167: How to Deal with Jerks on a Plane | Feedback Friday

Transcript for How to Deal with Jerks on a Plane | Feedback Friday (Episode 167)

Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:00] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. I'm here with producer Jason DeFilippo. Here on the Jordan Harbinger Show, we love having conversations with our guests and this week we had Kevin Barrows, retired FBI, current fraud investigator, talking about how to learn and use interrogation skills in our daily lives. We also had our good friend Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator, talking about negotiating like our lives depend on it. I think we had an FBI week. Jason, did you do that one on purpose?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:00:29] I didn't do it on purpose but it's kind of cool that we did.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:31] Yeah, I agree. I think these are great episodes. I also write every so often on the blog, the latest post is How to Make Friends as an Adult. It might sound a bit hokey. Most of us though don't have this skill on lock and this has been a very popular post for a lot of people and we've gotten a ton of feedback of course, because as you know, we never stay on the surface with this stuff.

It's not “Put yourself out there,” type of BS. It's real information you can use to create connections and is a spin on what we're teaching some of the intelligence and other agency types during the courses that I teach. I'm going to be opening up courses to civilians in the coming months. So be on the lookout for that. You're going to hear about that on the show. I left Advanced Human Dynamics. I'm going to be doing these courses under my own brand. So if you see something from Advanced Human Dynamics, that's not me, but I'm going to be doing the courses under my own brand. It should be really interesting. You'll hear about them on the show first.

[00:01:25] So anyway, make sure you've had a look at the blog and listen to those episodes earlier this week. Of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guests insights and experiences to you and our experiences and insights to you. So in other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you. And that's what we're going to do today, here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Keep them concise. We'll get your question answered on the air hopefully. And I'm off for a couple of days to Mexico before coming back and teaching a course to some security guys. So I'm going to get some sun. I'm going to get a little bit of a tansky, hopefully not get abducted by a drug cartel.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:02:00] Little tequila, little a lime, and Corona.

 

Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:04] Yeah. And then I've got my parents coming to visit as well. So it's weird because I'm like, I can't totally pollute myself because I'd like to come back refreshed and not the opposite but you never know.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:02:13] Yeah, you don't want to come back to mom and dad going, “Oh, I cerveza please por favor.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:20] I know. I just pour it down my throat, that's not wise. No.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:02:23] No. It’s not a good sign.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:23] So I hope to get a little tan. You know it's funny, I was looking at my wedding photos. The ones that were like on the wall in the house and I realized that the photographer who's Asian-Chinese, she lightened my skin color because that's like a thing that they think that Asian people want I guess in their wedding photos. And I was like, “Oh yeah, white people.” We're not trying to be more pale. We're not.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:02:45] No, no. Unless you're Irish. Because you know Irish people glow in the dark. But yeah, for you, not so much.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:52] Yeah. So it's weird. Like I'm unnaturally white in a lot of my photos and I was just thinking, “Wait a minute, I have naturally dark skin.” Like what's happening here? And it's super strange. Most people don't notice, but I'm thinking, “Wait a minute.” And so we asked her and she was like, “Yeah, I whiten you up a little.” I was like, “Thanks for that.” And the thing is, I know that did photos are digital, but this one's printed on metal and it hangs on the wall. So I can't just like be print out another one.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:03:20] That's kind of cool though. You have metal photos.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:23] Yeah, it's like a wall hanging photos. So instead of a photo that's in a frame, it's just printed on metal.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:03:29] I've heard of glass. I've heard of canvas. I've heard of all the, the other stuff, but I've never heard of metal unless you're going back to daguerreotypes way back from the day. So that's kind of cool.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:38] No, no, it's probably just like a metal sheet that's like triple thick paper and then they just have some sort of spray on ink. But yeah, I'm a nice and pasty in those. I don't know how we got on this tangent. Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:03:55] Hi, Jordan and team. I have a doozy for you. Last year, I had several bad experiences with passengers on an airplane. I was on my way to a funeral and I had experienced several canceled flights. Things were not going smoothly. I sat next to a woman who took off almost all her clothes. She took off her jackets, boots and socks. Her socks, it fell somewhere and she asked me to retrieve them for her. Oh, gross. I just got to say that is the grossest thing ever.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:23] Yeah, I'd be like, guess you're going on without socks. Ugh. That's so nasty. All right.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:04:28] Oh! It’s so bad. I remember when we were going to the fireside conference and we were on the bus and some girl took off her socks and put her feet up on the windows--

Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:36] So gross.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:04:37] And we were just like, “Oh, that is so nasty.” Oh, don't do that.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:41] Uber tacky.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:04:42] So I gave her socks back and then she started talking to me about her life, something I didn't want to continue obviously. On my way back, I had a window seat on the two seat row. When I arrived at my seat, my seat mate already sat down and did not get up from their seat to let me through and I'm not a skinny person. I walked over that person uncomfortably. Honestly, you should have just rubbed your butt on their face. If they wouldn't get up. That's a dick move. I fell asleep so I didn't have to interact with them, but it was woken up because their arm bumped me when they had opened the window, which I had closed and it was already dark outside. Another Dick move. Tell me, am I overreacting to these situations? Even if I'm overreacting how would you handle overbearing passengers? I know not all airplane passengers are rude, but I feel like these two individuals were incredibly rude and inconsiderate. I didn't know how to handle that situation and ended up being passive and agreeable to the first passenger, which looking back, I regret. The second situation, they disturbed my sleep and didn't even apologize or excuse themselves. What would you do in these situations that make you uncomfortable? What would you have done if you were me? How do you know when to let things slide? How do you interact with people who have passed a personal boundary? Or what are some ways to control these situations or deal with people you can politely not interact with? I will be forever grateful for any kind of suggestions. Sincerely, Frustrated Flyer.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:12] Dude, it’s really gross, honestly.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:06:15] So gross. The feet thing is what gets me. It's just like, “Oh, do not take off your socks on the plane. Don't even take your shoes off on a plane. What's wrong with you? It's disgusting.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:28] It is gross. You ever go and see the people that go to the bathroom and their socks and you're like I'm trying hard not to step in giant puddles of urine with my shoes in this bathroom.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:06:37] Yeah. It's so funny. I was watching Twitter the other day and Brian Koppelman actually went to go to the bathroom on a plane and realized that he had socks on, that he'd taken his shoes off and he's just like, “He ran back to his seat and put his shoes on. He was like, “I'm not going in there in my socks.”

Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:53] Oh, absolutely not. And then it's like you have to burn the socks after that. This is so gross. First of all, rude. The window thing, this is one of the things that actually annoys me enough to say something, either to the person or to the flight attendant or both. I've got a night mask. I always bring on planes. Even if from flying like during the day time, I'll bring it. Noise canceling headphones because planes are loud. And then half the time I'm in front of somebody who's like, I'm going to have a really loud conversation with somebody across the IOA, and I get it, we're all packed into a tight space and not everyone's considerate. But I will tell you that the window thing is something that I think it, there's a certain level of obliviousness, you know when they dim the whole cabin and they announced we're going to dim the cabin, please close your window shade. And then someone's like, “I want to look out the window now.” And it's like 4 o'clock in the morning, super bright outside.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:07:43] There's nothing out there.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:44] There’s nothing out there, you can't see anything. It illuminates the entire cabin. And now you want to, “Please use the reading light.” This means you're not allowed to open the window. They're trying to be polite. It means you're not allowed to open the window. And so what I found was, I'll tell people, if they're near me, I'll go, “Hey, can you close that please?” And I say, everyone is sleeping or almost everyone is sleeping. And they'll be like, “Oh, sorry, I'm so sorry.” Like, I get it, you're oblivious, you fly once every five months, you forget that it's at night flight or do you wake up and you don't realize it's illuminating the whole cabin. It's still rude, but it might be unintentional.

[00:08:21] But there was one time where I was flying home from China and this guy just kept opening his window and it's like 4 o'clock in the morning San Francisco time. And he's just like, “Screw it, I want light.” And so first, I thought he had opened it and then fell back asleep so I shut it. He opened it again wider and kind of like this passive aggressive way. So said, “Excuse me, you have to close that.” And he pretended like he didn't understand me except I'd heard him speak English fluently, like the whole time, and so I was like, “Okay, ding.” Flight attendant comes up. I'm like, “Hey, everyone's trying to sleep.” She goes, “Oh yeah, of course.” She's like, “Excuse me, sir. Can you close that?” And he’s like pretending he doesn't understand her. He clearly does. She closes it, she goes away, he opens it. So I ding again, just so she knows that he's not cooperating. She's like, “Excuse me, sir. This has to stay closed. Everyone's sleeping.” She’s like a little pissed. She goes away a few minutes later he opens it again. So I get up to go to the bathroom and I go, “Keep this shut. Keep it shut.” I'm not aggressive, but I'm like, “Hey, it's not just the flight attendant following the rules. You're actually being an asshole.” And he's like, oh, okay. So he doesn't do anything. I go and shut it and I look him just dead pan in the eye, not like trying to challenge him. I'm just like, “Keep it shut, please.” And I smile. I go back to my seat and he opens it again. So I called the flight attendant, I got up again and I said, “Excuse me, if you won't leave this shut, you need to switch seats as in like, please switch this guy's seat.” And she goes, “Sir, that you have to keep the shut. You're disturbing the whole cabin.” And then he starts mumbling in Chinese probably just cussing us out in Chinese.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:10:02] Of course.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:02] And of course, then one of the male flight attendants, or like one of the other guys came over and was like, “Is there a problem here?” And he just kept mumbling in Chinese and ignoring us. So when we landed, I was like, “What's your policy for the guy who disturbed this security of the flight?” And they were like, “We're so sorry.” And I was like, “Yeah, you should report that.” And they're like, “You know what? You're right.” And so they actually called security on this guy, they didn't arrest him or anything, but he was really nervous that he had to deal with the consequences. Now what I wish I had done is said something about that earlier. Like, “Look, you're coming to the United States. You can't reenter if you'd cause trouble on this flight.”
Jason DeFilippo: [00:10:45] Oh, yeah.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:46] Do you have a blue passport? If not, you might be going home. So keep your effing window shut. I don't want to do that kind of thing, but he just didn't care about anyone else on that flight. He wanted the window open and so he was willing to make everybody else uncomfortable for the whole flight.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:11:03] Such a dick move.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:03] Such a dick move. Really bad. Really, really bad. And in the past, honestly, if I wasn't a normal productive member of society, trust me, I thought about doing other things. Not like punching the guy in the face, but I'll tell you, there was a moment there where I thought, “Oh yeah buddy, guess what happens when I go up to customs and I saved that guy said he had drugs in his bag. Bye.” Like “Oh okay, you want to stay at the airport for seven hours and maybe not come in.” But then I thought like, “Okay, that's the punishment doesn't really fit the crime on that and I'm lying to the police.” So that's just bad all around. But trust me, I thought like maybe you don't get to come to America with your friends now. You prick.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:11:40] Yeah, I know. Trust me. I know. Because there's a very easy way to get up and stand up and pretend you're like walking over your neighbor if you're in the middle of the seat and elbow somebody in the carotid very easily, which will knock them pretty much out.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:55] I know it's just, and look, I realize I'm totally triggered by this thing, but it's like this is so rude and entitled. The other thing is with the whole socks thing, she sounds just socially inept. I would say, “I don't want to touch your socks. Sorry.”

Jason DeFilippo: [00:12:10] That's exactly what I would've said. We've heard this on Adam Corolla all the time, like people that get on planes and take their shoes off, take their socks off, and then the worst, the worst of the worst are people who clip their toenails on the plane. That should get them ejected at 30,000 feet in my humble opinion. But unfortunately, we live in a different society.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:12:34] I'll tell you what, always polite, always smiling firm, but polite, polite, but firm. Some won't get it. If they're talking to you, you can put your headphones on, you say, “I'm trying to focus on reading. It was nice talking with you.” That's key. Nice talking with you. Then you put your headphones on and you just straight up ignore. The other thing is I did have someone take off their shoes on a flight and then they put their feet between the window and the armrest and they actually touched me with they're disgusting feet.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:12:59] Oh.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:00] And I'm like, look, not everybody finds feet so gross. But I was a little offended and they were in my space at that point, like you know.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:13:07] Yeah.

 

Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:08] So I turned around and I loudly said, “Excuse me, your feet are on my arm rest and it's pretty disgusting.” And she was like, “Oh.” And I was like, “Yeah, you get to complain and throw a tantrum, but this is gross. I'm not going to let you get away with it because you want to.”

Jason DeFilippo: [00:13:25] Yeah. Seriously, grow up.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:27] Yes. Maybe I'm turning into Adam Corolla, but I don't want your dirty socks on my bare arm for four hours. I'm not being unreasonable.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:13:35] No. I mean, it's personal hygiene and you know what? What if you just unzip your pants and put your balls on her, you know, seriously. It's like, okay, your feet to me or my balls on you. So what do you think is going to happen? It's just gross. Stop it.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:54] Well, you know what triggers Jason and I guess if you're ever wondering, if anyone's curious.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:13:59] If you ever find is on a flight, please keep your feet and your balls to yourself.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:14:03] Geez. Yeah. All right. Well, we went off on a little self. Look, usually we're pretty positive on this show, but this was one of those things where I thought, you know, I don't want to put up with this. I have trouble with other people not respecting boundaries, but only if it's unintentional I get I, but when it's intentional like this, you got to stick up for yourself because otherwise these people, not only are they going to continue to get away with it, you're doing a society of favor with us, but you gain nothing by not being a little bit confrontational and standing your ground here. I'm not saying you have to throw a temper tantrum. You can call the flight attendant. That's their job to handle it, but they'll understand how rude that is. They will understand that, and that's just, before that some of this is just humans and tight spaces, get a night mask, get headphones, and don't be afraid to be like great talking with you piece, and then just go focus on what you want and pretend to be asleep. That's my move.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:14:54] You know what? My new move is I got a new sleep mask that I wear when I go on a plane. It literally says F off on the front.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:03] Does it just say F or does it actually say?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:15:05] No, it says the whole thing.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:06] What?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:15:07] It does say the whole thing. Yeah.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:08] What if there are kids on the plane, dude?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:15:10] Well, you know I don't care.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:14] You're a grumpy old geek, man.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:15:16] You know who I found this, I found this sleep mask because of our friend of the show, Bob Fogarty, who does all of our notes and our worksheets. He sent me Rob Halford from Judas Priest Instagram account and Rob Halford got on the plane and he was wearing a basically a sleep mask that says F off. And I'm like, “I love that. I want one.” So I went and found it on Amazon for like seven bucks and I bought one and now that's my sleep mask. Just go away. Do not bother me. Keep your feet to yourself. Keep your toenails to yourself. Do not touch my window. Just go away. That's all I care about.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:54] Man, I'd be so embarrassed wearing that. Anyway, let's move on to the next thing. People are already like, okay, I've had it with this. What's next out in the mailbag?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:16:02] The horse is dead. We've beaten it to death.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:16:05] Yeah, totally dead.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:16:06] Hi Jordan. How do you create content that doesn't make people feel like they're excluding other people? With social media, I like that you can connect with people. It makes people feel more relatable. However most anything that's posted, it feels inauthentic. What for me is only about sharing with my family. It could be said that if I'm not doing what other people are doing, I'm lazy or a bad person. Sincerely, socially confused.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:16:30] So this is the social media dilemma. You're either posting to create an image or you feel guilty for not putting up a certain image and that's the inherent problem with this stuff. You're right, you could argue any content is aspirational, but I would say it comes down to intent. For example, if you look at some of these online influencer turds who post pictures of them next to a private jet, a fancy car, they are trying to trigger FOMO, so that sense of lack, that fear of missing out in you because what they're selling is that lifestyle. They are trying to make you feel bad so that you admire them and you purchase their dumb real estate thing or they're stupid way to make money online, whatever it is. Your insecurity translates directly into influence for them, which is what they leverage for cash. It is sales and marketing. It is not classy at all the way they're doing it and it is not healthy.

[00:17:21] However, think of the person who wins a contest and says, “Oh my God, I can't believe I have this once in a lifetime trip on a fancy jet. I'm so grateful. I'm so happy I won this contest to go see the Battery Boys in Las Vegas or whatever.” I wish you were all here with me. There may be triggering some FOMO in other people. Sure, but it's different because they're celebrating. They're humble about it. They're real about it. Perhaps most importantly, it has nothing to do with their business. They're not leveraging this to create influence or to cash. They're just showing off momentarily. It also depends on the greater context of their profile and image. Do they do this constantly or is the rest of their social media pictures of their dog and their friends, Jason.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:18:01] Hey, watch it there buddy.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:02] But that's the thing like you know, look, if you're posting things in your family, because it's like, Hey this is my kids. That's fine. But if you're like my kids are all really good looking and athletic and here's them in designer clothes, it's different. You're trying to get people to think a certain way. You're not just sharing. So it comes down to context, intent of the post, and not just the effect that the post taken out of context has on others. So I'd post pictures of my kids, family, whatever you want. If you're doing it because that's normal. You're sharing with your friends, you're celebrating your kids in your family because that makes you feel good and you think that others who follow you will be interested, then it's fine. But if you're doing it because you want people to say, “Oh, she has it all.” Maybe if I drink magic herb weight loss shakes, I’ll also have a loving family and I'll get to go to Las Vegas, then you're being a jerk on social media. You should re-examine your life goals and how you achieved them and don't wonder why nobody likes you.

[00:18:53] And you'll notice that on Instagram, 90 percent of what I share, if you follow me, I'm @JordanHarbinger. 90 percent of what I share is funny. 5 percent of what I share is serious. Another 5 percent is an image of me with a guest or some content relevant to the show. Most of it is just stuff I think is funny or ridiculous that I see during the day or that you folks send me that puts a smile on my face. That's the majority of what's on there. Most of the stuff I'm not even in. Also, I've never even once asked anyone to buy anything, register for anything. It is not a sales tool for me. It's more just me being a tool actually. So it’s different. If it's, “Hey, there's three spots left in my seminar. I'm on my jet right now. Click here to register.” That's one thing. I don't really do that. And I think people that do that, yeah, they're trying to trigger FOMO. If you're posting a picture of your kids and you're like, “Dylan's first soccer game, that's different.” that's what social media was originally designed for.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:19:50] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you’d be so kind please drop a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really help us out and helps build the show gamily. If you want some tips on how to do that head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let’s hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:21] All right, next up.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:20:22] Jordan, Jay, and Jen. I've been in my role as an outside sales rep in a market leader for 12 years. I've grown, make nice money and enjoy the work. I also get to be home every night with my kids as I only cover a single metro area. Through heavy networking and skills implemented in your networking course. I'm going to have the opportunity in the next few months to join a disruptive startup as their first sales rep. The product is exciting and I see huge potential in it. If all goes well, I'll grow rapidly with an equity stake as this company is poised to explode. Setting myself as a pioneer in emerging technology within the market I already work in, but I'll cover a much larger swath of the United States and be gone several nights each week in a far from stable position. It's also going to take a monumental effort to get this off the ground. Do I stay at the stable place and earn a nice living until I retire at 67? Or do I take a risk in my 30s adding in stress in my family life with the potential reward of retirement in my 50s while trying to avert financial ruin in the short term? My gut tells me I'll regret not going forward. The business world is littered with the stories of people who refuse stock options at Apple in the 80s for a small bump in pay. But then I look at my kids and how fast they're growing up, I'm really conflicted. I keep telling myself is that I'm smart, good at what I do and have connections. Even in a worst case scenario with the new company failing, I'll always be able to put a roof over my kids and food on the table. Signed, Autopilot Mediocrity or Higher Risk High Reward.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:55] So I see your dilemma here. My dad worked a lot. He spent a little bit of time with me, but not as much as he probably could have. He probably regrets it, but he was able to save and retire early. He wasn't a bad father anyway. Don't get me wrong. I have a great relationship with him, but I think he was just really busy. He was a workaholic much like myself.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:22:15] I wonder where that comes from.

 

Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:16] Yeah, exactly. But only you can make this decision. I would say this is something you have to discuss with your family. You might be able to retire early or not, but you don't want to put off your life until then, especially because you're going to miss your kids growing up and you should spend a lot of time thinking and talking about this. Nobody else can tell you what to do here, really. If it were me personally, I just enjoy my family because my dad, I don't think he did. I don't think he had a chance to. He retired with a bunch of extra cash. Now he's enjoying retirement, but probably not as much as he would enjoyed doing more stuff with me and my mom, gone on vacation once in a blue moon. It's a miracle my parents are still together, I have to say. And you may also be able to achieve some balance in the new position. It won't be the same as what you have now, but perhaps you can work your butt off during the three to four work days and then spend Friday nights and weekends with your kids. Only you can really evaluate this. You're the only one who's going to have all the information here.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:23:17] Just personally, I'd like to point out that most of these startups fail and you might not actually make all the money you think you're going to make. And just statistically, if you look at it from a statistical point of view, it's not the safest way to go. I'm with Jordan, it's just like I'm with front loading your life. If you have time to spend with your kids and you have a job, that's okay, do it. Stay with that job and just do it. That's my personal take after being in the industry for so many years where so many people have just put everything on hold, stop their lives and said, “Hey, I'm going to try and win the lottery.” Almost none of them have won the lottery and they're miserable after the fact and then they're just trying to play catch up. So if you have a family and you have kids, just spend the time with the kids.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:10] Exactly. Yeah. Look, either way you'll be happy with your choice. Most likely. It's whether you'll be happy about it long term and whether your family will be happy about it in the short term. That's the question. So you really have to talk with your family about this and find out what you want. You got to get clear on your priorities and your goals. I can't tell you which way to go, but only you're going to know this, and look, retiring with $10 million. I mean, for what? You know, like what do you want to do with it?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:24:41] Yeah, yeah. Seriously. You can't buy history with your kids.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:24:47] No, you can’t.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:24:48] You can't say, okay, I've got an extra $5 million that I can spend, can I get that time back with my kids from when they were five to 12? No, you can't. You spent that time getting money. What the hell does money matter?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:34] Yeah. Getting money later maybe, that's the thing. And a lot of parents have told me, because I'm working so hard and stuff like that, they're like, “Look, when you have kids you're going to stop.” I was like, “No, I'm going to manage all of it.” And they're like, “Kids spell love. T-I-M-E.” And I'm like, “Oh, yeah.”

Jason DeFilippo: [00:25:16] Exactly. Yes, they do.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:19] All this traveling. I'm doing all this sort of on location stuff. I got to figure out how to balance it because I can't keep doing it.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:25:27] Well Jordan, I have a question for you. You are a single child, right?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:31] Only child. Yeah.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:25:32] Yeah, me too. Were you a latchkey kid?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:35] Yeah. It sucked.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:25:36] Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:38] Yeah.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:25:40] That kind of answers your question right there, doesn't it? Would you rather have had time with your parents or would you had them out there making more money that doesn't really do anything for you?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:49] They don't even need it. They're there donating stuff to charity. My mom was a public school teacher. My dad was an auto worker. They donate money to charity. They have a trust fund for like some charitable thing. They are like, “Hey, maybe we'll buy a house near you.” I mean they are not rich but they definitely don't need all of it. Like if they could trade some of their money for more time back then, I guarantee you they would. I’m 100 percent sure they would. The problem is you don't know it back then, but they're not in the same position. They were sort of like, public school teacher and not a worker. If you're comfortable right now and you've got all this time. Oh man, people envy that, the world over.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:26:29] Time is key. It's all about time. So just honestly maximize for time and you don't need the extra money.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:37] My friends, Alex and Mimi Ikonn, they've done really well with this hair extension business and they have the greatest lifestyle. They travel all over with their kid. They work from home. They have a great relationship. They always tell me, every decision we've made, we always optimize for lifestyle and it's just genius. They're like, “Yeah, we say no to things we don't want to do.” And I'm like, duh, duh, duh. Meanwhile they have millions of dollars from their hair extension business. But the thing is they didn't win the lottery. They just always optimized for lifestyle. They got stuff they don't want to do in their business. They hire it out. Even if they make less money. You don't want to work in the office. Cool. Okay, cool. Now you're able to travel all over the world and homeschool your kid. Like they optimized for that. That was their number one priority. So now they've figured out how to make money, a lot of it in that particular set of circumstances that they've created that has the lifestyle already. They figured out the money later.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:27:31] Yeah, that's fantastic.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:32] Yeah, it’s amazing.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:27:33] That really is fantastic.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:34] So now they got crazy good business and they're like, let's go to South Africa for three months. It's great. That's how you do it, man. I'm telling you.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:27:42] Yeah. I just want to just drive that point home. It's about time with your family and the people that you care about. Because I'm 47, I'm turning 48 this year. You're going to be 39 this year?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:27:55] Yep. I just turned 39. You know that, but not everyone else does. Yeah.

 

Jason DeFilippo: [00:27:59] Oh, but it's about time. It's about time with people, because we're not here for very long. I look at the road ahead of me and it is much shorter than the road behind me. So I care about being with family and things like that. So I would never take that deal that he's talking about ever, no.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:28:18] All right, next up.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:28:19] Hello. I've worked as a counselor and social worker for well over 15 years in different agencies. My life has taken a turn. I'm raising my infant grandson and I would love to transition to doing counseling online. I'm not trying to be an online life coach guru. I'm just trying to have a small business doing what I love, helping people. Do I need to be really narrow with my audience or can I reach out to people on a broader spectrum? With my experience, I'm qualified to work with many people but want to make the smartest decision with my business. Feel free to just say I'm crazy and to keep my day job if that's what you think. Love you all. And when is Jen going to get some more air time? I really like when you say the advice that she suggests. Signed, Counselor In Transition.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:03] So it's a little unclear to me which platform you want to get clients from. So I don't totally understand your business here, but let me just plug BetterHelp. They're a sponsor of the show. I mean we went out and got them deliberately because we like what they do. Betterhelp.com/jordan is where people can experience online therapy and counseling. That might be a good place to start. As for narrowing the audience. I think it depends on whether or not there's this specific niche that you're particularly good at or interested in, because there's definitely online counseling. I mean I went to betterhelp.com/jordan the other day to figure out the answer to this, whether or not they are hiring and they literally have a link that for careers because I think they're expanding like crazy for online counseling. It's a huge, huge space these days.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:29:47] Yeah, they've got 3,000 counselors right now and they're definitely looking for more people. And my counselor, I cannot say anything bad about, he's awesome. I've had my one conversation with him and he's helped me immeasurably. So definitely check out BetterHelp if you want to use your skills to help people. For sure.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:05] There you go. It's always better to be specific when you're marketing. And the reason for this is because there's something that a couple of entrepreneurial friends of mine called the bigger net or the wider net fallacy. I don't know if it's a fallacy, but essentially the erroneous thinking is, “Oh, if I say we're general for everything, we'll get more people.” But that's not really how it works. I had a real douchebag friend back in the day. He did it with online dating. In his profile he said no redheads because he liked redheads.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:30:36] What?

Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:38] So wrote no redheads and he knew. And he also liked really assertive women, so he knew and he's kind of just one of those guys or you roll your eyes and everything he does. But he knew that what would happen is a bunch of redheads that were really assertive and confident would be like, why? What's your problem idiot? You don't like red heads, dumb ass! So he would go, well maybe I'll make an exception, and they would end up chasing him. And I was like, “You're a genius, but you're a douche.” So it worked, but think about this. Here's the doctor analogy, right? Would you rather have -- you go, “Oh man, my stomach hurts. Oh, there's something wrong with my gallbladder.” Do you go to the gallbladder specialist or do you go to the doctor who's taken assorted organs out of people over the last couple of decades? You go to the gallbladder specialist, right?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:31:23] Specialist, yeah.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:23] Right, so if you're a gallbladder specialist and you are pancreatic endocrinologist and you're a blah, blah, blah, make separate websites for each one of those things like, “Oh hey look, I specialize in this.” “Oh great.” And then it's their comeback three weeks later and they're like, “Wait a minute, aren't you the same guy?” “Yeah.” But I want the person who says, “Look, I'm gallbladders 24/7, it's all I think, it's all I do. Gallbladders all day, every day.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:31:48] Day to day.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:48] Every day. Gallbladders all day, every day. I want that guy or gal taken out my gallbladder. I don't want somebody who's like, yeah, you should see the things I've removed from people. No thanks, gallbladdersonly.com. That's what you want. You want specialization in a specific area. So yeah, if you're a counselor and you specialize in depression and anxiety, but you can also handle everything else. I would say market yourself as you specializing in that because especially if you like that you're going to end up with a better fit for a position because they might go, “Oh good, we're looking for depression and anxiety.” But if you market yourself as general, but “Hey, it'd be great if I got more depression and anxiety clients.” They're going to throw you into the general pile and then you have to work your way over to the specialty you want. There's a good chance that unless what you're doing is something that everybody specializes in for some reason, being specific in certain areas is always going to help you. It'll help you get hired and it'll help you get the clients that you want.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:32:46] Oh, I needed to tell my therapist about that because he's a very specific anxiety doctor, which is what my thing is. I have generalized anxiety disorder.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:56] I thought you had specific anxiety disorder.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:32:59] Well, oh, hey you. But he is also a master Yogi for doing yoga and stuff like that. He's a Buddhist teacher and things like that. I'm just like, you know, I don't care about that stuff. I'm not doing yoga. I'm sorry, I'm never doing yoga ever. But if you care about anxiety and you have a PhD in anxiety studies, tell me about that. That's what I want and that's why I talked to him and that's what he's really good at. He's also a really good Yogi, but I don't care about that side of things. So you know, that kind of turned me off at the beginning, but once we started talking we just kind of pulled back from it and definitely, I think the specifics are the way to go.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:42] Definitely. Definitely. No redheads.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:33:47] We'll be right back with more Feedback Friday right after this.

[00:33:50] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit Jordan harbinger.com/deals and if you're listening to the show in the Overcast player for iOS, please click that little star next to the episode. It really helps us out. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:34:14] All right, next up.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:34:14] Hello Jordan and Jason. I love your show and both of you give great life advice. I started therapy for generalized anxiety disorder about three months ago. This severity is acute to moderate and my therapist is emphasizing our sessions on social anxiety. I see her about once a month. I currently have a floor level position as a technician in manufacturing where I interact with many people. I've been promoted once but I wished to move up from my current position into a leadership role. However, I fear I would be held back if HR or my bosses knew. My management team has been both supportive and positive, say for the constructive feedback once in a while, but when choosing to promote, my disorder may hold me back. I haven't told anybody about my disorder nor my therapy, but I'm enticed by the idea that my department at least might give me some support to overcome my anxiety, like changing the verbiage, provide more one-on-one feedback sessions, et cetera. Should I disclose my anxiety and my therapy to my employer? Any advice as appreciated. Signed, Overcoming Anxiety.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:16] Wow. Another anxiety question. Very common. I mean this is, dare I say it, an epidemic in our day anxiety is.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:35:22] It is. Yeah, it is.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:24] First things first though, consult and employment lawyer before you do anything here. I want to highlight that. Get a lawyer now.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:35:33] I cannot agree more.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:35] Look, you are playing with fire here. You got to make sure you know what you're doing. My advice is you should probably not do this. You should probably not tell your employer. I know that that's weird. I'm all about transparency where possible, but look, you'll always suspect that if people treat you differently, even if they're not in your imagining they are because of anxiety. You'll suspect that they're doing it because of anxiety. If you don't get an opportunity, you will never know. You may suspect that you didn't get it because of anxiety. You might even be right and confidential things that work, they often don't necessarily stay that way, and yeah, your employer might give you extra feedback or they might see it as a burden. Think about this. If you're an employer, you. Would you be less to hire a woman for a project? If she said, well, I'm thinking about having kids in the next few years. She would go on maternity leave. She's going to work shorter hours some of the time because that's within her rights and she should, she had a kid for crying out loud. She might not do that, but probably, there's a more than 50-50 chance that she's going to end up doing that. If you've already hired her, are you less likely to promote her to a position with more critical responsibility? This is why employers are not allowed to ask about stuff like this.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:36:54] Yeah, definitely.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:54] Because discrimination is very real. I remember a long time ago, one of my aunts was like, “I need a week off every month because I get bad cramps and I get dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, this and you don't want to be around me when I have a PMS.” And I was like, “Look, I'm sorry that you get cramps, but you do realize that what you're doing is you're saying, don't hire me because I don't want to work.” It's like, think about that as a policy. I should get a week off every month. Okay, so why don't I just hire people who don't get those symptoms? AKA men like that is a big problem. So it's a big deal. It's a big problem. I'm not saying you shouldn't, by the way, to be clear, I am not saying don't hire women because they have children or they have menstrual cramps like of course.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:37:47] Thank you. Thank you very much, I don't want the emails from that.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:37:50] Oh, I know. No, of course. I'm not saying that at all, but what I'm saying is you're always going to have this PR, I guarantee you any woman right now who's listening just had kids is probably thinking, yeah, I didn't want to deal with all this crap I had at work. There's a reason it's illegal for people to treat people differently because of things like this and some things you can't hide. If you're pregnant, you're eight months pregnant, you're going to be on maternity leave. You can't hide it, nor should you have to. But if you have anxiety and you're hiding it and you're just hoping your employer gives you extra benefit as a result. It might work, it might not, but that's a really big deal and it's a really big decision if they're not allowed to ask about these things. It's because knowing these sorts of things causes them to consciously or unconsciously treat people differently in ways that are less fair to you as an employee. And if you let the cat out of the bag, those protections for you likely evaporate, right? They might not say you're not getting promoted because you have anxiety and they're worried, but it might happen anyway. And if you don't get the job and they don't say, why? Would you secretly suspect that that it's because of anxiety or because you told them and then resent them for it. There's a lot to consider here. It's unfortunate, I get it.

[00:39:02] You might need to work this issue out on your own, but again, consult a lawyer, see what HR says, if the lawyer is okay with you, talking to them about it at all in the first place. HR is a lot more sensitive about this stuff often, especially at bigger companies because they don't want to get sued into oblivion. But going back, looking at what my dad's aunt was saying about getting a week off each month, you have to be careful there are protections in place, but the reason those protections are in places to make things fair for things that people can't help. You can only take it so far the lock and protect you, but it's not going to protect you from people being like, “Look, all other things being equal.” Do we want the guy who's going to have a panic attack even if that's not what's happening to you, realize people are bringing their baggage and their stereotypes with them to that condition.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:39:50] Yeah. Absolutely.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:51] And that's going to affect you, right?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:39:52] Absolutely. And when it comes to HR, they are about the bottom line of the company. They don't really care about you. They are going to do what they have to do to make the company money. So they're not your friend. Remember, they're never your friend. So definitely talk to a lawyer first and figure out if you want to do that. I would say no, do not, do not disclose this unless there is a reason that it needs to be disclosed.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:22] All right, next up.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:40:23] Hi Jordan. Jesse. Oh, just kidding. Jason and Jen. I started my career as a custom home drafter nearly six years ago. Three of those years I've owned my own business. I'm working on expanding in a new area, so I decided that I needed an employee. I've never had an employee before. So that's a challenge in itself. But the point of the email is that the new employee is also my husband. We're both excited for this change, but I'm concerned that boundaries will blur unless I figure out how to handle this new dynamic to our relationship. Any advice to help a new employer and wife to keep our great marriage out of the business and business out of the marriage? I hope that makes sense, and thank you for any help you can provide. Sincerely, Wan to be a Wife Boss, Not a Bossy Wife.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:07] Okay. So first of all, everyone told Jen and I not to work together and I get why. I've heard I mean --

Jason DeFilippo: [00:41:15] I was the first person to probably bring this up. I'm like, “Dude, what are you doing? What are you doing?”

Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:22] Honestly, I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't desperate for an assistant at that point and hopelessly behind on a ton of stuff, that she was just really good at. But man, when I was in entrepreneur groups, a lot of these guys were like, “Do not do it. Do not do it.” And everyone had a horror story about hiring their wife, hiring their girlfriend, hiring their sister-in-law. Nobody was like, “Yeah, it's great.”

Jason DeFilippo: [00:41:45] Oh yeah, there are no like, you know, stories about “This is the best thing I've ever done in my life. I cannot believe how well this worked out.” You show me one of those stories. I will show you a unicorn.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:58] Yeah, yeah. I mean now it's great because Jen and I worked together and it's amazing. But I will tell you that for 99 out of a 100, it's a fricking mess. And that said, it's amazing when it works out. And now I know tons of entrepreneurial couples that work together and it's great and everyone's really happy. But for each one of those that I know, I know of tons of people that are like ruined our marriage. Yeah, it ruined our blah, blah, blah. We don't have those issues. And the reason is because, look, I think it should work as long as your husband does not feel an inferiority complex about the dynamic. And again, this reminds me of Alex Ikonn and Mimi Ikonn, friends of mine. Mimi is the face and the boss of the company. Alex works more behind the scenes. He contributes strategically, but he really enjoys the dynamic. There's no conflict there. He's really interesting, the way he thinks about things. He's strategic. She's very much like seemingly extroverted social media influencers. Super personable. Alex is also, but she's really got a talent for that and he's got a talent for a lot of the behind the scenes stuff and they're fine with it. So I will tell you some of the positives of working together. There's flexibility. You get to travel together. It'll be really exciting. You can work from home. The challenge is though, you're depending on one income source. If there's difficulties, you're both stressed. It's not, “Oh, good thing. My wife can support us for the next eight months while I look for something.” You're both out of work one want to use that at work, right?

[00:43:23] Honestly, I wasn't that intentional about setting boundaries when I hired Jen in the beginning.

One reason that works for us now is that Jen is happy in a support role. She has no aspirations of being an on air personality. She doesn't want to do it ever. Really. We tend to work seven days a week. We don't take that many breaks, but when we want to relax, we're very clear with each other. When Jen needs to take a nap in the afternoon. I don't wake her up. I don't make her feel guilty about it. When she wants to go get her nails done or get a massage, I'd go, “All right, enjoy.” I don't say, “Well, as long as crap on your desk.” I don't do that. When Jen has a work question while I'm trying to relax, she says, “Hey, can I ask you a question about such and such?” And sometimes I say, “No, not unless it's urgent.” She was like, “Okay, it can wait.”

[00:44:08] So those little things go a long way. Also have regular meetings where you ask him how he's feeling about working with you on this stuff. What you can do to make the job easier. If you need to hire another assistant to do some of the more mundane tasks. If he's overworked with all kinds of craziness, you might outsource some of it. You might get a personal assistant to take care of the housework while you're both working from home. Honestly, my biggest challenge is to get Jen to stop doing work that we could outsource to somebody for five to 10 bucks an hour overseas because she wants to do everything. She has a crazy workload. It's a high quality problem, but it'll still burn us out. And when one person's burned out in a relationship and you work together, you both get burned out, you both feel it. So make sure you set those boundaries, communicate really well, and take it one step at a time. Don't give over a ton of mission critical stuff without training them well. And if you get frustrated with people you work with, be extra vigilant to be easier on your partner because the boundaries blurred. There's no stopping that. You can't go to the office and work there and then come home and never talk about work. It's just not realistic. All right, next up.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:45:16] Hey, Triple J’s and team. I'm an under 30 female working as an aerospace engineer. I've been at my current job for about eight months and at first, people I worked with were very welcoming and friendly. Recently, I've noticed people starting to treat me differently and I'm finding it harder to build business relationships with other people in the company. I asked one of my closer friends at work if I was just being paranoid, but it turns out I'm not crazy. There are three people in my team, two of whom are technically my bosses who have been spreading rumors about me. These rumors range from, I don't wash my hands after going to the bathroom to I'm sleeping with a married colleague and every time I wear nice clothes, it's still look good for him to have ranked all the guys in the office in terms of bangability. Of course, I know that none of these things are true, but the people spreading the rumors have worked at the company for a long time and are well trusted. This means that they have a high amount of believability in the company.

[00:46:10] As far as I was aware, these three people and I were on very friendly terms. I always knew that they liked to gossip. Something I've not taken part in and usually I would just shrug this off and ignore the rumors. I'll be it feeling a little hurt, but it's affecting my work due to other people in the company not wanting to interact or work with me. Do you have any advice on how I can resolve this situation without making things worse? Should I ask them to stop? Should I log the rumors with HR? Should I just woman up and ignore it? Thank you for this wonderful show and all that you guys do. Kind regards, Working In The Rumor Mill.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:44] First of all, it makes me so angry to hear this. It sounds like backstabbing BS. It sounds like there's some jealousy. This is terrible.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:46:52] I didn't realize they had aerospace companies in kindergarten. It's so gross. So gross.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:58] Yeah. Yeah. First of all, make sure you document everything, journal it, whatever. Listen to the Joe Navarro episode, perhaps even read that book. He talks about documenting all the crappy things that narcissists and bad people do to you because they're not documenting all of their stuff and then consult with an employment lawyer ASAP. In fact, they may have you report in law of log this to HR so that it's documented in the company, but you need to go to a lawyer first. I am so sorry to hear about this, but this is flat out textbook, hostile work environment and most likely sexual harassment honestly. There's no such thing as woman up or man up in these situations. You do not have to tough this out. This is not something where you just have to stick it out because that's how life is. These are awful people. This isn't an obstacle that you should be facing when getting ahead at work. Careers are hard enough. This kind of behavior is completely beyond the pale and those people should be sorted out, filtered out, kicked them F out of the company. In my opinion, this is actionable.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:04] Absolutely. I mean, you go to work and you want to do your work. You're in an aerospace company. You want to make rockets and do crazy stuff. If you have to worry about somebody doing this kind of crap, that's just BS.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:16] Yeah. These people need to get the hell out of the company. In my opinion. You know, this is worthy of a lawsuit. This should become a lawsuit if the company will not take action here. So consultant employment lawyer immediately. Seriously. Do not mess around with this. Do not wait it out. Don't wait for it to get worse. Document everything. Go to the lawyer with your notebook full of stuff. Go to your lawyer with a notebook full of stuff. Lay it on his desk and say, “What do I do about this?” Because the answer is you get serious now. You get serious right now. The first thing they should hear most likely is from your lawyer saying it has been brought to my attention that this is happening. Because then if they fire you while that looks real bad.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:49:00] Yup.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:00] Oh, she reported sexual harassment claims and then she got fired for non-performance. So really your lawyer's going to be licking his chops.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:49:08] Oh man. Field day, field day, because this is an aerospace company. They want to make rockets. They want to put things into space. They don't want to deal with this kindergarten bullshit.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:21] No.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:49:20] Period.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:21] No.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:49:21] That's all they want to do. You know what? They want rocket in the sky. That's all they care about. So if these people are just harassing you with all this BS, your lawyer is going to walk in there and say, “Hey, this is what's happening.” And I think that they're going to get these people out ASAP.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:38] Yeah. And you know what they don't want? They want rockets in space. They don't want these kinds of stories in the news. They're going to settle with you. You don't have to put up with this. You're going to get what you need to get a different job and you're going to get paid.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:49:48] Well, hopefully she can keep the same job and do what she's doing and put some rockets into space honestly.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:52] Yeah. I think honestly, if you just want reasonable things to happen and they can be convinced to be reasonable, I think those people are going to get the boot because that has no place in any professional environment. Period.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:50:06] Absolutely. Totally agree.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:08] All right. Life pro tip of the week. You know, I'm going to go with my idea that every day you should, and this is sort of similar to what we talked about earlier, send some morning appreciation or a compliment to a friend. I do this every day. I send Facebook messenger, a text, a quick email. I'll just tell somebody something awesome that I saw they did online. I'll tell them how great their new website is or how great of a friend they've been or something like that. I just do that once a day, it's hard to get inspiration sometimes because you're like, “Oh God, I haven't talked to anybody in a while,” and it sort of gets you thinking about all these awesome people that helped you out. Or you go on Facebook for five seconds or Instagram and you're like, “Hey, just wanted to tell you, you're cool. Your posts make my day. You're really funny.” That kind of stuff goes a long way. Imagine getting that from somebody, it's nice.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:50:56] I did that this morning to our friend, Gabriel Mizrahi. He works for us and I'm like, Amen. Latest episode, you did was just amazing. And now we're planning a lunch next week, so--

Jordan Harbinger: [00:51:08] That’s cool.

Jason DeFilippo: [00:51:09] I thought that he just knocked it out of the park last week and I'm like, “That was one of best things you've ever done. I'm so glad.” And I've been here for almost a year and we still haven't hung out, so why not? So let's go hang out. I want to do this for everybody once a week. It's amazing. It makes everybody feel good that nobody walks away feeling bad when you do that.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:51:30] You're damn right. So that's what I recommend. Set it up as a recurring task in your To Do List app that just pops up every morning. That way you don't have to remember it.

[00:51:38] Recommendation of the week, Free Solo. I haven't seen this, but everybody's been recommending this to me. Have you seen this, Jason?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:51:44] I have not. I cannot and I will not watch this movie ever.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:51:50] You're going to have Virgo, huh?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:51:51] Yeah, yeah. I have a massive fear of heights and I used to work for Tim Ferriss and Jimmy Chin was one of my first shows that I did with him and Jimmy Chin is the director of this movie and I know how insane he is. And just watching some of the clips that I've seen, I cannot watch this, but I recommended for everybody who does not have a crippling fear of heights. I cannot, I cannot watch this. It's just like if I stand on the stool, I get vertigo, I can't, but this is about a kid who preclimbed El Capitan in Yosemite, with no ropes, no nothing. Everybody that's seen it has just been like, “Oh my God, this is the coolest thing ever.”

Jordan Harbinger: [00:52:36] Yeah, I normally wouldn't recommend something I haven't seen, but so many people have told me about this. We'll link to it in the show notes. The mind pump guys told me about it among just, I keep getting hit with this from all angles. Obviously ,I want to get this under my belt. We'll get this in the queue and watch it. Check it out.

[00:52:53] Hope you all enjoy that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Don't forget, you can email us friday@jordanharbinger to get your questions answered on the air. We'll always keep you anonymous. Quick shout out to Cameron Schmidt who wrote us a really nice handwritten card. I actually met him when we interviewed Mike Posner. He's helping him with his Walk Across America. Good to meet you, bro. Go back and check out the Kevin Barrows FBI agent episode on interrogation and the Chris Voss, FBI hostage negotiator episode on negotiation, so interrogation and negotiation. If you haven't heard those yet, and if you want to know how I managed to book all these great people, manage all these great guests, I've got systems, I've got tiny habits, consistency. It's really something you can learn how I taught it to myself and learned it. I've assembled this for you in a course that is free over at jordanharbinger.com/course. This course replaces the LevelOne Course. I no longer have any affiliation with LevelOne or Advanced Human Dynamics. Jordanharbinger.com/course, it's upgraded, it's got upgraded drills, upgraded tech and systems in there, and don't kick the can down the road. Dig the well before you're thirsty. Get those relationships built before you need them and not when it's too late. Take six minutes a day. Actually takes maybe four to five but what can I say? Six Minute Networking had a nice little ring to it and reminded me of six minute abs, which I think is funny. So that's it. Jordanharbinger.com/course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter @JordanHarbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Jordanharbinger.com/youtube is where the videos of these interviews are on YouTube as well. Jason, where can they find you?

Jason DeFilippo: [00:54:22] I'm on Instagram at JPD. I'm on twitter @jpdef, and my personal website is jpd.me. So check those out. And you can also hear my other podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks over at gog.show or your podcast player of choice.

Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:37] Nice, all right. So this show co-produced as always as Jen Harbinger. Show notes for the episode by Robert Fogarty. Keeps sending in those questions to friday@jordanharbinger.com. Keep them concise if you can. It does help us answer your question on the air. Share the show with those you love and those you don't. Lots more in the pipeline. Very excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen and we'll see you next time.