. I would say hacking or optimization and this stuff is key. I mean, if you’re not staying sharp, you’re not consolidating memories and learning, you need to figure out why. And so there are a lot of people that wake up feeling more or less rested, but they’re not getting enough REM or not getting enough deep sleep and things like that. And Oura Ring will tell you it’s really good at reading heart rate and biometrics from your finger, which is where it’s a hundred times stronger. I thought, “Oh, I’ve got a watch. I don’t need this.” The back of the wrist is 1 percent as strong and accurate as the finger. I did not actually know that. So the Oura Ring is a game-changer. If you’re serious about hacking your sleep and it’s just a really good investment. It’s not some sort of weird thing you got to tape on. It’s a freaking ring. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:47] And they look really good, by the way. They’re very stylish, so if you want to positively impact your life and the lives of those around you, head to ouraring.com/jordan. That’s O-U-R-A-ring.com/jordan and get $30 off your new Oura Ring for a limited time. That’s ouraring.com/jordan.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:34:07] This episode is also sponsored by BiOptimizers. So BiOptimizers was started by a buddy of mine. He is a bio-hackery kind of guy, very health conscious, really research obsessed, and I didn’t know this, but I guess 99 percent of these over-the-counter probiotics don’t colonize your gut. That whole like, They’re colonizing your gut.” It’s kind of just BS. It goes through your digestive system and dies in there. Studies have proven that most probiotics just pass through your system. They don’t do anything, or they just croak before the second they hit your stomach acid. But we need good bacteria to fight the bad guys. So there’s got to be a solution for that. And you’ve heard me talk about P3-OM before, P3-OM and I’ve been using it for a while. They’re actually hooking up with a free bottle here to give it a shot if you want to give it a shot. What makes their strain different is it’s proteolytic, meaning it digests protein, antiviral, antiretroviral. Eliminates some pathogens in waste and it is maintainable in the digestive system, so it’s not meant to colonize. It’s meant to be maintainable, and then, of course, it passes through. That’s how it works. And they’re confident enough, they’re giving you a 365-day money-back guarantee. So you can try it for months and months and well for a year, and if it doesn’t work, they gave you your money back, so check it out. They’re giving away free bottles so you can give it a shot. Jason, tell them where they can take advantage of that.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:22] Go to p3om.com/jordanfree, that’s p3om.com/jordanfree. All one word. You’ll automatically get access to your unique coupon code to claim your free bottle, limit one per household. Offer is valid while supplies last.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:39] This episode is also sponsored by Manscaped. And if you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a second look down. When’s the last time you took care of that? It’s been a while. Don’t lie. Let’s take a second to thank our sponsor Manscaped for holding you accountable to get rid of the funk, and shave your junk. Manscaped is the only men’s brand dedicated to below-the-waist grooming and hygiene. There’s a lot of things that they want us to say about — talk about a funny manscaping story, but I’ll just tell you, there’s nothing funny about manscaping accidents and you’re going to want to avoid those, let’s just say. Manscaped has the Perfect Package 3.0 essential kit. This isn’t really probably what they want me to focus on, but it’s really well manufactured. When it came, I thought, this is going to be kind of a junky thing. It’s actually super nice. I ended up buying them for the whole team. The Lawn Mower 3.0 is their new addition. It’s waterproof, cordless body trimmer, lots of other liquid formulations to round out your manscaping routine. It’s got a cutting edge ceramic blade to prevent manscaping accidents. See earlier when I mentioned that you want to for sure avoid those. They’ve got advanced SkinSafe technology. You just don’t want any kind of — there’s no margin for error down there, right? There’s just not.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:36:47] There’s not, I got to say with the new Lawn Mower 3.0, it does come with a light so you can actually see what you’re doing, which is fantastic.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:56] That’s right for those of you that shave your balls in the dark. Jason, tell them where they can get a deal on the Lawn Mower. 3.0 and the rest of it.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:37:02] Get 20 percent off and free shipping with the code JORDAN at manscaped.com. That’s 20 percent off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use our code JORDAN. Your partner, your body, and your balls will thank you.[00:37:15] Now back to the show for the conclusion of feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:37:21] All right. What’s next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:37:22] Hello J Team. I wanted to start off by expressing my deepest gratitude for all of you. Your show has been instrumental in my life. I found your show at a point in my life where I thought I wouldn’t amount to much. I can say that by taking the advice and suggestions heard each episode, I went from being a drug-addicted, derelict, convicted felon to a responsible, productive member of society, which leads me to why I’m writing you. I’m happy to say that I’m a recovering addict. Part of my recovery is going to fellowship meetings. Recently in a meeting, I met a woman and we instantly clicked. We started talking regularly and found out we have a lot in common. Aside from being in recovery, we enjoy many of the same things and have a few of the same goals. We even share the same birthday, although I’m a year older. We get along like two peas in a pod. I have trouble finding people with the same interests as me, let alone as many as we have. Usually, when I do, they partake in drugs and alcohol, which is not something I enjoy being around now that I’m 100 percent abstinent. So to found a friend that checks all the boxes is truly a godsend. Here’s the dilemma. I find her attractive. Her personality is what I desire in a partner on top of us being such great friends. She’s made a small admissions that she finds me attractive too. However, she’s gone through major life changes recently, a breakup and some other things which would render any sane and reasonable person not in the right place for our relationship. I also know that it’s not the right time to make a move in that direction. But there’s also the part of me that knows exactly how to swoop in and manipulate myself into the hero. I wouldn’t do that today, but I can’t help but wonder if I should make my feelings known to her anyway. Would that damage the relationship we have as friends? Is it worth running the risk to find out or should I just enjoy a level of friendship that’s hard to come by? Again, thank you so much for everything you do. You’ve helped me in more ways than I can ever begin to describe. With love and respect, The Recovering Hero.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:07] Hey man, great questions. Also, I just want to, before we get into the answer here, commend you on getting through what I can only assume has been a pretty rough past few years with drugs and felonies and 12-step programs. That’s really admirable and I want to congratulate you on your new life here. Let’s attack these questions though.[00:39:24] Now, I’m basing some of this on my knowledge of what goes on in AA and other 12-step programs. And my absolutely meaningless qualifications as someone who happens to have Dr. Drew’s phone number and uses it way too liberally. So I am, again, not a doctor, not a therapist, but let’s go through these questions here one-by-one. Should you swoop in and be the hero? And you said, no, you already know not to do this, but of course, you are right. You should not do this. Catching people when they are emotionally vulnerable is actually not a good time to get someone into a relationship. In fact, it can really backfire. Not only are they not ready, but they may, in fact, most likely will resent you for doing this. Also, they’re not in a place to develop a real relationship with you. If anything, it’ll be this weird co-dependent stuff where they kind of like need you because you’re the only stable thing in their life and blah, blah, blah. And once they realize they need you and that they also need to go heal on their own. They’ll either leave you or really resent the fact that they can’t, even if things seem to be working fine between the two of you, it’s a no-win situation. They’ll resent you for one reason or another. So you’re right. That’s no good. [00:40:30] Should you make your feelings known to her? Yeah, go ahead, but with the caveat that now is not the right time, so you can say, “Hey, look, I know that you’re attracted to me. I’m attracted to you. The feeling is mutual, but we’re both in recovery. You just had a breakup. You better just focus on that for now.” This is not the best time for you or her to be jumping into something, especially if you value your friendship on that deeper level and you’re not willing to risk it. This way nobody feels rejected, right? You can get your cards out on the table and then you can move on with your friendship or your more than friendship, but not too much more than friendship in a way that doesn’t compromise one another or your respective recoveries. Now, I know this might be hard. You might start hooking up or something. Just bear in mind that you’re probably going to sacrifice your relationship, your friendship if you do that. Just know that and you can make that choice. Maybe you make that choice because you can’t help yourself, but just know what you’re getting into. You’re not going to be the exception to the rule almost for sure. [00:41:25] Would it damage the relationship you have as friends? Yes. For the reasons, I outlined above. I think it will damage the relationship that you have as friends. You can very rarely be friends with somebody, decide that you’re attracted to them, start hooking up, start dating, and then go back to being friends. It happens. Let’s assume you are not in that one percent, is it worth running the risk to find out? Definitely not. There’s no reason to do this. Patience is a virtue. You could probably use a little bit of that right now. You both need space to recover and do your own thing. [00:41:52] You asked, should I enjoy the level of friendship that is hard to come by? Yeah. Do that. Nothing says you can’t take things to the next level next year and several months, whatever. What’s the rush in getting into a relationship? The way things stand right now, you have a lot to lose and very little to gain by hitting the gas pedal. What? You can start sleeping together. I mean, who cares. Focus on your own recovery and getting yourselves to stable ground and then go from there. Recovery is a slow process, but it is better to do things right than to rush and end up adding stress or instability into your new life here. [00:42:24] I’m very proud of you, man. Good on you for being this self-aware and asking questions from people that you know are probably going to give you an answer that you don’t want. All right. Next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:42:33] Hi, Jordan and Team. I love the show, especially the diversity of questions on Feedback Friday. I’m curious about your thoughts about trying to help people with their resumes that went a bit sour. I work in communications in the environmental division of a large organization. I have a natural and learned talent for writing and editing resumes and cover letters. I’ve helped dozens of people with their resumes over the years. For example, a friend who works in finance sent me his resume and asked if I could shop it around my organization. The resume was extremely busy, full of acronyms and industry-specific terms with no context. It had a general sense of coming off a bit pompous. It even included a link to his personal website that just contains his travel photography. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing it with any of my colleagues in that shape, so I spent quite a bit of time making edits and writing out feedback to help him improve the readability and fix some of the snags and send it back to him. After a few days without hearing anything, I asked if he received my email and he confirmed that he did. That’s it. No other response, no questions for me. No mention of making any revisions, nothing. That’s when I realized he must’ve been offended that I cut up his resume without him asking for feedback. It was a bit awkward between us in social settings after that for a little while. I felt quite annoyed by this experience and others where I’ve given feedback. Having been giving each person my time to provide well thought out and constructive feedback in an area I have legit expertise, I thought I would get at least a small, if not sincere thank you. Is it just rude to make unsolicited feedback on people’s resumes? If someone asks you to share their resume within your circle, but it’s subpar, off-putting, or whatever, how do you handle that? Can you respectfully decline or just lie and say that you shared it? Signed, Robinhood of the Reprehensible Resume.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:13] All right, so what you’re doing here, it’s not rude, but the problem is you’re assuming these people actually want help and advice when almost people want is either a handout or they want to go through the motions and continue to be a victim of their own circumstances. I’ll elaborate on this. I went through this very recently and I wrote an entire article about it, which by the way, if you want to check out the article, it is linked in the show notes, but it’s at jordanharbinger.com/advice. It’s about how to ask for advice the right way. I put it at jordanharbinger.com/advice so that when any of you, any of you get a non-request, such as, “Can you mentor me?” Or, “Can you circulate my resume to people you know?” even though it’s freaking garbage. You can point them in the right direction, which is namely the article. Again at jordanharbinger.com/advice.[00:45:02] Now, the incident that inspired this article was I was on Instagram. I answer all my messages I get it on all my social media platforms, it takes me a while, but I do it. This knucklehead says, “Hey, Jordan — ” Well at that time I didn’t know he was a knucklehead — but he goes, “Hey Jordan, I want to know what advice you have for me.” And I’m like, “I don’t really do advice there. That’s why I have Feedback Friday.” And he goes, “Oh, it’s just a simple thing,” which already a red flag, but whatever. He goes, “I want to start a clothing line. What advice do you have?” And I said, “Well, what are your goals?” And he’s like, “I want to make money.” And I’m like, “Okay, well, I would just get a job because if you want to start a clothing line, you should get a job in the supply chain, and then you’ll know what the hardest part of running a clothing line is,” because it sure as hell isn’t designing the stuff you print on the shirts by the way. He doesn’t answer. I figured, okay, no good deed goes unpunished, but this is a young kid, whatever. Maybe he’ll write it and maybe he won’t. Something popped up in my feed later. I clicked on it and somehow the thread had gotten marked as unread, so I saw it again and I said, “Oh, hey, it’s been two or three months. How’s your clothing line going? Are you still catching the show?” And he goes, “No, I don’t even listen to you anymore. I hate you now.” And I was like, “What are you talking about?” What a weirdo? First of all, I should have just not answered, but curiosity got the better of me. So I said, “Why? What’s going on?” And he goes, “You told me to give up on my dream.” And I said, “What are you talking about?” He goes, “You told me to get a job instead of starting a clothing line. I don’t listen to your advice anymore.” And I thought, this is the dumbest human I’ve talked to all day, but okay, what’s going on there? And I bounce this off of a few people, some other friends and former show guests and stuff like that. What came back to me was pretty insightful and frankly something I should have thought of myself, which is that most people do not want advice. They want you to reinforce the course of action they have already decided upon. They don’t want your opinion. They don’t want your advice. They just want your permission. They just want you to pat them on the back and go, “Good job, buddy.”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:46:46] After 500 episodes of doing this, you finally got that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:50] Yeah, I know, right? It took me a while. It’s been like, by the way, it’s been like 700 or thousand. It’s been like a thousand, literally a thousand I think. Well, I think we’re over a thousand now that I think about it.[00:46:59] So these people that are asking you, “Hey, I need a job. Can you check out my resume?” They don’t want to know how to get a job. They either want a job without trying or they want to get no job and be told that them sitting on their ass all day and complaining and playing Xbox in their mom’s basement is justified because they are the market, the economy. They don’t want to learn an industry like that knucklehead on Instagram. He doesn’t want to learn the clothing industry. He doesn’t want to know about supply chain and supply chain management and marketing and stuff. He wants to start a clothing line and be famous on Instagram for all the cool stuff they produced and go to the photoshoot with the models. He has absolutely no desire to learn how to manage a supply chain, learn how to sell products. They just want to act like they’ve made it. So they can prove their friends and family wrong. Ironically, this idiocy is what’s going to prove their friends and family, right, and that they don’t have the discipline and they don’t know what they’re freaking doing. [00:47:51] So going back to your specific situation, if someone asks you for help, make them jump through a hoop or two as well. I usually, in fact, I almost always do this. I didn’t do it with that kid and I paid the price. In fact, I do this probably 95 percent of the time and that’s the end of it because 90 percent of the time, if not higher, people are so lazy or entitled. They can’t even do something as simple as sending me a follow-up email. Someone will say like, “Hey, I really need this, this, and this,” and I’ll be like, “Shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.” More than half the time, I never even hear from them. And then if I do, it’s like a cut and paste of their message to me on social media and they’re like, “Let me know if you’re going to hook me up with all these billionaires so I can interview for my brand new podcast.” And I’m like, “Well, what are you going to do? Show me this, this, and this.” I never hear from them again. So the next time someone sends you the resume before you spend a single second on it, have them write you exactly what type of position they’re looking for, why they are a fit for that position. Basically, have them do a cover letter for the companies they want you to connect them to, refuse to circulate the resume without this. If they don’t know how to do that, you can have some articles on hand that you can cut and paste, you know, save the URLs on like a little sticky note on your computer desktop. Say, “Here are three articles about how to write a cover letter,” because they’ll go, “Oh, I don’t know how to do that.” They’re trying to put the monkey back on your back. So tell them to read those first, then draft the cover letter for you. My bet is that this cuts your workload down by like 80 percent I think it’ll filter in the people who are actually interested in your help and aren’t just wasting your time because they’re lazy or entitled. Then after they write the cover letter and only after they write it, ask if they’re open to feedback on their resume because it needs work before it goes out. If they then give you the green light, send them some markup without doing the changes for them. Do not do the changes for them. You can annotate a PDF. You can scan the document by taking a photo of it. Use an app like PDF Expert on the iPad. That’s what I use. I’ll link to it in the show notes. I routinely take photos of documents. I use the Apple pencil to write or stamp or type on the documents. And then I send them back to people so they can make the changes. Don’t do the work for them, make them jump through the hoops. Having people jump through a preliminary hoop or two is a great way to filter out the lazy and entitled people who are just possibly, these people are unemployed because they freaking deserve to be right, and it will not only save you time and frustration, but it will give you more energy to deal with the people that care enough to do the work to get ahead. I hope that helps. [00:50:12] Life Pro Tip of the Week from Reddit. Make a checklist of things you need when traveling and stick it on your closet door or in your phone’s notes app. That’s where I keep mine. Every time you realize you forgot to pack something, add it to the list. When you get back or on your phone, it saves you time running around trying to remember what you need each time you have to pack. And yes, I’ve packed a ton, but I use that list and it is amazing and then it gets a little bloated and you realize you don’t need an HDMI cable for your iPad to watch a movie at the hotel because you’re never going to do that. But make that list, keep it on your phone. It’s so helpful. It saves you a lot of time and cognitive bandwidth, especially if you’re packing it like 9:00 p.m. and then you’ve got a flight at 4:00 a.m. the next day. Just don’t try to sit there and remembering stuff. You’ll regret it. [00:50:50] Recommendation of the Week, Generation Wealth. I loved this. Basically, the stereotypes you think of rich kids, they’re all true, but they’re far more interesting. It’s about how money screws up kids basically — how it screws up adults frankly too. They interview a lot of very wealthy people who have just absolutely destroyed their own lives. It’s fascinating. It’s Generation Wealth. It’s on Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, and YouTube for rental and streaming, and we’ll link to that in the show notes as well. Generation Wealth is what that’s called. [00:51:18] Hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. A link to the show notes can be found at jordanharbinger.com. Sam Wyndham is our shout out for today. Thanks for writing in. He tried Six-Minute Networking and just blew his network wide open. Who knew it works? Jordanharbinger.com/course. Go back and check out the guests. There’s a two-parter with Christian Picciolini. If you haven’t listened to that yet, and again, I booked these guests are my network, jordanharbinger.com/course. Don’t wait. It is crucial. It’s been crucial in my business. It will be something that really surprises you how effective it is and that’s Six-Minute Networking at jordanharbinger.com/course. I’m on Instagram and Twitter at @JordanHarbinger. Great way to engage with me and the show videos of our interviews are at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:52:03] Check out my tech podcast Grumpy Old Geeks. We discuss what went wrong on the Internet and who’s to blame along with cybersecurity apps, gadgets, books, and more. That’s Grumpy Old Geeks in any podcast player you can find.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:15] This show is created in association with PodcastOne. This episode was produced by Jen Harbinger, edited by Jase Sanderson, show notes for the episode by Robert Fogarty, music by Evan Viola. Keeps sending in those questions to email@example.com. And again, our advice and opinions, and those of our guests are their own. And I’m a lawyer, but not your lawyer — certainly not a doctor, certainly not a therapist. Do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. And remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love, and even those you don’t. If you found this episode useful, please share it with someone else who can use the advice we gave here today. We’ve got lots more in store for the rest of the year. Very excited for what’s coming up. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you can live what you listen, and we’ll see you next time.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:53:00] Are you a fan of true crime? Then you have to go check out the Court Junkie Podcast. Imagine being wrongfully convicted for a crime you didn’t commit, or imagine your child’s killer is still on the loose, even though there’s enough evidence for an arrest. The Court Junkie Podcast shines a light on the injustices of our judicial system by delving into court documents, attending trials, and interviewing those closest to these cases. Be sure to subscribe on Spotify, PodcastOne, Apple Podcasts, and many other podcast apps so you can get new episodes every week.