Lisa Lampanelli (@LisaLampanelli) recently lost 100 pounds, retired from a Grammy-nominated career in comedy that spanned three decades, and is now a life coach who runs transformational food and body-image workshops and performs issue-oriented storytelling shows.
What We Discuss with Lisa Lampanelli:
- How Lisa made her last career pivot — from rock journalist to comedian.
- How Lisa engineered her image as comedy’s “Loveable Queen of Mean.”
- The psychology of a celebrity roast and the toll it takes on some in the name of good fun.
- How Lisa lost over 100 pounds and what she learned along the journey.
- Why Lisa formally retired from comedy recently to focus on helping others.
- And much more…
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Many of us have quit something or retired from one career and started another. However, when it comes to comedy, few people have quit when they’re at the top of the game. Today’s guest, Lisa Lampanelli, recently did just that.
Lisa has built a reputation for herself in the comedy world by being pretty shocking and crushing it when it comes to roasts and insult comedy. She’s had sold-out arena shows, best-selling books, and the right ingredients for a massive career in the space. So what caused her to jump out of that and into a brand new space that is, in a seeming 180, dedicated to the service of others? In this episode, we’ll explore this shift, and how we might discover that it’s time to make a shift of our own. Listen, learn, and enjoy!
Please Scroll Down for Featured Resources and Transcript!
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More About This Show
In spite of being comedy’s Lovable Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli has never been the kind of person to storm angrily from a job she hates.
“Here’s what I learned especially well,” says Lisa. “Know when you’re done. When I hit 30, I’d interviewed every band I ever cared about. I’d done enough copy editing and proofreading to kill myself. I’m great at that — even now I’m obsessed with not ever having a typo in anything.”
She’s always looking for what’s next and fulfilling. After working for Rolling Stone and Spy magazines grew stale, she gave stand-up comedy a try.
“I remember my first open mic. It just felt like, ‘I’m a comedian. I can call in sick to my day job.'”
Now, after 30 years of that, she’s officially dropped her stand-up mic to do something else entirely.
“Everybody forgets to get out before [they] hate it. I’ve gotten out of every job, every career, and marriage before I hated what I was doing. I don’t go kicking and screaming. I go, ‘You know what? I’m going to take a hint and go.'”
Now she looks at her calendar and enjoys what she sees instead of wincing at every career-shackled obligation that doesn’t, to borrow a phrase from Marie Kondo (domesticity’s Lovable Queen of Clean?), “spark joy.”
Lisa’s father may have been the one to instill her with the mindset to aggressively pivot into something completely different if she ever found her trajectory less than satisfying. After working for Sikorsky aircraft for a good portion of his life, he seized the opportunity to retire at 60 — unheard of at the time — and take up painting.
From his example, Lisa doesn’t let unfulfilling paths lead her far. So now that she’s made a graceful exit from comedy on the top of her game, she’s taking the life coach route to be of service to others — or, as her retirement announcement on CT Style was headlined, she’s gone “from the Queen of Mean to the Queen of Meaning.”
“I think it’s really fun to shed that stuff,” says Lisa. “I can get rid of a career I don’t love; I can replace it with something I do. And I can save enough money so I don’t have to worry about it. I can get service into my life — because service is just what was missing. That’s really the big thing. I wasn’t really doing anything for anyone else.
“All comics are like, ‘But we’re making people laugh!’ Come on. There’s a little more that we can do than that — at least me. I knew I could go, ‘Oh, I have some insight and I can give workshops and I can coach. I just felt more like, ‘My calling is to be more one on one and helpful.'”
Listen to this episode in its entirety to learn more about Lisa’s usually gentle (but tough love when appropriate) approach to life coaching, what she’s recently learned about expressing vulnerability and making deep connections, what losing 107 pounds — and keeping it off for the past seven years — taught Lisa about coming to terms with her own lifelong food and body-image issues (and inspired her to be of service to others on the same journey), and much more.
THANKS, LISA LAMPANELLI!
If you enjoyed this session with Lisa Lampanelli, let her know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout out at Twitter:
Click here to thank Lisa Lampanelli at Twitter!
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And if you want us to answer your questions on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Resources from This Episode:
- Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks by Lisa Lampanelli
- Lisa Lampanelli’s Website
- Lisa Lampanelli at Facebook
- Lisa Lampanelli at Instagram
- Lisa Lampanelli at Twitter
- George Takei
- LL Cool J
- Ex-Subway Pitchman Jared Fogle Seeks Release from Prison by Jonathan Stempel, Reuters
- Rolling Stone
- Read Every Back Issue of Spy Magazine Online, for Free by Amanda Dobbins, Vulture
- A Gotti Was Released From Prison, Then the Gambino Boss Was Killed. Is There a Connection? by Ali Watkins, The New York Times
- Researchers Remove Straw from Sea Turtle’s Nose, The Washington Post
- Ultimate Best Jokes Compilation, Don Rickles
- Stand-Up Comedy, About as Subtle as a Mob Hit by Jonathan Fried, The New York Times
- Tidying Up with Marie Kondo
- Sikorsky Commercial Aircraft and Services
- Kevin Hart Nation
- High School Musical 2
- Words Fonz Can’t Say
- Comedian Lisa Lampanelli Has Meltdown After Fan Hands Her $100 to Shut Up, TMZ
- A Four-Way Burn with Anthony Jeselnik, Lisa Lampanelli, Bobby Lee & Jeff Ross, The Burn with Jeff Ross, Comedy Central
- Friars Club Roast Pat Cooper by Linda Lenzi, Broadway World
- Roast of Charlie Sheen, Comedy Central
- Dancing with the Stars
- Mind Pump
- The Meanest Roast: Chevy Chase, Humiliated Again by Virginia Heffernan, Slate
- Howard Stern
- If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating by Alan Alda
- Free Solo
- Peace Corps
- Lisa Lampanelli Retires from Comedy, The Wendy Williams Show
Transcript for Lisa Lampanelli - Changing Careers at the Top of Your Game (Episode 183)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:00] Welcome to the show. I'm Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with my producer Jason DeFillippo. Many of us have quit something or retired from one career and started another. However, when it comes to comedy, few people have quit when they're at the top of the game. Today's guest, Lisa Lampanelli, did just that. Lisa has built a reputation for herself in the comedy world by being pretty shocking and crushing it when it comes to roasts and insult comedy. She has sold out arena shows. She's got bestselling books and has all the right ingredients for a great career in this space. So what caused her to jump out of that and do a brand-new space that is in a seaming 180 dedicated to the service of others. Today, we'll explore that shift and how we might discover that it's time to make a shift of our own. Oh, and folks, it's Lisa Lampanelli, so make sure the kids aren't in the car when you listen to this one because she might not be doing stand-up anymore, but she's still Lisa Lampanelli.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:55] If you want to know how I've managed to create such an awesome network around myself, whether you love these types of guests or hate them, check out our free course, Six-Minute Networking over at jordanharbinger.com/course. I think the one thing we can't argue with is that the network has brought a lot of amazing opportunities to the show and to my life personally. So for business and personal reasons, I highly recommend this and honestly, it's free. I've created this. I wish I had this 10, 20 years ago, jordanharbinger.com/course. All right, here's Lisa Lampanelli.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:25] I did read your book to prep for this.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:01:26] Oh, well, that is ancient.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:29] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:01:29] I'm shocked you can find a copy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:31] It's on Audible. Actually, it's great because the ending is seemingly just a bunch of bits that you were like, "I don't know where to put these in the books but here they all are at the end.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:01:38] Here's my opinion on a million things. Yeah, the publisher wanted that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:42] Oh really? Oh nice, yeah, it's good. And then you have a -- I don't know if I'm supposed to spoil the ending here, but you have George Takei do a reading of one of the chapters.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:01:50] Yeah. What was so funny about George is that I had a list, a very short list of -- because back then people were having like a celebrity with an interesting voice, do a read of a chapter.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:00] Oh, okay.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:02:00] And I was just like, okay. I thought of George -- you know, I was just thinking of like weird voices and funny. And George was the first one I asked and he said yes. And I was like, "Oh my God."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:10] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:02:11] Talking about sex coming out of the mouth of George Takei. You can't get bad --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:14] Yeah. Like Catholic school, which you had gone to, those nuns must be so proud.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:02:19] They are. Yeah. Well, they're all burning in hell.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:24] One joke that aged really well from the book though. And I know this is probably a full improv but I'm going to do it in any way. You said Jared from Subway was cute.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:02:30] I know. Well, actually I didn't. I said, "That's the reason I liked black guys in my 40s because I can either get a hot black guy or a chubby white." So I said, "I'm, I can either get, you know, LL Cool J or Jared from Subway.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:44] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:02:44] Yeah. So, yeah, unfortunately --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:47] It turns out you couldn't have got Jared from Subway after all.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:02:49] No. I was way too old. I was over the age of eight.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:51] So you were a journalist for Rolling Stone, Spy. You interviewed all these bands.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:02:55] Well, yeah, in all truth, I was a journalist. However, I was an editorial, a researcher at Rolling Stone. So I never really interviewed bands for them.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:06] Gotcha.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:03:06] And I was research chief at Spy, which was the hardest job in the world because there are these guys doing articles that are so controversial and humorous. Like my first fact-checking job was a map of the mob's home addresses. So you have to go through FBI files and find out if you're telling the truth about it. And then you're like, "Wait, I'm just telling everybody where mob guys live." Like, this was a hard place to work.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:30] It seems like a bad idea.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:03:31] Yeah. Yeah. Well I mean it was really funny because it was like a pullout map. Like you'd see a tourist map. And I just kept looking at how many were in my town in Connecticut and there were a few. I was pretty proud.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:43] That's interesting. There's one guy recently in your neighborhood just got shot by some other -- did you hear this?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:03:49] No.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:49] This mobster, this Gotti family guy got killed and they were like, "Oh my God, it's a mob hit." I can't believe it. It happened in like, I don't know Queens or something. I know I'm getting that probably wrong or that area -- Staten Island. It happened in Staten Island, of course. And they're like, "It's the mob. I can't believe it." They killed this like big capo or whatever. It turns out it was like some kid who was dating his niece or granddaughter and he's like stopped seeing that guy.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:04:15] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:16] And the guy won't -- and I'm just thinking this is the dumbest guy in the world.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:04:19] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:19] He just goes and kills a mob. Like you'd be lucky to go to jail for murder. Now you're probably --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:04:25] Now, you're probably just, yeah, you might as well kill yourself right now.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:28] Yeah, just do it now. Just get it done.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:04:29] By the way, I love that your cute little cat is licking my metal straw because I'm so environmentally positive. I love your cat so much. I'm going to drink out of that anyway, by the way.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:38] I don't even think he's licking it. He just smelling it to see what's going on.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:04:42] Get over here. Well, you know, it's funny. And no one would ever guess because when I was doing comedy, well before I retired from standup, I was like really into crapping on the environment and everything like that. So no one would believe -- but guess what, people, Lisa Lampanelli uses metal straws -- because I had a turning point. Do you want to hear my fucking story about that? It's so funny. I'm in Vegas. Okay. I had never been to a bachelorette party. My nephew was marrying a girl who's phenomenal, so they're in their 20s and I go, "Oh my God, can I come to the bachelorette party?" I'm 57 years old. So she was like, "Sure." So we go and her brother who's there says, "Oh, just see that video with those sea turtles." And I go like this. I mean me, who thinks who the F they are? I go, fuck that man. I don't care about that. Guess what? I help people. I don't care about animals because Lisa Lampanelli does enough. And then I go to the bathroom and I started thinking about that freaking sea turtle. I didn't even have to watch it and all I thought was my dog. If anyone hurt my dog that way and I start crying. I come back to the table and I just go. I decided I'm giving up plastic straws. He goes, "What happened in that bathroom?"
Jordan Harbinger: [00:05:51] Exactly.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:05:52] It's weird like when you start thinking about stuff? You just turn and then I became a rabid recycler. I have never recycled until this year.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:05:59] That's insane.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:06:00] It just hit me that now is the time. So that's why when I tell everybody about my major life decisions. I go, "You know it when you know it. Like when you never have to force it." Right?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:10] Well, yeah, to be fair, 30 years ago was the time to start recycling.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:06:12] And I called my garbage man and I go, "You know how I never recycle, there's never anything in that blue bin." And he goes, "Yeah, we keep that to ourselves. He goes -- I go, "I guess the time is now buddy." But see that's the thing --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:26] You have your garbage man's phone number?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:06:27] Well it's a thing. It's a garbage man's company like it's a garbage company.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:33] Got it. I thought you're like --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:06:33] Not personally.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:33] "Hey, Bill."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:06:35] "Hey Joe, sorry." Well, I live in Connecticut so we're all pretty close.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:39] Got it. Yeah. It's, there are only a few hundred people that live there.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:06:42] Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:43] What did you take from journalism that you now took to comedy? Like originally in fact-checking for mob addresses is markedly different than going up on stage and like making fun of yourself and other people.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:06:54] Right. Well, the thing was I think like every career lead to the one that you now have. So when I was doing comedy, when I couldn't afford a publicist, I was like, oh, I can write my own press releases because I know how to get information across. I knew how to manipulate the media tiny bit to get them into my show. It was like, I remember once I was, once I started doing insult comedy. I was like, oh, I want to be known as something with a nickname. Like Don Rickles was Mr. Warmth. I want to be known as something. So I came up with Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean. So I planted in the New York Times because they were doing some story about women in comedy. I go, "Well they call me Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean." So the New York Times prints that and then I'm manipulated to say the New York Times called me Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean. So kind of I knew how to like work the press a little.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:41] That makes sense.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:07:42] Yeah. And I always here's what I learned. Especially, well no, when you're done, because when I hit 30, I was like, I have interviewed every band I ever cared about. I'd done enough copy editing and proofreading to like kill myself. Like, I'm great at that. Like, even now, I'm just like obsessed with not ever having a typo in anything and I'm like, "Oh, what's next? You know, what's, what's something that'll fulfill me?" And that's why even now with the retiring from stand-up when I go, it doesn't spark that joy it used to in the beginning. You know when you start something, there's all that fuzziness and happiness. Oh my God. Like I remember my first open mic like, dude, it just felt like I'm a comedian. I can call in sick to my day job and that's why I'm like, okay, that's missing 30 years later. I got to get out before, I hate it. Everybody forgets to get out before you hate it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:37] That's interesting.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:08:38] Well, I've gotten out of every job, career actually, and marriage before I hated what I was doing. So that's why my stuff can be amicable leaving, not this angry craziness that most divorces or most life changes have. I don't go kicking and screaming. I go, "You know what? I going to take a hint and go,
Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:58] How do you know when to listen to those hints? Because sometimes it's time to quit and then other times it's time to -- you actually have to buckle in, push through the dip. You know, you might think, "Oh, you know what comedy, I'm at this point where yes, I've been on cloud nine flying high, really the center of attention. Maybe I should stick with it a little longer because this is just a low," versus, "Nope, I'm actually starting to really hate it."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:09:19] Well, I don't think it’s low because I don't think it's like an external low. Like it's not like, "Oh tickets are falling off and the presses mean to me or whatever." It's like what inside me, it's that quiet. It's that listening to what's in there. So, I just couldn't avoid any more than inside. I was looking at my calendar and going, "Uh, wow, It's kind of like a really good paying day job." Like who wants to look at their career that way?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:09:48] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:09:48] So after about six months of that and I was like, wait a minute, internally, it doesn't feel like it should. Externally, it wouldn't even matter if I was making $8 million a year. What counts is me looking at it and going, oh, okay. Instead of like now, I look at my calendar. I mean, it's hysterical now. I can't even believe I look at my book every day and there's never anything on that doesn't give me joy. Yes, there are obligations. Yes, I have to go to my mom's and play cards with her once a week. I mean, I want to but sometimes it's not the most joyful thing. Yes, I have to do, you know, certain obligations I don't love, but for the most part, the career stuff I look at and go, "Oh my God, I can't wait. Oh, that's so cute." Like me, happy, cozy, cute. That's how I want my life to be. And I think if we, but it's all getting in the moment and stay in the present or else you can't hear that inside. You know how that is.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:37] I do, but I'm also really good at ignoring it and being like, "No, you just have to keep working. When you make more money that'll solve all these other happiness problems that you're having in your life." Or like, "Oh, so what if you hate all your coworkers at this job? No one said work has to be fun." And now, of course, people are like, "Yeah, work should have an element of joy." But back when I was growing up and certainly --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:10:59] Definitely for me.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:00] Nobody was like, "Hey look --" I mean you went to a Catholic school, they weren't like, "Look, just make sure you're enjoying yourself.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:11:04] Enjoy your life. Like my father, he had the same job, not the same job, but he worked for the same company, Sikorsky Aircraft, most of his adult life. But I remembered, pretty inspiring, at 60, he had like a health problem. It wasn't life-threatening and he freaking left. He retired and he's like said to my mom, "I'm painting." Because he's a good painter. Really good, fine artists. And he painted for 25 years. And I was like, "Oh wait, dad." I may have not heard out loud him say to do that. But I learned by example and I go, oh, he wasn't finding any joy anymore. They had enough money to live on. Not a lot, but they go, "I'm not going to have this pallor in my life." So I almost go, I had a pretty good role model there even though at the time I didn't notice. But I think it finally got in there for me of like, you know, enjoy your life.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:12:00] It finally got in there but also finally went in there for him because he probably went, "You know, I'm not going to kill myself for Sikorsky Aircraft."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:12:07] Right. I can't, but in those days, it was so shocking to retire so young.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:12:11] How old is? 60?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:12:12] 60. And well at the time, you know, you work until you're -- you pretty much did and I was so happy because I remember after his death I went back to his college where he took art classes and they gave me his transcripts and he got all A's and I was just like, "Oh that's so cool." And I was like, "My dad was killing it." He really nailed life after a while. And I remember he used to tell my mother, "No, you shouldn't retire." Because he just wants alone time in the house to paint and leave her at work.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:12:41] Definitely. He's like, she retires, I've got to like play --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:12:46] I got to do a lot of bingo. I got to go bowling. No, none of that. But it's cool. Yeah, that pushing through is so, it's so hard to discern which is pushing through and which is just, I really need to reassess. Don't you think?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:01] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:13:01] Oh, I just kind of went, when I can't ignore it anymore -- like when I can be in a marriage that's just so boring and just so not fulfilling for either person because if you ever notice like in a relationship, there's never one unhappy person.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:16] No, that's a good point. It's always --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:13:18] Yeah, the other one's kind of acting happy, but you go -- like when I asked, I told Jimmy I wanted a divorce. I was like, "You can't tell me you've been happy with the fact that we have four places to live for two people, so we're never in the same place. Like, don't you see couples who should be together all the time?" And he's like, "Yeah, I guess you're right. So I think that's what I just had to stop ignoring that inside.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:40] You must've had a dip to push through to with comedy because nobody really starts and immediately -- well there's probably one or two examples, but very few people go, "I'm going to be a comedian." And then just get up and they're like, "You should open for Kevin Hart tomorrow." Like that doesn't happen.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:13:52] Right. Well, what happens is the build is fine. I think what is the challenging part is when you know, you see like, oh the only shows selling out are -- I had to dip once when it was right after like Radio City and Carnegie Hall and places like that. And then it was like, "Wow, why are tickets sales a little weak?" And they go, "Oh, no, the only things really selling our High School Musical 2 on the road and this and that." It was just weird. And then that's a worth pushing through because you go, "Oh, it's going to just come back. It doesn't matter."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:14:23] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:14:24] And you don't take it personally or you try not to. At first, you do and then you go, "Oh it's just worth it because I still love it." But when you start not loving it, I think that's the time when you just go, what do I love? And sort of take an assessment. When I would start working on this of what's next idea, I would literally write down the feeling I had when I would do comedy at first. And at first, it was just like open, happy, joyful, you know all this great stuff. And I'm like, which one of these is in comedy right now? Like one out of seven, no.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:14:59] You're listening to The Jordan Harbinger Show with our guest Lisa Lampanelli. We'll be right back.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:04] This episode is sponsored in part by DesignCrowd. Crowdsourcing is how people, especially businesses get stuff done in the 21st century. Thanks to DesignCrowd, you can focus on running your business. And then you hand over the reins for your company's logo, web design, t-shirt, you name it to a pool of over 670,000 professional designers from around the world. So what you do is you go to designcrowd.com/jordan. Post a brief describing what you want from the art that you need and they invite over 670,000 designers from Sydney to San Francisco to respond. You get some concepts, yes, it's work on spec, but then you choose the one that you like. You tell them what revisions you want; you pay for the design that you like and you approve payment to the designer. And if you don't like any of them, DesignCrowd offers a money-back guarantee.
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Jordan Harbinger: [00:16:01] This episode is also sponsored by Intuit.
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Jason DeFillippo: [00:16:52] Don't forget, we have a worksheet for today's episode so you can make sure you solidify your understanding of the key takeaways from Lisa Lampanelli. That link is in the show notes at jordanharbinger.com/podcast. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. If you'd like some tips on how to subscribe to the show, just go to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now, back to our show with Lisa Lampanelli.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:17:20] So you started journaling when? After the fact or did you have a journal that you kept the whole time?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:17:25] Oh, I never was a journaler of every day, but it was like I started taking workshops and self-help and getting psychological help from age 25 up. I was just like, I'm never stopping. And I remember my mom like I was leaving the house one day when I was 35 after seeing her and she was like, "Where are you going?" And I'm like, "Therapy." And she's like, "Aren't you done yet?" I'm like looking in the mirror and that's why I'm not, but that's what you got to do. I just had to go inside a lot and after my dad's death about five years ago, that's when I really was just like, stop. Like you got to figure out why life doesn't feel great, and then it was just getting rid of all that crap I didn't love.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:04] Oh wow.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:18:05] It was really fun to shed that stuff. Like it's super fun because you go, "Okay, I could get rid of a career I don't love and I can replace it with something I do and I can save enough money so I don't have to worry about it. I can get service into my life." Because service is just what was missing. That's really the big thing. I wasn't really doing anything for anyone else. I helped my dad and then I was like, "Oh, who the hell am I helping?" And all comics are like, "But we're making people laugh." Come on, there's a little more we can do than that. I mean, at least me, I knew I could go, "Oh, I have some insight and I can give workshops and I can coach." And I just felt more like, well, my calling is to be more one-on-one and helpful, you know?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:45] Yeah, I did. Well, yeah, I definitely understand that.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:18:48] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:48] Yeah. That's something I can identify with pretty readily. Because I remember early in my career when I was a lawyer, I was like, "Oh well this is a helpful profession." And then I went and worked on Wall Street and I was like helpful for Lehman brothers and like Goldman Sachs. Right?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:19:02] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:03] And then people were like, "Hey, can you coach me on networking, social skills, dating," whatever it was back in my 20s and I was like, "Well, I'm not a coach." And they're like, "No, you are. I'm listening to your podcast and it's more helpful than this other stuff that I've been paying for. Please coach me." And then that's when I was like, "Well, I'm not really a coach so I won't charge you that much, but I'll try." And then people were like, "This is the best thing that I've gotten for these particular social or dating problems." And I was like, "Oh so you don't have to like go get a degree."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:19:29] Go get a coaching degree.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:30] Teach guys how-to pick-up chicks at the bar which what I was doing in my 20s.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:19:35] But that's great because you noticed. The problem we don't know this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:38] I was forced to notice because people listening, we're like "Hey idiot, wake up. I want to learn from you." Smack, smack, you know, it took a while.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:19:45] And you know what's wild too is like giving them what they need because I wanted to give people what I thought they needed.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:53] Sure.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:19:54] So like for instance, I coached a guy yesterday and I was directing the phone call because I was like, "Oh this guy is just really stuck," which I don't mind but he's stuck and definitely not moving, like not an inch.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:05] Okay.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:20:05] So I was like, oh this is going to be frustrating for me because my great lesson is to meet people where they are. That's this year's big lesson. And I said to him, because, of course, he did move forward again, he's sticking with the boyfriend who's bad for him. He's sticking with the job he's too stressed at. Because he goes, "I'm not quitting my job and I'm not breaking up with so-and-so." I just had to recalibrate. And I go, "Well, you know what, it sounds like everything's working the way you need it to." I said, "You're happy with the way the job is. You're, you're happy with the way you guys are together. So what do you need from me?" And he goes, "I don't know. This has just been really helpful to clear my head about it." It really almost helped him resolve, but he's just going to stay.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:46] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:20:47] And I got off the phone and he has another session already booked and I go, "Will you let me know when you need that session because it's paid for." And he goes, "Yeah, I'll probably need it when it comes to money budgeting and stuff." I said, "That's great." And I get off the phone and I'm like, "Oh my God, I was just useful to him but didn't force my will on him."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:03] Sure. Because what he needed at that point from the two seconds of experience that I have with your client, who I know is that he literally just needs to do admit to himself. He wasn't willing to take the right steps.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:21:13] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:13] But now he knows that. So when finally he hits a wall, he goes, "Okay, it's actually within my power to make a choice. Yeah. I deliberately decided to be in this pile of garbage.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:21:23] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:23] So when he finally has another fight or his boss shits on him one last time, he's going to be like, "I'm leaving."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:21:30] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:30] One of these things -- like he's going to break, but he'll know that he has the keys to the prison.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:21:34] Right, and hopefully he'll call me and use that last session and he can move forward. Because it's weird with coaching too because I mean I bring Lisa to the table all the time, but I'm so much gentler than people would've thought because my comedy was so hardcore, but with some who are just showed they want harder core. I listen to that gut and I'm just like -- like I have one guy, it's like coaching Tony Soprano. And I'm just like, "You're a fucking pussy, dude." And he's like, "Lisa," he goes, the day you called me the day he goes, "You know what change it for me when, you said to me, stop being a fucking pussy, douchebag." And I go, "I don't even remember saying that." He goes, "You said it and I flushed my Adderall down the toilet."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:15] Wow.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:22:15] And I was like, cool. Some people need that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:18] That's really funny.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:22:18] Some want a more gentler.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:20] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:22:20] And this is why I take the coaching certification course because I have tools and you know, examples for them to work on and written assignments. But I mean it's basically bringing your knowledge to the table because dude, I've gone through the same shit every one of them has and still am. So I'm like, oh, I can really just at least see them learn by what crap I went through. That's what it's for.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:40] Yeah. I will admit, I was surprised by how friendly you were on the phone and email and of course, here on a person because that was like, I watched a lot of your comedy. I kind of didn't expect you to be like, "Oh, hey, Jordan, great to hear from you."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:22:52] Oh, I was so happy. Well, the thing was about that, I always said, well, De Niro doesn't carry a gun in real life. So I -- I mean maybe he does.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:59] He might.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:22:59] Yeah, he probably does.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:23:00] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:23:01] So I go, well it's an act, but also, you know with comics you don't know where the line is drawn. So it's kind of you times 10 you know when you're onstage. And that part of me, it's funny because it's like where do I use that now? And I'm like, I kind of don't need to anymore. Like I'll still be really funny. Like last night I had a three-hour dinner here with friends and we were just having a blast and I was like, that's a lot of fun to just be throwing the insults and having fun with the waiters and staff. But you don't need it as a profession anymore. It doesn't serve me.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:23:31] People must recognize you and expect you to be in a certain way.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:23:34] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:23:34] Do you feel pressure to then do that?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:23:37] I don't, but I give them a little taste sometimes. Like for instance, last night the pastry chef came out -- because you can't go anywhere when you're kind of known and not get a free dessert. They always bring out, as you know, and they bring it on -- of course, I tried to give up sugar this week while that was blown.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:23:53] Yeah, it's impossible.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:23:54] But I was trying to in solidarity for a friend of mine. And then I'm like, well, I can't give them a turn away a free dessert. So, of course, the guy comes out and he's Latino and he wants a picture and he's like, "Oh mommy and all that stuff." And so I then give him the little Latino feel, but he knew it was a little gentler and I go, it's a limited time. So I go, "Well, there's parts of my personality I can like kind of go there for a second, but then go, "Ooh, you're not going to sit there and tweet angrily about the Golden Globes and be insulting about their outfits despite wanting to." I'm like, I don't want to put it out there anymore. You know?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:31] I want to get into that a little because you're back in San Jose right now. Now we're in my apartment instead of at the Improv. But last time you were here, you, you made TMZ and hopefully --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:24:40] And by the way, you never insult me by saying I was a club comic. I was at the civic center.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:44] Okay. Sorry.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:24:45] Look how the ego kicks in.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:47] Yikes, excuse me.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:24:47] No, no, no, because it's funny, once you've earned like that you don't have to play clubs anymore, you're just so freaking happy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:53] I didn't even realize that was a tier thing.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:24:55] Oh, it's a thing. Well yeah. Think about it. When you're a comic and you play an improv for five days, you probably get paid way less than one show at a big place.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:04] I did not realize that. Yeah, of course. It makes sense Madison Square Garden pays more than the freaking laugh center probably.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:25:10] Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. But what's good about it is that you just get to be home more. Like that's really the reason I always wanted to be a theater comic because yeah, it might be great money, but also, Oh, I only have to be away one day. I loved always being at home. I'm a Cancer. I'm into nesting and being home with my family and friends and my dog. I just never want to leave home. Like I don't even travel dude. Like I'm the type -- if I never had to leave Connecticut again, I would just sit there and be happy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:40] Yeah. I think that's the thing that comes with possibly with age because now I'm like --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:25:44] Oh no, it's been, me forever though, but you do you like to travel?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:47] I like it when -- sometimes.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:25:50] When you got there.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:53] Yeah, but it depends. Sometimes I like the anticipation of doing it. Other times, depends on the trip. Other times I like it when I'm there. Other times I'm like, "Wow, I really imagined this differently."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:26:05] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:05] I never like it at the airport.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:26:07] Oh it's horrible.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:08] That's the worst part.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:26:09] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:09] And I'm like now this is why rich people pay like a hundred thousand extra dollars to fly private because you're like, "Yeah, screw it. I'm on a private jet," which I've never had to -- which I will never do because I couldn't enjoy anything that much if it cost that much.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:26:22] Somebody flew me private once because I was in their movie and I just slept through the whole thing. So I didn't even enjoy it. Like I just sit on the plane and fall asleep. Like tonight I'm flying out red-eye, which is my favorite thing in the world. Because you just like, you get home and you're home. You sleep for six hours in your home. So I just never -- even now, like the only time I travel for pleasure is when family asked me to. So, for instance, my niece and her mom asked me to go to Iceland. Leading up to it, everybody was like, "Oh, are you excited?" I'm like, "No, but I'm excited to spend time with those two." Same thing. My sister asked me to go to Italy. Excited for Italy? I couldn't care less. If they said to spend five days with us in Des Moines. I would have been awesome, great, it's with them. So a lot of it with me has never been, I'm not into a culture. I'm not into a building that was built in BC. I'm into like, oh, how can I get to know this person better? Which by the way, is a huge revelation. I just had. I was really into volume of people because I was too afraid to connect deeply one-on-one. I'm loving this whole thing of paring down to fewer friends, but deeper connections. Do you know how hard you have to work when you're trying to be surface with 2000 people?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:41] Yeah, I do a lot of like networks and relationship development and it is very hard to be surfaced, which is why I always will try to get a little deeper with folks and then if they're not responsive to that, I'm just kind of like cool, whatever.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:27:53] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:53] I'll talk to you like once a year.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:27:54] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:55] It's fine.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:27:55] I think it's all, I have a new shrink who I love and she's like, "Because you are afraid. You have such scarcity issues. Not with money, not with anything possessions. You have it with the idea that you're going to die alone because you don't want a relationship. You love being single and by on your own. But you think it's, you have to have volumes of people." She goes, "How many? You got five great ones." And I'm like, "Oh my God, you're right." So but just pushing through to like stay in it and be in those tough arguments in those tough conversations. It's like, "Oh I have to tell that person, I miss them or I love them." That's tough. It can be tough if you're not used to it. Well because our parents didn't role model that.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:28:36] Like my mother the other day, I love her. She's 89. She's nuts. She's cool as fuck. But she was tough. The other day, she said to me -- because you know, she's not going to live forever. She says to me something like, don't forget to turn back the clocks or spring forward or whatever it is.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:28:51] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:28:52] Don't forget to turn clocks forward. I go, "That's not this weekend." And she goes, "Yeah it is." And I go, "Oh my God, you're right." And on the tip of my tongue, I was about to say, "See, sometimes a grownup even needs their mother." And I almost held back and I thought right in that split second, why am I holding that back? I really want her to know I need her. So I said, she was talking and I waited until she was out and I said, "Oh, the clock thing. I go a sometimes even a grownup needs their mom." That's like a real risk like tentative. And she goes, "Oh, I'm glad or something." And I go --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:27] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:29:28] It's a risk, and I took it and it paid off and even if she kind of like didn't even realize it, it was for me. So I think I got it. That's my great work too, is going, I got to work me to be closer to the people who I really want to be with because at the end of the day there's going to be five, two, three people and you go, "Oh, they know how I feel about them." And that's tough.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:53] Yeah, it is tough. Especially if you've spent your whole life being not vulnerable at all. I know what you mean by that risk. There are people listening, watching right now. I'm sure they understand this really well where they're like, "Man, the idea of telling my mom, thanks for teaching me a great work ethic." Like they will not ever do that.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:30:11] Oh, God, I got short of breath, sitting there. Yeah, just going, thank you for this. Thank you for that. You know my mother is the type she comes from the era where she will never say I'm sorry. She's like, "Remember when Fonzie on Happy Days," which is way before your time, "Couldn't say I'm wrong. And he would go, hu-hu-hu." My mother could never say I'm sorry. She now says thank you up 50 times a day and I have no idea why. And I go, that's her I'm sorry.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:36] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:30:37] So it's basically meeting her where she is and going, "Oh, mom really means I'm sorry."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:42] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:30:42] And I just love that. But that's again this whole vulnerability thing. That's why when I was learning how to put together workshops, because we do this food and body image workshop, this when it's time to change workshop, I said how can I show them vulnerability? Even the one Lisa Lampanelli brash or whatever, tell them the story about change, the story about food and body image. And you know what's weird? You know this already. The second you tell your story and they see that realness; they open up. And I'm like, how am I in a room of 50 women and men too, usually gay men, who are talking about their food and body image issues with tears. I'm like, "Oh because I showed them it's okay." So I think if all I have to bring to the table is showing you, you could be you then that's what I'm here for at least for now.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:31] Yeah, sure. I understand that. And you recently lost a bunch of weight.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:31:35] Yeah, seven years ago I lost 107 pounds.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:31:37] 107.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:31:38] I'm very specific. I own it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:41] Oh, yeah, if you're trying to lose weight. Count every single.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:31:41] Yeah kept it off seven years and every day, biggest effing struggle ever. It is so hard to keep weight off. And again it's that thing where that's why I decided the only way I can help people is showing them on stage through storytelling stuff about the deep issues of food and doing workshops or coach them one-on-one and going I did it. You can. But I get how hard it is.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:11] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:32:11] Because that's why I could never be a personal trainer or anything hardcore. It's almost like you can't yell at yourself. You can't yell yourself out of a food obsession.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:19] That's true. Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:32:20] You have to kind of gently pry it loose because that's your alcohol, that your drug, that's whatever obsession you have. So yeah, it's interesting with the weight, it's a big thing for me.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:31] Going back to the switch from comedy and your "meltdown" video --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:32:37] And I love that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:37] -- last time in San Jose, what was going on there because that seemed -- to the casual observer, that's what it looked like, "Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit. I'm out of this industry."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:32:45] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:46] But maybe it wasn't that maybe --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:32:47] Oh no, no, that was my second to last show because I had planned it. I think we started talking about that date as my end date a year back where we're like, "Don't take any more dates after June." I think it was 22nd because there was one after that, I think LA or San Diego. But that happened to coincide with when you give notice at work and then your boss fucks with you one last time and you're like, "Fuck it, I'm out to here." So it was definitely where I was like, okay, I'm done with this. But the decision obviously had been such long in the making because you have to save the money. You have to really be ethical about not breaking contracts and all that. So I hadn't wanted to do those last few shows, but I didn't hate it. So I even said to my manager like, "I'm not hating it. Should I stay in it?" And I think that show was meant to show, "Okay you're done."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:39] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:33:40] You know? So yeah, it was cool because I like those meltdowns because every comic has at least 80 in their career. Like I love those. But watching it, it was interesting. They were talking about it on Stern one day and I love the Benji who I feel is clueless for the most part, said something like there's a lot of pain in what she's saying because what I was yelling was, "I don't need any of you to help me. I don't need this." And it's not about that incident. So it was basically, the way it started was I was telling a woman who was on crutches to move up further because the guy behind her was too loud and she was going like this, you know, like bracing. So I was saying to her, "Hey, come on honey, move up." And I guess it was taking too long for some guy who was drunk and he said, "Oh just shut up and start telling jokes or whatever." Which is like I don't -- I'm self-employed. Like I don't take orders. So I'm thinking it hit me so wrong that some guys telling me to shut up because that's not my life, men don't tell me to shut up. I never had a father who did that or my brother or anybody. And then I think here I am trying to help and I'm getting shit on like so all this like weird messages zone on. So I was like I always wanted to do this on-stage and I go really, motherfucker. I said something like, "I'll just pay you back for your ticket. I go, "Fine." I go, "Get the fuck out, I'll pay you to leave." Like I always loved that power move. It's so cool. And I always want to have money to do that. Like it's like there's whipped the money out and go home, watch a motherfucker.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:19] Get out to here.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:35:19] And then he's drunk. So he goes, "I'll pay you to shut up." And I go, "Okay." How dumb on his part? So he gives me $20. And I should've thought about the optics better because I thought, okay the three choices are: You rip it up and throw it in his face. But that's wasteful. So that's not good. Because you know somebody who's filming it. Then I go crumble it up and throw it in his face or take it, which looks really cheap.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:46] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:35:46] I should've thought of the fourth option, which would have been, I'm going to take this and donate it to me to charity. So that would've been a bold move. Didn't think quick enough, threw it in his face, which was fine. And security got him out. And I was thinking, man, this guy really was a hot button for me because of being told to shut up.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:36:06] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:36:07] I don't like that. Plus I think it was a time where I was never into like me too because I've never been mean to it or anything. Thank God. But I think it was just like, I was like, well everybody's finally speaking up for themselves. I'm going to because shockingly, even as an insult comic, that was the only time I spoke up like off stage I didn't. And I was like, "Oh I'm speaking up for myself starting today." So it was kind of cool.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:30] It is cool, especially when you have context. But it's funny you say you never spoke up because now I'm thinking --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:36:35] I know off stage.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:36] You do a roast of other people. Basically, you're just letting them have it.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:36:40] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:40] Which is really funny. And I actually, I'm not a comic of course, but as you can tell and then everyone listening knows that that's funny. But I did a roast of another podcaster at this event called PodFest and I loved it and it was super fun.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:36:54] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:54] And I thought, Ooh, it's a little addicting to let people really have it, like a kernel of truth, especially if it's somebody you like because you get to just, dump on them.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:37:04] Well that's the best part. Like me and Jeff Ross always had the best jokes about each other because you could go the farthest because you knew there was genuine love. Like I don't have genuine love with a lot of comics, you know because me and I kind of came up together and there was this and there's this love in his heart. That's a lot of comics who I don't like, don't have that genuine thing. And he just is such a sweetheart that we knew we could go there and give a little wink and go, "It's okay." Like, I know you're kidding.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:37:33] You're listening to The Jordan Harbinger Show with our guest Lisa Lampanelli. We'll be right back after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:37:38] This episode is sponsored in part by Hunt a Killer. And so this is a game, but it's not like a board game. It's kind of like an escape game that you get by mail for your house. I know that's a little confusing, but this is your new favorite obsession here. Hunt a Killer is a monthly subscription game where you become a detective immersed in a murder mystery and each month you get crime scene photos, you get evidence. There is motive and suspect information that you'll need to solve a crime. And it's really interactive. It's really convincing. It looks kind of real. Feels kind of real. So there are newspaper clippings, there's clothing left at the crime scene, and it's kind of like you're working this case and it's not. It's actually not easy at all. So if you're really good at puzzles and you're really good at figuring things out, you'll love this. But I would say that this is challenging. I enjoy it, but it's challenging. It's great. You can play it solo; you can play it with the date, which is kind of cool. You get to see; you can test people's patience. You can play with friends for a game night. You can swap some theories. They have an online community as well of people that are at the same place in the story. You don't get spoilers. There's like 60,000 people in there and they have 1,000 five-star customer reviews. This is a very popular game that sort of for now is still a little underground. And Jen and I played it and we were like, wow, okay. This is a really novel concept that I haven't seen. Jason.
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Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:13] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers keeps us going and keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals, and don't forget the worksheet for today's episode. That link is in the show notes at jordanharbinger.com/podcast. If you're listening to the show on the Overcast player for iOS, please click that little star button next to the episode. It really helps us out. And now for the conclusion of our show with Lisa Lampanelli,
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:40] It's fun. I've heard though that some of these Comedy Central roasters, I think Friars Club maybe, maybe less --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:39:46] Oh, no, it's Comedy Central probably.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:48] There are people that say, wow, I feel bad after that. Or it takes like an emotional toll on the people.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:39:53] I think it does. I remember Danny Aiello, who I love got roasted at the Friars Club. This was before I was a member and they said he cried because he's so sensitive, but didn't cry like, "Oh, poor me." He was just like, "Oh my God," like a kid. And he's such a sweetheart. I remember I'm sitting in a roast at the Friars and it's one of those closed-door roasts and I was the roastmaster for Pat Cooper. Danny was next to me at the podium. Yeah, I'm at the podium. I'm sitting there and Danny sitting next to me and after every joke, somebody made about me, he would grab my hand and go, "Are you okay?" And I'm like, "Yeah, it's a roast." And then go, "Oh what a sweet guy." So yeah, I think some people really don't know what they're getting. Me, I always know and I always was like, oh, whatever I'm saying to them is so much worse than what they're saying to me. But also again, I never roasted anybody I hate. You can't ever roast anybody you hate.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:44] You can't do it.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:40:44] I mean I can't, that's why I turned down, I remember the first roast they turned down, it's not because I hate him, but I turned down the Charlie Sheen roast because I knew he was mentally ill at the time. And I go that's not fun. Like that would feel like dirty. And I was old enough that I was like, "Come on, have some morals here." And what was great about it, Amy Schumer came up to me I think a year later and go, "Thank you so much for turning that down because I got to do it. And now everything took off." So I go, "Oh my God, isn't the universe just telling you exactly the right thing to do? I was supposed to turn that down. She was supposed to do it and now she does such good work."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:41:27] I love going, look at the reinforcement of us just doing what's right in our gut. That's what every time I ignore my gut, I was in a bad relationship, a bad marriage. I used food for the wrong reason. I was in the wrong career too long. I go, boy, isn't it great? Just all this evidence. It stacks up whenever we do the next right thing.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:47] Sometimes though, our gut is telling us not to do something, but we're really just scared to do it and we should do it.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:41:52] But that's not our gut. I think our gut, instinct knows, but that's the fear is overlying. It is covering it up.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:00] Oh, interesting.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:42:00] So if we work on the limiting beliefs in the fear, and that's the one thing about the coaching program. I'm involved in Martha Beck who just, I love because very gentle. It's basically dissolving limiting beliefs. I mean basically if at the end of the day, one person who comes to you can say, "I'm scared to move forward," and you figure out why because the two basic limiting beliefs we all know its worthiness. I'm not enough and I'm going to die alone or I'm not loved. That's basically everything comes down. My friend Vicky, who loves you, calls it the six degrees of worthiness. Any fear that comes up comes down to one of those things. So I go, wow, just by shaking loose the fear of something. Like someone knows in their gut, they're in the wrong relationship. If you can shake it and dissolve that fear like a loose tooth has gone, the fear of dying alone really isn't going to -- there's no guarantee you're not going to go die alone if you're still with this bad guy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:58] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:42:59] So why not get rid of the bad guy and see what happens? Your life might open up. Because, of course, turning down the Charlie Sheen roast, the first thing might be, "Suppose they'll never ask me again? Oh my God, I'll never do a roast again. What will happen? My career will be over. Oh my God, I'll be homeless." Everybody goes to homeless by the way.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:13] Right, catastrophizing.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:43:14] Oh, I love that because I do it too and it's hysterical. Like today even, oh my God, I'm doing with this -- my dream has always been to do Dancing with the Stars.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:23] Okay.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:43:24] I have in, yes --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:25] Like for real do it or --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:43:27] Yes.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:28] You should do it.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:43:28] Well, we've asked and I had done the Celebrity Apprentice, so at the time it was too close and they said no. But I have in my mind a delusion that I'm the greatest ballroom dancer ever ends up. I totally am because I'm doing a charity one for this charity in Connecticut. I'm having so much fun. I'm really having a good time. But I wake up this morning, there's a text from the teacher saying, can we move your lesson Thursday to earlier and this is why catastrophizing. Oh my God, they're starting to cancel things with me. Suppose I'm not good. Suppose I lose. Suppose say that, suppose say this, I'm going to be a laughingstock and everyone will hate me. You really just go down the road.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:10] That was quick for you.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:44:11] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:11] That's a quick trigger.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:44:13] It's a big one for me of people changing plans and then I just go, "Wait a minute, you're going to have fun. It's a blast. Who cares who wins? It's for charity."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:21] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:44:21] Have fun. So I think we just go to that extreme, but we got to rescue ourselves back and then follow what's in here. Which for me was, you're having a blast dancing. It's good for you. So gut is always good. It's the shit we pile on top of it to like delete -- what's the word? Like just cover it up.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:40] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:44:40] And we can dig to it. Because I'll ask somebody, I'll go, "Honestly, what do you really think?" And they'll go, "Oh yeah, I shouldn't be married to that guy." I'm like, "Okay, well do you think you're ready to move forward?" "Nope." "Okay. Let's see what we can do." But man, nobody moves at the pace I want them to.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:56] Where you catastrophizing as a kid and then you're like, "I need to do something to cover this up"? Like what are --?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:45:02] Oh it's catastrophizing came that made it, the type of comedy I got went into because I tell this in my storytelling show, I had an event like my fifth time on stage and I got heckled and it was about my weight and you should have seen this. I went home. I'll never forget. I was at my mother's house. I remember sitting right and they have a sunroom. I sat there with a reporter's notebook and I wrote like a hundred insults for any time anyone could say anything to me. What I would say back like I took every category of person. Like you know, if it's a hillbilly, I'll say, "Oh yeah, the only reason you're here is because blockbuster was out of Ernest Goes to Camp." You know, that was why I would really like, I drilled them all down. Old guy, fat chick, fat guy, thin girl, old man. And I went and I said, "I'm going to get them before they get me." And you know, once you're armed, you never need to seem to need the weapon.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:02] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:46:03] So that was all look catastrophizing, but yet it netted me this great career. It netted me this great, finances where I can now take care of my dad and my mom and they don't have to go into a nursing home. And gets me now to be able to help people a lot of the times if they can't afford a rate to go and let me give to it for you for a little tiny bit of money. You go, wow, I was supposed to do that. So in that instance, overreacting helped, but then it was bringing it back to what your real mission.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:34] Yeah. Especially because a yes made it help you with your comedy career, but it's still taking a toll on your mental health. Like, you can't be like, oh, I'm just writing comedy when you're like shredding everyone around you.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:46:45] Dude, exactly. Well, I even noticed yesterday you had hooked me up with another podcast --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:50] Mind Pump.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:46:51] Yes. And it was really fun. Three really good-looking buff guys and a little producer.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:56] Sorry, sorry.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:46:58] No, no, no, he's real nice. And I found that I would say --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:02] He's going to love that.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:47:02] I'd be like, "Hey, you guys, you're so hot." And I go, "Not you little whatever." And I would make fun of him. And I go, I'm still kind of, when I'm a little, you know, in my jokey mood, I still go to the insult. And afterwards I said to him, I go, I apologize if whatever. And he goes, "No, no, that was fine. That was funny." And I was like, "Okay, good." So now I got to really fact check myself of like, why did I do that? I wonder like what was going on? Was I afraid to concentrate on the good-looking guys? Like literally am I so scared of men that I go, Oh, I have to deflect. I have to not concentrate on them or even look them in the eye like I got really -- I'm 57.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:40] You're having no trouble looking me in the eyes. So now, I'm offended.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:47:42] Well, you're a mountain of a man. You're a gorgeous person. But isn't it interesting how if we don't start like I don't start questioning every little stupid thing I do? I go, I'm going to just stay stuck and I won't.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:56] Yeah. That's a good point. Do you drive yourself crazy questioning everything that you do now? Is that okay?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:48:01] No, I think it's the only way to live for now because it gets less and less because you see your patterns. Like my big pattern is I just realized what this new shrink that I never learned to deal with disappointment. Like she said to me at one point after we talked about my family, she goes, "How did your family deal with disappointment?" I go, "I have no idea what you're talking about." And she goes like, "Did they, you know, could you vent about your feeling?" "Vent feelings, what?" It's like, "No, you don't have feelings." So if like say a friend disappointment disappoints me or betrays me, quote-unquote, I don't even know how to react. I either shut down or bail and there's something in between. So that's why I'm learning about those deeper connections with people because you can just run away from everybody, but then you're going to be 80 with the five surface friends versus the five deep friends. So I like questioning myself because I go, "Hmm." But also, I have friends who get it and can talk about that stuff versus like just surfacey people.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:00] Yeah, that's, that's hugely important. Especially if you're going through that now you can't have people being like, "Oh, I'm uncomfortable with all this stuff you're talking about." You'll either go back in your shell or --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:49:11] Then I got to go, "Well, they can't go there." And you know what I do out of kindness for change, I internally bumped them down to acquaintance, but don't tell them because it hurts somebody's feelings. If you go, "Well, you can't go there. So I'm just going to really put you to once every three weeks." You just do it. And then guess what? You can accept them where they are. They accept you where you are. You can have your coffee date, your game night, whatever, but they're just meant to be that. And who knows? Later on, maybe we all go deeper.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:40] I think so. In my experience, a lot of people will go -- they'll have a hard time and I'll reach out to them and go, "Hey, I know that you lost a pet, or you lost a relative." And they'll go, "You know, you're one of the only people that's called me." And I'll be like, "Oh." And I'll even say -- this is hurtful in a way, but it's almost like ripping off the Band-Aid. I'll go, "Yeah, I noticed that. You're afraid to tell people a lot of things about your life. So maybe a lot of people are afraid to talk to you," and they'll be like, "Oh my God, really?" And you're like, "Yeah."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:50:07] I love that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:08] And it's hard on them, but they need it at that time.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:50:11] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:12] The door is open, it cracks. And I'm not going to be like whispering in that crack. I'll kind of just kick the door open and then either they go like, "Wow, I really hate talking to Jordan." Or more likely, they'll appreciate it.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:50:22] Well that's good. You make two good points. First of all, I have to correct one thing you did say, open it a crack. It's opened a can and tear. Now you've got to use the technical terminology we learn in coaching. But see, I can't resist that one. Yeah, of course. And I love that. That's what makes me laugh is like anyone gets coached by me, thinks that's what they're going to hear all the time. And I've only said it once in coaching, but it's the fucking Tony Soprano. I got to tell him twice on the show. But it's true though because you see that opportunity. I bet it has served you when other people's done stuff like that to you. So you know it works.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:56] Definitely. Yeah. I was crying about something months and months ago and my friend who had texted me to see how I was doing goes, "Hey, you've been kind of like negative and shitty the last two times I've talked to you. Like what's going on?" And I was like, "Oh I'm going through like all this different stuff." And he goes, "Yeah, that's, that is horrible and I get it. But probably all this negativity is not helping." And I was like, "I can't really argue with that."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:51:22] I love him. See that. I think that's a good coach too. That's a great move. That's like the people you go, "Oh I know we're going to be friends forever." I don't like yes people. A matter of fact told all my good friends about a year ago I said, "I know I'm formidable. I get that." Like one of them said, he goes, "Sometimes I'm just afraid because you're formidable and like it's really hard to stand up to you." And I go, "Well I need you to be the person who challenges me." I go, "It does not feel good to be on the Island where people are afraid to tell Lisa the truth because she's formidable." And so I'm really conscious with him now especially to when he does say, "You know you did the wrong thing." For me to go, "Okay, I remember he said that that scares him, really react from love," and honestly like I just grow from this guy a lot. Like I never thought he'd -- I hate to say man up but really get the balls to do it because there are some people that are tough. You think they're so tough and not inside we all just want to be told how we can be better.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:24] Sure. And people are scared of you because they think you're going to rip them a new asshole.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:52:28] Which by the way off stage that really doesn't happen. It used to. I have had so much anger for a while. It did happen a lot. And then about say 10 years ago, I really started working on it, but it's still hard. Like once every six months, I'll go off, like literally.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:45] Like to a friend or just unknown --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:52:48] No, like on somebody. Well, this may be a few years ago, I had a hair appointment. It was Christmas Eve --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:54] For your Latifah haircut that you got.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:52:54] Oh my beautiful, my beautiful Justin Bieber fucked Marge Simpson hairdo. And I was like at the time I had really long extension so it was going to take a while and the guy was taking too long. "Look, man," I go, "I got a lot to do too, just like everybody else." And I think it was because, of course, my dad was sick at the time. Like it's always some convergence. And I noticed the minute I had to stop yelling was I called Jimmy who was married to at the time. And I'm telling him the story because it's usually funny because I can make it funny as a story and I noticed it wasn't funny. I go, "I'm not making myself laugh and I'm feeling dirty telling this." And I go, "This has to stop again." My shrink is great because she goes, "You'll do it again. And that's okay. The point is you forgive yourself and you do better." She goes, "Your problem is you just would hate yourself. You let yourself off the hook or you hate yourself. How about in the middle we make mistake and then we go, 'Oh, it's okay Ike sugar.'“? Okay, I was supposed to give up sugar for a week in solidarity with my friend because I told her I'd help her. They come out with free desserts last night. Are you kidding? It's ungracious at a fine San Jose Restaurant to turn down the free dessert because they made it special.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:08] She always never gives out for dessert.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:54:12] I eat a little bit and I'm like, "Whoa, I forgive myself for that and move on and today's better." So I don't know. I think we as coaches to you, you know this, it's not helping them to beat them up unless they say, "That's the only thing that motivates me, man. I'm going to tell you what my limit is." Okay. But usually, it's pretty much that line in between.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:34] All right. So you've retired from comedy --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:54:37] Stand-up comedy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:38] Oh, okay. Stand-up comedy.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:54:39] November of 2018.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:41] So like four months ago or something.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:54:42] Yeah. Yeah, the best thing ever.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:45] It's interesting. So you say you retired from stand-up comedy but not comedy period?
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:54:49] Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not performing. Meaning tired, retired from stand-up, like doing comedy alone in a show. What I do know is, as I said, the food workshops, the other workshops, the coaching one-on-one, but also I do a storytelling show about food and weight issues. So me and two other actors and another comic go up and we tell stories about food and weight. And again, it's not dirty. It's not insulting. It's not punchliney, but it's really, really funny. Because honestly when you talk about your own issues and campy funny about it, then you're not bringing it to the table.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:23] No.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:55:23] But also it's a lot of heartfelt stuff because the true full story, I have one story that I tell now that I used to do stand-up and they didn't get the full story, so they got kind of the funny stuff, but not the real heart stuff. And this one, I have to take the dare to go, oh, I have them laughing and now I tell them how it sunk in and how it really affected my life to get the surgery and everything. It's a Trump story about The Apprentice, but I like going, oh, I can perform but have a point. My point is no longer making fun. It's sort of showing who I am. If you like it, that's great. If not, that's great too. And shockingly, it's getting accepted to all these huge like prestigious theaters, which I'm cracking up about because I go, how did this -- by the way, who has it better than me? How did this transition happen so fast?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:15] Sure. Yeah, it was pretty quick.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:56:17] I think people need to note this in your life, people, I'm not preaching to you, but I am. If you know it in your gut, I'm telling you the universe swoops in when you do that work because I announced it on Stern. Suddenly, Dr. Drew calls, then Wendy Williams, then Dr. Oz, then you, then this one Dr. Mark Hyman, this one, that one, the other one, and all the coaching clients come in, the workshops fill up, the freaking show starts going all over the country and places that wouldn't take me because they don't do comedy. They do serious plays. So look people, if you learn something from Lisa Lampanelli, go with your gut because what's the worst that can happen? I could've fucking just maybe worked harder and longer, but there are blessings. Don't you think?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:59] Yeah, I mean, I recently went through a crazy transition as well, where I left a business I was doing and a show I was doing for 11 years. And it was like this rough rocky thing and I started off on my own with The Jordan Harbinger Show and now I'm like, oh, the best thing that ever happened to me, which is what all my friends are telling me, what all of my CEO buddies were like, "Look, this sucks now. You're better off." But, of course, you don't believe them. Then you're like, "No, I want to whine about it and get sympathy." And they're like, "Great, here's sympathy. You're better off now."
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:57:26] Dude, I'm so proud of you because everyone loves your show. I honestly, everybody, I talked to is in the spirituality business or you know, this kind of help business loves your show. And I could tell he was supposed to be doing this all along. I know that my life's work is this. Like I just know it and just like, you know, what about the podcast. Doesn't it feel that way?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:49] Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:57:51] And in the other show. Did you dislike it after a while or had you like it?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:55] I liked doing the show because that was substantially doing what I'm doing now except I worked with people that were like really toxic, really negative.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:58:03] Oh okay.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:03] Holding everything down. No new initiative that we wanted to do for the show or the business would work because they didn't want to play ball or they were like, "You're hogging the limelight." And I'm like, "Take the limelight. I don't care. Just do the show with me." And it was like, "No." So it was like a whole big mess. It was like carrying a bunch of dead weight.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:58:19] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:19] And then it was like you get out of the company and I was like, "Oh no, this is traumatic." And now, I'm like, "Oh wait, I get to work with my wife and all my best friends." Because the team came with me that was doing the show from the old company. Everyone came with me. So it was like, wait a minute. It was almost like you fired yourselves.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:58:34] I love that. And yeah, what initially sort of felt like scary about doing it on your own?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:41] Just that I had to start over. Right. I was like, "Oh, I can't take this old brand and all the subscribers I have to like do this new thing. How's anyone going to find me?" Just like you probably have thought about with your workshops and then yeah, you call your friends, Dr. Drew included, who we both obviously love.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:58:56] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:57] And suddenly it's like you get a bunch of exposure through your friends and your pals and everyone's like, "Oh good Jordan, you're on your own." And I'm like, "Wait, you were waiting for this?" Like the whole audience are right in there. Like finally you left that old company. Thank God. Now you're on your own. The show is better. It's really --
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:59:10] See that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:10] I was like the last person to find out that that's what needed to happen.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:59:14] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:14] Because I resisted it for years.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:59:16] You know what's interesting too, I have a manager who, she's been with me from my first roast, the Chevy Chase Roast back in like 2000 something, I mean 19 something. She fully supported this so much because she's so not about the money and everyone was always like, "Oh, she's going to give you shit about it because she wants to make money." I'm like, "No, no. We're friends more than we ever have been since I quit."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:40] Interesting.
Lisa Lampanelli: [00:59:41] And I had people telling me, which I'm glad I didn't listen to, "You don't have to fully commit to this, just you don't have to retire. Nobody retires from entertainment." I'm like, "Yeah, somebody does. It's called me because like I'm not being authentic by saying I'm half in." And I crack up because me and my manager were hanging out the other day and we're like what the fuck happened. I said because we were authentic. We didn't try to hedge. Like you didn't try to hedge, you didn't go, "Hey, I'm going to have a smooth transition and take some of my listeners." And it just like, we can't hedge what we want to do. So that's why I'm like, "Just get all in or just don't do it."
Jordan Harbinger: [01:00:18] Most people though don't quit when they're at the top of the game. Like you hear comedians like I'm retiring and it's like, "Oh who are you again? Oh, okay, that makes sense." You last sold out like a high school gymnasium and half of it was students that came for free. Like you know you get at that and you feel -- I feel bad saying that's probably a shitty thing to say but I don't care.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:00:36] That's probably true.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:00:37] Yeah. But then you get other comedians like yourself and it's like, "Yeah I'm selling out these theaters and I'm on Howard Stern all the time. And it's like well I'm done. It's like to wait for what?" And even Stern was like, "Can you do one roast a year?" And you're like, "Nah."
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:00:51] That's cute. Because he came up to me at the North Shore Animal League Benefit because I really don't do any celebrity stuff except that one, because I just love him and his wife so much and he was just so cute. I just got a thank you for giving it such honor. The way you presented it to your audience. You didn't make fun of me. You were just such a gentleman. And he goes, "I'm so happy for you in this journey, but he goes, please do a roast once in a while," as you said. And I just go in my gut, I know I won't. If he said, "It's done for charity or something." Like it would be so much money, I would be like, of course, what am I an idiot? Like you do the greater good. But just for me for money, it doesn't make sense because also it feels inauthentic. It just feels like you're saying it doesn't feel dirty or awful. It just feels like moving on.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:01:35] I wondered if it may be brought you into a negative headspace at the end. You can compartmentalize that.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:01:38] Because it's clear it. It's so clear what the right thing is to do. Like I just know what I like and what I don't like. You know, like yesterday I was on the phone with somebody I'm doing an event for and it's a reader and writing festival. So last year it was Alan Alda reading from his book and my new book, which I'm pitching in a few months probably will have a couple of chapters written, so I'm going to do that. I'll be their keynote and then they go to me, they go, "Like stay the whole weekend and have fun with us. It's the whole festival." And I go like this, I go, "Yeah, I'm not fun." And they go, "No, no. It's really fun. Like you'll have fun." I go, "No, I know what's fun for me it's doing my event and going home."
Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:17] Oh my God.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:02:18] So I know, I know.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:19] That's funny.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:02:20] You know how it's in arguably what I know about my life.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:23] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:02:23] So I have no fear about just saying what's real and they're like, "Oh, thanks for straightening us out. Like what we think is one isn't what you think is fun."
Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:31] That is kind of funny that you told them that they were probably a little disappointed, but you have to be ready to do that, I guess.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:02:35] Yeah, you have to just go, "No." I like doing stuff that just, when I read a proposal on the page, like somebody asks me to do an event, I'm like, "That sounds like a blast." Someone from Provincetown asked me to do like a reading of a one-person show and I don't even have one. And I said, "Yes," because I go, "I need to write one person--"
Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:55] You just write one.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:02:55] Why not?
Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:57] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:02:57] And so I scared something up. It's a bunch of stories strung together that I'd read to a director and he goes, "This is awesome." I go, "Guess we're doing it."
Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:04] Yeah. Wow.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:03:05] So see, but isn't it wild to just say yes to things where the initial thing is, "Oh my God," instead of, "I better do this because it's good for my career."
Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:13] That's actually, I've been doing that recently too. It's funny you should bring this up because I've been asked to do a bunch of different types of training for law enforcement and military and I've been doing that sort of on the back of the day, but now even more so. And they're like, "Hey, we have this big Silicon Valley client and they want you to teach this." And I was like, "Well, I've never taught that." And I was like, this is one of those inflection points where I can go, "Nah." But then it felt remarkable like saying, "Well, I'm not a coach. I can't do this." Just like it did 12 years ago when people were 13 years ago when people were saying the same thing about coaching then. And I went, no, I can feel I can figure this out and do it.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:03:50] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:50] And now I'm like, I'm in that headspace where I'm creating new stuff, which I haven't done in forever.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:03:55] And how does it feel?
Jordan Harbinger: [01:03:56] It feels great. It's really fun.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:03:58] It's funny you bring this up. I had an exact thing happen. My book is -- I can't tell the exact idea, but there has to be a chapter about working with a population that I'm completely inexperienced with. I know nothing about, my friend Margie has the greatest daughter in the world, Maya, who's as every special need you could think of. And she goes, who's special boarding school? So Margie goes, well, why don't you do a workshop for the kids up there for like two hours? These kids literally will wander away if you don't keep their attention. I am so scared of doing it and I'm fucking doing it and I have to create -- can you imagine, suppose I go up there and I find that I do have a way to communicate with these kids. Just because I'm scared doesn't mean it's bad.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:04:49] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:04:49] Again, the fear is they're going to hate me and walk away and I'm going to be like totally laughed at by special needs kids, which by the way, they would never do. But that's a fear of anybody getting laughed at.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:00] Sure.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:05:01] In my gut I go, I know I'm doing the right thing.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:03] That's so funny.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:05:04] I love this.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:05] It's fun. I don't picture your comedy because I'm thinking of your old comedy.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:05:08] No, it's a workshop. It's like it's a self-acceptance workshop.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:11] Definitely not the same because it's funny to imagine like Lisa Lampanelli circa 2009 onstage with a bunch of special needs kids in the audience.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:05:19] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:19] Ooh, that's yet.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:05:20] Not at all. it is basically we're teaching them how to stay in the game and to have their little -- because they have goals. Like these kids can do enough and a lot of them want to have a relationship and want to have love in their life and want to have a little job. And I'm like, "Oh, it's kind of taken one of my workshops and boil it down to activities that they can get into." So I'm like, who knows? Suppose that ends up to be a population that I just love and end up doing work with. I'm glad you said yes to that because you never know.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:49] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:05:49] Or it might lead to, "Well I don't like that." Cross it off the list.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:05:52] Yeah. That's also as important. I tell people on the show a lot, it's just as important though, not nearly as fun to find something you don't like doing than it is to find something that you do. Like I'll do voiceover and voice work and I took an audiobooks class and the teacher was like, "You know, this is great. We can get you a lot of gigs and stuff because you have this following and like publishers love people the following." And I went, "I hate this." And she goes, "I understand it's not my favorite thing for VO either." And I was like, "Yeah, I just, this is like of all the VO stuff, I hate this the most."
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:06:25] Oh, I had a record, my own audiobook, obviously, because they want you to read your book. Dude, I stand to do it because you're more of a presence when you stand nine hours, three days in a row. That's hard.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:06:40] It's hard.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:06:40] So, if you're not loving it. I'm so glad you said no because also people think I didn't like it. That means I'm weak and I have to conquer it.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:06:49] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:06:49] No, if you have -- I always say, if you can look in the mirror at the end of the night and say, you know what, I tried it. It's not my thing. Who did that hurt? Nobody.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:06:57] Exactly. And also for audiobooks as you know, it's like you can get -- I think they pay you like two and three or if you're like well known, maybe four or five grands for the book. You got to read the whole book three times. You don't usually get to choose the book. You got to read it and then you get a market up and then you've got to read it into the microphone. I'm like I don't even like reading a lot of books one time, especially if I don't choose the book. So you're reading like Japanese Sci-Fi and it's just awful if you can't deal with it or that particular book was. And then I'm thinking, and then option B is you go and you do like a burger commercial and you're like, here's $2,500 and you're like, "Wow, I was there for 19 minutes or like an hour if he had to do a bunch of takes."
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:07:39] Right.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:07:40] And you go and you're done. We ate 7,000 burgers or something, as a result of that. And I'm like, that took an hour. The other one took a week and this one was fun and that one wasn't, it's like such an easy choice. But yeah, there's a part of me, the Detroit part of me goes, well if you don't like it, you should just suck it up and keep doing it. And it's like, no, that's how all of our neighbors and family and friends are effing miserable.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:08:00] Well, and that's how we hurt ourselves. Like even physically too. It's like, we should do this. Should we all Free Solo El Capitan?
Jordan Harbinger: [01:08:07] Did you see that?
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:08:07] That's freaking weirdo. I resent and I'll tell you why. And I really think I've pinpointed why. The story also leads to why I love my nephews and they were brought up, right? I watched the movie and something's bothering me about him and I go, this is pointless. There is no reason for this. There is no, I mean, the movie, yes, obviously.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:08:32] The movie is amazing, Free Solo.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:08:32] But there is no reason for anyone to climb something that's that life-threatening. What's going on with him? I get it. It's a brain thing where you have no excitement levels. Fine.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:08:43] Totally. That's the first thing I thought when I saw that guy --
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:08:46] Yeah, when they did the brain test, I understand he can't get a thrill out of anything.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:08:50] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:08:50] But here's what I hated and why I'm so glad I'm surrounded with the people I am surrounded with. He says in the car, "My girlfriend, she just wants to be happy and cozy, happy and cozy. Whatever got accomplished by anyone who's happy and cozy. I tell my nephews this, they go, "But isn't that the whole point of life?" And I go, "Thank God you were raised right." You don't risk your life for this crap. You risk your life if you're going to help people, you're going to go and do African -- you're going to go to Africa for Peace Corps. Do something. I have one nephew goes to Africa for the Peace Corps. Now, think he's teaching English to a freaking -- no, he built a school in Alaska, in a village for kids who didn't have a school. That's risking your life to help.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:09:36] Yeah.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:09:36] So I'm not mad at this guy who did it. I'm mad at the attitude that happy and cozy isn't enough when it's the goal of life. So now my whole mantra is, does that thing in the email make me feel that way when I get an opportunity? Oh yeah, I'm going to do it. If it's something that's really effed up like, "Come and have fun for four days and we'll pay you like $25,000." "No, because it's not fun because I'll kill myself." You know? So people just need to do that. We all want just peace. All I want is peace and that's what I want for everybody else.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:10:09] That guy's parents and free solo. His parents seemed a lot like, I would imagine in my head, yours were where the mom was like, “You've got to do this. And the father was like, "You've got to work really hard."
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:10:17] Oh not my dad.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:10:18] No, not like that.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:10:21] You know what's wild about my parents. I said to my sister and brother once, I said, "For parents who weren't overachievers, who just kind of worked, and that was great, who never told us to achieve that much and how do we all become such overachievers? And I don't know why." We still haven't figured that out, but what I did figure out is when you're in, you take therapy or -- I was in workshops about food and body and stuff and people would be going, "You know, my mother told me I was so fat, my father fat-shamed me." And I'm going my parents never overpraised us or underpraised us. Like they literally were just parents. You would like, guess what? I figured out they role-modeled that they didn't like themselves. Jordan Harbinger: [01:10:59] Oh, interesting.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:11:00] So I observed it and I go, "Oh, she hates how she looks in that dress. She calls herself fat. He calls him, tells too skinny. He makes fun of himself, but not in a loving way." And I'm like, oh, so that's what I think when it comes to -- it doesn't always have to be the parent, "Beat me up." But you see them and you go, I'm in this melting pot.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:11:21] Right. They're either beating you up and then you go, "Oh they weren't doing that. What happened to me? Well, they were beating themselves up."
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:11:27] And when I think about it was so sad too because they're really good people. Like every friend I have loves my parents and like, man, they were just dead. They're just dented cans. We're all just dented cans trying to bang out the dents. None of us are giving each other botulism, thank God. But that's why I have compassion for my parents because they didn't like themselves. And that to me is really sad because I like them.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:11:53] Well, you're teaching a lot of people to like themselves now.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:11:55] I hope so.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:11:56] Yeah. And thank you very much for coming over. This has been really fun.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:11:59] Dude, I love this. Keep listening to Jordan because he's the man. He doesn't need those losers.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:12:06] I told my friend, I said, "Lisa Lampanelli is coming over tomorrow.” And I thought that's something I never thought I would probably –
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:12:11] Isn’t that the truth. I never thought I'd be on a classy show like this. I feel very -- no, I do feel really grateful because it was really funny when I was on the phone with you that day discussing coming out here and doing the show. I got a text and, of course, I turned the phone over to not be disruptive. I get off the phone with you. It was The Wendy Williams Show saying, come on the show and talk about this stuff. Dude, so you see the gifts and I go, I said, I call my friend Vicky, who's a huge fan and I go, “Dude, Wendy Williams, and Jordan in one fucking 45-minute segment, never let me complain again.” So thank you for making the trifecta. I'm sure there's another one I can add to it.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:12:49] Dr. Drew.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:12:50] Yeah, Dr. Drew.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:12:51] I’ll set up with Dr. Drew and Wendy Williams. That’s fine.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:12:53] Can I do a shameless plug?
Jordan Harbinger: [01:12:54] Do it.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:12:55] Cool. For one-on-one coaching, if you're lucky enough to have me, lisalampanelli.com. I do a sliding scale because self-help isn’t just for rich motherfuckers.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:13:04] Right.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:13:05] Also I do workshops all over the country, probably a big one in San Jose, and that it's at lisalampanelli.com also. And for storytelling shows come to laugh with LL same website. Bye.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:13:17] And we'll link to that in the show notes. Of course, the links will be there to your website, your events are on the website.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:13:22] Yep. Yep, every day.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:13:23] Your website is pretty cool. It's got like the smoke.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:13:25] I love that.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:13:25] It’s really neat.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:13:26] I got a good designer. Talk to him down.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:10:17] Oh, I bet.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:10:17] I know, I like those.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:10:17] It doesn’t look cheap.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:10:17] I know, right?
Jordan Harbinger: [01:10:17] Thanks for coming by.
Lisa Lampanelli: [01:10:17] I love you man.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:13:35] So it was interesting having Lisa Lampanelli in my house. Jason, I remember texting a couple of people and I was like, "So Lisa Lampanelli is coming over tomorrow," and people were like, "Come again. What?"
Jason DeFillippo: [01:13:44] I was one of those people. I was like, "Say what?"
Jordan Harbinger: [01:13:46] Yeah, yeah. I was like, "Yeah. You know the comedian." They're like, "Wait, you mean the one that is super abrasive and shreds people and had a meltdown on stage in San Jose?" And I was like, "Yeah, she was actually super nice, really cool person." And everyone was like, "I got to know how this goes." So here we are.
Jason DeFillippo: [01:14:03] Here we are. I've been a fan of Lisa for years. I've seen like all our specials; seen all our roasts and I was just like fascinated. I'm like, what is going to be like? But it turned out fantastic. She is just a sweetheart. Who would have thought?
Jordan Harbinger: [01:14:16] Yeah, totally. We clicked right away. Super cool. I texted her regularly. I know she's got her houses on the market. So we're talking about random like adult stuff and I'm just like, what's going on? Where I'm like -- it's funny cause you grew up watching people on TV and then you find out they're normal people and really cool and you become friends with them. Like Jay Mohr's another good example where I'm like, "Oh this looks like a really cool guy that I like to hang out with." Meanwhile, I remember clearly watching Jerry McGuire and being like, this is the biggest movie star. This guy's so cool. You know, it's funny. It's funny how that blends together. That alone is a freaking commercial for developing a great network.
[01:14:53] Speaking of which, if you want to know how we managed to do that, honestly, all the fundamentals are in Six-Minute Networking. It's our free course, jordanharbinger.com/course. I know what you're thinking. "Well, no true to make friends with all these people. I'll network later. I'm pretty satisfied where I am right now." I totally get it. Dig the well before you're thirsty though because once you need relationships and you never know when that's going to happen, you're too late. These drills take just a few minutes per day. jordanharbinger.com/course. Speaking of building relationships, tell me your number one takeaway here from Lisa Lampanelli. I'm at @JordanHarbinger on both Twitter and Instagram and there's a video of this interview on our YouTube channel at jordanharbinger.com/youtube.
[01:15:31] This show is produced in association with PodcastOne. And this episode was co-produced by Jason "The Roastmaster" DeFillippo and Jen Harbinger. Show notes and worksheets are by Robert Fogarty and I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. Remember, we rise by lifting others. The fee for the show is that you share it with friends when you find something useful. Hopefully, that's in every episode. So please share the show with those you love and even those you don't. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
[01:16:01] People always ask me which shows I like and which I recommend. And I listened to my friend Mike Dillard, he's got the Mike Dillard Podcast. One guest Mike that you had on recently was Mike Michalowicz, who talks about how to put profit first. And I thought at first though, yeah, of course, profit first. Tell me a little bit about that episode because it's actually quite simple but also kind of genius.
Mike Dillard: [01:16:21] Yeah, Mike brings up a problem that is fairly prevalent for a lot of entrepreneurs myself as well. And that is the fact that when you're an entrepreneur, you're basically living and breathing by your cash flow. And when that money doesn't come in, you've got a choice to make. Do you pay your employees? Do you pay the IRS? Do you pay for your inventory or do you pay for your groceries? And this can just create this live-or-die cycle that just grinds you away as an entrepreneur. And Mike invented this profit for a system that essentially gives you a blueprint to get yourself out of that situation and to ensure that you never get yourself back in it. And so, if you're a business owner, it's absolutely priceless.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:17:01] And of course, we'll link to this in the show notes, the Mike Dillard Podcast, and that episode is How to Always Profit First with Mike Michalowicz. Good luck spelling that one. Again, we'll link into the show notes.
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