If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now, let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Recently, your daughter’s 15-year-old friend got pregnant. Should you keep your daughter away from her?
- With inoperable stage four pancreatic cancer, your father may not have long to live. How can you fill his remaining time with purpose?
- How can you be comfortable around someone who seemingly reads your mind by body language, microexpressions, and tonality?
- While you want to open up around others, social events have you in the corner hiding inside your shell. How can you coax yourself out to mingle?
- You’re in your 30s and you can keep working locally at a safe, consistent job that pays well, but you’re really yearning for a chance to live and work abroad. A few years from now, which choice are you most likely to regret not making?
- The company where you’ve worked for 15 years has expanded and you’d like to keep working for it — but on the other side of the country. Should you keep this to yourself until your plans are more concrete, or should you tell your local office boss as soon as possible?
- You’re moving from California to the UK on a plane and you’re wisely taking your cat with you in the cabin. But she can be loud when she’s nervous; what happens if you wind up sitting next to someone who hates cats? What’s the protocol?
- You knew someone who could have helped you redirect your career momentum, but you’ve let the connection lapse and now you feel awkward about reconnecting. Is it too late to reach out?
- Life Pro Tip: Whenever you recall a painfully embarrassing memory, imagine the Seinfeld theme playing over it.
- Recommendation of the Week: Bohemian Rhapsody
- A quick shoutout to Jamie Sparks!
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at email@example.com!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Resources from This Episode:
- Charlamagne Tha God | Turning the Tables on Fear and Anxiety, The Jordan Harbinger Show 171
- Clint Watts | Surviving in a World of Fake News, The Jordan Harbinger Show 172
- How to Form a Strong Opinion by Jordan Harbinger
- Chase Hughes | Why Authority Is More Influential than Skill, The Jordan Harbinger Show 102
- Six-Minute Networking
- Michael Pollan | A Renaissance in the Forbidden Science of Psychedelics, The Jordan Harbinger Show 81
- How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence by Michael Pollan
- Death with Dignity
- A New Understanding: The Science of Psilocybin
- Did Alternative Medicine Kill Steve Jobs? by Rachael Rettner, LiveScience
- The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
- Derren Brown | Using the Power of Suggestion for Good, The Jordan Harbinger Show 150
- The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
- Nonverbal Messages: Cracking the Code: My Life’s Pursuit by Dr. Paul Ekman
- Seth Miranda at Instagram
- Seinfeld Theme Song 10 Hours, Grand Trapids Recordings
- Bohemian Rhapsody
- Queen Live at LIVE AID Side By Side with Rami Malek/Bohemian Rhapsody
Transcript for How to Make Life Purposeful for the Terminally Ill | Feedback Friday (Episode 173)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:00] Welcome to Feedback. Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. I'm here with producer Jason DeFillippo. Here on The Jordan Harbinger Show, we love having conversations with our fascinating guests. And this week we had Charlemagne Tha God, he's a regular on the show. He's back talking about anxiety. Well, there's a lot to this conversation. Honestly, you can't really keep Charlemagne corralled on one topic, nor would you want to. Always have fun guests. Always super interesting and charismatic and fun. So check out that Charlemagne episode and we had my friend Clinton Watts who -- Jason, this guy is so interesting. He basically chases terrorists online, but it's kind of like a public thing. So he's engaging with them on social media, he's tracking their recruitment efforts. And he started off as a social engineer and now he specializes in things like generating rapport, getting into dialogues with these guys and having them discredit themselves. And then of course he's going through and discussing the Russian troll issue and how social media contributes to all of this. Really interesting episode from one of the very few experts in the world on that subject.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:01:01] Absolutely fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:01:04] Also, I write every so often on the blog. One of the latest posts anyway is about how to form a strong opinion. Not just dig your heels in and decide everyone else is wrong, but how to form a qualified strong opinion. Because I think a lot of opinions now are formed based on emotion. We dig in, we are very quick to form an opinion that maybe we're unqualified to have and then we just hold on for dear life when really what we should be doing is slowly forming opinions and then making them very easy to let go of the one we're presented with evidence to the contrary. So I wrote a whole piece about this and it's actually quite in-depth and that's at jordanharbinger.com/articles. So of course if you're looking to become a better thinker, some of these articles we really do go in-depth, and the deep dives are based on those but of course, the nuance is all in the written word. So that's what we've got this week. So go back and listen to those two guests and go back and grab that article, How to Form a Strong Opinion makes for a good airport lounge read.
[00:02:00] Of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guests' experience and our insights and experiences to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you and that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. It's what we do every Friday. Of course, you can reach us at firstname.lastname@example.org. And you know the past couple of weeks have been really interesting. I'm not sure how much I'm supposed to say about this. I'm going to keep it pretty vague, but essentially myself and Chase Hughes who you've heard of on the show, we started doing some corporate training for some pretty interesting folks that are not your typical industry and they're namely personal protection, so bodyguard to the layman. And this is like some Silicon Valley royalty here. So it was really interesting to hear these issues that these guys and gals, these agents are dealing with. And we're going to be opening up the training, not the same class, of course, because these guys are kind of like low key naturally. But we're going to be opening up similar courses to civilians in the future as well. So that's going to be pretty damn cool because Chase and I are tag-teaming in this class and it's just been really, really fun. We're going to be doing several dates a year and we've got some military and law enforcement courses coming up as well. But the civilian stuff we can easily adapt. So I think it's going to be a lot of fun and I'm really looking forward to that. So if you are not in the email list, go to the Six-Minute Networking, do that free course, go to jordanharbinger.com/course and you can sign up for Six-Minute Networking. That used to be Level One. I no longer have anything to do with Advanced Human Dynamics or the Level One course. So Six- Minute Networking replaces that. And the reason I left AHD among other reasons is because I'm going to be doing this. So pretty exciting. Get on the list if you're interested in our events and our free stuff and yeah, that's what we got to look forward to. It should be a pretty interesting year this year and next. We just have so much stuff coming up and almost all of it is really fun.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:03:50] So can I go sign up for this course and become like Zuckerberg, personal bodyguard?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:03:54] I'm not sure that I delivered -- if that's what you took away from the previous couple of paragraphs there, then I have failed.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:04:02] Okay.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:03] Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:04:04] Hey guys, my daughter's friend is 15 years old. Recently she got pregnant. Should I keep my daughter away from her? Thanks. Concerned Papa.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:04:12] So this is a kind of a crazy question because, of course, my gut is like, "Oh my God, that's way too young. What's going on?" And you know, in fact, it is, but I don't really think ostracizing those people when this happens is good. And so I bounce this off to a couple of friends who had kids really young and a friend of a friend, she got pregnant at age 14 and she is a productive adult, nice upstanding member of society. She was plenty careful -- I mean, look, she was sexually active at age 14 so there's that, but it was her first boyfriend. They use protection. It broke, didn't know what to do, poorly educated by the parents frankly. And a lot of her friends started to dwindle away. She felt really lonely. It was really painful in a very unnecessary way. The friends that stuck by her side, they're still her friends now and none of them ever got pregnant. In fact, she served as kind of a first-line warning like, "Hey, yeah, you're getting attention. Yeah, you're getting some stuff here, but your life has changed massively. You can't hang out anymore. You've got all this work to do. You got all these expenses like your lifestyle is taking a major downgrade." So all of her friends stuck by her. They're her friends now. And I think that everybody in that circle came away with a serious dose of reality because there was kind of no -- it wasn't this glorified, "Oh Shelly's pregnant, lets fallen over her." It was like, "Oh man." You know everybody took it pretty seriously. So I think you don't have to keep your daughter away from this friend if everything else is more or less in order.
[00:05:48] Now, this could be where there's smoke, there's fire situation and then that's something totally different. Right? Like if this is a person who's already getting into trouble, has 8 billion different boyfriends, is getting in trouble, and then this pregnancy thing is just kind of the last straw. It's not about the pregnancy, it's about the fact that she's poorly parented. But if this is just kind of a fluke and this is an otherwise nice girl, nice family, then I don't see any need to isolate the daughter.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:06:14] Absolutely. I don't think she should be isolated at all. It's her friend. She was her friend before then so why shouldn't she be her friend after that?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:21] Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:06:21] And she's going to need the support as much as she can. Now that she has this issue and your daughter can learn from this. I don't see this as anything bad or wrong, things happen. This is life. So why would you want to keep her away from her? Unless like Jordan said that there are other red flags behind it. But if there aren't, then absolutely not. Do not keep your daughter away from it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:46] Yeah. I mean, look, it's an individual parenting choice, but if she's 15 and goes to your freaking church and you've known her since she was a kid and this is a fluke, that's one thing. But if this is the latest and a run of shenanigans, then this is a good final straw, right?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:02] Yeah. Yeah. But if it's not, then I would stay out of it. I would absolutely stay out of it. And it's a great way to educate your daughter on this is what happens, you know?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:12] Yeah if you're not careful.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:14] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:14] Absolutely. Oh, additionally, I think women who get pregnant at a young age turn into mature young women earlier because of the level of responsibility, hopefully, they do. That is and that actually is the kind of friend you'd probably want your daughter to have in the first place. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:31] Hi Jordan. This week my father was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I know not that most uplifting of topics. I never thought I would be here, but here we are. After days of endless research. I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that the next few months can quickly become bleak. He employs my mom and I'm extremely worried about her if he were to pass. The hospital messed up and misdiagnosed him a few months ago, I'm considering a lawsuit to help get her by financially. To make matters worse, I started a business with him just two months ago and I'm banking on this to help take care of my mom into her old age. I'm not giving up and I'm continuing to apply to clinical trials and work with him on his lifestyle habits to keep him as healthy as possible. We have him at one of the best hospitals in the world, and the doctors seem to have no solution other than chemo and radiation until he dies. I just can't accept this. The idea that he may not get to meet his grandchildren absolutely destroys me. What can I do to keep him with a sense of purpose? If this were you, how would you prepare for the next few months? And should I pursue a lawsuit against the hospital to help my mom? Are you aware of any alternatives to the chemo and die protocol for recurrent pancreatic cancer? From, The Sad Question of This Week's Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:51] So I'm really sorry to hear this. This is truly awful.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:55] Devastating.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:56] Yeah, and so I really do feel for you and him for that matter. Oh, it's just terrible. I think where I would start is to ask him what he wants to do with the last few months. You know, I hate to put it this way, but it might not be working on this business, this brand new. It just might not be, you know. Maybe it is, then again maybe it is. Preparing for death is no easy task and I actually recommend, I heard about this from Michael Pollan who talked to earlier on the show last year about -- his book is called How to Change Your Mind. It's about psychedelics and one of the things that he had mentioned on the show and in the book was psychedelic therapy. You've got to go to the right person, but studies have shown that MDM, psilocybin, aka magic mushrooms, can be really helpful for families, especially the patient when dealing with the prospect of death and it is in the book How to Change Your Mind. We'll link to that. There are also some resources, death with dignity.org about this subject as well. And there's a documentary that we will link in the show notes as well. It's called A New Understanding: The Science of Psilocybin. And so what the psychedelics do is just kind of give patient and family a little bit of a perspective that you won't get. And from what I understand that it helps tremendously with grief, tremendously. Now, the lawsuit element perhaps, but I would focus on this a little bit later. You can get the attorney now in case they need something from your dad, like a statement or you know, an account or whatever. But otherwise, I really feel like your remaining time, his remaining time is better spent with the family. Your time is better spent with your dad enjoying your time together, not stressing out in the waiting room of a law office. You know what I mean? And a lawyer could always go, "Yeah, we'll see what we can do." And then you're spending all this time there and then it turns out that you can't do squat and you just spent five days talking to an attorney. It's just, it sucks. When you do get a lawyer, get a contingency attorney. Reason being, if you don't have a case, a contingency lawyer won't take it. So a regular lawyer, I'd like to think that many of them are more ethical than this, but a regular lawyer will almost certainly take your money and give it a shot. But a contingency lawyer will say, "No, thanks." Unless you've got some chance of winning. Now, it will cost.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:15] Plus some meat on the bone, you know?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:16] Yeah, right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:17] He can see that there's a, there's a path to win.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:20] Right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:20] If he doesn't see that, he's never going to take the case. So that is kind of a litmus test for your case going forward.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:26] Right, it can be. Yeah. And look, a contingency lawyer will cost you, they often charge like 40 percent if they win, but the percentage, one, it's almost always negotiable. And two, you won't go out of pocket. You're not going to spend the money that you would've spent on your mother and your family and your business on an attorney that's just taking you for a ride. Negotiate the percentage first. Don't wait until you win and go, "Just kidding. I don't want to give you a 40, I want to give you a 25." That's not going to happen. You know you have to do that upfront.
[00:11:54] As for the medical stuff, look, I'm not sure on this. I don't want to be discouraging, but frankly, if Steve Jobs couldn't beat pancreatic cancer with all his resources, it's going to be a challenge and I cannot imagine how you feel, but I would spend as much time as possible enjoying your relationship with your father and the family rather than chasing cures around the country.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:12:15] Yeah. I do want to jump in here because you did mention Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs did come out and say that he screwed up. He was going after these holistic cures and all of these, you know, just like, "Oh, I'm just going to eat vegetables and all this crap instead of going to a real doctor." At the end, he came out and said to his friends that, yeah, I screwed up. So as long as you're at the best hospital that you can get them to, I think you're going to be in the best care. Just don't go after, you know, these weird cures. Don't go down the Steve Jobs road because you know, he spent way too much time doing acid and hanging out in India and it bit him in the butt, honestly.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:12:52] Well, the acid came before that, but yeah, he spent a lot of time just with like fruitarian diets and stuff.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:12:57] Yeah. Yeah. It turns out it's not a really good thing, but like even after he got the liver transplant, he still tried to do that kind of thing and it turns out that that is really not the best way to go. Modern medicine actually is the best route. Go figure.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:12] Yeah. Yeah. There's a reason for it. I know it's a little gauche, but you know, doctors turn out a lot of them know what they're talking about.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:13:19] Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:13:20] Additionally, I would say take some time each day and have your dad teach something to his unborn grandkids. So tell stories about his life, joke around record the whole thing on video. Even an iPhone or whatever is fine. And you could do this for like 20 or 30 minutes a day. That will turn into hours of amazing footage over the next few months and you can watch that stuff for years to come. It will deepen your relationship with your dad, you can watch it with your kids. I mean, it's going to be really, really cool stuff to have later on especially, and it's going to be really interesting and fun to create it as well. So I would say just schedule that, you know, get it done in the morning, wake up, brush teeth, hang out, get some breakfast, mic him up with a lavalier and record some stuff, even in your living room. It doesn't matter. You know, it'll be a really interesting process and you'll be left with something that you couldn't buy. That's sort of immortalized as your dad forever. Again, I'm so sorry to hear about this, this really, really tragic to hear this.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:14:18] No, it's terrible. It's terrible. And you know, just it's life. Unfortunately, we all have to deal with it. I do recommend checking out Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture if you want to get some insight on some questions that you can ask your dad for his future grandchildren that he may not get to meet. You know, hopefully, he's going to come through it and he's going to get to meet him. That is the best way to think about things. But if he doesn't, it's best to have this stuff on tape so he can talk to them and just be able to pass on some of his wisdom, not just to his grandkids but also to you because you know that there are things that you haven't talked about that you have swept under the rug over the years that you probably want to get cleared up. But definitely check out The Last Lecture from Randy Pausch. It's really good and it's, it's one of those things -- we've actually talked about this on Feedback Friday before. It's like, I would love to sit down with my dad every Sunday and just get his stories so I have them for when he's gone because someday it's going to happen, someday it's going to happen and unfortunately for Sad Question of The Week, it looks like it might be sooner than later. But definitely prepare for that. Plan for the best, prepare for the worst.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:29] So in the end here, look, we're pulling for you. I hope everything works out. If you ever come to the Bay area or need anything in the Bay area, use us as a resource. You know, I feel like every other, every fifth doctor around here does some sort of psychedelic therapy up here in the Bay. So it's like the HQ for that. So if you need some idea of where something is or whatever and you know, give us a chew to some mail, we're happy to help wherever we can.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:15:55] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:59] This episode is sponsored in part by HostGator.
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[00:17:43] This episode is also sponsored by Eight Sleep. You know what the worst sound in the world is? Your freaking clock when you haven't gotten enough sleep. No matter how much you love that song on your phone when it wakes you up in the morning, you just want it to stop. Now, imagine this scenario, the surface temperature of your bed gradually adjust to wake you up gently and naturally without the sound of the alarm. Imagine now waking up rested and alert, not science fiction. This is the new Pod by Eight Sleep and I am stoked for this thing. The Pod by Eight Sleep is essentially a super high tech bed. It's designed specifically to help you achieve optimal sleep fitness. So if you're a biohacker or geek like me, you'll be super into this too. Time Magazine calls Eight one of the best inventions of the last year, and it combines dynamic temperature regulation and sleep tracking. So there's an app that tracks your sleep, tells the bed what temperature you need your body to be to get optimal rest, and then the mattress will cool down or heat up depending on what that temperature is. That is bananas, so it'll just so it'll learn your sleep habits and then adjust the temperature automatically. That means if you like the bed, cool, your partner likes a bit warm. Both sides will regulate differently. You could have both at the same time. Crazy comfortable. No more alarm clocks. Jason.
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Jason DeFillippo: [00:19:19] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:46] All right, Jason, what's next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:19:47] Dear Triple J. I'm working in a large firm and one of the colleagues on my team is extremely adept at reading micro-expressions, body language, and tonality such that it almost feels like mind reading. I came to this conclusion from the time when a few of us played a board game during lunch and he was able to guess everything about me correctly. I suspected him of somehow cheating but couldn't find any evidence. He told me that day that he was just very observant. It's not just that time, but at various times he was able to tell me how I was feeling or make very accurate gauges about my thoughts on different work-related matters. He's not a bad guy, but I couldn't help but feel intimidated and anxious around him as I feel I'm not able to hold my thoughts privately when I'm around him. To me, he's literally like a mini version of Darren Brown whom you had on the show recently.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:37] Actually to me sounds like Sherlock Holmes.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:39] Yeah. Interesting.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:40] Can you suggest any advice on how I can work with someone that can seemingly read my mind on everything without intimidation or anxiety. Yours sincerely, Born and Be Read.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:52] This is really, really interesting. I very rarely meet people like this. Maybe he's trained in it or maybe it's natural. I remember reading Dr. Paul Ekman who sort of advanced the original theory of micro-expressions. He said there's something like -- I don't know, one in every few hundred people. I can't remember what it is. Like one in 600 or some super small number of people --
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:13] Yeah, it's really small that --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:14] Yeah, they're called -- I can't remember what they're called or readers or some gen generic term, but they can basically spot all of this stuff with like 100 percent accuracy or close to it and have never been trained and maybe he's one of those. It's really, really cool. If that's the case, that those people are super intuitive seeming when they're really just observant. This person said they're observant, which is even more unusual that they seem to know what they're looking at and what they're looking for.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:41] It's probably more a curse for him than a blessing though because imagine how he feels knowing how other people feel about him or about like, "Hey, what do you think of my clothes?" And everyone's looking around and you're like, "Oh crap." You know, you kind of wish that maybe you didn't see what everybody's opinion was or what everybody's mood was. Because remember, it's not -- most people's emotions are not about you. So you're basically seeing everyone's inner monologue of crap all the time.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:22:07] Definitely.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:08] I don't know if I would want that.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:22:09] That's going to be horrible.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:10] Yeah, it's kind of like having a super sense of smell and then you have to ride the subway to work every day. No thanks.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:22:16] Gross.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:16] You know.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:22:17] So gross.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:22:18] So look, I look at it this way. It's fine if people can read me, I'm good with that. I don't know what you're worried about in this. I guess I don't really, you don't have a reason to hide your feelings. You know, this is liberating now. You can't hide your feelings. So try being as honest as possible while remaining polite. Just in life in general. I do this and I think you'll really enjoy it. Jason. I feel like someone reading me, it's a great excuse to just be like, you know what, I'm going to stop trying to be, I'm going to stop trying to front.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:22:46] Yeah, I mean seriously. Unless he's like habitually hiding things from this guy, which he shouldn't be. You know, it's just like you can be completely open and honest with somebody because you know that they can sense -- they have the Spidey sense, you know, so why not just be completely open and honest, which might make for an amazing friendship because -- this guy has been dealing with people who have been lying to him his whole life because he can smell it out. So if you're going to be the one guy that shows up every day and just says it like it is, how awesome would that be for him and how great of a friendship that you might just make from that. Because it's going to be a total breath of fresh air for this guy because he's like, "Oh, you actually say what you mean? That's new. Everybody else is lying."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:23:33] Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:23:33] Or fronting or just putting up some kind of false barrier. Now that you recognize this with this guy, I think you might be able to make a great friend out of this because you recognize this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:23:47] Yeah. And if you're comfortable with it, it probably makes a lot of other people uncomfortable. Only reason to worry or be intimidated, like you said, Jason, is if this guy's trying to hide something because maybe he's afraid of being judged by others. Now that you know this is happening anyway, you can stop worrying about it, and also if I were you, I would quiz him on what he sees because perhaps he can train you to look at this as an amazing opportunity. You're working with somebody who knows that they're observant and can maybe even point out what they're seeing. I'm a little envious because you've got this tutor that you work with. If he knows that it's because he's observant, there's a good chance he can show you what he's seeing at some point, so that's pretty cool. It would be like hanging around Sherlock Holmes and he tells you how he's deducing everything.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:33] Exactly. I'm super envious about this because you know, if you can learn from him and figure out what's going on with just the people around you, imagine if you could be as a protege and just learn more about the human condition. I don't have that person around me. I would love to have that kind of person around me. That would be so much fun and you can do it together. Like I said, you might end up with a great friendship out of this because you've identified what he can do, his superpower. You know, he's like the Clark Kent of reading people right now and nobody else knows, but you know, so you can be like, "Hey bro, can you teach me the ways?" He might just go, "Sure."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:12] Yeah, that's, that's perfect. Yeah. I think it'll be pretty fun to learn that. I'm jealous. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:25:18] Hey, guys. I work in a mid to senior-level management role for a well-respected company. I pride myself on being a fairly well rounded and personable guy with the ability to make people laugh and feel comfortable in one-on-one meetings. I seem to be able to keep the conversation rolling for hours if needed, even if it's with someone I just met social events are a different story. Recently, I've noticed several times that I go into a shell and my social skills seem to diminish. Often I stand off to the side sipping my drink or pretending to check emails on my phone. I want to be social with everyone. I should be engaging with people, introducing myself, shaking hands, and networking, but I just end up keeping to myself. I'm naturally an introverted person, but I've worked for years on becoming more social and outgoing, even to the extent of purposely going to uncomfortable things just to prove to myself that it's not that bad. For some reason though, the social events situation has been a huge obstacle for me. Is there something I can do to try to overcome this besides putting my cell phone away? Thanks. Face Down, Screen Up.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:19] Okay, so I completely get this. I spent a lot of time doing this. Jason, I know you spent a lot of time doing this as well, so maybe you can chime in a little bit here in a sec. I would say pick one person to chat with initially as a tactic. They can be alone or you can just go to the quiet person in a group who isn't doing much talking and you can approach them. It's always good to attend events with a buddy who is social, not an equally unsocial person because then you'll just talk to each other the whole time, which is pointless. Also, research who will be there before you go. In Six-Minute Networking, this is actually called the dossier technique. I teach that in Six-Minute Networking and it's very super easy to use the technique that you can use before any event that will get you a little bit of background on people. I also would say try and only go to events that are curated. So if it's an open invite, anybody can go, chances are you're going to have a harder time meeting good people there because it's just, "Hey, come network." Which means like come sell your Herbalife crap to people in the room or your financial planning services or whatever. It's very used car salesman. So curated stuff where it's very industry specific like, "Look, we're all personal trainers on the East Coast or something." That's much better. And last but not least, look, hang by the refreshment or another high traffic area. Chat to people who come by and introduce yourself or tell yourself you'll talk to X number of people during that event or you'll stay for one hour, 60 minutes or whatever it is, and then you're off the hook. So that way you're not watching the clock. You go, okay, I've only got to do this for 30 minutes. That is enough often to shake the rust off. But if you just say, "Oh, I've got to be here for like, this thing goes for five hours, I'm going to spend the first 90 minutes on my phone." You're just wasting your time. But if you say, "Look, 30 minutes, and then I'm out." And you put your phone away and you just go for it, that's a little bit more easy. In my opinion. Social events are often awkward because of the way they're structured. It's artificial. Everyone feels weird there because of that. They're all trying to self-manage their emotions or their appearance, try some of those crutches and you'll find this getting easier over time. And the best thing to do honestly is to attend events that are curated and prep beforehand using the dossier technique. And you can find Six-Minute Networking with the dossier technique at jordanharbinger.com/course. Jason, what do you think about this?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:28:44] So my advice is a little more existential. I'm 47 and for most of my life, up until I was about 40 I had a crippling social anxiety disorder, like unbelievably crippling. Until I made a couple of overseas trips to different parts of Asia and places like that. And I realized it is a very simple concept. Nobody cares about you. You can walk around another country and nobody cares about you, period. And when you come back and you take that same mindset, you also realize nobody cares about you. So you can walk up to anybody at any party, and all they care about is how they come off to themselves and the people that are around them. So if I know that I can walk up to anybody and not feel bad about talking to somebody because I don't have that ego problem. If I know deep down when I walk up to somebody at a party and just start a conversation, they don't care about me. They about what they say to me in what they're going to tell me about them. And then you can be a sponge. You can be a total sponge and learn about everybody at the party and make friends. It's a really easy way to get through life. It took me 40 years to get there, but now that I do that, all my social anxiety is gone. I can walk up to anybody now and just talk to them because I know that deep down they care more about themselves and they care about me, and that's really the switch that flipped for me.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:12] You're right. Most of the people, like you said, they're just thinking about themselves. They're not thinking about you. They're not thinking, "Oh, look at that uncool guy in the corner." They're going, "Oh, I hope I look approachable, or I hope I look fun. Am I being fun? I don't think I'm being fun. Crap. The person's still talking to me. What are they saying? I'm thinking about being fun." That's what's going on in their head, right? So check out the dossier technique, attends, and curated events. Go grab Six-Minute Networking and you won't have to worry about this crap anymore, jordanharbinger.com/course and it's free so quick crying. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:30:42] Hey, J three gang.
[00:30:43] That's a new one. I haven't heard that one before like that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:46] My work contract ended last year in November and I left to Germany right after with my boyfriend to visit and enjoy the holidays. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there and was actually signed to a modeling agency in Berlin. Unfortunately, because I was just visiting and didn't have a work permit, the agency couldn't book me for anything. I came back to the US about a month ago. However, I've been pondering traveling back to Berlin where my boyfriend lives to stay in work. I was given a letter from the agency to apply for a permit and although I've heard the freelance visa is easy to obtain in Berlin, everyone I asked at the embassy here in the US says it's not. It's also been quite difficult to get any straightforward information from anyone regards to the actual process. My other issue is that I was just recently offered another contract with the same company I've finished working with last November. The money would be great and it is with a company that I enjoyed working with. However, I feel like if I accept the job I might be settling. The thought of being able to possibly live, explore and work in Berlin excites me more, although it would be with uncertainty since the modeling agency can't promise any amount of work or income. I like the idea of change, but there is the problem of not having a working permit which I would have to wait to receive an answer for. So I'm stuck with deciding if I want to stay in SoCal, working at a stable, consistent job, which is event management or going abroad and just seeing what happens. I'm in my 30s with no current responsibilities and I think my biggest fear is that I don't want to regret passing on the opportunity to travel and live in another country. What if I don't get the chance again? Needless to say, I've been stressing over the decision and now becoming a bit frustrated because I really don't know what to do and feel like I have no direction. What would you suggest? I would truly appreciate any insight or advice you can offer me. Thank you for all you guys do. Most of all, thank you for fighting hard to keep your vision alive and your voices heard. We are listening. Kind regards, Yearning for Germany.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:43] Oh, I know what I would tell her to do but I'm going to leave it to someone like you, Jordan. Take it away.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:47] What do you think? What do you think? I'm curious.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:49] Go immediately. Go to Berlin and she's in her 30s she has no responsibilities. She can make her way. She's got a boyfriend there so you know she can at least ride his coattails for a little bit while she gets her modeling career up and running and I'm sure that he will more than happily have her there. And she could also find other jobs if she can get the permit, but start the permit process. I don't care what anybody at the embassy says. You got to start the process. She should have started the process already. Get it going, get the paperwork in, and get it moving. Don't listen to what anybody says. If you want to go to Berlin, start the process. Because even if you change your mind and you stay in SoCal, you still at least have the option once you get the permit. So as soon as she got back in landed in the US, she should have been putting in her paperwork for that permit, period.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:44] Yeah. I like that idea. Look, assuming the boyfriend isn't the primary motive to leave to Berlin, which I think it probably is, can't you accept the contract work, save up, get some experience and then apply for that permanent Berlin. I guess you can always travel and live in Berlin after you've got something more sure from the agency that said, when I was in my early 30s especially or late 20s, I was never wanting to be like, "Yeah, let me make sure I've got a sure thing." I was always like, "I'm just going to go there and see what happens." Let
Jason DeFillippo: [00:34:12] Let's go. Game on.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:34:13] You'll get the chance again if you create it, but you can also chance it provided you're not worried about income while you're in Germany exploring. Like if you've got a bunch of stuff saved up, you can live pretty light. You know you're good. Especially if your boyfriend's like, "Yeah, just come stay with me." You know you're good. You'll have to decide whether you'll be able to live and work in Berlin. If you get no income from modeling and/or if you can work remotely online without a work permit, you know maybe your business will let you do that somehow. Event planning doesn't seem like the kind of thing you could do from another time zone over the internet, but you never know. Also, just to be clear, technically you would not be allowed to work without a work permit, but it's not something you'd ever get caught doing realistically. You know, if you're going to work online from a cafe and make phone calls and stuff like that, or an office, coworking space, WeWork whatever, you are so not getting caught by the German government for doing this. Okay, just --
Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:03] This is not legal advice.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:04] This is not legal advice. Right, if you do get caught, I told you so kind of maybe or the opposite. Yes, certainly this is not good advice from the legal perspective. It's still only decent advice from a personal perspective. I'm all about taking opportunities as they come, especially at this stage in your life where your level of responsibility is low, no kids, minimal expenses, et cetera. And the question is do you have enough support in Germany to survive even if you end up single and without a job. That's the question because look, your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy so far, but who knows? Do you have a backup plan? What if he's like, "Ah, you're going to just live in my house. I don't know about this," or, "My mom hates you. Got to go." You know, can you just go back? Is your job going to be waiting for you? Do you have some sort of backup plan? Can you work remotely and survive? Those are the key questions but enjoy. Germany is awesome especially Berlin. I'm very envious that you get to go live and work over there. I'd love to go back. I used to live in Germany myself. I'd love to do something like that myself again at some point in time.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:36:04] Germany is a fantastic country. I would so love to go back to Germany.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:08] It's great.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:36:08] I had so much fun there and the people that are just awesome.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:11] Yeah, Berlin is just a hell of a place too, for sure.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:36:15] We'll be right back with more Feedback Friday right after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:19] This episode is sponsored in part by Brother.
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Jordan Harbinger: [00:37:19] This episode is also sponsored by Wrangler.
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Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:09] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:38:25] All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:27] Hi, Harbinger crew. Congrats on being the Best Podcast of 2018.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:38:31] Thank you very much.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:32] My family and a few close relatives have decided the near future 18 to 24 months to leave California for the East Coast and plant new roots. With only a high school diploma and much experience I've gained from my employer, this move puts me on the job hunt. I've been an employee for a large company going on 15 years and currently works as a research and development tech. The company has recently expanded from the West by buying out another company, now making us nationwide. There's still tons of potential for growth. I haven't yet informed my boss of my plans to move, nor did I plan on it until I realized there could be a big opportunity for me to stay with the company since we are nationwide in our need of much help out east ensuring the business continues to grow. Should I keep this to myself or would this be a good idea to be transparent with my employer soon? And if so, how should I approach it? Any extra tips would help immensely. Love what you do. Signed, Possibly Eastbound and Down.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:28] Wow. Okay. Well, these work dilemmas are always so fascinating. However, what I will tell you is this. Yeah, you're worried about getting canned because they think you're going to move. But hiring is one of the most difficult things a company has to do. So a good company will do their best to keep their employees, the good ones. They may want somebody already experienced and who's familiar with the culture to help them expand to the East Coast. So I think it's a good idea for you to be transparent here. Also, it's just the right thing to do because then you're not leaving them hanging. If you wait too long, they'll wonder if you're thinking of leaving them like, "Hey, you knew you were going to move four months ago and now you're just telling us now. Like why did you wait so long?" They're going to suspect that maybe you were thinking about leaving them and then couldn't find another job or are just baiting them. And look, even if they're annoyed that you're moving, which I don't think they will be, they'll probably want to keep you as long as possible in your role where you are now and if they don't also want to transfer you. I would ask for a cost of living increase moving to the East Coast if you can. They might even cover moving expenses. I mean, you just have no idea. They might be chomping at the bit to get someone in your position to move out there and just thinking, "Oh, he's not going to move. His whole family is here. I'm not even going to ask." You know, you should volunteer for that before somebody else says, "Hey, I'd love to move out there." You don't know. This could be a competitive position. You might have a time, sort of a first advantage if you move on this now. And congrats on the exciting move. East Coast is great. There are lots to do over there. You're going to be pretty cold though. I'm interested to hear what you think of real winter coming from SoCal. So yeah, but enjoy.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:41:09] I'm curious why you ask for a cost of living increase because once you move to the East Coast, it's actually cheaper to live on the East Coast and the West Coast.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:16] Yeah, it can be, but not always. And I also think whenever you move to the coast, you can probably ask for a cost of living increase that you normally wouldn't get if you're from the coast.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:41:30] Good point. Easy way to ask for a raise.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:33] Right, exactly. Like if you moved from Michigan, you're like, "Hey look, things are more expensive." They're like, "Yeah, you're right. We're giving you six grand extra per year." But if you're like, "Hey, it's expensive out here." They're like, "You grew up in San Diego, you knew this."
Jason DeFillippo: [00:41:43] Yeah. You knew what you were getting into.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:45] Right. So they might go, "But it's the same price as the West Coast," and you go, "Yeah, but I was thinking about moving to the Midwest too." No, I mean, you don't have to lie about that, but you can say, "Look, I'm still moving to the East Coast." And they might just go, "Screw it. We have a budget for the cost of living increase. You can have it." And it's just, yeah, it's a raise.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:42:05] Yeah. And I think being transparent up front is definitely the way to go too. Because if they do have this new East Coast office, they're going to want to disseminate the culture. Because if you've been at this place for a while, they're going to want to seed you into the new East Coast offices, that way those people can learn from you on how the company does things.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:24] Exactly.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:42:24] I totally think that's a great way to go. And I don't think that they're going to be mad at you at all. I would definitely get on that right away and see what you can get. You should definitely be able to get, you know, moving costs and possibly this cost of living increase, but I think that you should definitely tell them right away and say, "Hey look, I want to go head up our East Coast division," or whatever, wherever you're at in the company and you might even get a promotion out of it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:48] Yeah. I think there's an opportunity here that you're not necessarily seeing. You're afraid they're going to go, "Oh, you're moving, you're out of here." I think they're probably looking for people in your HQ area to go and populate the rest of the company and disseminate the culture a little bit. I bet you they're looking and they just haven't said anything because they're probably evaluating internally who they can send, but if you volunteer, they might, they might be stoked that somebody's jumping at the chance.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:14] Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Because it costs so much money to retrain new employees.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:18] Oh my God.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:19] Oh yeah. It's ridiculous.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:20] Yeah. Opportunity costs, training costs, et cetera. Absolutely. All right. What's next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:25] Hey, guys, what are your thoughts on pets in the airplane cabin?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:29] As long as you don't clip their toenails?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:30] Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:32] My cat and I are moving to the Bay area from the UK and I'm dreading the journey, but can't put her in the hold because she's too nervous. She can sometimes be loud and meowy if stressed, and I've also read many online forums with mixed commentary but basically some people hate cats and I worry will end up near someone like that. My vet doesn't recommend tranquilizers and airlines also discourage it. Is there a six-minute hack for calcifying air passengers is what I'm asking basically. Thank you for all the great content and advice and especially for the humor and bands which are greatly enjoyed. All the best, Cats on a Plane.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:05] So I would much rather sit next to an animal, meowing or whining a little bit than a crying baby.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:13] Tell me about it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:14] I would much rather sit next to the cat, that's meowing a bunch, than a smelly guy or somebody who has to pee every five seconds or -- I mean there are a lot of things that I would rather not sit next to on a plane than a cant that's meowing seriously. And look, passengers will just have to be understanding if they want to live in a society that has other people. You know, whenever I get antsy about other people on a flight or animals on a flight, I just remember, "Look, if I really hate this, I can chill out for a business class seat. It's really expensive. Otherwise, shut your whole, Jordan. Be thankful you could afford to travel, that you're headed someplace exciting or that you're headed home in the next few hours." I mean, there's a lot to be thankful for.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:44:57] This is not like the old days where you're getting on a ship, that you're sailing across on the Mayflower, you're talking about like, you know, nine hours, eight hours, nine hours.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:08] Yeah, exactly.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:08] So it's an NBD is what it is. And some people might be allergic to the cat so you might have to move seats. I was thinking about that. It's like, "Okay, well I sat next to somebody. They're allergic to cats. Okay, sorry. We're going to shuffle the plane around." That's fine. I'm fine with also the tranquilizer thing. I've got no problem with that. That's fine. Never put an animal in the hold if you can though for sure.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:34] Oh yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:34] I'm thinking, I don't think this is a big deal. Drug your cat on the plane, give it a catnip, lots of catnip, and lots of treats.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:42] Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:42] I mean the poop and the pee issue is still an issue.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:46] I don't know how people deal with that. Do you bring your cat to the bathroom? Can you bring it to the airline bathroom and they go to the bathroom? How does that even work? Or do they just hold it?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:45:52] I think he just cleaned it up when they go or you just don't give him a lot of water beforehand.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:45:57] I've never smelled animal poop or pee on a plane. I don't think.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:46:01] Oh, I've been on planes where dogs have pooped in the aisle. It's grand. It's so grand. But I've never been on a plane with a cat that pooped. I mean you just basically dehydrate them before the flight and give them -- I think there's salt pills that you can give them or things like that. I would talk to your veterinarian. Don't do not take my advice on that, but you just kind of drained them before you get on the plane. There are ways around it but I would just never ever put a put an animal in the hold.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:27] No, don't put them in cargo. Oh, there are so many horror stories. Also, I don't think you can get this in the UK, but if you live in California and you were flying to the UK, you get some CBD oil that would help with the anxiety. There's pet CBD, which is CBD is the non-psychoactive component in marijuana. So it doesn't make your pet high. It just relaxes their body and humans take it all the time and it's great. And it's really, really interesting and it's readily available here in the states. I don't know about in the UK.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:46:59] I'm sure in the UK they have Valium, which also works on animals.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:02] There's that. But I think she said that she doesn't want tranquilizers. And I understand that nobody really has the right to complain about what's in your carry-on bag even if it's an animal. Noise is normal on flights. A cat's meow is hardly nails on a chalkboard. And if people are that noise sensitive, I'm a little noise sensitive honestly, they need noise-canceling headphones and a drink. And that's how they can manage that. Worst case, if your seatmate seems really perturbed, offer to get them a drink, lend them some over-ear headphones, pay for a movie, whatever. You shouldn't have to but if you offer, it's going to be so hard for them to get annoyed with you. Right? Like if they're like giving you a dirty look and you go, "Hey, look, my cat's me yelling a lot. Can I buy you a movie? And you know you can put your headphones on." Then there'll be like, "Oh no, that's okay." And then they can't really give you the stink-eye because they're like, oh, they'll feel bad. So you can even start the flight with, "Hey, look, she might meow a little bit and if she gets annoying, I apologize in advance. I'm happy to buy you a drink. I'm happy to pay for a movie if it's really driving you crazy or something for your troubles." They will almost certainly say you don't have to do that. And then they will look, so such the a-hole if they get mad after you offer something like that. So I think you're off the hook. That's a little hack. Be super nice in the beginning and offer to pay and fix the problem. And then when they say no, then they can't get mad.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:15] Yeah, front load the niceties, definitely front-load it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:18] That's right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:18] Also, if you've got the money, buy all three seats and tell everybody to just go away.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:23] Yeah. Well, at that rate just -- I think business class is probably cheaper than all three seats.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:29] Yeah, just get two seats in business class.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:31] Yeah, so if you're balling, go ahead and do that. Otherwise, everybody can shove it. All right. What's next? Last but not least.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:37] Hi, Jordan, Jason, and Jen. I recently graduated from college in May. I worked with a professional makeup artist in the fall of my senior year assisting him on a photoshoot. I've since moved to New York City and got a job in theater. I work about 45 hours a week and get paid $17 an hour and only get five days PTO. I don't have much room to work my way up in the company or industry because people much more experienced that have 10 years more of experience, only make $20 an hour and my immediate supervisor who's been there for 15 years has the same job title as me. I'm feeling generally disappointed, unfulfilled, and lost. These are a few of the reasons why I would like to leave my current position and explore something new. I would like to reach out to the makeup artist I worked with and reestablish connection now that we are back in the same area once again, but it's been a little over a year. We don't live in the same city, but we are in the same state again. I'm hoping that a new opportunity for a job transition will come eventually, but I don't want to email him after a year just to see if he has a job for me. How do you suggest to go about getting back in touch with him? Additionally, how do you suggest I take time off from my current job for interviews, et cetera. I've been guilted into working overtime the past few months because we are constantly understaffed, so I find it hard taking time off last minute for an interview or appointment, let alone a different project. I've only taken three days off in the last seven months. Sincerely, Should Have Dug the Well.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:04] Yeah, because that's seems like a really stressful and intense job. Three days off in seven months,
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:10] But it's only 45 hours a week.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:12] That's true. That's true. That's not that much.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:14] I think she's still getting weekends off.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:17] Oh yeah, good point.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:17] Honestly.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:18] Yeah, it's 10 hours a day. All right.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and someone who works 80 hours a week, 45 hours a week. I think we're going to talk about this in a little bit here. Go ahead.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:28] 45 hours a week. Sounds like a week off.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:30] Seriously. I'm like, ah --
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:31] I worked that much on my vacations. No, I'm just kidding.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:35] Seriously.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:36] Sort of --
Jason DeFillippo: [00:50:36] Actually you do. I've been on vacation with you. You do.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:50:39] That's true. I'm unfortunately not kidding, but it's not because, yeah, I'm unfortunately not kidding, but start digging the well now. Yeah, you should have dug the well. Started digging the well now, reach out to him, inform him where you're at. Ask him how he's doing, ask him what he's working on. See how you can be of service. The standard stuff from Six-Minute Networking and this is like what we talk about and see if he has any advice for you, you know, any words of wisdom. That's a great way to start. And then yeah, don't ask him for anything right away. You can see if he has any opportunities, but don't make that the focus of the email. And yeah, man, you should have dug that well. But the best time to plant a tree was a hundred years ago and the second-best time is right now or 20 years ago as how it goes. And Jason, I know that you reached out to a buddy who's kind of in this industry and got some advice too.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:51:28] Yeah, I reached out to my friend Seth Miranda. He works at Adorama doing all their social stuff and video stuff and he's always working with makeup artists. So he spent the last 12 years shooting portfolios for them and here's what he had to say. He says, "This industry is crazy, saturated in New York City alone. 300 makeup artists graduate every few months across all the schools. The way to be the one hired is to go assist everyone beyond time, don't overstep, and be ready to work. The more you're seen around, less people will feel they need to sift through the hundreds of resumes and just hit up who they know made their life easier on set. As for time off, you either take the jump or you don't. Most makeup artists end up in retail because they don't have a freelancer hustle. Settling into a position doesn't mean a steady job. It just means that's what you have for now and there'll always be someone in the game longer than you. The key is to find your groove and make sure people remember you. Every working person you meet onset is a potential lead and your interview is your current performance and reputation. I scored high-end jobs being friends with caterers who happen to be family of the producers. You never know and you always have to be on. Makeup artists are generally seen as flaky and not actual professionals, so don't give them any reason to assume that even more. Work hard, work right, be diligent, and have them end the production on a high note when they think of you. Also, if she assists more often, they hand off full-time jobs to people who have assisted because the key artists get double-booked very often. So if she's assisting a lot onset and the key artists can't make it that day, they will often go to the assistant to book the job."
Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:09] That totally makes sense to me.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:53:13] Yeah. And if they know the assistant so it's even better. So definitely you want to check out Seth on Instagram. We'll have that linked in the show notes. He's lastxwitness on Instagram and a good friend of mine. And it's good advice. It's really good advice. You've got to hustle. I mean 45 hours a week. That's half of your potential. Come on.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:29] Yeah, I know it sucks because it's a lot of work. But this industry is one of those. I've got buddies, my buddy is a prop master and so he makes props for sets. He tells me things like, "Yeah, we're shooting season two of such and such and such and such right now. And it's kind of crazy because you know we've got the baby but I'm out the door by 7:00 a.m. and I'm home by some days 2:00 a.m." And I'm like, "What?" Holy moly, I mean, we're talking like 18 hour days sometimes. This is why people in television work in a season and then don't do squat for two months because they can't.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:54:05] Because they can't move.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:08] Exactly. Yeah, it's insane. And you hear about this regularly, writers in the writer's room from 8:30 in the morning until midnight, five, six, seven, 29 days in a row because they've got to finish it. Just don't have options.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:54:23] She's a makeup artist in New York City. You know, you're going up against some of the most heavy hitter competition that you can go up against. So you have to put in the time. You have to, and you have to hustle, and you have to make yourself known. This is about relationships. This entire industry is about relationships. I know this from Seth. He works with the same people because they show up on time, they get the job done, they don't complain, and they do great work. So you have to do that.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:50] It's worth paying for because you can't be without somebody -- you know, photographer, you can't be without the photography. You can't be without the makeup artists. You pay a premium for people who get the job done. So be that person.
[00:55:00] All right. Life Pro Tip of the Week. This is really funny. I'm not sure where Jen got this. I think this is hysterical. When you are recalling, you know, those painful or embarrassing memories and you just keep beating yourself up over those. Those are tough to get rid of. That sort of loop in your mind is tough. But she said, imagine the Seinfeld theme playing over it.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:23] That's pretty good.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:24] Yeah. So like imagine that time that you slipped and fell and then instead of like everyone laughing at you and you're embarrassed and you go hide in your car, you just hear like da-da-da, right? Or that little like horns. It's just, it's so ridiculous. And then maybe that fades to black with the Seinfeld theme and the little pop. It's just so freaking ridiculous.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:46] I love it. That's a great tip.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:49] Recommendation of the Week. Jason, you saw this too, right? Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen's story. I don't know if you'd call it that.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:57] Yeah, it was a biopic from Queen the band. Yeah, I saw it. I loved it. I thought it was a really nice lighthearted version of the Freddie Mercury and Queen's story. It's not really the full story because it ends at a Wembley Stadium when they're doing live aid but, yeah, for what it was, I thought it was really fun, really fun. And I recommend going -- and there's actually a video you can get on YouTube that's really good. It's a side-by-side performance of Rami Malek and Freddie Mercury doing the same concert and Rami Malek hit every note. It's incredible. I'm even getting goosebumps right now thinking about it. It's so good.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:35] Oh, that's interesting. I'm going to check that out the side-by-side video. We should link to that.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:38] That's so good. We'll put that in the show notes for sure.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:40] Wow! It's got 16 million views. That's a lot.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:43] I told you it's very popular.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:46] Yeah, I don't care much about music, but I've really liked this movie. I thought it was just amazing and the acting was great. I mean, didn't he win the Oscar for this?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:55] Yes, he did. He got the best actor.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:56] Yeah. And he really earned it. Really did.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:57:00] Oh, he totally did. He totally did. So, you know, congratulations to him on that. And he also plays, the main lead character in Mr. Robot, if you're a fan of Mr. Robot.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:08] Yeah, that's right. I knew he looked familiar.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:57:10] Yeah. He's from that but I thought he nailed it. And you know, the movie was made by the band, so it's going to make the band look good and make Freddie look good. There's a lot that they glossed over but there are a lot of other documentaries out there about Freddie Mercury if you want to get into the backstory. But if you just want a really fun movie, that's pretty lighthearted and has good music in it, I can't recommend it enough.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:34] So we'll link to that movie on Amazon Prime. That's where I watched it, but I'm sure you can watch it in many places. You can find this and we'll to that in the show notes.
[00:57:41] Hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week and don't forget, you can email us at email@example.com to get your questions answered on the air. We will keep you anonymous. We always do. A link to the show notes with all the links and a little debrief can be found at jordanharbinger.com. Quick shout out to Jamie Sparks who is writing to us from a yacht in St. Martin. Wow, that's very, very bougie. And he says he's a crew, not the owner, just so we know. But thank you very much, Jamie. It's cool that you have Internet on your yet that is first-world -- slow internet, he says first world problems though, I think on that.
[00:58:17] Go back and check out the guests, Charlemagne Tha God and Clinton Watts if you haven't yet. And if you want to know how we managed to book all these great guests to manage the people in our network using systems and tiny habits, I want to teach you these systems and tiny habits for free in our Six-Minute Networking course. That's over at jordanharbinger.com/course. This course replaces the old Level One course. It has a bunch of upgraded drills, upgraded tech, upgraded systems. I left Advanced Human Dynamics because of the military and law enforcement and corporate training I'm doing and I no longer maintain Level One at all. So go ahead and grab Six-Minute Networking at jordanharbinger.com/course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at @JordanHarbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. And jordanharbinger.com/youtube, that's where the videos of the interviews that we've been doing. Those are all on YouTube at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:59:08] My personal website is over at jpd.me and has all the links to all my socials and things like that. And you can check out my tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks over at gog.show or on your podcast player of choice.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:21] This show is produced in association with PodcastOne and this episode was co-produced by Jen Harbinger and show notes for the episode or by Robert Fogarty. Keep sending in those questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Share the show with those you love and even those you don't. Lots more in the pipeline. Very excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
[00:59:42] Oh, by the way, if you haven't left a review for the show, now would be a great time to do that. We actually had some weird one-star reviews that I think are maybe automated because they're like, "This is just another typical show about Trump." And I'm like, "Definitely the wrong show." So I can't tell if people accidentally reviewed the wrong show or if we're like the target of a script here. Apple is looking into a little bit of this, but if you haven't reviewed the show now, it'd be a really nice time for you to write us a nice review because they do help. They help with the team and they help our show rank. So go ahead and throw a review down for the show and you can find out how to do that at jordanharbinger.com/subscribe.
Jason DeFillippo: [01:00:20] it's time to celebrate the Adam Carolla Show just hit its 10-year anniversary and Adam is kicking it off in style. Join Adam this week as he welcomes late-night talk legends, Jimmy Kimmel on the Adam Carolla Show and Jay Leno on CarCast. Congratulations, Adam. Download the Adam Carolla Show and get CarCast every week on PodcastOne or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.
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