194: How to Be the Best Podcast Guest in the West | Feedback Friday

Transcript for How to Be the Best Podcast Guest in the West | Feedback Friday (Episode 194)

Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:00] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger and I'm here with producer Jason DeFillippo. Here on The Jordan Harbinger Show, we love having conversations with our guests. This week, we have Dr. Rick Hanson -- I love this guy -- talked about resilience, why our brains are Teflon for good experiences and Velcro for bad experiences. Really interesting conversation as always with him. And my friend Mimi Ikonn stopped by to give us a peek into the world of the Instagram famous and the entrepreneur influencer community which I'm often not so keen on these guys. I love Mimi and Alex Ikonn. That's why I picked them for the show. I wanted somebody who was going to speak honestly to what it is like to create for a living on Instagram and YouTube and it's a different world.

[00:00:42] I also write every so often on the blog. The latest post is about the right way to listen and how to work on the actual skill of listening, but most of us aren't really doing much of that. Most of us think we're good at listening, but most of us don't ever do that well with it at all. Myself included. I had to work on it a lot. That's why I wrote that article. So make sure that you've had a look and listen to all of that. The articles are at jordanharbinger.com/articles by the way.

[00:01:06] Of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guests' experiences and insights to you and our experiences and insights to you. And we'd love to have conversations directly with you. That's what we do today here on feedback Friday. You can reach us at friday@jordanharbinger.com. It's a great way to reach us and try and keep them less than a giant wall-sized page of text if you can. We'll ask for more details if we need it. How's that? Sometimes they come in pretty hot. I got some great guests coming up in the next couple of weeks, next couple of months. A lot of fun recordings that I've been doing. I'm really excited to release some of these. Next week we've got Leon Logothetis from The Kindness Diaries on Netflix and we have Moby. I went to Moby's house and did a show. Super fun man. He's an interesting guy, really smart, and he had some funny stories about just his beef with Eminem. Talk about a flashback. Sneak peeks, spoiler alert, Eminem drew a picture of Eminem strangling Moby and then just like gave it to him at the VMAs, the Video Music Awards. Who does that? What a weird thing to do.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:02:12] That is so bizarre.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:13] Anyway, we got that story and plenty more from Moby and then Leon is going to be up next week. We've got so many really interesting people coming up. I don't want to give you the whole month on the menu here because stuff does move around, but we just have so many fun ones coming up. I'm very excited about where we're at here with the show. All right. As always, we've got some fun questions and some maybe not fun questions. Not always the right word for some of the stuff in the inbox. So Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:02:38] Hey, Jordan and Jason. I've never expressed this issue to anyone before, but I fear I've been ignoring it too long. I'm a guy who developed a man boobs, aka gynecomastia during puberty and 10 years later it seems they're here to stay. They took a serious toll on my self-esteem and posture as I routinely hunched to hide them until last year when I began using Band-Aids to suppress my pokey nips. I can finally wear a t-shirt around without feeling incredibly self-conscious, but deep down I know this Band-Aids solution is a form of self-deception. I dread what will happen when I get into a relationship or have to go swimming with people, but mostly it's the fact that I'm hiding something about myself, which seems to be eating away at me. I thought long and hard about getting surgery, but spending $5,000 on something so vain feels wrong to me and it feels like I'd be giving up a chance to just accept myself and learn how not to give an F. Yet, this is still what I'm doing with the Band-Aids, just for a smaller price tag. Man boobs seem to be becoming more common, but I think I may be too preoccupied with image to set my pokers free. What would you do in this situation? Cheers, Nipple Nightmares.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:40] My God. I love the sense of humor that you have about this.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:03:44] Yeah. At least he's like not taking it too, too serious. He's taking it seriously, but not too, too seriously.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:49] Also, when he said pokey nips, tell me you didn't think of Pokemon -- pokey nips got to catch them all. That's so weird. I mean, look, this is a problem a lot of people have. I think a lot of people think, "Oh, just lose weight." It's not really about that sometimes. Sure if you're overweight or you were grossly overweight, that's part of the problem, but sometimes you just have hormonal stuff that happens during puberty and you end up literally growing breasts as a man. It's not super common, but it happens and the way around it is surgery. Unfortunately, there's not like a good diet that you can go on. I would say, look, just do it. I totally get being insecure about this. I don't even want my nipples to show and I don't even have man boobs. I totally understand being self-conscious about that kind of thing. I'm not really that worried about it for me, but if it's something that is constantly bothering you and it's not like dieting is going to fix it. These are actually fat deposits. It's not just pointing nipples or whatever. I would also, by the way, before you do anything, go into the knife, get your hormone levels checked by an endocrinologist, not just a regular general practitioner. There's a wide spectrum of what's normal for hormones. So you could go to a GP and have a blood panel done and they could go, "Congratulations. It's normal." It's like, "Well, yeah, but normal for what a human?" If you're a 20, 30-something-year-old guy, you might have really high levels of certain hormones or really low levels of something else. You don't know. You could do an extreme fat loss diet regimen, but that might even be worse for you than just having surgery. So you could end up losing a bunch of fat and actually causing harm and you could still end up with the same problem and you could harm your health in other ways. And you could do tons of work on your self-esteem about all kinds of things. But there are some triggers for people that really bug them and sometimes the easiest thing is just to take care of it.

[00:05:42] Now, if you were telling me you are self-conscious about something that wasn't really disfiguring like you got some love handles and you don't want to go on a diet or you want to pout your lips or something like that, I would talk you out of it. But for this scenario, having to dread taking your off anywhere, you're going to swim or the gym or having a romantic relationship because you're afraid of being intimate with somebody because they might see this and judge you. That's just taking far too great a toll on you emotionally and losing a few pounds isn't going to change your situation here most likely. So go have your hormones checked by an endocrinologist. If you can't just go to an endocrinologist, get a referral from a GP. And if they're like, "Well, we don't just go to give you a referral." Tell them, "Look, I'm otherwise going to get cosmetic surgery. If there's nothing else that can be done about this." They might feel that a referral is necessary and then you can go to a doctor that understands hormones really well and get their opinion on this because there might be other things that you can do. A GP might have no clue what those things are. I certainly don't. So I would say, look, anytime you're thinking about going under the knife, it's serious, but if this is disfiguring and it's something that's been bugging you for years, it's not going to fix itself and there's nothing you can do about it from diet and exercise perspective or angle of attack, I would say that you're a candidate for something like that, but don't take the decision lightly and know you're not being shallow if this is something that weighs on you heavily. And it's preventing you from sharing love with other people and other humans and going to the beach. That's kind of a big deal.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:13] Yeah. And now is the time to take care of it. I'm guessing he's about 25 because he said it hit during puberty and he's about 10 years on from that. So, you know, early to mid-20s, so you've got a long life ahead of you and do you really want to worry about it your whole life? I get it. Do the endocrinologist first, check out those hormones, but you have my blessing too to just get them gone.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:35] Yeah. At the end of the day, you're talking about liposuction, essentially. It's never fully safe, but it's also not something that is super -- you know, you're not having some sort of weird thing done to your face. Like there's, there's a whole lot of things to balance here. Again, look at any non-surgical options first, but I don't know, Jason, for me it would be different if he said, "I hate my body and I want to change these 15 things."

Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:00] Right.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:00] You know, that would be one thing. But this is one thing that's been bugging him for a decade and that in all likelihood, diet and exercise cannot change.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:08] Right. So if that's not going to change it, get it taken care of.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:11] Yeah, exactly. Life's too short, man. All right, next step.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:15] Dear, Jordan and Jason. I've been working for the same company for six years. I started with an entry-level position and then was promoted to supervisor. And now for the past three years, I've had a leadership position. I've always been more of an individual contributor. I'm an introvert and I like my quiet time. In the past and even now, I'm recognized for the results my team delivers and for being a team player. I've even been recognized for delivering the best performance five out of my six years in the company. I have my own team of 15 people and I'm responsible for leading, coaching, and motivating them. Although I have good performance results, my team provides me with constant feedback on how they're not feeling motivated and that I only bring up what they're doing wrong. They want me to smile more, be social, and to motivate them. This part is hard for me. The personal aspect of the role is getting to me. I have weekly individual meetings with my team and they always share personal problems, health issues, and difficult situations. I feel like an impostor. I love my company, salary, and benefits, but my passion isn't developing others to do their best. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm not sure I know how to do it. I want my own results to speak for themselves and be acknowledged for that. I complained to my husband sometimes, but we're newlyweds and I don't want to be a nag. I never went to college and I'm afraid that I don't know what else I could do when I look for other jobs, they're not in the same pay range. I'm stuck just faking it every day. And some days I don't want to get out of bed. I feel like I'm getting depressed trying to do this job that I don't think I'm good at and also that I'm doing a disservice to my team by not being the leader they deserve. What advice do you have? Should I continue faking it? What other jobs could I apply for that don't involve people management? Is it possible to make the same salary range without a college education? Looking forward to your advice. Feeling Like a Failure.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:09:57] This is not your fault and I'm a big fan of accountability and I'm a big fan of making sure that everyone steps up to the plate, but this is the fault of whoever put you in this position. I understand your boss and maybe wanted you to also rise to the occasion. But that's only part of how you get someone to manage other people. Yes, you give them responsibility and some people will step up to the plate, but you don't say, "Hey, I know you're an independent producer and an introvert. Now you're going to be a team leader. You'll figure it out. Pat, Pat, Pat, see you later." That's not how this works. So I'm sure they wanted you to step up and lead, but you can't just fake a managerial skill set as you're seeing now. And the fact that you are not able to do so successfully and feel good about it is not your fault. That is the fault of whoever put you in there. That's management. That's over your head. I'm surprised. I'm wondering did they have training for you available anywhere? It's just such an epic fail on their part and don't worry. I know you're thinking, "But I didn't go to college. Maybe it's that." In college, you would definitely not have learned how to manage anyone. Trust me. I have seven years of university. I have a four-year undergrad at Michigan and a three-year law degree and I didn't learn squat about managing anyone. I barely managed myself. Management is taught on the job, always, always. This is a huge problem for the company.

[00:11:17] If you're one of their top producers or the top producer and you're now thinking about looking for other jobs because you don't want to have to manage other people and they're going to lose some of their top talents because they put you in a role that doesn't suit you. This is just such a mess. I'm wondering have you spoken to your boss about this. Well, let me back up a little bit. I know you're a newlywed. You don't want to nag your husband. That's great. You should be able to speak to your partner about stuff like this, but truthfully that's just venting. It's not going to fix the problem. You need to talk to your boss about this and possibly a committee of those above you. They need to send you to training courses or put you in a different position. There should be no more faking it. Bring this issue to their attention. They will want to retain you. I know you're thinking, what if I admit I can't do this? I'm going to get fired. No, you're not. You've been the best producer for five out of six years. There's no way to let you go. They want to retain you because of your performance. They should be training you on this. Eventually, you might actually enjoy managing people, but you need to be taught how to do so first. The fact that you barely want to get out of bed in a job that you used to love is such a bad sign.

[00:12:22] So as for whether or not you can get the same salary range without college, you're already doing it right now. Yes, of course, you can, but I don't think you should have to leave your job because you got tasked with something that you don't want to do and are not trained to do. They're asking too much of you with no back and no training. This is not your fault. This is their fault. And again, I'm all about personal accountability, but I cannot see where you have made any mistake here. Maybe if we were to find extreme ownership, I would say that your mistake, "Is not saying, 'Hey, I don't know how to do this and I need training.'" So I would rectify that. I would make plenty of written requests for management training because if you just mentioned this to your boss and they say, "Yeah, I'll get on it." And then in six months nothing happens, and they're like, "Hey, look, your team hates you and blah, blah, blah, and you're, you're down and you're miserable." Then you can say, "Well, look, I've been asking for training." They'll go, "Well, we don't really have a record of that. If you had a problem, you should have said something earlier." So I would get in writing because you don't want this to become a whole thing he said, she said. Get it in writing. Make written requests for management training and tell me you don't know what the F you're doing, but you want to learn. And if they're not willing to do that, then yes, then start looking for other jobs because then they're not being responsive to what you want and what you need then. Then it's time to go to a company that cares more about you, but I have a feeling somewhere in upper management they're going to go, "Oh, she hasn't done any of the training. Well, why don't we invest in her?" Because obviously, you're worth investing in if you've been a top producer five out of six years. So you're not doing anything wrong. Do not blame yourself for this, but step up and say something and see if you can rectify the situation. Just do so in writing.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:14:06] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:14:09] This episode is sponsored in part by HostGator.

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Jordan Harbinger: [00:16:06] This episode is also sponsored by Better Help. Better help is a unique concept. I can't believe this didn't happen earlier, Jason. So this is online therapy as you know since you are a user of Better Help.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:16:18] Yeah, I've been using Better Help for a couple months right now and it's been fantastic for me.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:16:22] What's really cool about it, in my opinion, not only, of course, is everything confidential and remote, so you don't have to drive through traffic, find parking, and then find a time that works for you. It's all just FaceTime, texting, video chat, phone calls, and you can find somebody who specializes in your issues -- depression, stress, anxiety, relationships, trauma, anger, family stuff, whatever. And of course, if you don't like your counselor, you can just get a new one. You can schedule a secure video or phone sessions, chat, text, whatever with your therapist and it's affordable. So for The Jordan Harbinger Show listeners, get 10 percent off your first month with discount code JORDAN. So go ahead and grab that betterhelp.com/jordan. You've done this, Jason, it's got to be super convenient. Like I don't know why anybody drives to an office now.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:11] Yeah, I've been meeting with my guy for a couple of months now, like I said before, and he's a 65-year-old licensed therapist and Yogi from Tennessee and it's been fantastic for me. He's been helping me with my downward dog and my anxiety issues. So for our listeners of The Jordan Harbinger Show, you can get 10 percent off your first month with discount code JORDAN, get started today. Go to betterhelp.com/jordan and simply fill out the questionnaire to help them assess your needs and get matched with a counselor you'll love.

[00:17:38] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review on iTunes, your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. And if you want some tips on how to do that, head over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:03] All right, next up.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:18:04] Hey, Jordan, Jason and Jen. I have a few questions. My father died last year because he got recruited into a cult that's against modern medicine, so his small illness left untreated, became fatal. I was very close to him as a child and he was the kindest and most patient father. The most valuable lesson I learned from him is that the most important thing in life is your integrity and character. Things like money, fame, appearance, or even intelligence are trivial. He often donated money to charity to plant trees, education for poor children, and the Buddhist religion. He became more extreme and stubborn after he joined a Buddhist cult and was donating thousands of dollars of the family's money. He believed he was doing everyone a favor because donating to Buddhism would enable better karma for this and or the next life. When I tried to convince him to stop donating other people's money and pay back the family, he said I should pay back all the money he spent on raising me. When he got sick, I tried to convince him to seek medical help. He lied to me and said he did, but he didn't. We were living in different countries at the time. I could have moved to his country to take care of him, but I didn't because I didn't want to quit my job and relationship. He couldn't move to me because he wouldn't have health insurance where I lived. He lived with my grandpa for a while before moving to a cult friend's house. He died without trying to call me. In my case. It's too late, but do you have any advice for people whose friends or family members who are in a cult or who have been brainwashed? What can they do to pull their loved ones out of it?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:26] Oh, this is so sad. I'm really sorry to hear about this and I'm sure that your father loved you and I'm sure that this crazy behavior is cult-related because it has all the signs, right? Isolation from family, financial commitments that are burdensome, reliance on the cult alone, et cetera. I actually want to do a whole episode on cults. I found a couple of leads on the subject, so stay tuned for that. Hopefully, and thanks for the idea here. I'm sorry it came from such terrible circumstances, but I feel like this is a whole show topic because cults use a lot of fancy manipulation tactics to isolate people and then, of course, they bleed them dry financially, and unfortunately, it looks like negligence where somebody gets a little disease and then dies, et cetera, et cetera. Maybe I'm just being paranoid here, Jason, or cynical, but I almost think cults want that because they figure, "Hey, look, if you're dying, you're more likely to give all your money to the one thing that matters to you," which in that moment is just the cult,

Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:22] Right. Or if the well has run dry and then you're a burden on the cult because you don't have anything left to give.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:28] Right. What are they going to get from you? You're a believer. Great. But if they've got to then housed, clothed, feed you whatever, you're less valuable than you are if you just give them everything that you own because you don't need it anymore.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:41] Yeah. Well, your ROI, positive for them, they're going to take care of you and do everything for you. But as soon as that return on investment dries up, I can see how they might put a little Ajax in the soup as it were.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:52] Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they killed them per se, but they basically killed them through convincing him not to go to the doctor for whatever disease. There's a whole lot wrong with this one, so it deserves a whole episode on cults. We do get an email like this from time to time from desperate parents, desperate siblings, and former cult members as well occasionally so that, that should be an interesting episode. What else? She goes on here, Jason?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:17] My mom who separated from my dad many years ago found out that he died and tried to reach me. She called me many times and I didn't answer. I only found out a couple of days after when I opened the messaging app, the family uses and read the text from her and my aunt. I called and texted her back, but she never answered. That was over a year ago. We always had a difficult relationship. She was verbally and emotionally abusive to me since childhood. She would interpret any difference of opinion or disobedience as a sign of disrespect and would go ballistic. Maybe it's the norm in some cultures to yell and insult the kids so that they get better, but it often feels like abuse to me. I feel angry or upset 95 percent of the time I talked to her because of her verbal abuse, so I tried to avoid talking to her on the phone more than once a week. My friend told me how her mom also insults her from time to time, but she keeps her cool and tries to say nice things and they love each other and have a great relationship. My mom made a lot of sacrifices for me and I'm very thankful for everything she's done, but I'm still not able to talk to her without feeling abused. Life is short and I feel bad for my mom that her only daughter doesn't want to talk to her. Should I suck it up and stop being selfish and put my mental health on the side occasionally and reach out to her again to try and call her regularly?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:27] I would say no. I don't think you should ever sacrifice your sanity for someone else. Maybe for your own kids but probably not even then at least not long term and look, if your mom had said she wants to take responsibility for some of the abuse or reconcile or hear your side of the story or find out why you don't want to speak with her or do therapy or something like that, then that would be one thing. But it sounds like she's just doing the same thing and insulting you 95 percent of the time. And I would say you are well within your rights to limit contact at that point. I want to repeat, you are not being selfish for trying to maintain your emotional state, your sanity, and your quality of life by limiting contact with other people who bully, insults, or make you feel bad. You have a human right to be treated with respect and dignity. So never push your mental health to the side. It's not like this is a teenager and they're going through a phase. This is your mom. She should know better. She does know better. She just has decided that you're going to take it and that you have to because you're related. And that's just not true.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:23:30] And you know, Jordan, this is pretty much the exact same situation I'm in with my mother, so I haven't spoken to her in three years. She was abusive. It not so much abusive, but manipulative over my entire life. And I've gone back and forth with her over this. There have been years where we haven't talked, and then we talked again. And I haven't spoken to her in three years now, and you have to deal with this. And I'm going to tell the writer that they're going to have to deal with this. It's tough, but if you need to stay sane and just not feel taken advantage of and abused over and over and over again, it's just something you're going to have to live with. But I would stick with it honestly because it doesn't sound like it's going to reconcile and you just need to be cool with who you are and not take that abuse.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:10] You can only fix a problem if the other side agrees that there's a problem. If they're saying, "What's the problem? You're just a POS and I'm telling you the truth about how bad you are, but I'm your mom so you have to put up with it." That's just not true. It's, that's just somebody else using you as a punching bag and just because they gave birth to you does not give them a license to do that.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:30] Yeah. And you see that a lot. It's the, "You're my kid, you're my property" argument.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:35] Yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like she's probably from an Asian culture where the parents have strong leverage over the kids and the kids kind of take it, but you don't have to. It doesn't have to be that way.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:48] Yeah. I'm not Asian. I'm from Pittsburgh and I still said I'm not going to take it.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:52] Yeah. Enough already, right?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:53] Enough. Yeah, enough is enough.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:55] All right. She continues.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:56] I started going to see a therapist. Her only available spot is Monday, so I'll be two hours late to work every Monday. I wasn't able to find any other therapists that's available and covered by my public insurance. I told my manager that I have a weekly doctor appointment and he's okay with that since he knows that I work late. Even if they fire me over this, I wouldn't mind that much because I'm grossly underpaid. I'm actively looking for a new job. My question is when I start my new job, should I stop going to the therapist during the six-month probation period to increase my chance of them retaining me? I'm not willing to pay for private therapy. A few sessions are okay, but my issues can't be resolved in a few sessions. I did a few sessions previously and it didn't seem to help. Paying for private therapy long-term is just too expensive for me.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:40] All right, so this is a tricky one, but I would say that you can try to negotiate this with your new job if you want. Just tell them you have a standing doctor's appointment and that you'll make up the hours by working late. And I'm not sure what country you're in, but they might not even be allowed to ask why you go to the doctor or even that you're going to the doctor at all. But if you're really worried, then sure, put therapy on hold for six months. Make sure you've got some sort of homework that you can do from the therapist so that you don't fall too far behind because your emotional health and your sanity are of paramount importance. And I applaud you for going to therapy for this stuff in the first place. I would say we've got a sponsor for the show that I think is perfect for this. Betterhelp.com/jordan. They have affordable online counseling that's really convenient. So if you could do Better Help or something like that. They're flexible and they could bridge the gap. You don't have to do it long term if it starts to add up and you know you've got your insurance and stuff. But if you need to do therapy every week or every other week for the six months during your probationary period, then yeah, do it online. Do it with Better Help, do it on your phone. You know, go to your car during your lunch break and do your therapy session or whatever you need to do and bridge the gap. Because I totally understand, you don't want to be like, "By the way, I'm going to be a huge pain in the butt because I've got to be gone every Monday at 9:00 a.m. and I'm going to be late every Monday." That's not going to look good in the new job but you also don't want to push this to the side and then never pick it up again because life's too short to be unhappy and have all this stuff, these lingering issues.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:27:09] Yeah, and as somebody who also uses Better Help, I can't recommend them more highly because they've helped me quite a bit. And you can find a therapist that is really specific to the things that you want to talk about and they're accredited and they know what they're talking about.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:24] All right, next up.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:27:25] Hi, Triple J. A few years ago my business failed and that was quite a big hit to my pocketbook. I had to live with my mother to get back on my feet and that was quite demoralizing at the age of 25. It was kind of rough to get out of the slump, but I had a plan. My goal was to get into the metal industry and eventually become a CNC operator. As a first step, I finished trade school as a welder and got a job in a small workshop where I had enough freedom to learn everything and slowly build tools for my own workshop. At the end of this year, my plan was to finally get into a trade school across the country to finally get an education as a CNC operator. I already had saved up the money for the courses, but I needed to do some side hustles this summer to save money for living expenses to move. A few days ago, ironically, on April 20th to be exact, I was pulled over by the police for not using a turn signal and my car was searched. Less than a fifth of a gram of weed was found on me and I was arrested and sent to the hospital for a drug test. Although I wasn't high, my country has a zero tolerance policy for marijuana and that means I will get the maximum sentence for driving intoxicated.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:28:28] That's barbaric. That's ridiculous.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:28:31] So that means no driver's license for four years, a substantial fine, a prison sentence, and a criminal record. This means that all my savings will be spent on the fine and court expenses tomorrow. I'll probably get fired from my job because I won't be able to do it without a driver's license. I won't be able to do my side hustle without a license either and school is out of the picture for the combination of previous reasons. So I know I effed up what's done is done but frankly, I don't know if I have it in me to start everything from the beginning. I know that there are people in far worse situations than me but frankly, I'm afraid to get into a slump that this time I won't be able to get out of. Do you have any advice finding motivation to move on? Best regards, A Long Time Listener From Latvia.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:14] This is so crappy. I'm so sorry to hear about this. First things first, you should try and get a lawyer and fight this. I mean, I don't know what it's like in Latvia, of course, but if I were in the United States, I would challenge the drug test. I would negotiate with the prosecution and tell them the situation and how this will affect your job and your career. Because often prosecution's going to say something like, "Okay, we didn't really want to ruin your whole life. We just kind of wanted to make an example out of you, but we're not trying to make you a non-productive member of society." Because now you're essentially going to have to go on welfare if you can't get a job. I mean that's not their intent here theoretically. You're better off investing a bit of cash and an attorney and negotiating then accepting the punishment and trying to do something else. I get that this is so demotivating. And I know personally that starting over is just a huge pain and really demotivating. We have personal experience having to start this business over. That was taken away from us after we built it for 11 years, starting from zero dollars, zero listener, zero social media, no email list. I would say for me, the idea that action ends suffering and calling on relationships for help. So when I started to focus on rebuilding, that made me feel less like I was lost and sort of spinning around with no aim. Starting over as a big pain. But if you can intern or go to school and spend the time learning and building a different type of career or building your career somehow. A career that maybe has skills that you can stack on top of what you already want to do. I'm just so confused as to why your entire next four years should be ruined by less than a fifth of a gram. I mean this is absolute insanity. That is like, that's like the dust that you would get in a cup holder. How do they even find a fifth of a gram? Yeah, that's crazy.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:05] It's not that much. I mean this is very midnight run S it's like he's going to go to jail and get fined for something so trivial.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:13] You could step on a fifth of a gram and it wouldn't get caught in the traction in your shoes. It's so small. Like that's absolutely insane. I wonder also if Latvia, like the United States, has maybe a politician you can go meet with and explain the situation. If this type of thing happened to me, I would consider going to like the senator's office or the State Senate and saying, "Look, I get it. This is a problem but it's literally going to ruin my life. I'm happy to pay the fine but I can't go to school now." The punishment is just far too severe. The consequences are far too lasting. There's no way this should stand. Someone with common sense has to step in here.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:56] Yeah. He needs to fight the driving intoxicated charge.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:59] Yeah.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:59] That's the issue because he's going to lose his license. He's going to have to go to jail so he needs to fight that. Put all those resources into that, even if he loses and goes to jail, he still has that CNC career to look forward to when he gets out. I understand it's going to be hard to start over because he's got to make the money back to go back to school but he's already got the base set of skills down. He's put the time into becoming a welder and learned the trade craft so far. At least, you know, look forward to that. And if things do not work out for you while you're in prison, learn everything you can about CNC. So when you get out, you can hit the ground running and get back on your feet. I know that sucks. That's terrible. But that's the only bright side that I can look at if things go awry. But until then, fight like a mad fiend to get this overturned because this just sounds like bullshit.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:47] Yeah, it really does. It really does. And look, if you told me that you are smuggling heroin because you needed a bunch of money really fast, I would have less sympathy for you. But this is like totally bananas. It is just completely ridiculous. Even the most draconian prohibitionist I think would agree that this is not the intent of the policy of this type of law.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:10] Yeah. This sounds more like North Korea than Latvia.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:12] It really does. Yeah. This is complete baloney. I'm getting angry thinking about the fact that you're being punished for this severely. This type of crime should -- first of all, it shouldn't have been an issue, but even if you're going to throw the book at somebody, this is like a hundred hours of community service type of situation. You shouldn't even be going to court over this. There should be something. Oh God, so frustrating to hear this.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:43] Yes. For a victimless crime.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:45] I know. Fight this tooth and nail. That's my advice.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:50] We'll be right back with more Feedback Friday right after this.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:53] This episode is sponsored in part by From You Flowers. Mother's Day is just days away. It's on Sunday, May 12th. You're welcome because I always have to put that on a calendar with a two-week reminder and a one-week reminder and a three-day reminder. You know, if you're like that, I am like that. Have you gotten your mom something special yet? No, you haven't. Of course, you haven't. You forget because you're not paying attention. Just like me. I'm always jealous of people that are like, "Oh, it's right around the corner." How do you know? How do you track this? I can never do that anyway. You can never go wrong with flowers and friends of the show, fromyouflowers.com has a fantastic deal right now for Jordan Harbinger Show listeners. If you go to fromyouflowers.com/jordan, you can send one dozen mixed roses for $19.99. Boom, handled. Or if you need to really make an impression, upgrade to two mixed dozen roses and add a free vase for just $10 more. Again, that's fromyouflowers.com/jordan. I'm going with the two dozen flowers and the free vase for 30 bucks from my mom. So if you send less than that and you're over 30, I might say shame on you, but guaranteed freshness and on-time delivery. They were awarded the highest customer satisfaction with online flower retailers in 2019. Not bad. You don't hear that everyday order today supplies are limited. They always run out of flowers on Mother's Day. That is a thing that happens, so get it done quickly fromyouflowers.com/jordan.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:13] This episode is also sponsored by the Hartford.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:16] At the Hartford, they understand there's nothing small in small business. As a small business owner, you're busy. You have a ton of big decisions to make every day. The last thing you want to do is worry about your small business insurance. And with coverage from the Hartford, you don't have to. With over 200 years of experience and over one million customers, they are specialists in small business. From worker's compensation to professional liability, commercial auto, and more, the Hartford offers a wide range of small business insurance products so you can keep focused on what you love, knowing that they're behind you every step of the way. Learn more at the hartford.com/smallbusiness.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:51] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air and that's no joke. So to learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:07] What's next?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:36:08] Hello, Triple J. I'm 25 years old, have a master's degree and I'm an army veteran. I've been working part time at a church for a year. I loved it and no day ever felt like work. I got along great with everybody there and I was a big fish in a small pond with tons of creative control and freedom. I've since been recruited by a private high school to come teach for them. This is a position that comes with a substantial increase in pay and it's where I eventually wanted to end up. The problem is my part-time job was about to offer me a full-time position. It's not as much money as the school, but this place loved me. The people involved were amazing and I'd be in complete control. I took the job at the school and though it makes sense for a host of reasons including location, salary growth, and more suited to my strengths, it feels like I made the wrong decision. I told my boss I was leaving and we were both incredibly sad. I know that the parishioners at the church will be upset. The church is obviously a non-profit, so trying to ask for a matching offer from them felt wrong. It feels as if I broke up with the love of my life for some hot girl I've had a crush on for years. How do I know I made the right decision? Thank you for all that you do. Sincerely, Juggling Dream Jobs.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:37:15] Well, this is tricky because I would ask if you love the new job and you just miss the old one or if you're not really thinking you're liking the new job and you miss the old one. There's probably going to be opportunities in both areas to move up, but you should make sure because it almost sounds like one is going to be the same position you have forever. And the public school you could move up the chain whereas I'm not sure that's going to be the case with a church for example. So you have to ask yourself, is this what you want to be doing in five years? Because if you're in a public school, you could be the athletic director and then the assistant principal, then the principal, then you could join the board, whatever it is, the superintendent, you know, there's sort of political positions and upward mobility at those, but I don't know. If you're teaching at a church, I think you're just teaching at a church and the likelihood that you could get a raise or any sort of upward mobility might be a lot less. So I would, I would figure that out and plot that course in both areas and see if one is more of a dead-end than the other.

[00:38:17] I would also ask the church to match or at least get closer to the money if you decided to go that way. Yes, they might not be able to match it, maybe they can get a little bit closer. You'd never know. There's a lot of money in churches, man. A lot of it gets spent on other things, but if they really like you, you shouldn't feel guilty about asking for what you are worth. You're not taking it out of the money of someone. It's not like, "Oh look, we got to pass the collection tray around because we got to pay this guy's exorbitant salary." You're worth what you're worth in the market. You don't have to donate your time. You can give them a discount if you want, but you shouldn't be taking something that you're not happy with because it's a church. You shouldn't. This is your job. You can provide services to the church for free in other ways.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:02] Yeah. It's not like they're going to shut down the soup kitchen because you need a few extra bucks.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:05] Right. Good point. Exactly, and I see this as a high-quality problem. Both opportunities are really great. You might even be able to switch back to the church at a later time or work part-time at the church. It's really hard to say because, of course, I don't know the details, but I would say just be very careful not to get stuck someplace or miss opportunities for upward mobility. If you have revenue or earnings goals for yourself or other goals for your career, I would plot those and write those down and then figure out which job fits those goals the best because yes, you might be really happy working at the church. You might also be really happy working at the private school equally happy or close to it and you're just having a little bit of sort of FOMO or a sad goodbye with one career, but the other one might be much better for you long term and this is a really good opportunity.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:53] And what's to stop you from volunteering at the church on your days off or your evenings so you can still be around the parishioners.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:59] Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You might be able to get a lot of the best of both worlds. You can help train the person who comes in, you can help them with big projects. There's a lot of ways for you to get value here. I almost feel like there's a little guilt involved. Like, "Oh no, I'm leaving and I liked the job, but now I'm going to go get a job that pays more and is better for me and I feel like I shouldn't because I've been sort of conditioned to give everything to this church."

Jason DeFillippo: [00:40:24] Yeah, and also the church was in existence before you got there and it's an existence after you left. It's not going to go under because you left. You might have a little guilt about leaving and you probably did some good at the church while you were there and you can still do good, like I said, by volunteering, but they're not going to go under because you need to make more money and have a better life for yourself.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:44] No. If you're so valuable and they care about you so much. Then either they can raise enough to match your offer or they would want what's best for you, which is this other job.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:40:55] Exactly.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:55] That's the way I look at it. We actually got a lot of communication sort of as a result of our whole lack of women on the show, discussions. Well, a lot of people wrote in also asking for tips on getting booked on media as sort of a tangent to that and so I talked to my friend Bobbi Rebell. She is a correspondent, reporter, journalist and we did some tips on making show bookers, decision-makers, gatekeepers, hosts, anchors, reporters, et cetera love you and invite you back and maybe make you a regular. So we've got some tips here from her and this small business segment is sponsored by Hartford Insurance as well. So thanks to them for making this type of thing possible.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:35] Bobbi Rebell is now the host of the Financial Grownup Podcast, which I was on and the co-host of money in the morning along with Joe Saul-Sehy of the Stacking Benjamins show, which I was also on. She also works with brands and like me, she does a lot of public speaking, but the reason she is here today is because she spent years working in businesses where she booked guests on CNBC, CNN, and as a global business news anchor at Reuters.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:57] Bobbi, thanks for coming on. You were booking like 50-guest spots per day at one point.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:42:01] I was supervising people booking 50 guests a day, but yeah, we used to call it the body count, Jordan.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:07] Geez, that's a lot of butts in seats.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:42:08] Yes.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:08] So to say.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:42:09] It was a lot of butts in seats and we did a good job. We had a lot of CEOs and remember 50 guests a day sounds like a lot, but if you're running, let's say 10 hours of programming, that's only five an hour, which is not that crazy.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:22] Especially these 15-minute or these 10-minute little segments. Actually, it makes perfect sense.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:42:26] And round tables. You do round tables, bull and bear. It's business news, different perspectives.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:32] People yelling at each other.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:42:32] It's actually totally.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:34] In different windows on the screen.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:42:34] But more, more polite.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:36] Gotcha.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:42:37] This is business news.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:38] I'd love to hear these media booking tips because this conversation arose out of us trying to get more amazing women on the show and failing, or at least I should say not doing as well as we would have thought and have tried a lot harder for a different type of result than we would have gotten in the past. And so I came to you for help with this and I'd love to just give your now, of course, unisex gender-free help with people booking spots because I think a lot of folks think, "I'm never going to be in the media," but everyone's an expert in whatever they're working on. And a lot of times the media needs that. And so these tips are applicable to pretty much anyone.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:43:15] And Jordan, this goes to what you talk about so often, which is to set yourself up for success and put systems in place so that when you do get the opportunity, you make it actually happen. So the first thing that I want to tell people is if you're available for the media, be available for the media. So if you send out any kind of press release, if you work with a firm, make sure that you're actually available to the media that you are reaching out to. Believe it or not, I have gotten press releases from PR people or representatives of people that want to be in the media and then when you call to follow up, they're not available. So number one, the obvious, but believe it or not, it happens, be available when you say you're going to be available. If you receive an email from somebody or a phone call, respond immediately. No matter what Jordan. Do not, I mean, put someone on hold. Walk out of a meeting if you're with other people. You don't have to tell them why. Don't say, "Oh Fox is calling." Be discreet, but just say, "Excuse me, I'll be right back." You can be late to pick up your child. You can pay for the extra-childcare. Maybe there'll be a little fine. It's okay. You must respond immediately because this is definitely a first-mover advantage and you want to get that. The first one to respond is going to get the spot as long as you're qualified and if reaching out to you, you're qualified and that really matters.

[00:44:34] If you cannot make it, it's really valuable to respond with a "No". Very often if you respond with a "No" the first time though, Jordan, you may never get a call again. So I want to stress that a "No" is really not an acceptable answer, especially the first time. But the bookers, as I mentioned, I was looking for 50 guests a day. They want to fill those seats, so if you respond with a "No", they can move on to the next person, right? So you're at least giving them some information. They can check the box. You're not available. Okay. Now you've got the email, you've stepped out of your meeting, you're about to respond. The first thing you write in the email is, "Thank you." Thank them for thinking of you. Thank them for reaching out.

[00:45:15] The second thing, Jordan, is so important. What is your deadline? If it's television, the deadline might be in an hour. If it's print, it may not be for a week and that's okay. If it's a podcast, it's probably not urgent in most cases unless it's a news-driven podcast. So those key things are, the first things that you need to do is just assess the situation, be in touch, and let them know you're interested and you appreciate that they reached out to you.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:42] This makes sense because what's your deadline? If you go, "Yeah, I'd love to do this," and then you're thinking sometime next week and then by 4:00 p.m. they're like, "Hey, where is this?" And you're sitting there having coffee or working away in your office. You basically have led them on, caused them to waste a few hours before their deadline and now you're possibly going to fail them, which I assume is a great way to never ever get called again ever.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:46:09] Exactly. Because again, the most important thing to remember is they're not there to promote you or your book, you are there to solve their problem, which is to get a qualified expert in the seat or quoted whatever the medium is. They are looking to solve that problem. So now let's talk about editorial stuff. Okay, so the topic, if they're reaching out to you, many people will say in their head, "Oh, that's not really something I know that much about." So for example, I recently was on a major national cable network talking about trade. I'm really not a trade expert, Jordan. But I said yes. And you know what? For the amount of the five-minute segment, I was a trade expert because I went and I learned everything I could about all of the relevant trade issues in the four or five hours that I had before. I had to be on-air. And I think it was a great segment. I became an expert. I was qualified enough that I got the call. I wasn't faking it in any way. I learned it, I knew my stuff. But it's important to know that just because you can't check all the boxes at the moment that you're contacted, doesn't mean you can't rise to the occasion and be a fantastic source for that reporter. Just do the homework.

[00:47:19] For most topics, if they're calling you, you're going to be a good source and that is one of the things that I did find that was a gender-driven thing in many cases. Not always of course, Jordan, but there were times and they've seen this in studies of men versus women again, in general, that men will often say that they're qualified for something even if they don't check all the boxes and women will feel that they have to check all the boxes. The truth is whatever gender you are, you can do it. If they're calling you and you're an expert in that general field, you can learn enough about the topic to the level that they're going to quote you in, in the amount of time. If you really can't, of course never fake it, but don't discount your ability to learn about the topic in the amount of time you have before the interview.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:01] This next bit I noticed that people with media training, for example, I just interviewed Eric Schmidt who was the head of Google for a long time and is now still on their board and a technical advisor. He at the end of the interview gave me a really nice compliment and I've noticed some of the real media trained guests, they always at the end say, "Well, here's a nice thing about you," and I thought this is happening more and more and it's always people who are in big corporations who for sure have media training and I had a hunch that maybe this was trained. I'm not saying I don't like it. I mean getting a compliment at the end always feels pretty good. Is that why it's on your list here?

Bobbi Rebell: [00:48:39] It is absolutely -- you totally nailed it, Jordan and I found it so funny, but it's kind of nice too that they're often when you sit down it's awkward because even a two-minute commercial break can feel like forever and the host is, is doing different things and you don't really know what to say to them. So do some research ahead of time. Find out what their interests are. Maybe go -- I hate to say stalk their Instagram -- but maybe a look, where did they go on vacation recently? Have a few fun things that you can talk to them about like light topics and absolutely have some compliments ready. And you know what? People love to be complimented -- on journalists especially -- their work. So watch them. You know, if you're doing a podcast, listen to the previous five episodes and say, "I loved your episode with Eric Schmidt. It was brilliant. I loved how you asked him about this." People love that, don't you?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:28] Yeah, of course.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:49:29] Yeah, totally. And yeah, they're totally being trained by professionals to do that and it's a good thing. It also sets a nice tone and journalists should do that too.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:39] What about the logistics of a scenario? How do you make sure that you're ready to sort of jump out of your office and go?

Bobbi Rebell: [00:49:46] This is so important, Jordan. So you should always have at least two TV-ready outfits. One could be more formal, one could be more informal, more casual depending on where you might go. So for example, if you're called to be on CNBC, you might want to be in a suit. If you're called to be on Chatter, you might want to be in something more casual. So have something ready to go at both ends of the spectrum. You also should have technical equipment if you want to be a podcast guest. If you want to be available, for example, nowadays it's not unreasonable to have someone call you and maybe you're not in Los Angeles or New York City and they want to do an on-camera interview with you. Have a set up so that you can do, whether it's a Skype or some other video call, have a setup, have an area of your house or your room that's set up that's available to do a quick Skype because someone might just want a soundbite really quickly. And if you can set that up in 10 minutes and give that reporter what they need.

[00:50:44] Again, solving their problem, you're going to be the one that gets the spot and gets the exposure in the media. And it's not hard to do. I mean you can buy a microphone -- you know this, you can leave your audience links for this stuff. You can buy a microphone for under a hundred dollars, right? You can be on Skype for free pretty much. So these are tools that are very available to anyone, but you should take the time in advance to know how to use them. Because if you get this call and you want to hop on Skype and do a soundbite for let's say CNN headline news, you don't want to be puttering around figuring out how to use Skype. You want to know in advance how these systems work. So I would practice, I would say, let's say if you want to be a podcast guest, podcaster usually on Skype, Zencaster, Ringer -- and I think there's one other system -- Squad Cast that you mentioned. So go download the systems and practice with a friend. Be comfortable with it in advance. Know how it works so that when the call comes, you're not distracted by technology. You're like, "Yeah, I can totally do any of those systems. I'm ready to go with my microphone." Maybe you get a ring light. You can leave a link for your listeners to that so that the guest is well lit so that you're well lit, I should say. People love that. If they know that you can flip a switch and be ready to do an interview with them in 10 minutes, you are totally getting that call.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:03] Bobbi, thank you so much. This is really useful. So in short, when you need to go, go, go right then because everyone's hugely on the super tight deadline.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:52:12] Say yes fast. First one to say yes wins.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:14] Got it and do everything to meet their needs that you can, of course, without getting ridiculous, but they might only have a small window. Don't try and make them jump through hoops. That's your job. Make their life easier and be as accommodating as possible. The one who shows up to do the media is the one who gets the credit. So basically show up or someone else will, like you mentioned before.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:52:31] And you may not get another call.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:32] Right, and this is an ad for you both to your organization and to you, yourself or your book. And you're the solution to their problem. They need a quote, they need a guest for a segment, so be as helpful as possible and make sure you solve that problem. And then of course when the interview is over, ask what else you can do for them and ideally compliment their work in a way that doesn't sound too forced and cheesy.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:52:52] And made sure if you do share on social media to include their handles so that they know that you're promoting their work because who doesn't love that, Jordan?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:59] Yeah, well I'm definitely on that list. It's funny because all these tips, I feel like when they happen to me, I just feel so good even though I know that they probably had a class on this. It still works.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:53:09] But it's good that they took the class.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:11] I agree. Bobbi, thank you very much.

Bobbi Rebell: [00:53:13] Thank you for having me, Jordan.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:14] Now after Bobbi wrapped the interview she sent me. One more tip that will make these show bookers or gatekeepers love you and maybe make you a regular here, which is write down a cheat sheet for them. So for example, if you're being interviewed for a digital story that is text only, the reporter may set up a phone interview, ask for the questions in advance or the themes, then do all your homework and write out all the answers. This will first help you organize your thoughts and be prepared and then send it to them in advance so they can use it as a foundation for when you get on the phone. So you made their life a lot easier. You won't be misquoted. The phone call will be much shorter and I do this type of thing and Bobbi does this type of thing with magazines all the time. For TV or audio, the same deal. Just email it to them a little bit in advance to far in advance and it'll get lost and bring a print copy with you to the interview if it's in-person of course. So you can literally hand it to them and say, here are my notes on the topic. I wanted to be prepared. Feel free to use anything that can be helpful. Then they'll get your name and your title correct, which is always good. They'll be happy to have the info spelled out in an easy to follow way and, of course, they'll add their own follow-ups, et cetera, but you'll feel much more prepared. And journalists are generally overworked. So this type of thing is really, really helpful. It's a win-win for all and then you end up getting invited back.

[00:54:31] So thanks to Hartford for sponsoring this question and thanks to Bobbi Rebell for coming on the show and helping us out here. All right, what's next?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:54:38] Hi Jordan. I recently heard you on Bertcast. I really enjoyed the episode. You two seem to have a great time together. I just took your advice and I messaged five people in my contacts and within a couple of days, I will have messaged everyone I have the phone number of which leads me to my problem. And you seem like a great problem solver. I'm bad at networking. I'm friendly and nice on the inside, but my face and body don't translate that message. I'm a young stand-up comedian and I feel this has held me back greatly. It's also been positive though because it's made me have to write great jokes to be noticed, but I want to have both. Is there anything you could suggest or a podcast episode or material you could point me to? What can you do if you're just a colder person? It takes you way longer to warm up to people, but you don't interact with them very often. Is there a method to defrost quicker? Thanks. The Ice Cold Comedian.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:27] First of all, welcome to the show for networking and relationship development. Networking is a system. It's a set of habits, so this is something you do that you kind of integrate into your personality, so you'll have to warm up to it. You'll have to build these ideas in. If you're doing Six-Minute Networking. I've got systems habits, non-verbal communication tips and little, I guess you can call them tiny habits that you do each day that make this a lot easier, almost automated. So that's at jordanharbinger.com/course. And if you're a colder person, you can examine why. Are you afraid of being hurt? Are you just not used to it? Think of other people that you deal with as relatives or like a little brother or little sister. How would you speak to those people? Have that kind of mindset. I'm not the warmest person, but I try to remember that people want to connect with me and I've, of course, want to connect with them as well. It's just not that natural for me, so I sort of fake it until I make it and it got a lot easier over the years. So try Six-Minute Networking and remember, look, you might just be a little bit standoffish. It's probably something you developed as a shield over time and you can fix that. It's very doable. All right, last but not least, Jason.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:37] Hi guys. I play in a couple of local wind ensembles and I've made a few friends there that also play in both musical groups. Recently I was chatting with one of these friends about our instruments and how my needs some work, but the starting rate of repairs is pretty high, you know, just Shoptalk. The next rehearsal, he just handed me an envelope with the money to get the work done, which was $300 and he said, "No strings attached," as we're both happily married. He just likes to help fellow musicians. I was so shocked and surprised. I didn't know how to thank him properly. Fast forward a month, I was able to get my instrument looked after and it didn't cost as much as expected, but now I have over $50 leftover from him that I don't need for the repair. Should I give it back? Is that rude? Do I just keep it and use it towards other musical things I could use? Should I get him something I know he could use with that money? Wondering about your thoughts on this. Signed, Just Want to Do the Right Thing.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:30] I would say give it back.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:57:31] Yeah, pretty straightforward.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:33] Yeah. I mean he gave it to you to spend on the instrument and if you don't need it, you should give it back. You should give the change back because if you buy something for him, he's ending up buying his own gift so it's not as nice. And if you keep it, you kind of just, I wouldn't say stole it because he gave it to you, but you're using it for a purpose that wasn't intended. I mean he might as well pay your rent with it and I think he'd be pretty pissed if that's what happened. So I would give it back. Tell him you didn't need the full amount. You're very thankful. And then I would offer to take him and his wife out to dinner with you and your husband and you should pay for that as a thank you. It seems pretty simple to me, but yeah, I get why this might be a little confusing, but you're going to remember his intent here. He wanted you to get your instrument repaired. You did. So anything leftover kind of is no longer yours for any specific purpose. So you should return it or give it to him so he could give it to somebody else. But I wouldn't make that decision for him. It's still his money in this way.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:29] Agreed.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:30] All right. Life Pro Tip. Jason, this one's yours, isn't it?

Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:33] Yup. When your power goes out, pop your phone open and search for Wi-Fi in the area. If the list is empty or shorter than it usually is, because everybody usually has like a hundred Wi-Fi networks in their neighborhood. Then if that list is shorter, then it's not just you that lost power because that's one of the first things. It's like, "Oh God, the power went out. Did I blip a breaker or is it out in the neighborhood?" So it's just an easy way to figure out if it's just you or if it's the neighborhood.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:58] That's clever.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:59] And another tip that goes along with that is to get a cheap UPS on Amazon to power your cable modem and Wi-Fi router. That way if the power does go out in your neighborhood so everybody's out, you can get online and figure out when the lights are going to come back on and then you can just relax and watch some Netflix while you know you have Wi-Fi and nobody else does. Instead of tearing up your data plan on your phone or your iPad, sitting there watching it and you can also walk out and tell other people in the neighborhood when the power's coming back on. Because I know in my neighborhood when the power goes off, everybody walks out of the front door and looks around.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:31] That's funny.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:59:32] That's kind of how it works. It's like, "Hey, is everybody's power out?" We ended up talking to each other and it actually turns into a much more social thing. But if you're the one that has the information that says, "Nope, PG&E is down, they blew a transformer, it's going to be back in three hours." Then maybe you guys can go have a barbecue in your backyard that doesn't require any power.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:48] There you go.

Jason DeFillippo: [00:59:48] It's a way to get the information that you need to get and also to have that Wi-Fi when the power does go out because that can be valuable if it's actually an emergency situation.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:59] Yeah. We got UPS here for everything in the podcast set up just in case we get one of those little like half-hour I think it lasts like an hour or less blip in the power. Our Internet stays on, the computers stay on, all the audio gear stays on, and I got one for Jen's computer too because the other day the power went out and she was processing a video and it was like, "Oh man."

Jason DeFillippo: [01:00:21] Oh yeah.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:00:22] That sucks. But have we had the ups, it just would have just kept running and then we could have shut down the computer and then we got the like $60 one the Wi-Fi router and all the everything else plugs into and that thing lasts like two hours and it's just basically a spike bar, like a surge protector with a big battery in it. It will power pretty much everything plugged into it for a while.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:00:43] Yeah, I've got two in the studio and I've got one in the office where the Wi-Fi router is and the base station and all that stuff. So I used to live in that place where we'd have micro power outages and you would yell at me all the time because the power would go out for three seconds. Everything would shut down. I'd have to boot back up and we'd be in the middle of the show and it got to be annoying. So I just got all of these and you can get a really nice hefty one for about, you know, 120 to 150 and it will power a lot of stuff. It'll also juice your phones if the power is going to be out for a long time, unplug the computer and just keep it charged so you can charge everybody's phone in the neighborhood if you have to do that. If it's a real emergency situation, they’re so handy and they're so affordable that everybody should have at least one or two in their house.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:01:29] Yeah. We'll link to this in the show notes because people are probably going, "What is it called?" And we'll link to some of the good models because there's good and bad and worse on Amazon for sure because it's a battery so you don't want one that's going to blow up. You want a good quality one for $20 more or whatever. The other reason we got this is because in California you just never know when you're going to have an earthquake and power can be out for like a whole day or a freaking longer. You never know. It depends. These are big kind of computer tower-sized batteries that if you're not running a computer you could probably charge your phone a hundred times with this.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:02:06] Easily.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:07] So this sitting around fully charged is a pretty good idea because if you have an earthquake and the power goes out and you shut down all your stuff, the last thing you want is to find out that you can charge your once on that little crappy battery that you've gotten a desk drawer that hasn't been charged in six months and after that, you're out of juice and you're trying to figure out how to coordinate with your family to leave the area. It's like no, no, no. You want to make sure you've got everybody's phone full to the max for the next three days because you don't know where you're going. You don't know how to get information. The one thing you need is mobile data and phone if you have an earthquake. In California, we're waiting for that for the other shoe to drop.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:02:47] That is definitely true.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:47] And I would say if you live in a country or something like that, if you're in the Philippines, these are a really good idea because when I was there -- I was there for a couple of weeks, we had a power outage like every four hours or something when we were in town. It was just on and off, on and off, on and off. And I thought, "What's going on?" And they were like, "Yeah, it happens. Just happens here."

Jason DeFillippo: [01:03:11] That's crazy. How do all those remote workers get anything done if the computers are going off and on all the time.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:16] I think they probably use laptops maybe.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:03:18] Oh yeah, good point.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:20] They don't have to deal with it as much, but yeah, it's, it's definitely not easy. So these are really, these can be a big game-changer, especially if you've got problems in the neighborhood with brownouts and stuff like that. All right.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:30] Recommendation of the week. There's a show on Netflix called Street Food. Jason, have you heard of this?

Jason DeFillippo: [01:03:34] I've heard of it. It's in my queue, but I haven't seen it yet. Have you?

Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:38] I saw a couple of episodes. It's really interesting so far. I'm not a food show guy, but they explore street food and nine really vibrant cities in Asia.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:03:47] That's the best place. Yeah, that's where street food shines. Oh yeah.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:51] And it's the stories of the people who make it so it's not just like, "Ooh, look at this chicken dish. Ooh, look at this rice dish." It's like, here's the woman cooking it. She grew up this way. Here's why she started cooking. Here's her restaurant, here's why it got famous. Here are the dishes he's invented. There's one Thai lady who had a really rough life. She ended up getting a Michelin star.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:04:12] No way. For street food.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:04:12] Yeah.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:04:14] Wow.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:04:15] Yeah, and so all these, there are all these photos with her and Gordon Ramsey and all these sorts of famous chefs and they're going up to her. There's a scene where she's tearing up and crying and she's like, "This person saw me get my award, and they came up and they called me a chef." And she's like, "Me, I'm a chef." And it's really endearing because this is a woman who basically started cooking because she had to survive and she just got really into it and she started innovating and creating new cuisine and she won a Michelin star. Now she's considered essentially a master in the field.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:04:52] That's awesome.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:04:52] It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty neat to see this and you see these really charismatic street food chefs in all these different parts of Japan and Thailand. It's fascinating so far. So that's on Netflix. It's called Street Food.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:06] Hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Don't forget, you can email us at friday@jordanharbinger.com to get your questions answered on the air. We'll always keep you anonymous. We've got some live events coming up. Those dates will be -- those are TBD. Right now we're doing corporate training and there's a lot of interesting stuff that we're doing with that, but I won't bore you with that right now. A link to the show notes for the episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com. And a quick shout out to Mason Lopez who said he wrote in years ago about doing all the right things, not going on vacation, not indulging and things with his wife, like people his age were doing. He kept his head down instead of indulging in those vacations irresponsibly now owns a house, they have career jobs, they have really good jobs for the sound of it. They're about to have a kid, they're close to being debt-free besides, of course, their mortgage, but no student debt. And I remember telling him, "Look, you're feeling FOMO, but it doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing. You're feeling FOMO because everyone else is doing it. You're not crazy. Keep your head down." And he did. So that's kind of cool to see that somebody actually took the advice a few years ago and is reaping the rewards right now. And I think it's important to note also that when you're young, and Scott Galloway said this on a future episode, so we'll be releasing that soon. But when you're young, you have to keep your head down. You'd have to work really hard. Don't worry about work-life balance in your 20s maybe even in your 30s, you've got to work your butt off so that you can enjoy things later on. And if you don't, you have to be comfortable with the idea that you just might not get that successful economically if you're trying to also get balanced. That's a luxury that a lot of people don't really get to have and it's not realistic for a lot of people early on. But I would say if you're in your 40s and 50s and you're keeping your head down and you're living some sort of monk-lifestyle because you feel like you have to, then it's time to start looking at what's making you happy and what you're doing to yourself because there's no point in retiring really rich and then dying two years later. There's a lot of stories about that, right?

Jason DeFillippo: [01:07:07] Yeah. That's the truth.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:07:07] And a shout out to Teresa Dorey who wrote it and says she's listening to every episode. I really appreciate that as well. All right. Go back and check out the guests, Dr. Rick Hanson and Mimi Ikonn if you haven't yet. If you want to know how we managed to book all these great guests, I've got a lot of great relationships, really cool friends, awesome opportunities, I'm teaching you how to do that in our course, Six-Minute Networking. It's free. It's at jordanharbinger.com/course. It replaces that old course, that Level One course. I have nothing to do with Advanced Human Dynamics. I have nothing to do with level one anymore. Six-Minute Networking is upgraded and don't say you'll do it later. You cannot make up for the lost time. You got to dig the well before you get thirsty. This is great stuff. It's all free, jordanharbinger.com/course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at @JordanHarbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Videos of our interviews are at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason

Jason DeFillippo: [01:07:57] And you can check out my bi-weekly tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks at gog.show or your podcast player of choice and make sure the kids aren't in the room. It is not exactly family friendly, but it is still a fun ride.

Jordan Harbinger: [01:08:09] The show is produced in association with PodcastOne. And this episode was co-produced by Jen Harbinger and show notes for this episode are by Robert Fogarty. Keep sending in those questions to friday@jordanharbinger.com. And remember, we rise by lifting others, so share the show with those you love, and even those you don't. Lots more in the pipeline, very excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.

Jason DeFillippo: [01:08:35] If you like our show, you're going to love the Charlie Kirk Show on PodcastOne. The bestselling author, Twitter personality, and founder of Turning Point USA sits down with some of the biggest newsmakers of our time to bring you the inside scoop on Capitol Hill and so much more. All from a right of center freedom loving point of view. Download new episodes of the Charlie Kirk Show every week on Apple Podcasts and PodcastOne.