If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now, let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- How do you know if you’re making progress and on track to a better and brighter future if you feel underqualified and inadequate about so much of your life? How can you measure your growth?
- Sometimes you try so hard to help your loved ones with their issues that you forget to help yourself. Support is close if you know where to find it — here’s where we suggest looking.
- How do you keep yourself from falling back into old, obsolete patterns of behavior whenever you visit your friends in your old hometown? Aren’t you better than that now?
- You’ve been on Facebook for 14 years and have never weeded out friends you’ve only spoken to once in that entire time. Now you’re applying to a job and notice one of your obscure connections is VP of the company. Is it tacky to contact them?
- If you genuinely love networking and meeting new people, you might feel bad about having to turn down lunch with some of them because you just don’t have as much time as you used to (especially when they turn into sales pitches in disguise). How do you retreat from these invitations politely?
- If you’re proud of your political activism in college, does it do any harm to bring it up when you’re looking for a new job?
- Should you give up all the guaranteed benefits of your long-term government job to pursue a shaky future in the private sector that could result in more money and reemergence of happiness from that fire and drive you once had, but at a time cost and a possibility of being released or fired and losing those needed benefits for your family?
- Since returning to your hometown as a successful attorney making the big bucks, one of your friends seems to think you should pay for everything you do together because you make more money. What do you do?
- Recommendation of the Week: Jon Levy’s What Makes Us Influential? TED Salon Talk
- A quick shoutout to Renee in Montana!
- Tank’s Good News: Nike Signs First Runner with Cerebral Palsy
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at email@example.com!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
- Have Alexa and want flash briefings from The Jordan Harbinger Show? Go to jordanharbinger.com/alexa and enable the skill you’ll find there!
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!
Resources from This Episode:
- TJHS 108: James Clear | Forming Atomic Habits for Astronomic Results
- TJHS 109: Deep Dive | The Five Keys to Being Unforgettable
- We Are Podcast
- Toastmasters International
- Profoundly Disconnected | mikeroweWORKS Foundation
- Psychology Today Therapist Finder
- 4 Things You Didn’t Know You Could Put on Your Resume by Ashley Faus, The Muse
- The Resume Section That Matters More Than You’d Think by Lily Zhang, The Muse
- TJHS 4: Deep Dive | Learning How to Cope with Instability
- Tank’s Good News
- Nike Signs First Runner with Cerebral Palsy
Transcript for Stop Financially Supporting Deadbeat Friends | Feedback Friday (Episode 110)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:00] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger, and I'm here with producer, Jason DeFillippo. Here on the Jordan Harbinger Show, we love having conversations with our fascinating guests, and this week we had James Clear talking about habit formation, how you can change your environment to build better habits, how you can create habits that stick, really good science in his new book, Atomic Habits, and Gabriel Mizrahi for a Deep Dive on being unforgettable. It's not just about wearing light up hats or being funny, lot more to the process and you can do it in a way that doesn't make you feel gross. So if you miss those this week, go check those out. Those are really good solid episodes in my opinion. And of course, you know our primary mission is to pass along our guests and our experiences and insights directly to you. In other words, the real purpose of this show is to have conversations with you as the listener. That's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Try to keep your questions concise if you can. It does really increase the chance. Your question will get answered on the air and I'm in Australia right now. I've got to say I do like Australia a lot. I would move here. It's just so damn far away.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:01:09] I was wondering why your Skype video was upside down.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:11] That's right. That's right. Everything's upside down. And it's such a cool place. It's really chill. It's kind of like the entire country is San Diego or something. I don't know. It's like a bunch of British people moved into San Diego a long time ago and then turn it into a whole country. I don't know. It's really nice.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:01:30] Technically a bunch of British criminals moved into San Diego and turned it into their home.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:35] My kind of people, my kind of people I’m at the We Are Podcast Conference run by my friend, Ronsley. I do like helping out the podcast community, so doing so in Australia is pretty cool and you know what? I feel like whenever I go to Australia, I see something new that I've never knew existed before and sometimes those things are animals that can kill you, but you know, I'm waiting for the experience this time. There's always something where I ended up telling a story about it later on. In the meantime, let's do some Feedback Friday. Jason, what is the first thing out of the mailbag?
Jason DeFillippo: [00: 02:04] Hey Jordan. I grew up in a small town and struggled with school and relationships, probably more than the average person. I quit school after a few community college classes. I'm not close with my parents and I'm feeling overwhelmed, underprepared, and mostly ill-equipped for today's world. I'm 24 now, I know it's time to ditch the victim mentality, but I'm not sure what else to do for my personal maturation or really what it's supposed to look like. I just feel like it's probably not a formal education. I've taken up positive podcasts, regular meditation, and postmasters in spite of my deep discomfort of speaking in front of anyone, just to feel like I'm going somewhere, but sometimes I just feel stuck. How do I know if I'm making progress and if I'm even on track to a better and brighter future. If I feel under-qualified and inadequate about so much of my life, how else can I measure my growth. Signed, Trying To Move The Needle.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:54] Great question. This is a good sign this question, because if you're looking for something measure that means you're serious about doing something and getting better and you don't just want the feeling of doing something and getting better. People who just want the feeling will simply go through the motions. People who want a metric generally are looking to grow and have real evidence of that growth because you know they're looking for a metric of the growth. Podcasts, meditation, learning that’s all a good start. I also highly recommend specific skillsets because then you can see demonstrable growth in specific areas, so I mean individual, discrete skillsets. It's kind of impossible to measure growth generally, but once we take specific skills, you can see your progress. It'd be like if you just tried to measure fitness instead of measuring weight loss or your waistline or the promotion from white belt to yellow belt in a martial art or something like that. What we should be aiming at to get rid of the helpless or victim mentality is competence in certain areas that will help build on themselves.
[00:03:57] So how about making a list of some other basic skills you'll need for life and that'll make you feel more capable. You've got Toastmasters, that's great. How about learning to cook? You don't have to learn anything fancy. You'll find basic skills class and you'll meet some other folks in there in the same boat or not, but at least then you'll learn how to cook some stuff. I also suggest getting a job if you don't have one, that was kind of unclear. You might not have an easy time with regular school, but what about learning a trade? So here's what I suggest. I suggest getting a couple of jobs that are trade adjacent. For example, see if working in a front office of an auto mechanic or repair shop gets you interested in the work that they're doing. If it does, then you can go learn how to be an auto mechanic and do some auto repair. You can learn that trade.
[00:04:42] You can assist a plumber and electrician if you jump into those trades without learning anything about them first, you might jump in, waste time, quit. But if you're working at an auto repair shop and you decide, “Oh, I'm not really into this work, it doesn't matter.” You can just move on to something else because you're just front office anyway. I think there's something out there for you, but I think self-doubt is creeping in because of your past and so building individual skill capabilities like cooking, public speaking, et cetera will help build confidence and competence and then dipping your toes in the water of different trades will help expose you to totally new areas that most schools and universities, community colleges, they just ignore.
[00:05:21] Just in the fact that you're asking me this question tells me that you're not some loser who doesn't care about where he goes in life, but that you actually do care and you're actively trying to find a way upward. You'll get there if you keep at it. So keep in touch, man. I think there's a real path for you. It's just that it's not the one that everyone else had. So you feel like you're lost because you don't know about alternate trades, different schools, different skills. Build some skills, build some competence, get a job that's traded, Jason, you'll find your way. Shout out to mikeroweWORKS, who gives this Dirty Jobs Mike Rowe, of course. They give scholarships to people in the trades, in other words, scholarships for jobs that actually exist. It's at profoundlydisconnected.com, and the gist here is that the mikeroweWORKS foundation started the profoundly disconnected campaign to challenge the absurd belief that a four year degree is the only path to success. The skills gap is here, and if we don't close it, it'll swallow us all.
[00:06:19] So checkout profoundlydisconnected.com if you're interested in that sort of thing. I think that there -- I'm a big fan of that mission. I think that four year degrees don't even get me started. I have a four year degree and a law degree. But I'm telling you, I think that this was a big lie sold to our generation. It's not the college isn't valuable, it's just that if you feel there's so many people that feel like if they don't go to get a four year degree, then they've failed, when truthfully four year degree is just simply not for everyone. And tradesmen are often much more in demand than somebody who has a four year degree. especially if you've got a four year degree in something that isn't sort of trade related.
You know, if you've got an English degree that probably cost you a pretty penny and you're probably very intelligent. But I personally need somebody who can fix my car or who can build something or engineer something. So there's a lot to be said for going into the trades. It is not, it is not what it was in the ‘80s and ‘90s, where my mom said, if you're not careful, you're going to end up like and then point to some perfectly well, probably super skilled worker that makes a good living and helps move something around that actually is required for humanity. So I always thought that was ironic.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:31] Did you have industrial arts in your high school?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:34] We did, but it was kind of like, it was kind of just like a half-ass class, you know?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:39] Uh-oh, okay. Because in my school, my guidance counselor sent me to industrial arts because I was failing out of everything and they're like, “Okay, you need to go to industrial arts and then you can learn how to fix engines and do all this stuff.” And it was fantastic for me. I learned so many skills in those classes and I talked to a bunch of kids that I went to school with back then who went to the industrial arts classes. They are just fantastically wealthy now because they started doing skill based work, started their own shops, and kept going with it, hired their own people and are now just like completely successful because what they did was they learned a trade and then they brought other people into the trade and it kept going. And that's why I definitely like how this foundation is training people for the future because it is a path to success. If you want to learn a trade. I love it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:31] I remember when I was in high school, I did industrial tech or whatever we called it, and there was a kid in there who was like the bad kid, the bully kid, the kind of mean kid. And I remember we got placed in the back of the room and this is a huge room. It's an industrial arts room, and it was kind of by the parking lot, and I thought this kid's just going to walk out the door because we left the door open, we could let in fresh air. And I'm like, this kid's going to skip and walk out the door every single day, and that's fine with me because at least then he's not harassing me. Because I was like, “Crap, he's right next to me,” and I can't remember -- I don't remember what we were building chairs or something, and he made the best chair in half the time and then he made another one, and I was still like, “So how do I get the legs in it?” I was hopeless with this stuff, but so was almost the other kids. This guy, he was jerking around and he built two chairs that were better than everybody else's chairs. And I thought, he might be into this, and he was super into it. He never missed any of it. And I remember sometimes that door that I thought he was going to walk out of to skip class. He would go out there, smoke a cigarette, which is super not allowed. Come back in, and then if the teacher was like, “Where's Bill?” I'd be like, “Oh, he went to the bathroom I think,” and then he would come back, whatever. And I remember one day he walked in the door, but I hadn't seen him in the beginning of class. It turns out he actually just came to that class. He never came to any other classes after a while. He just skipped all of his other classes. It only came to that one. It’s crazy.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:04] I remember all the burnouts were in industrial arts and those are the guys that now have mansions like giant McMansions that are completely pay it off and it's just so funny. Everybody thought they were the losers and they turned out to be the biggest winners of the school.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:17] It's funny how that works, so don't lose hope my man. There's something out there for you. You'll figure it out. You just need to get as much diverse experience as you can and build that confidence through skills. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:29] Hey guys, my brother is 36, and is potentially an alcoholic. He experiences a lot of unexpressed pain and is currently going through a messy separation where there are two young children involved. He constantly chooses the long and difficult path of which I understand is there for his growth and learning. I listen to his experience and I try to get him to open up, but he seems to be stuck in a victim mentality in a cycle of destruction. I can't seem to have a conversation with him without myself crying as his pain is tangible and I want him to find balance and peace in his life. How do I support him to open up about his pain without taking it on and not cry? How do I suggest counseling in an effective way in a way he hears it? Thanks so much, Sister Seeking Guidance.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:13] All right, so one, you need your own help. This is obviously extremely tough on you. I think improving your own mental health might help your brother get sober. I mean it might not as well, but it could and this is like the airplane oxygen mask. You need to put it on yourself first. If you're anxious, if you're upset, if you're full of resentment, you might actually miss a chance to be helpful. The way to get this handled is going to be getting a good therapist who's used to -- who's got experience with addiction and families of addicts. There's also a free 12 step program for the loved ones of alcoholics called Al-Anon. It's not AA, some people call it a Sister Program. It's essentially for the family members and close friends of alcoholics. Al-Anon is what it's called. We'll link to it in the show notes. It's, it's just as common I would say as AA or almost, it's not full of crazy ex-convicts or anything like that. I mean these are people who are dealing with the same stuff. I know that some people freak out about these 12 step things.
[00:12:18] Good mental health practices for you are always good. So therapy, regular sleep, going for walks, self-care, exercise, all that stuff. Targeted mental health work that's specific to the issue at hand will be most productive, and two, someone has to want to make change first. Not like one of you has to want to, I know that you want to, your brother has to make change first and it sounds like there are many reasons for him to get it together. He just hasn't hit a reason that's motivating enough to attempt real change, that I know can be hurtful for a lot of people who are family and friends of alcoholics because you think “It's affecting your children. It's ruining your marriage. Your parents are stressed out and you're killing your father,” and it's like you're still doing it. It's uncomfortable to think that there's not yet a reason that's motivating enough to attempt real change. That can hurt those people's feelings even more, so really there's the issue of wanting help. Then there's getting help, which is luckily the easy part from 12 step programs, rehab, whatever else you can Google. There are many options, but I'm telling you it's always, always, always mandatory that we take care of ourselves first before trying to take care of others. I honestly see there's probably a pattern of caretaking behavior here that may even be enabling some of the issues you're both having here, and I'm not blaming you for anything. I'm just saying that this pattern of caretaking might've come from both of your parents as well and you're probably reenacting some patterns there too. You might not even see them, which is why targeted therapy for this issue will be even better.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:13:51] This is Feedback Friday and we'll be right back after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:54] This episode is sponsored in part by Purple. Sometimes I have a tough time falling or staying asleep actually, it's more staying asleep. Usually I fall asleep pretty quick, but I frequently wake up feeling stiff in the morning or sometimes I've got a little bit of a crick in my neck and I often in the middle of the night will wake up super warm, but I just got a Purple mattress and this thing is incredible. It is really comfortable. It stays nice and cool at night, and it's different than anything I've felt before. I never wake up in a sort of crick or stiff pain and I've been getting some of the best sleep I've ever had. The Purple mattress will probably feel different than anything you've ever experienced because it uses this brand new material that was developed by an actual rocket scientist, not like memory foam kind of deal. It's a little bit different. And the Purple material feels very unique because it's both firm and soft at the same time, so it keeps everything supported while still feeling really comfortable. Plus it's breathable, so it sleeps cool. There's a hundred night risk-free trial. If you're not fully satisfied, you can return your mattress for a full refund. It's backed by a 10 year warranty and free shipping and free returns.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:14:57] You're going to love Purple, and right now our listeners will get a free Purple pillow with the purchase of a mattress, that's an addition to the great free gifts they're offering site-wide. Just text Jordan to 474747. The only way to get this free pillow is to text Jordan to 474747 That's J-O-R-D-A-N to 474747.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:19] This episode is sponsored in part by Omigo bidet. Oh my God, a bidet, that's weird, man. Why did you have a bidet sponsor? Let me talk to you for a second. Let me give you some straight talk, all right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:15:31] Let's get real here.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:31] Let's get real here. This is a game changer. This is a completely different product than anything, I know what you're thinking like I don't want water sprayed on my butt. I didn't even know what a bidet was until you started talking about it. What are you talking about in sprays water on your butt. There's people right now that are in shock, Jason. They're like, “Wait, did you say spray water on your butt?” That's what of a bidet does. People don't know that. That's what a bidet does. Omigo is a revolutionary toilet seat replacement. This is a game changer. Are you anal about cleanliness in the bathroom? Well, have I got the toilet seat for you? I'm telling you, you can change the way that you poop. I know that sounds a little weird, but this is something that like, look -- let me just put it this way. All right, Jason, if you drop peanut butter on your arm while making a sandwich, do you get out a dry piece of cheap Kleenex and wipe around blindfolded until you think maybe it's all gone? No, probably not, right? I'm going to answer that for you. No, that's not what you do. You wash your arm off and even if you're like, “Oh no, no, no. Even though I'm blindfolded or can't see, I'm so well practiced. I could wipe the peanut butter off pretty good with the dry thin tissue.” Okay, and then what? Your arm's not going to smell like peanut butter. I'm just throwing that out there. Sorry for the visual slash auditory slash olfactory sense there, but that's what I'm talking about. Say goodbye to toilet paper. Install this thing. This Omigo is insane. Look, it's about wash. It'll change your life. I don't know, I'm feeling like I can't overstate it, but I also don't want to understate it. Jason, where can they get the Omigo?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:08] Oh my God!That's why you do your business on your Omigo, I get it now. No peanut butter, butt.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:17:12] Nope.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:13] Get 100 dollars off your order when you go to myomigo.com/jordan. That's omigo, O-M-I-G-O, myomigo.com/jordan for 100 dollars off, and no peanut butter butt.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:17:24] That's right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:25] Thanks for listening and supporting the show, and to learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/advertisers. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family and it just makes us feel good. If you want some tips on how to do that, head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:17:50] All right, Jason, what else do we got in here?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:54] Hey, triple J. A few years ago, I moved out of my hometown and got a great job. I've grown all my skill sets, my confidence in speaking and my abilities have increased dramatically and socially. I'm doing quite well. I'm considered a leader and an agent of change in my workplace and really just someone who gets shit done. So why is it that when I go back to my hometown and visit with friends and family, I fall back into interacting with them in my old ways. I speak less, let others dominate the conversation, and I'm overall less sure of myself and not as confident in my opinions or stances. I feel like a different person, almost like I fall back into a well-worn groove of behavior, possibly because these people's opinions and perception of me is based on the me of several years ago. How do I break myself from falling into this? Keep up the good work folks. I listened to every episode. Signed, Hometown Rut.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:45] All right, Hometown Rut, you just nailed the answer inside the question.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:18:48] Yep.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:48] How others perceive us, shaves how they treat us, which shapes how we behave, and few people can escape this. The people that are seemingly immune to this tend to be the strange artist, outcasts of society like Pussy Riot and Ai Weiwei, et cetera. I'd say Kanye, but I think he's mostly just seeking attention at this point.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:19:08] Really you think so?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:09] If he don't look good, we don't look good. Here's a plane I designed on my phone that it's impossible to, I mean.
Jason DeFillippo: [00: 19:16] With the past code 00000.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:19] Oh my gosh. Don’t get me started. The phenomenon you're talking about here, Hometown Rut is why we turn into angsty teenagers when we go home to our parents, even though we're pushing 40. It's the reason we belch and make fart jokes with our high school friends, even though we admonish our own kids for doing the exact same thing. The good news is that as our identity becomes more solid in who we are, we start to hold our ground a little bit more. And if you're newly adulting that as you're just now beginning to be that agent of change at work, it's 100 percent natural for you to regress a bit with old friends. And I know this might be worrisome because you're thinking, “Oh no! This means I'm not truly who I thought I was because the old me is still there inside. I thought that person was dead.” This can be scary but it totally doesn't have to be at all. It's part of growing up and maturing. That old you will likely always be in there. It only feels bad because you want to believe you've grown out of that old behavior. In truth, you have because you don't form new relationships with the same rules and behaviors. It's just harder to break old patterns with old friends that know you a certain way. So instead of worrying about this, enjoy it, and over time you'll start to grow more and more into the adult we all like to think we are, and this so-called problem will fix itself. In the meantime, if it isn't causing a real problem, enjoy the time around friends and family while you have it, and let go of the need to show everyone that you're a big boy now. I get it, I've tried that too. It's an uphill battle and these people love you as you are and they know you and love you as you were. If they didn't, we wouldn't even be talking about this. So at the risk of sounding sappy, you should really treasure those relationships and be grateful for the noogies. Do people know what noogies are, Jason? Is that like a global thing?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:06] I'd seriously hope so.
Jordan Harbinger: [0:21:07] Yeah, okay.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:09] Noogies and Titty Twisters. That's what we grew up with in North Carolina.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:12] That's right. So be grateful for those noogies and any other twisters of any kind, that you get from your friends because soon enough you're going to have your own kids and you're going to be in danger of forgetting how you once were and besides noggies are much less fun when everybody's bald.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:28] That's true.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:29] So get them in while you can. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:32] Hi, J and J. I'm 33 years old, which means I was in college when Facebook launched and have been a member for 14 years. Yikes. Oh God. So young. When Facebook first started on college campuses, it was very common to go around and add anyone and everyone that you met to your network. Fast forward, and I have a ton of folks in my feed that I've met a handful of times and never weeded out. I just applied to a job that I'm very interested in and I see that a college friend's ex is the VP of operations at the company and we are connected on Facebook. I've barely managed to keep in touch with this old friend, let alone an ex of theirs that I met once or twice. How tacky would it be to send a note letting that person know I've applied for this role? Thanks, Trying Not To Be Tacky.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:18] Well, this is not tacky, as long as you don't ask for anything. So I'd say send the note and say you came across them while researching the company and you were pleasantly surprised to see them there, and see if you can take them out for coffee and ask them about their experience with the company to help gauge fit and how you might be best suited to help them with their mission and some of the projects that they're working on, and this is a really easy sell, especially compared to asking for a good word from someone you've spoken to twice in the last decade. If she doesn't have time, that's no problem either. You could catch up on a quick call, you could get her take on working for this new company via email. I wouldn't expect much more than that, but it's not tacky to shoot a note out there. It would only be tacky to be like, “Hey, old friend. Put it in a good word for me.” “Oh, we were BFFs back in the day.” Like, don't try you know, that's why you're feeling pressure to do that. Don't do that. That is tacky because it's really transparent and inauthentic. It's totally fine to reach out to someone and say, “Hey, what a weird coincidence. I totally remember you dated my friend John.” I was thinking of applying here. I would love to take you out for coffee and talk about this company and if you don't have time to do that, would you have time to jump on the phone? Have you heard from John lately or anybody else from high school or college?” It kind of doesn't matter. It really won't be a big deal. And I think this is something that you could probably have reached out to a complete stranger and said, “Hi, I'm thinking of applying to this company. Would you mind getting on the phone?” And I think most people would still do that. So the fact that she knows you, it makes it that much easier. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:23:50] Hi guys. I built my practice meeting people for lunch and attending networking events. It's done very well for me and I love to make new friends and keep old ones. My problem is that various life insurance, disability insurance, and financial advisors latch onto me and try to get me to pay them for services. They repeatedly ask me to do lunch and breakfast, and I feel bad turning them down. I used to say I'll meet anyone for lunch, but these relationships are very one sided, and I feel like they're a waste of my time. I have one person now that keeps asking me to meet them and purchase some life or disability insurance. Is it okay to say no and how do you say no? Thanks for your help. Signed, Ain't Nobody Got Time For That.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:29] Oh nice. Yeah, this is a problem that I ran into as well. When the business started getting bigger, people started to see who you know, see who we were and get to know us, whatever you want to call it. It's a great question and it happens at a natural point in your networking skill set. So yeah, of course. stay friendly first and foremost. I think a lot of people get jaded and they get upset about stuff. I get that. Stay friendly, tell them you're really slammed, but you're happy to figure something out and perhaps chat by phone or email, and then while you're being friendly and figuring it out, ask them their agenda and how much time you think they'll need. So if they give you a BS agenda that you know is a guy's for a sales meeting, say something like, I just want to make sure this isn't a sales call disguises and meeting because I've had too many of those lately, and it's really burned the bridge and the entire relationship and I wouldn't want that to happen with you, and kind of let that sit and a lot of people will get it. It's rare even is the smarmy salesman who'd be like, “No, no. It's just a catch up.” Most people will say, “Well, I'd be lying if I didn't want to talk to you a little bit about our products, but yeah, of course it's mostly friendly.” That's a sales meeting. Somebody who just wants to catch up and say, “Well, I wanted to see how you were. It's been awhile since I've seen you. We don't have to talk about insurance, if you don't want to.” That's fine. You could take that one.
[00:25:48] If you don't want to take the meeting, tell them you're slammed for a few weeks and you're happy to help by email, if they have something specific in mind. Usually sales guys will back off a bit here, and then they'll probably ask for referrals or they'll come clean, and they'll say something like, “Well, I think everybody needs a little bit of disability insurance and they'll throw their Hail Mary out there. Then you've got the real agenda, and frankly, if you have any question about someone's agenda, just turn the meeting down. There's all kinds of people asking you for stuff. It's going to be a huge waste of your time. You can always stick to email unless you're already connected personally to somebody. I usually do email, then if I'm wondering if they're really wanting something that is agenda free, I might get on a call, see how I can help them or if they want to help each other out. But if I get a whiff of agenda, I’m out. If I actually become friends with the person, I'll meet them if we're in the same town, but don't start relationships with lunch unless coming in as a referral, like a friend of a friend. Don't start with launch, it's a waste of your time. You'll show up, there'll be 20 other people there, it'll be a press junket. I mean I've walked into every kind of BS trap that LA or any city for that matter has to offer. “Hey, let's go out to dinner. I'm going to bring a couple of other people you'll love meeting.” “Great. And I'm thinking it's going to be four of us.” We're going to talk a bunch of entrepreneurs I show up and it's like a product demo, the dinner equivalent of a Tupperware party.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:27:10] Oh, that's the worst. That is the worst.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:12] I usually just go up, you know what? I've got something. Sorry. This isn't, you know, and then I just bounce, because I feel if you're going to sort of mask that, then I don't have to stay there out of politeness. That's kind of where I'm at with it. In fact, that's another thing if you go and it's more than just you and the other person because if you just leave in the middle of lunch because someone's sales pitch to you, you know that's hardcore, I applaud you, but it’s so harsh. But if you show up, and there's 15 people at a luncheon and they're demonstrating some software as a service product and you didn't know that was happening, just get a phone call and bounce, just do that. It's such a waste of your time.
[00:27:46] Another thing I do is I ask people to meet for breakfast instead of lunch, and I make it early. I'll be like, let's meet for breakfast at 7, and lazy people won't do it because they're like, “I'm not getting paid enough to get up that early.” Breakfast also as a hard cutoff, it can be 7 to 7:45 run, grab a salmon bagels or something like that. All right, I got to go to work. No one's going to be like, “Wait a minute, you don't have any more time.” It's like, “No, I'm late for work.” For some reason it's harder to be late for work than it is to say, “Oh do you have 10 more minutes in a lunch meeting?” Like “Oh, I guess I can get back and wander back to the office,” because you're not an hourly employee. For some reason. It's harder for people to ask you to stay later at breakfast because I think everyone's in a hurry and there's just a general more hurried vibe in mornings at cafes and restaurants.
[00:28:33] The reason I do this is not just because lazy people won't do it, but because lunch kills work date momentum. If you go out to lunch and you're having a productive day, the rest of your day is shot. It's just you're fed, you're going to order something, you've got to park, you've got to drive further than you normally would. It takes a ton of time. Restaurants are busy. The vibe after where, I mean if you're on a roll at work, which I usually am, I'm eaten freaking a couple eggs or something like that and I don't housing it and that's it. I do not want to have my productive time interrupted, especially by a sales person or even a friendly meeting if I can avoid it.
[00:29:09] And also consider taking walking meetings, someone comes to you, you go for a walk. No food, no waiting, no expense, and if the meeting turns out to be a bust, you get a phone call, you excuse yourself. Make them come to your office and go for a walk if they really want to meet, or you can meet somewhere else and go for a walk. But it's great, at least you're getting some steps in. You're not sitting there waiting for a fricking burger that you don't even want any more while avoiding spilling on the brochures that some sales wank laid out on the table. I feel like Jason, I probably covered almost every contingency here. As you can imagine, I get pitched a lot, and it's always such a waste of time. I've developed a lot of self defense mechanisms here to protect my time.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:29:51] Yeah, lunch meetings are toxic. Never take a lunch meeting.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:54] Exactly.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:29:54] It does ruin your day. I do love the breakfast meeting because those are just like, yeah, we're going to get in there, we're going to have some coffee, we're going to have some quick eggs, a bagel. I've never heard the walking meeting before. That's actually really cool. I wish I thought of that one back in the day because I love walking but I'm thinking, “Oh well then we're not going to eat.” But it kind of pre-qualifies them on what they're trying to get from you. It's just like, “Okay, if I'm just going to try and get this guy to sit down and bring a bunch of my other sales guys and pitch them on something, well I can't do that on a walking meeting. What are we going to do? Like hold the brochure up in front of your face while we're going down the trail.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:31] Yeah, I love the walking meetings. It's one of those things where you're getting your steps in, your walking and talking. It's really hard for them to lay out brochures and pitch, and you can constantly change the subject or you can be like, “Yeah, truthfully I'm not really interested in that. Should we head back or do you want to -- is there anything else?” And often they'll be like, “Crap, I drove all the way out here.” So often you can get them to kind of like give up and you can be like, “All right,” and worst case scenario I am so not afraid to be like, “Oh excuse me.” Yeah, I’m not interested in this. Sorry.” And then I'll just get a phone call and leave.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:03] Or best case scenario while you're walking you actually say, “No, I'm not interested in this.” And you're like far enough away. It's like, “Well let's finish the walk and let's talk about other stuff.” And maybe you actually make a new friend. Where you know like turn it on its head and say, “Hey man, tell me about what's going on with you.” You know flip the script and you say, “Look, I'm not your client. If you want to talk and hang out because we met at this one thing and we have common interests obviously, then let's just talk about some other stuff,” and then maybe you can get a friend out of it instead of having to just say, “Get out of my face. I don't want to buy this. Leave me alone.”
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:34] Right, exactly. And you should try to prequalify by phone first always.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:39] Absolutley.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:38] That way you don't have somebody show up with all their insurance crap and they're like, “So glad you're interested in this.” And you're like “What? Oh no, not at all.” And they're like crap, now I drove out here. You know you can save each other sometime. And one thing that salesman really appreciate, you can always say, “I'm not on the market for this, but if I know anyone who is, I will gladly refer them to you. Thanks.” That way they don't feel like they've just wasted their time entirely.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:02] That’s true, yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:02] You offer a referral potentially and they're like, “Oh good.” That'll often get them to kind of not push as hard because they realize, “Okay, I won this. I don't want to lose that by being pushy. He already said he wasn't interested. That was pretty clear.” A lot of salesmen will give up at that point.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:23] We'll be right back with more Feedback Friday after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:25] This episode is also sponsored by Home Chef. All right, I am not a huge fan of grocery shopping. Jen likes doing it. I kind of want to stay in the car slash not even go in the first place. So things like Home Chef services like Home Chef really speak my language. Go into the grocery store and prepping your meals for the week. If you've got the nine to five can be difficult, especially when you got the busy schedule, hectic school night with the kids. Do your day a favor and get some Home Chef. If you work late, you got a crazy thing going on with your family's hours. Try Home Chef, they got 16 different delicious meal options each week from steak to chicken to seafood to vegetarian, 16 so huge variety. You can mix and match based on your preferences and once you join, it's as simple as selecting your meals and customizing your delivery dates. Your box will arrive at your doorstep each week with recipe cards, fresh pre-proportioned ingredients, and then voila, you get a home cooked meal in about 30 minutes. They even have five minute lunch options. So I'll tell you one thing I also really liked about Home Chef was their proportions were big, or the portions I should say were really big. You know, sometimes Jason, do you get some of these home delivery things and you're like, “Okay, I ate both people's portion, and now I'm still hungry. What's going on at dinner?”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:38] time for dinner. When's dinner? I’m done.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:39] Exactly, yeah. And Home Chef, Jen and I split one that was designed for two, and there were leftovers, and we're like, “Okay, this is plenty of food.” So they over-deliver on that, which is great and everything has been bombed. Super, super tasty. Where can they find some Home Chef?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:55] Go to homechef.com/jordan for 30 dollars off your first order. That's homechef.com/jordan for 30 dollars off your first order. Homechef.com/jordan.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:34:05] This episode is sponsored in part by SimpliSafe. All right, here's why I'm a fan of SimpliSafe Home Security. It's ready for anything that gets thrown at it. It's alarm system that is for the 21st century instead of all that ‘90s crap you see from the other guys. If a storm takes out your power, SimpliSafe backup battery, it's ready. If an intruder cuts your phone line, probably not ever going to happen. But hey look, if you worry about that kind of thing, or you don't have a landline, that's fine. It's cellular. SimpliSafe is ready. Say they destroy your keypad. They destroy your siren. They kicked that thing in or rip it out of the wall, that's fine. They'll still send the help you need. And here's what I like about this. Maybe it's overkill, maybe you don't need to be ready for every worst case scenario, but SimpliSafe is always ready just in case, and that's kind of the point of a security system. It should cause an arm and a leg, but it doesn't. They're good people. They charge you what's fair. There's no contracts. There's no hidden fees. It's 14.99 a month. Can't really beat that. I recommend this to everyone I know on the market for security system. You got to check out. Go today to simplisafe.com/jordan. That's S-I-M-P-L-Isafe.com/jordan.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:09] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air and to learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/advertisers, and now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:25] All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:26]Hey Jordan. I'm a college student who's been very involved on campus for the last three years. As I look forward to a career. I'm wondering if I should mention my role in college Republicans and similar on my resume or not. On one hand, fiscal conservativism and community involvement should be looked at as positives for hiring, but on the other hand, about 50 percent of people will disagree with my political views and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot. I'm looking to go into finance if that makes any difference. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you, Conservatively Cautious.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:58] Hey, Conservatively Cautious. My answer is simply this. It depends on how important those affiliations are in your life. Putting anything on your resume, on which people take sides is a risk. You may find yourself sitting across from someone who's completely on the other end of the political spectrum or whatever, and he or she may have an unspoken litmus test on the issue and you might even miss out on the job or the opportunity or the project without ever knowing why, and it should not happen. A good recruiter would never allow this to happen, but recruiters are human too, and they've got their own biases just like everyone else. If you attended a faith based college or some sort of politically conservative institution, if an organization has recruiting on that campus, the recruiter's not going to be surprised you're a young Republican or a member of a religious organization or something like that.
[00:36:48] They're recruiting at that school because they liked the school's students. Also, let's be clear that whether an experience would be considered controversial to list on a resume or not, doesn't really matter if ultimately it's to the core of who you are. If it's so important to your identity that you couldn't imagine working in a setting in which even one person might judge it in a harsh light. For example, perhaps you volunteer extensively for an organization that mentors LGBT teens and young adults. Not all people would look on this experience favorably, but if the idea of working for a company who is not LGBT friendly or a boss that is in, if that's just unthinkable to you, then listing this experience might actually just be the right test for a potential employer in the first place. This is an especially wise idea if the experience is also going to show off some relevant skills. For example, if you've been community building, you've been fundraising, you've been organizing politically, whatever that is, most experienced like this can be listed under a section entitled volunteer experience or community involvement and you can format it like that so that it's similar to your work experience and the resume is easier to skim and it's not like political causes. You can sort of maybe you can turn it down a little bit while still showcasing your achievements.
[00:38:10] It may make more sense for you to keep experiences that reflect your personal beliefs off your resume. Keep the focus on your skills and qualifications rather than stoking the flames or putting something in that it could possibly be inflammatory for people reviewing your resume, the boss or HR or anybody like that, even a recruiter. So if you have major accomplishments related to the affiliation, if you built membership, the recruitment, if you raised money, if you improved operations or service to the membership, definitely list those skills. Give the company, give the HR or hiring manager no matter what their belief system or bias might be something to hone in on besides the political affiliation. So you can either use your past experience as a litmus test to see if that's the right job for you. You can hone in on accomplishments or you can just leave it off if it's not that big of a deal. If you can do so without prejudicing your associated experiences. That said it is better not to get a job in the first place, than have to resign as a matter of principle a month in because the cultural fit's not there, so take that as a lit -- I would do both. I would try to make it as a test to make sure that going to be the right place for you and focus on your accomplishments as well. Best of luck. Good luck in the new job, hopefully. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:27] Dear Jordan and Jason, I'm a 39 year old federal agent with a luxury to retire in 11 years at age 50, and would not have to ever work again. At 50 years old, I'll have 29 years of government service with a nice pension, a well-staffed 401K, and continued full medical coverage that is needed as my three month old daughter has a congenital heart defect that will require lifelong medical attention and medications. My wife doesn't work to stay home and care for our daughter. I'm currently capped out on the government pay scale, so can no longer make any more money. The problem is I no longer have that drive and passion to like what I'm doing and sometimes dread going to work. The thought of doing this for 11 more years pains me. I know most people would die to have my job because of what they see on TV, but I'm not happy. I feel I've accomplished all my goals within this career and I'm now focused on my family, but I can't but stop and think, “Oh my God, this is until I retire.” I've been working for the federal government for 18 years, so I don't know what it's like to work in the private sector, so I pursued my MBA from a prominent university and now have student loan debt that I don't foresee getting any ROI from unless I leave.
[00:40:35] My MBA has given me a new perspective on job opportunities that has left me curious. However, given my line of work, I'm not allowed to have outside employment or even a side hustle to test the waters. In my executive MBA class, all of the C-suite executives in my cohort said I would be crazy to leave given my potential for early retirement and pension, et cetera. Despite them all being in agreement that I could make a ton of more money in the private sector with my skills and abilities, I feel like I have golden handcuffs. Do I give up all the guaranteed benefits to pursue a shaky future in the private sector that could result in more money and reemergence of happiness from that fire and drive I once had, but at a time cost to my family in a possibility of being released or fired and losing those needed benefits for my family? Or do I continue 11 more years of unhappiness and retire at 50 with all the guarantees and then pursued the private sector using my government skills with my MBA? Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Golden Handcuffs.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:35] Hey, Golden Handcuffs. I think one step here is to find new meaning and purpose within the current structure. I know that's easier said than done, but you're in a tough place because you do have that stability coming down the pipe. Granted it's in a decade, so that is a long, long time, but on the other hand, there is a lot of uncertainty in the corporate workplace. It's a completely different environment and you might not like the hours, I'll put it that way. You might be a little bit bored or you might not have as much purpose right now, but you might end up with that same problem in the corporate world with 18 hour work days. I mean, I'm not saying you will. I'm saying it's very possible ,and I would look for purpose, not just within the workplace, but outside the workplace conversations, friends, learning, volunteering, speaking, whatever.
[00:42:24] Volunteering is a good one. I know a lot of people who are maybe a little bit bored in their career, find purpose outside by volunteering with an organization. I think that's a really good way to generate some purpose and see if you can't sort of revitalize from within. If it's truly hopeless, you can reconsider, but you got a weigh that stability and the needs of your family against your desire for meaning. I know that sounds like a really gross trad, but it's very realistic here. Also keeping in mind that meaning and excitement are not these things you just get with a new job, like magic. I know a lot of people think that's the case, but it's not. You have to look for them anywhere that you are any time. Meaning and excitement don't just come with something novel. They feel that way in the beginning. We imagined them that way, but it's not really how it works. Meaning and excitement are verbs. They're not nouns, so the grass might look greener now, but every job will require effort and flexibility and will never meet any need. That goes for every career path and every job. I promise you that. All right, last but not least.
Jason DeFillippo: [00: 43:34] Hi, Jordan. I'm a young attorney who recently moved back to my hometown in the Midwest to start up in private practice after working two years in a law firm in New York. Since I returned, I've reconnected with some of my friends from childhood. This has been really good, except one of my friends seems to think I should pay for everything we do together because I make more money. This wasn't as big of a deal when he visited me in New York or when I first got back, but it's getting a little ridiculous. It's not that I'm opposed to taking my friends out and being generous. It's just that I want someone to take me out for lunch for a change, or at least I want people to not expect me to pay for their food every time. For context, we've been friends since kindergarten, so ending this relationship really isn't an option. Thanks, Mo Money Mo Problems.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:17] Ooh, yeah. Mo Money Mo Problems indeed.
Jason DeFillippo: [00: 44:20] I'm sure you've run into this situation a few times.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:23] You know, I have. It's pretty rare, but there's occasionally, there's always one, right?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:28] There's always that one guy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:29] Yeah. And I get it. I understand. I think a lot of these people, I love to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd love to be like, “Well, they're not making as much money.” Maybe they're struggling, but you know, if I was not making that much money and struggling, I would just stay home. I wouldn't go out and be like, “Well, Jordan's going to pay.” So it's hard for me to identify with this and you don’t really thinks about this stuff. She's going to kill me for sanso is Jen. I tried to just sort of forget about it and I just figured everybody will be more or less generous and eventually somebody will notice that such and such person hasn't paid, and then we'll like say something or hint at it. Jen is really good at being like, it's so-and-so's turn. She's not like bitter about it or anything, but she'll be like, “Oh, it's Jim's turned to pay.” And usually our friends are really good about that, so it's almost never a problem. But if somebody misses a turn, then it's like, “Oh, well they should pay next time. And I'm like, okay, we get it. Who cares? Don't worry about it.” But if somebody deliberately tries to miss a turn by being like, “Oh, I can't make it this time,” or like “Hey, hang on guys, I got to go take a phone call.” Which has only happened like once in my life. The old phone call trick.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:41] Or the bathroom trick.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:42] Bathroom trick.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:42] Back in our previous, yeah, previous Feedback Friday with the woman who's friend was always like not paying for coffee and she ran to the bathroom. It's like, “Oh man! Really?”
Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:51] Please. Yeah, exactly. So that is pretty rare. I would say something, man, and here's how we do it. Here's how you do it without being super confrontational. Next time you guys go out, you say, “Ah, whose turn is it?” When the check comes and if your friend doesn't volunteer to pay, you got a big problem on your hands because he knows that it's his turn, knows it, and so if he doesn't pay, then at that point you can pay for that meal and you can say, “What's going on here, man? You know what's going on here? Is everything okay?” Like what’s your financial situation? Is there some problem that you want to talk about?” Because you want to get him to actually discuss what's going on here. If you're not going to end the relationship because you've known each other for so long, you've got to figure out why he thinks he's entitled to you paying for everything because this could be a bigger problem than you think. It's not just a cheap friend. It's either somebody who doesn't value the relationship as much, or it's somebody who feels entitled, entitlement rarely, rarely confines itself to one category. It will often creep up in other ways. Like they don't have to be nice to you as much or they don't have to be nice to people that you know, or maybe they're going to say rude things about you. There's jealousy involved, you don't know. It could also just be that he's like, “Yeah, you make a ton of money and I don't. So I just feel entitled that way.” Well you can nip that in the bud. But this is somebody who is either taking advantage of you or they're taking advantage of you. Or maybe they may be don't know, but you and I both know that they know.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:47:32] They totally know.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:33] Yeah. They totally know.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:47:34] Absolutely.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:34] And so they're taking advantage of you, period. There's kind of no other way to look at it at all. If there is, I don't know what it would be.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:47:41] Yeah. And maybe like you can test the waters by when you get to the restaurant, just grab the server like on the side and say separate checks, and then see how are we reacts when two checks show up instead of one. Just to kind of gauge his level of commitment to the friendship.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:56] Oh man, if you do that, that would be interesting. That's kind of like a, “I'm not paying for you today.” That's a little bit of a sneak attack.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:03] It is. And he's not going to see it coming, because you know, if the server just shows up and puts down two checks and you just fill out yours and hand it back and then see what he does, that'll kind of give you an insight into what he's thinking when his check comes. He's just like, “Oh bro.” And it might let him open up.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:21] Oh, so interesting.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:22] I can't afford this, man. I didn't bring any money or something like that. And it might be a conversation starter to get into a deeper level of what's going on with them because yeah, yeah, friends from kindergarten. You don't want to lose that friendship. That's cold.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:35] Yeah. I think I love that. So are you talking about a covert, like I'll be right back. I got to go to the bathroom and then on the way to the bathroom, you're like, “Hey, separate checks at my table.” Or are you--
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:43] Totally.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:44] Oh man.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:45] Yep, absolutely, absolutely.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:47] So it's like you're just sitting there and then you could say, “Yeah, we'll get the check,” and then she'll be like, she'll either bring separate because you already asked her, she'll be like, “Still want separate?” And you're like, “Yeah, that's fine.” And then she comes back with the two checks and it's like, “Cool!” And then you hand your card right away and he's like “Ah.”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:49:05] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:06] Oh man. I like that one. That's pretty -- I want to hear how that goes. That is, that is dastardly genius. I love it. Oh man. All right, recommendation of the week. Former show guests and good friend of mine, John Levy, gave a Ted Talk actually, What Makes Us Influential? And he runs influencer dinners. He has the most interesting circle of friends. We're going to link to that. We'll embed that video in the show notes. It's on ted.com, his name is John Levy, L-E-V-Y. If you just want to search for it there.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:49:39] Oh, he does those influencer dinners in New York, right?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:41] Yeah, he does. Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:49:43] Yeah. I remember the pictures of you with a Bill Nye The Science Guy at one of those. That was pretty cool.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:48] Also Tank's Good News of the Week. Jason, do you see this? Nike signed a runner with cerebral palsy and this kid, his name is Justin Gallegos. He, the fact that he could run at all is a feat. He was born with cerebral palsy, which is a neurological disorder that affects coordination, muscle movement. A lot of people who have it are in wheelchairs and things like that, and his dad says initially when he started running, he was falling. He would have bloody knees in 90 percent of the time. He would pick himself up and we would just finish the run, which is incredible. And so of course, he didn't just want to run, he wanted to run fast. And this kid was cerebral, can run a seven minute mile.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:29] What?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:30] And he competes with the University of Oregon Running Club and that of course put him on Nike's radar. And so --
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:36] Wow!
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:38] And so they signed him as an official Nike professional athlete.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:40] That's awesome. I've had a few friends with cerebral palsy and they could not, they were wheelchair bound, and could definitely not do that. So I mean, congrats to him. I can't even run a seven minute mile.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:53] No.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:53] I can barely drive a seven minute mile.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:55] Yeah, I mean, it's amazing. He was like super stoked, it's just incredible. I mean, cerebral palsy is debilitating and this guy has just worked his butt off. You know, like his father said, falling all the time. I mean that's discouraging. That would be enough. I would be out, right?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:51:13] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:51:14] And he stands up and gets faster. It's just incredible. If you want more Tank's Good News. Follow @tanksgoodnews on Instagram. My friend Tank Sinatra filters out all the filters in, I should say, the good news of the day and posted on there. Hope you all enjoyed that.
[00:51:29] I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Don't forget, you can email us email@example.com. We'll get your questions answered on the air. Happy to keep you anonymous of course. A link to the show notes for the episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com. Quick shout out to Renee in Montana. She wrote in saying she'd been a listener for many years and the Deep Dive, The Coping with Instability episode we did with Gabriel Mizrahi was potentially lifesaving for her, and she was looking for turning point stories which helped her get through a tough time. And she said sometimes I wonder if we have to go through the meat grinder of life in order to be a better version of ourselves and to help clarify our purpose so that we can be more useful to the people we have come to the planet to serve. Ha-ha. That's probably a bit too woo-woo for you. Alas, it seems a lot of the best people I know we're going through a similar transformative experience in the same timeframe. I can't help but wonder if it might have something to do with stars aligning and a greater universal plan. She's right. It is too, woo-woo for me, but I appreciate it anyway. And what Renee further says is what I know for sure is that what you're sharing with me and with us, your audience has inspired me to find a way to share my own experiences, so in the hope that those who come to know me feel less alone and perhaps have more light to see clearly their path of purpose. So shout out to Renee for getting that clarity and for sharing it with us.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:52:50] That's really awesome. I'm really glad that we're actually helping some people.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:54] You know it, man. I mean we get a lot of really nice email. I figured that reading it on the air is kind of self-serving, so we don't do that. I mean, you get nice stuff too, but I don't know, I don't want to spend too much time reading what's essentially a compliment for us, you know? It's kind of self-serving.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:53:13] Yeah. We cut those out of all the questions that we get because it's yeah, that's just stroking our own egos and we don't need that for everybody to listen to. But this just made me feel good. I'm really happy that every now and again we help some people. It’s great.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:26] That's right, Jason. I don't think we ever really talk about this Feedback Friday questions. They come in all the time and usually there's a couple of paragraphs or a paragraph of compliments or thanks and stuff like that. We actually edit those out so we don't spend too much of your time as listeners hearing it because I don’t know kind of figure that it's for us. You don't need to hear it. If you didn't like us, you wouldn't listen. We don't need to constantly pat ourselves on the back or see other people pat us on the back, I don’t know. I don't know exactly what it is, but we do that. So don't feel like we're not getting any thanks around here. We're just not sharing all of it with everyone all the time. I feel like that's too self-promotery. People who do that rubbed me the wrong way. That's why.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:54:07] Yeah. To me it just feels douchey. I mean that's the only word that I can think of that it's like, “Oh hey, love the show. Been listening forever and blah, blah, blah.” It's just like, “Okay, that's great. I appreciate it.” I really appreciate it, but we don't have to tell everybody else that and we take every minute of your time as gold, so we don't want to waste it, but I just love getting that kind of feedback. It's great.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:30] So send it all to me and Jason, but don't be trying to get on the air with it. It only happens sometimes. All right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:54:38] Yeah. The question is what gets you on the air.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:39] That's right. If you want to know how we managed to book all these great people, manage some of these relationships. Well, I use systems in tiny habits, so check out our Six-Minute Networking Course, which is free over at jordanharbinger.com/course. And I love it because every day somewhere in my inbox or Instagram inbox, someone's like, I'll do it later because I have a valid excuse for not doing it. Fine. But here's the problem. You can't make up for lost time when it comes to relationships and networking. Oh, I already do that. No, you don't. I've never met anyone that does the stuff that we teach in Six-Minute Networking, especially not all of it. And I know some top level CEO's, special forces, intelligence agents, so it's always funny to me when someone who like has a regular nine to five it's like, “Well I'm pretty good at all this.” “Really? You're pretty good at all this? Why are you working in a job like the one you just wrote in complaining about? If you're great at networking.” Like I just don't buy it. It's an ego thing. Don't tell me how good you are at this. It took me years to learn this stuff from the best in the business, and I'm giving it away, so don't look a gift horse in the mouth people. Come on! jordanharbinger.com/course.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:44] Oh, I thought about this one. You've got to go grocery shopping before you're hungry.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:48] That's right. Grocery shopping before you're hungry.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:50] I don't know if it's any good.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:51] Yeah, well, it's in there now. People will tell us if it's better than dig the well before you're thirsty. I'll probably use both.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:58] All right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:59] All right. Advancedhumandynamics.com/levelone. I'm on Instagram and Twitter @jordanharbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Jason, where are you at?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:07] My personal website is at jpd.me and you can check out my tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks at gog.show or your podcast player of choice.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:15] Awesome. This show was co-produced with Jen Harbinger. Show notes for this episode by Robert Fogarty. Keep sending in those questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Keep them short if he can. Well concise, not necessarily short, and share the show with those you love and even those you don't, so many great episodes coming on for the rest of the year. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.If you like this show, you might like, and Jason, I can't just say it in the normal way, Forked Up! A Thug Kitchen Podcast on PodcastOne. Yeah, I mean that's a thug name.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:52] Yo!
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:53] Yo! Forked Up over here. There's three time bestselling authors and snarky duo behind Thug Kitchen, Michelle Davis and Matt Holloway to discuss food politics, pop culture. They give a little voice to regular folks who are just trying to get it together both in and outside the kitchen. Checkout Forked Up Thug Kitchen Podcast every Wednesday on PodcastOne or wherever you get your favorite pods.
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