You’ve made it to what some would consider middle age — in spite of stumbling over every possible mistake along the way. But instead of enjoying your triumph over the odds, you can’t shake the feeling that it’s past time to get off the hamster wheel and make a difference. You’re frustrated and fearful of disappearing from the world without leaving your mark on it or handing down a legacy, some security, and a vision of what’s achievable to your kids, so we’ll do our best to help you figure out how on this Feedback Friday!
And in case you didn’t already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Interested in doing some prison time with Jordan next February? Reach out to email@example.com for details!
- Does a 32-year-old need to tell Mom before getting tattoos?
- How do you say no to an insurance pyramid scheme?
- Should you begin with your professional or personal life when overhauling for a fresh start?
- What steps could you possibly take to get both of your bickering siblings to grow up?
- How do you get your employer to see the value in letting you work from home once the baby you’re expecting is due?
- Is it a mean-spirited, drama-loving academic advisor who is holding up your thesis progress, or is it secretly you?
- You’ve made it to age 50 and feel like a frustrated nobody, fearful of never leaving your mark on the world. How can you turn things around?
- Your spouse of three years is just now telling you about their massive debt. How can you be supportive without ransacking your own savings?
- Life Pro Tip: When starting your day at an amusement park with kids, take a full body pic of each person individually so that if anyone gets lost, you can show security exactly what they look like that day.
- Recommendation of the Week: The Family
- A quick shoutout to Brett Jesperson!
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
Like true crime tales? The Court Junkie Podcast shines a light on the injustices of the judicial system by delving into court documents, attending trials, and interviewing those close to these trials to root out the whole truth. Check out the Court Junkie Podcast on PodcastOne here!
Resources from This Episode:
- Richard Clarke | Defending Ourselves in the Age of Cyber Threats, TJHS 240
- Scott Young | Ultralearning Your Way to Skill Mastery, TJHS 241
- How to Help People Change for the Right Reasons by Jordan Harbinger
- Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances, The Tim Ferriss Show 293
- What I Learned Spending the Day in a Maximum-Security Prison by Jordan Harbinger
- How to Rescue Your Loved One From an MLM Scam | Feedback Friday, TJHS 164
- Steven Hassan | Combating Cult Mind Control Part One, TJHS 237
- How to Quit Your Dream Job Gracefully | Feedback Friday, TJHS 236
- antiMLM, Reddit
- Better Help
- Catch Me If You Can: The True Story of a Real Fake by Frank W. Abagnale and Stan Redding
- The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin De Becker
- Mississippi Maternity and Pregnancy: What You Need to Know, BLR
- How to Find a Mentor (And Make the Most of the Relationship) by Jordan Harbinger
- How to Be a Good Mentor | Feedback Friday, TJHS 229
- Debt Relief: Understand Your Options and Consequences, NerdWallet
- The Family
Transcript for How to Make Your Mark on the World at 50 | Feedback Friday (Episode 242)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:02] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger and I'm here with producer Jason DeFillippo. On The Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most brilliant and interesting people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you.
[00:00:19] This week, we had Richard Clarke, former advisor to the president and cyberwarfare expert. Basically, anyone can hack our power grid and key infrastructure. China, Iran, and all those lovely folks are trying to do this all the time now and you can see how this could escalate into a real conventional war. Richard Clarke explains all of that and what we as business owners, individuals might be able to do about it. We spoke also to my friend, Scott Young, who learned four languages in one year and in another year took the entire four-year MIT computer science curriculum. He did that. He killed it in like 12 months. He sounds like a genius, but it's really just mastered some ultra-learning strategies which he shares with us here on the show.
[00:00:59] I also write every so often on the blog. The latest post is about how we can help other people change. We all want to get somebody in our lives to change. We all have someone in our lives who we wish we could fix or somebody we just wish it was a little different. This latest piece will help you help them and that's at jordanharbinger.com/articles. So, make sure you've had a look and listen to everything we created for you here this week. Of course, our primary mission on The Jordan Harbinger Show is to pass along experiences and insights to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you and that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us at email@example.com to answer your question in the hat.
[00:01:42] By the way, we talked a little bit about my prison trip last time. I'm doing my 40th birthday, early 2020, February 26. We have dozens of people signed up for this already but we are going to prison. I am going to prison and I've invited you along with me. The trip is with Cat Hoke. She's been interviewed on a few different podcasts as well. She runs a charity. This is an amazing opportunity for inmates to prepare for the outside world. This is not some trashy volunteerism thing where we're exploiting inmates for our own entertainment or experience. This was her idea. It's a graduation program for the guys at the end of a lot of hard work that these guys have done behind bars. And if you're interested in coming with me, email firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll put you on the list. We only announced it last Friday and we're already at like 25 percent capacity, so if you're thinking about it hit me up. I also threw it in the newsletter just today and I see a lot of replies in there and it just went out like an hour ago. So, if you're interested, hit me up. We'd love to have you. It's going to be donation based. It's going to be 1200 or 1500 we're not sure yet plus you've got to get yourself out there, but it's a donation for the educational program. It's going to be kind of a fundraiser, but it's going to be amazing. I went to this prison a couple of months ago. I talked about here on the show and really it was life-changing to see what's going on in there, to have facetimed during the day with all these guys are just absolutely incredible. Both men and women are allowed, don't worry. Yes, it's safe. It’s all secure. These are guys who are in this program for good behavior because they are going to be getting out and getting jobs. That's what this is designed for. You don’t have to worry about that. We're going to take good care of you and it will be a life-changing experience I promise. It'll be out near a Reno. That's what we think it's going to be outside Reno, Nevada. If not, it'll be somewhere in California, but that's what we're aiming at and you'll get yourself there and we'll go in a big group and it'll be a crazy 40th birthday for me. That's for sure. So, email me if you're into it, email@example.com and we'll put you on the list. Again, that's February 26 or at or around. That's when my birthday is. And you don't have to pay right now or anything. It's just an interest list. So, if you're interested, email me firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll put you on that interest list. Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:04:01] Hi, Team Jay. I'm 32 and moved out when I was 22. I've been slowly acquiring tattoos and I like it when people notice them, but I don't make a big thing about it. They’re for me and make me feel great. After my most recent tattoo, which my mom found out about on Instagram, she requested that I give her a heads up before getting any new ones. She insists that it's not for permission because she acknowledges that it's my body and I'm an adult but says it helps her feel less shocked. I feel annoyed and kind of violated having to do that. We're closed, but I've struggled with setting boundaries with her for many years. I told my mom I would change the settings on my Instagram so that wouldn't happen again. What I meant by that was I blocked her. Over the years, my mom has gone from being very angry about my first tattoo to find with me getting them, even saying that they're beautiful. The first tattoo I got was when I was still living at home. It was done in secret after she and my dad told me that I couldn't get one. I'm not sure if after that she just doesn't want to feel that surprised again. I'm a very independent person in hate having to report to people. I get triggered when I see people who are not independent because it makes me feel so stuck for them. I don't care how she feels about me getting tattoos, but I don't like when she's mad at me. It may seem like no big deal to give her a heads up each time I'm getting a tattoo, but every time I imagine doing that, I feel anger boiling up inside of me. I'd love to hear your take on this. Should I use this as an opportunity to practice doing something that feels hard for me or is my mom asking for something unreasonable? Signed, To Tell or Not to Tell.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:05:31] I love that you're asking if you should step outside your comfort zone here or if it's your mother that's being unreasonable. The idea that you could just suck it up and do as she requests shows a level of maturity and self-awareness that is frankly admirable. That said, hell no, you do not owe your mom a heads up every time you want to do something that might surprise her. That's ridiculous. You're 32. I get it. She was to see something like that on Instagram. I think you solved the problem. You blocked her so now she can't be surprised by that anymore. You really don't owe her anything else in my opinion. It sounds like boundaries are a thing between you guys and the fact that you've had issues with her in the past about this reinforces the idea that she doesn't really understand where her place is in your life right now with respect to decision making, tattoos, whatever. Even if her request was reasonable, and it's not, by the way, you're not under any obligation to report to her if it makes you feel uncomfortable. This doesn't affect her. This is an attention thing. It's a boundaries thing. It's her trying to get attention from you or other people. It's her meddling a little bit in a way that doesn't quite make sense to me. It sounds to me like you've already been plenty considerate it. Now that you've ensured that she can't see your tattoos anymore. In my opinion, this problem is solved. That said, be aware that this same issue could crop up elsewhere. The problem itself is solved. This issue though is not. The boundaries issue is not. The fact that your mom doesn't seem to respect your boundaries is not yet solved. There's probably not much you can do about this up and until it becomes a bigger problem. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but in my opinion, this same-boundaries issue is going to crop up later on down the road. Just be ready for that. Yes, she can't see your tattoos. She's going to find some other reason to be disapproving or vocal about that.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:21] I have something similar with my mom and with the same thing with tattoos. Seriously, like the same thing. So, from my experience, it's a control play. It's a compliance test. She wants you to say yes to this, which means you give away a little bit more control, and I'm sure there are other ones that have happened over your lifetime because it sounds like it. So, stick to your guns, keep her blocked. Don't let her win that battle because I'm sure it's just a skirmish in a much bigger war.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:07:45] Yeah, that's an interesting point. I hadn't thought about this, but it did occur to me that there might be some control issues here. I wonder what the boundaries issues were that she said she had in the past. I wonder if it was like, “You have to show me things that are on your phone,” or “If you're going to go out, I have to know who you're going out with.” And I was like, “Mom, I'm 30. What are you talking about?” That kind of stuff. I wonder what other sorts of control elements are in place here. She wasn't really detailed about that, but that did occur to me that this was a control issue and not just “I was surprised to see this”. Like what? Who cares? So, what's not about you? All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:23] Hello, Triple Jay. Many congratulations on the baby. I know you will be wonderful parents. I really liked your response and ideas about saying no to a multilevel marketing scheme. I'd like to ask a question about saying no to a different sort of pyramid scheme. I have a coworker who's tried to start a conversation about selling me life insurance several times. I've always shut it down with, “I don't want to buy life insurance right now.” In the seven months, we've worked together, I've learned that she thinks she owns a business doing this but seems to be very broken because of it. She says buying a policy through her would let me start my own business. Her daughters worked for her business selling life insurance and she's guilted her brother into buying insurance from her daughter's business, and now he's opening his own business, selling insurance policies. She mentioned the insurance company's name last time. I searched the internet and found that name plus the words pyramid scheme. I found out that there's even a class-action lawsuit against the company saying its marketing as a pyramid scheme and really targeting immigrants in three Asian-American communities. My coworker belongs to one of those communities. I believe the pyramid scheme is some sort of advance, but then they have to commit to selling a bunch of policies and they quickly run out of friends trying to repay their advanced commission until they must convince customers to get insurance licenses and take the same advance. It seems bananas to me because I wouldn't put any other insurance agent I know in the same categories as MLM. If or when she tries to bring it up again, should I continue to say I don't want to buy life insurance or should I say I've read about the class-action lawsuit and want to avoid any dealings with that company? I'm a nice guy that wouldn't usually respond that harshly, but I think it would be better than hearing it forever. We're independent contractors on an IT project, so we'll probably only work together for another three or four months, so I could also just ignore it and possibly never see her again. She's actually a smart, fun person and I need her technical skills and expertise to complete our current project. She's also really drunk the Kool-Aid on this company. It resembles things from your interview with Steve Hassan. Sincerely, Pyramids are for Pharos.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:22] Ugh, so this would be super annoying. This would trigger me for sure.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:26] Really? You don't think so.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:28] I mean, you heard my MLM rant last week, you heard it—
Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:33] For seven years. I've heard it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:35] Right, exactly. Multilevel marketing companies do target specific groups. They also try to be like, we're direct marketing, we're network marketing. They try to add a euphemism onto it, it’s we're on to you. They try to target specific groups. Often these groups are minorities or other disadvantaged groups. And the reason they do this is because a lot of minorities have really tight social networks and these companies specifically prey on groups with strong cultural ties because they know it'll be easier to recruit lots of people there. And those people have large networks built on trust and often they're in need of any extra cash that they can get. That's what makes this even more despicable. Some of these big companies, their biggest recruiting areas are immigrant —Hispanic immigrant communities, Vietnamese immigrant or Filipino immigrant communities— because they have strong social networks and they need money. And a lot of times the people might not have a work visa but they can go ahead and recruit and do all this other stuff sort of under the table because it's not really a job. It's all sort of wink, wink, nudge, nudge. But the real wink, wink, nudge, nudge is they know that 99.6 percent of people lose money doing this. They don't tell you that though. So whenever multilevel marketing stuff comes up dealing with them and the person trying to deal with this that can get you into it. We call them Hons because they say like, “All right, Hon,” all the time we call them Hons on the anti-MLM community.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:12:01] Dealing with them depends on how close you are with the person and your desired results. For example, if you're super close with somebody and you want to get them out of the MLM or any other cult, you ask clarifying questions. Steven Hassan outlines these in his book, Combating Cult Mind Control. But in short, this would be things like how much profit have you been able to make? Not revenue, profit, above what you've paid? That kind of thing. How long have you been doing this? What does that work out to per hour? Not all at once, not in an accusatory way. You can really help them do the math. A lot of people will gladly sit there and let you do that —if you're close to them— they'll go, “Oh it looks like I've lost money.” They might not even know. Or they'll come up with, they'll move the goalpost. “Well, you know, I haven't really been giving it 110 percent,” and it's they'll start repeating the line that they heard at the seminar. If it's someone annoying you like it is here, that's all they're doing. It's not somebody you actually care to extract from this situation. What you can do is tell her that you're not on the market for life insurance and you're not interested in starting another business because you already have your own line or lines of work. Then you can reiterate that you like working with her. You think she's skilled, et cetera if you're worried about hurting her feelings and you're a nice guy, that's great. The reason she's not taking no for an answer here though is that she's likely very desperate and in financial trouble. Most people who are involved with an MLM have financial distress already. That's why they're going for the get rich working from home side hustle, get rich while you sleep, type of BS. Remember though, her financial wellbeing is not your responsibility and in addition, this is somebody trying to victimize you. They are trying to recruit you into a money-losing scheme that is potentially illegal. Whether they know this consciously or not, they are trying to victimize you. Even if it's unconscious, they're trying to victimize you so there's a difference. It's maybe its difference between first-degree something, something, and manslaughter and the murder analogy here, but they are trying to get your money and sell you an opportunity that they know or should know with some certainty is likely to be a losing investment for you because it's probably a losing investment for them. So, bear that in mind that. That will give you enough sympathy to maybe be polite when you brush them off, but not enough sympathy where you feel tempted to take any sort of offer.
[00:14:22] And yes, you can also bring up the fact that you looked into the company and that they're being sued by a lot of people. Ask her if she knew about that. Innocently enough, there's a good chance she has no idea. Turns out, they don't tell you at the recruiting get-rich-overnight seminar that they're being sued by 3,000 people in a class-action lawsuit. Additionally, you can go to a place like Reddit, search for the name of the MLM and find a ton of experiences of people who were in it and who have since left and have some very choice bits of your colleague might be interested in. Often people trapped in an MLM., they don't realize that everyone is losing money. It's not just them and they're not losing money because they're not working hard enough or whatever other BS the MLM people are telling her, but because the design of any pyramid scheme is inherently flawed or at least the design isn't to enrich the people that are anywhere but the top of the pyramid, so there's a good chance she's selling hard because she's under the impression everyone's doing so great. Go on Reddit. You'll find a lot of really honest commentary about people who lied to all their friends, lied to all their family, ruined all their relationships, and then finally just ran out of money and found out that all of their cool people on their team didn't give a crap about them as soon as they couldn't afford the monthly nut to maintain their status. Now, it's a slow road and she needs to leave you alone. Ideally, though, you can get her to stop bothering you and help her see that she's involved in a scam designed to drain her finances. This is so sad, but as you can tell, this is a pet peeve of mine. These types of things. I wish they were gone.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:15:56] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:15:59] This episode is sponsored in part by HostGator.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:16:02] Let's say Ted Koppel is your favorite broadcast journalist of all time. So, you want to honor his legacy and maybe make a modest fortune with a line of action figures featuring the intrepid reporter in various states of newsworthy peril –Safari Koppel, freedom-fighter Koppel, deep-sea Koppel. Sure, they're targeted towards an extremely niche audience, but you have faith your Koppel gangers will capture the imagination of fellow nightline junkies, ironic hipsters, and savvy collectors around the globe. But how are you going to reach this audience? Thanks to HostGator, you can tell the world about your ludicrous business idea without possessing the deep pockets of a major broadcasting network. HostGator is where you can register your own unique domain and hawk your wares online with supreme ease and low overhead.
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[00:17:17] Support for The Jordan Harbinger Show comes from our friends at Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Home is so much more than a house. It's your own little slice of heaven. That's why when you find the perfect place for you and your family getting a mortgage shouldn't get in the way. Finding the right house isn't easy but finding the right mortgage can be. Rocket Mortgage is doing more to help you understand the home buying process so you can get exactly what you need because it's not just a mortgage, it's your mortgage and they found a better way. Their team of mortgage experts is obsessed with finding a better way, which means that their number one goal is to make the home buying process smoother for you. Take the home buying process work for you. In fact, Rocket Mortgage is there with award-winning client service and support every step of the way. Quicken Loans has helped millions of Americans achieve their dream of homeownership. And when you're ready to purchase the home of your dreams, they can help you too. When you work with them you get more than just a loan because Rocket Mortgage is more than just a lender. Visit RocketMortgage.com/JORDAN and take the first step towards the home of your dreams. Equal Housing Lender. Licensed in all 50 states. NMLSConsumerAccess.Org #3030. Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Push the button, get mortgage.
[00:18:24] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard from our amazing sponsors and to help keep this show on the air, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:51] All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:18:53] Hi Jordan and team. I find myself in a situation where I don't know what to do. I'm currently 38 and work as a retail and pharmacy operations district manager, and I find myself not wanting to go to work each day. I've been in this position for two years and had been with the company working my way up for almost 13 years. I love working with people and seeing them grow, but I can't work with my immediate leadership. I feel like it will never be enough for them, no matter what I do. I'm not aligned with what the company is doing and I feel I'm restricted from day-to-day to make my team better. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and lived together with our two boys who are eight and four. Our plan is when she can find a stable job, we'll separate and split custody with our boys each week. I feel we've grown apart over the years and don't have the same interest for each other that we once had. I've spoken with a therapist one time in the last two months when I started getting panic attacks and we feel I have a feeling of fear altogether. The fear of losing my job, wife, children, and financials. I fear my boys will not have a dad that I never had growing up and it hurts me to think about it. I don't know what to change first, my job or my personal life. Thanks for everything. You do. A Confused Dad.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:20:01] Yikes. A lot going on here. Stable job, always a good place to begin. Since you have one and your wife doesn't, it's risky to try and get over to do something else. I realize you don't enjoy your work. That is no good, but let's solve one problem at a time. Here's what I worry about. You jump and try to find another job and now you're financially unstable and your wife is financially unstable and now you're in the middle of this stressful situation and all of the other problems are still there except you don't have income. That's just, that's not good. So, first, start looking for other jobs. You don't have to take one or anything, but start seeing what's out there. Also having people want to interview and hire you. This is a good way to build confidence in yourself in terms of finding another job and the idea after 13 years in one place, finding a new job is even possible. I know it's in the back of your head. Do I still get it? And the interview process is slow. So, get it going. Now find out what type of qualifications you might need to get something else and slowly build any gaps. If they're like, “Ooh, we really wished we had somebody who was good with this kind of CRM software.” You can start taking fricking Skillshare classes on that CRM software or classes online and you can start to master that stuff without having used it at work, for example. And yes, you'll still have to show up to this bummer of a gig in the meantime, but you might actually start to feel less pressure there once you have the keys to the prison so to speak. Like if you're getting offers, you're interviewing elsewhere and they're telling you, “Hey, look, come back when you're ready.” It feels better going into a job because you don't feel like you have no way out. You have a way out now. It's just a matter of your timing and once the process is rolling, you'll get some momentum here, but that's not going to solve the issue. Getting a new job to solve your other personal problems is kind of like getting into a relationship to solve your personal problems. It doesn't work. “Oh, I just need a girlfriend and I don't cure everything,” I remember that feeling back in college that doesn't work. Getting a new job, hoping, “Well now I'll have a purpose and everything will be great and I'll rekindle things with my…” That's not going to work either. If you've got a new job, you might be a lot happier at work, but it won't rekindle things with your wife. It won't solve your anxiety issues necessarily.
[00:22:14] Only a therapist can help you with the anxiety while you rebuild, but my two cents on the issue is that you're feeling a massive amount of insecurity because both your personal and professional and your family vectors over your life, they're all unstable at the same time right now. That's not a good feeling and I feel your pain here. While you're looking for something new, you can also get an attorney to discuss what this split might look like with your wife. Having a qualified legal professional on your side, even just as a consult before an amicable split, this will help keep things amicable and your attorney can help reassure you that you're not suddenly going to lose your kids for no reason. An experienced family lawyer should be a voice of reason and compassion, so don't be afraid to find somebody who jives with and understands your issues, not just a gruff shark who says, “I’m going to nail it on the cross.” You don't want that. You want somebody going to help you work all this out and keep things amicable. Someone who is just as keen on keeping this thing amicable, that's the right person to work with on this. I can't tell you which job to take and I can't tell you how to split up with your wife or when to do that, but what I can tell you is to start looking for a new career and get some good legal advice. Both of these things will shoulder some of your burden and alleviate some of your fear and make darn sure you're seeing a therapist during this time as well. Even if it's just every other week or something you need to stay sane during this process. Investing in your sanity is priceless, especially since you know you're headed towards a high-pressure situation. Prepare for that situation. Don't be reactive to it. Jason, what's our Better Help link betterhelp.com/jordan. That's online therapy and counseling. I highly recommend getting somebody to bounce things off of. You can schedule by phone and whatever. You need an outlet for this because you're splitting up with your wife and changing jobs and you can't just go and vent to your kids. You can't go and vent to your wife. You can't go and vent to your boss. You need somebody else who's on your side, so go get some Better Help. And look best of luck with this my friend, this is everything at once, so I understand this is heavy-duty, but you've got this. All right. What's next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:20] Hi Jordan. Jason, and Jen. I have issues with two older siblings still holding childish grudges against each other. While they both are getting older, they still seem to resent each other. The most recent issue involves my parents and the sibling closest to me. My parents are taking her on a trip across the country in a few months, and when the oldest sibling heard about this, she had a meltdown with my dad and wouldn't talk to him or my mom for a month. This is unusual, by the way. I could understand not being invited to a trip, but she'd gone on a trip with my parents a few months ago without the other sibling. This is just the most recent issue as they still verbally fight about the most ridiculous things whenever the family gets together. My oldest sister is in her early 30s and the younger one is in her late 20s. I wish this whole thing would stop. After all, I thought sibling rivalry should be a thing of the past by now, but they both seem to live rent-free in each other's heads. Both of them have always had completely different personalities, which I know is a factor, but I'm tired of having to play peacemaker along with my parents. I'm in my early 20s and I'm living on my own now, but I'm sick of having to hear about this from my parents. What steps could I possibly take to get both of them to grow up? Regards, One of the Few Boys Who Matured Faster Than the Girls.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:33] Oh gosh, this sounds so annoying. I definitely feel for you here. This would grind my fricking gears so bad. Getting people to change is almost impossible. In fact, I just did an article about this. You can find it. It'll be linked to the show notes, but if you go to jordanharbinger.com/articles. It's about how to help people change for the right reasons. The basic gist though is this—Can we change people? Should we change people? Your desire to help people to change these people, help them change whatever comes from a good place. I understand you want peace in the family. You want them to get along and realize they're so lucky to have each other. You want them to shut the hell up and stop ruining every family dinner. I get it. Your heart's in the right place, but wanting to change people isn't an inherently bad desire. In many cases, it's understandable in some cases like this one, I think it's absolutely necessary. After all, though, if we're willing to do the work to change ourselves like you all are, by listening to this show and putting these things into play, shouldn't other people also be willing to change? Yes, I would assume. Yes, they should be. If we can change our own characters, then can't we inspire other people to do the same and don't people have to change as time goes on, especially if they're to blame for causing dysfunction. The simple answer is yes, and I'm sure it's cliché by now that we can't get anyone to change unless they actually want to change. We've all heard that, but as long as we cling to the illusion that we can change people on our own, we're going to be stuck in the same dysfunctional dynamic over and over again.
[00:27:00] We often believe that we're making someone change for their benefit, and in reality, we're usually making them change for our benefit. We're uncomfortable, we're angry, we're frustrated. The other person isn't behaving in a way that satisfies us. That doesn't seem to be totally the case here. Yeah. In a way, it is because you want them to stop stressing out your parents so your parents stop stressing you out. But I also understand where you're coming from, you're trying to keep the family on track. You're trying to keep your parents from going crazy. It might be time for an intervention and I'm wondering if they've ever been to therapy. Can your sisters go with your parents because I think your parents, they might play a little bit more of a role here, then you let on in the message. I'm not saying you're hiding the ball, but what I am saying is I think there's probably more to the story here than we might think. I think your parents are probably either not masterminding this, but they're unwittingly contributing to a lot of this and probably have for a long time. There's a reason there's a rivalry between your sisters and it's not just because of the way they were born. Okay, so you need to set some boundaries. If they won't go to therapy, they're not allowed to pull this BS anymore. Your parents have to be on board refusing to entertain it. Your parents are not allowed to come, call, and stress you out and make every phone call about your sisters if they won't solve the problem. Enforcing boundaries with their parents is tough, but it is required to keep you sane. You didn't include any of this, but my gut again says your parents are not putting their foot down about this at all and some of their actions probably encourage this.
[00:28:33] I have a real hunch here that this behavior has been going on for decades. It achieves some results, namely, the parents put up with it, they entertain this crap that's why it's continued, or they stoked the fires somehow, consciously or unconsciously, and that's why it keeps ongoing. When you're trying to figure out whether to change somebody, take a moment and understand where the problem really lies. You need to find out whether your parents actually want to change and if they're on your team here. Without them, this is literally impossible. If they're willing to go for it, great family therapy time. If not, or they're making excuses or they think, “Oh, we'll handle this on our own.” You need to set your own boundaries so that you can stay sane you should not be shouldering this drama. This might mean not letting your sisters use you in arguments and excusing herself from dinner tables or events when they create drama near you. It may also mean not letting your parents vent to you. This will be really hard, but for your own sanity, you have to do it. If they're not willing to help fix the problem, then they are part of this problem, and they're making it your problem until you put your foot down. So best of luck here, this is not an easy one. Remember, you have to look for your own sanity here because nobody else is going to do that. You can guide them to help and you can encourage them to get it and you can try to support it, but you can't force them to do it and the only person that's going to look out for your mental wellbeing is you. So, lead those horses to water, but if they won't drink, set up a boundary and start walking in the other direction because you deserve better.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:30:06] We'll be back with more Feedback Friday right after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:09] This episode is sponsored in part by Audible. Listening makes us smarter, more connected people, if I do say so myself, right? It makes us better partners, parents, and leaders. There's no better place to start listening than Audible. You like this podcast, you like learning. Audible is where so many inspiring voices and compelling stories open listeners up to new experiences and ways of thinking and audible members now get more than ever before. Members choose three titles every month, one audiobook plus two audible originals that you can't hear anywhere else. Members also have unlimited access to more than a hundred audio-guided fitness and meditation programs. Audible delivers bestsellers, business, self-improvement, memoirs, and more all professionally narrated by actors and authors and Audible members can also get free access to the New York times, the Wallstreet Journal and the Washington post delivered daily to the audible app. I actually did not know that and I'm going to use that right away. With a convenient app, members can also access Audible anytime at the gym commuting on the go, any device, it always picks up right where you left off, which is massively convenient and Audible also offers free and easy audiobook exchanges, credits you can roll over for a year. The library you keep forever when you cancel, that's important. You're not renting these, you get to keep them later and your credits are really easy to use. And I'll tell you, I exchange books all the time. If I'm not into it, I refund that-ish right away and I don't feel guilty about it. And it takes two seconds. Recently, I read Catch Me If You Can and that book was awesome. It's one of my favorite movies and we have Frank Abagnale here on the show. Jason, tell him what we got for them.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:40] Start listening with a 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook plus two audible originals for free. Visit audible.com/HARBINGER or text harbinger to 500-500 that is audible.com/HARBINGER or text harbinger to 500- 500
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Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:24] This episode is sponsored in part by SimpliSafe. Studies show that over 10 percent of break-ins are planned beforehand. The rest are spur of the moment, crimes of opportunity, in other words, random. But most break-ins happen between 6:00 AM and 6:00 PM so in the middle of the day, and I think it was Gavin De Becker. We were talking about it and he was saying if somebody breaks into your house at night, they want something more than your VCR or what? He didn't say VCR, but you know what I mean. They're not looking for your TV. According to the FBI, the average burglary loss is over two grand. This can be hard to recover from depending on where you're at financially and you know your insurance. Homes without home security 300 percent more likely to be broken into and only one in five homes have security. And I know that the reason about this is probably because getting security systems can be confusing, expensive, huge pain in the butt. We had some other guys come over and give us a quote. It was ‘90s gear and then we found SimpliSafe and this is awesome. Hands down, it's 21st-century security, every door, and window, 24/7 monitoring. Easy on you as well. No contract, no hidden fees, no fine print, which is like the other guy's specialty and tons of awards seen at New York Times, Wirecutter. The pricing is fair. 24/7 monitoring is 15 bucks a month. What I like about them especially is not just that everything's easy to use, but they have video verification technology. A lot of other home security systems they get triggered. The police assume it's a false alarm, they call goes to the bottom of the list, because security systems ring all the time. Simplisafe, uses video verification technology so they can say there's somebody crawling through the dang window and the police will get to the scene three and a half times faster than other home security companies, that's a bold claim and obviously, since it's where they can back it up. Jason.
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[00:34:22] Thanks for listening in supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air and to learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard so you can check out our amazing sponsors, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:34:39] Okay, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:34:41] Greetings Triple Jay and baby Jay. Congratulations on the birth of your healthy baby. I'm expecting my very own first child also and I find myself in a work situation that has me questioning my next move and honestly leaving me feeling guilty. I have an operation in clerical position in private aviation. I haven't told my employer that I'm pregnant. I'll need to work from home once I give birth. I only started two months ago and I'm six months pregnant. When I was hired, I was told that working from home is very common, but now they're trying to make all daily work in an office. Mostly due to past employees being unaccountable. I believe in Mississippi, all companies are required to give 12 weeks of maternity leave, but I would like to take half that and then transition to a work-from-home position. To make things more complicated, I have a job offer from another company that pays better but doesn't offer work-from-home. Should I use the other job offer as leverage in negotiating my new work situation postpartum? I don't want to leave my current employer, but I also don't want to work in an office and miss out on the first few months of my child's life. Help! Maternity Mountain or Molehill.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:47] In this case, I got to start off by saying speak to a lawyer and employment attorney about this and speak to somebody in your state and Mississippi doesn't have the most labor forward laws if memory serves. In fact, Jason, you did a little research here and they do not in Mississippi have a state law that specifically requires private employers to offer any maternity or pregnancy disability leave or accommodation. So that might vary depending on the type of employer you have, et cetera. But if they don't offer that to you, you have very little recourse. Now, your recourse here is you're a good employee and they want to keep you hopefully, so you're going to want to make sure that you don't get candid advice from Google or that you don't get canned by following advice that you found on Google or through somebody who shouldn't be advising you. Remember, I'm a lawyer but I'm not your lawyer and I know nothing about Mississippi state employment law. The best time to negotiate a job is when you have another job offer on the table. First, step is to get a lawyer.
[00:36:47] That said, my advice hereafter is to tell them you're pregnant soon because they're going to need to plan for your absence. Also, let them know you don't need the full amount of maternity leave. If they do offer it, they'll be thrilled about this. Of course, that's conditioned on the idea that you're going to work-from-home afterward for a while and you can negotiate with them on this too. For example, maybe you come in every Monday and Friday, and this way you start the week off with a bang. You end with a bang, so you're in the office Monday and Friday and you can show them, I'm not just taking long weekends all the time because if the problem was accountability, I have a feeling people were just like, “Oh, I'm going to be out of the office on from Friday all day or Thursday afternoon. We'll take off and I'll pretend I'm at work.” I mean that happens a lot with people that work-from-home where they just hang out all day and then they check their email at 7:00 PM for five minutes. That's not working from home. Ask them how you can prove or measure accountability. If this is the reason, they have a policy against working from home, then solve that problem. Don't argue with them about the policy or promise you're not going to leave them hanging. That's not going to do anything. Put your money where your mouth is. For example, maybe you have to stay logged into the company Slack or Jabber chat, whatever you guys have during the workday from nine to five. Maybe you have to be available by phone during the day. Maybe you have to promise a certain response time on emails or be logged into some specific time-tracking software. This way they can hold you to that and once you show them that you're responsible and you're the exception to the rule that workers from home might be less productive, you're going to earn their trust and they won't worry as much.
[00:38:22] Remember, you need to reiterate that you like working there. You don't want to leave and you also don't need to work-from-home forever. Earn their trust and you're golden. Just expect them to push back a little on this since they don't know you're pregnant and they might assume, candidly, you might've set them up coming in four months pregnant and then taking maternity leave. As an employer, I think I would be a little skeptical of somebody who said, “Hey, my intentions are great but I came in four months pregnant and now you need maternity leave.” Just candidly, they can't fire you for being pregnant or wanting leave most likely, but just to be safe, get an employment lawyer in your area and make damn sure. As an employer, I totally understand not wanting to hire someone who came in four months pregnant. That said it's usually illegal to discriminate on that sort of thing of course. I also understand your position and you should feel justified in trying to work-from-home even if you have to leverage the other offer. Just work your butt off for them. If they do you right and do right by them down the line so that they don't regret it. Congrats on the incoming kiddo by the way. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:24] Hello Four-Jays. Congratulations on the growing team. I'm a grad student that recently took a full-time job in engineering before finishing school. My plate is full trying to balance school while keeping up with the learning curve of a fast-paced consulting firm. In the first six months of the job, my thesis fell to the back burner. I got a slap on the wrist, on my performance from my academic advisor at the start of the summer, but our working relationship has disintegrated ever since. She's been M.I.A. in the engagement and I need to finish and she's blaming me for not being more responsible with being accommodating to her absence. Any feedback I get from her on my work is months delayed and is all negative feedback. I feel discouraged to finish. I hate the idea of quitting in fear. I might regret the future career consequences, but it doesn't seem worth the compromise if I have debilitating anxiety and depression now. How do I quit in a way that doesn't cause more drama with my adviser? She takes things personally and she's unafraid to have bad blood with colleagues from my observations, and I'm seeking therapy My therapist insists I fight back for what I deserve from a boss and get the degree I deserve for my future happiness, but I still feel stuck. This stress is now affecting my energy at my consulting job, which I love. Sincerely, A Student Managing a Bad Manager.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:39] I'd ask for a little backup on this one. I ask people with PhDs and a bunch of grad degrees, a couple of things that we noticed just reading the question here is it feels a little bit victim mentality-ish and it could just be the way it's written. Not sure this is a healthy place to be though. If you feel like you're being picked on, maybe you are, but it's just not a good place to sort of be at effect in this behavior. That this person is picking on you and it's unfair. Maybe it is, but it's usually not that constructive to come from that angle. It does seem very clear that you checked out of academia a while ago. It's really not common to take a full-time job like you did in the middle of an advanced degree like that. You're also nodding to the fact that you maybe didn't do all the work on time. It appears that you want to finish the degree because of sunk costs more than any desire to continue on with it. Maybe looking for me to tell you it's okay to quit the degree. I don't know. That said, everyone, I spoke to who had a PhD went through some serious tough mental times, emotional times. They got jobs some of the time gave them a boost of motivation to finish up, jobs that were going to start after they finished their degree. Everyone was very glad that their job and their degree didn't overlap because it would have just been impossible to complete. What you need to do is have a candid conversation with your advisor and set expectations. What does your advisor want to see as degree-worthy work? What timeline to graduation is acceptable to you as a student and what type of feedback or support do you need from the advisor to accomplish that timeline? That those are the important pieces, and maybe your advisor is a stick in the mud. That's possible. Maybe they're really tough on purpose. I don't know. It does sound a little bit like that.
[00:42:23] When you're choosing to quit or continue with your degree, this is obviously your choice. Carefully weigh the pros and cons of such a decision. How much time has been invested? how much more time and effort are required, which is actually more important than the sunk cost? What career advantages you might gain from an advanced degree? Do you really need this to be successful in engineering, for example? And how will you feel about the decision many years down the line? Presumably, you pursued this degree because of a passion for the subject. Is that enough to keep you going for a little while longer or is it a really long time longer? Going to grad school is one of those mentally and emotionally taxing things one can choose to do. I know from firsthand experience, nobody's path is the same, so it's really hard to give advice without understanding the full situation. Just remember that it takes more than just a student and advisor to get to the end goal. Make sure you've got other mentors, committee members if you have them, and faculty in your program to help figure out a plan that will make everybody happy. I am so sorry you're going through this tough time, but it sounds like mismatched expectations. You've got a job. Your advisor thinks you've checked out. Who's right, who's wrong, I don't know, but you all need to have a heart-to-heart about it and see if you're supposed to stay in this program and if so, what does success look like. Because otherwise, hit the ejection button and go work on your job and stop worrying about this degree. Nobody can make that choice but you. Next out of the mailbag.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:46] Hi Jordan. As a 50-year-old man who's probably made every mistake a middle-aged man can make, I've been waking up and trying to find a way off the hamster wheel and into making a difference. Now, I'm not an academic or a particularly smart, but I know that I'm not a regular guy either and have had microsecond experiences or visions of what is possible for me. However, all that is BS if I don't act on it. So, I've looked into the self-help industry, Tony Robbins, Lisa Nichols, Jay Shetty, and on and on and on, but it's both expensive and not very personal. Lots of them talk about how someone gave them a shot when they were younger and mentored them or introduced them to influential people in situations, but none of them seem interested in doing this for someone else. Yes, they have products that you can buy or to attend. But how the hell do you get in front of the right people? I see opportunities to help make a difference in the world, but how can I, nobody working in the manufacturing industry for 30 years, realistically do this. Sorry to whine, but I'm so frustrated and so fearful of disappearing from the world and having nobody noticed. I have to leave my mark on the world and leave my kids some legacy, some security vision of what's achievable. Thank you for reading. Just Trying to Make a Mark.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:58] Man, I feel for you. I'm not your age of course, but I understand the feelings that you're having at least I think I do. Let me clear the slate a little here. The mentorship thing, the whole idea that you need a mentor to succeed in certain areas. The way that you're explaining this is usually a farce. The guys who say, “Oh, someone mentored me and introduced me to all these people.” They make up this story about how someone mentored them. This is not really the case most of the time. This is unfortunate for a lot of the people when you think mentorship and people that sell mentorship programs, it's a setup. They tell a story like this to get you primed to purchase their seminars and products because you supposedly need them to mentor you now. It's, it's just marketing, man. I've been keeping my mouth shut about this for a while because I'm not here to make enemies and a lot of you don't even know what I'm talking about. But when you're looking for coaching and stuff and you see like mentorship packaging —I see this as this is damaging— this is the sort of thing people think they can't get where they want to be without some sort of magical mystical mentor who just happens to be available from your favorite Instagram or podcast or YouTube goofball. You can find mentorship. It's just a few thousand dollars or many thousand dollars, in fact, I know one person I talked to recently, she's in some sort of like $40,000 a year, two-year business mastermind and she's like, “I hate it. It's such a waste of time.” Nobody's doing anything. All it is a bunch of people up selling their product or their coaching and all of the advice we're getting is just stuff straight out of blogs like be consistent, make sure you show up every day 110 percent. I mean, they're just getting hosed and there's no refund. The whole point is there are no refunds. You are financing. Some want to be gurus, lifestyle, period. All right.
[00:46:41] Now that I've got my obligatory weekly rant out of the way, I got to say, I empathize here. I also want to leave a mark on the world. It's not easy and a lot of us spend the first half of our lives chasing currency and the latter half of our lives chasing legacy. Young people, hear me now. Legacy is greater than currency. If you're not young, you're never too late to make a difference. You've got plenty of life experience. You have plenty to offer if you don't know where to start. Whenever I feel sort of lost, I volunteer some place even if I don't feel lost. I love giving back. There are loads of kids that need sports coaches at youth centers. There are loads of homeless and needy folks that need help, but there are shelters. There are charities galore and there's nothing quite like spending a day each week doing work that matters. Don't be afraid to spend time with different until you find a good fit and you're doing something that you're enjoying. Don't feel guilty shopping around a bit. It's like dating. You have to be happy in the relationship you've got with the charity or cause. Otherwise, it's bad for everyone involved. This is all to say you don't need a mentor. You can be a mentor and not the kind that charges $10,000 for a day-long, supercharge your life possession. Start by being a mentor to people that really need you and can afford you. Start there and I absolutely guarantee you'll have a renewed sense of value and purpose like never before. Last but not least, Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:05] Hello, Triple Jays. I've been married to my wife for three years now and we've been dating each other since 2006 so we really got to know each other, or so I thought. Prior to getting married, we'd been renting our own little duplex in the East Bay since 2011. We were thinking about purchasing a home and that's when her financial situation came out. It turns out she's drowning in debt, 75 percent of that is student loans and the rest are credit cards, personal loans, and a car loan. I can't say that it blindsided me since I did see the signs in the past after asking her why she never told me. She said that she didn't want to drag me into her problem. I explained to her that it's kind of my problem now too as we can't get approval to buy a home or build savings together. However, what really pains me is seeing her work so hard and get so stressed just to see the majority of her pay go into paying off her debts. Also, I'm concerned that if I do help her pay some of her debts, that there's an underlying issue, i.e. going behind my back and buying unnecessary stuff. Also, part of me is hesitant on using my own savings to bail her out because I worked hard for my money. Our spare room closet is filled with her shoes, purses, clothes. Most of it she rarely wears. She says that she's willing to get help, but when I look at the options for her, it looks like it'll be bankruptcy or keep paying off her debt for the next 10 plus years. She's open to exploring other options, but she easily gets overwhelmed and she starts giving me attitude, which in turn frustrates me, and in the end, it goes nowhere. I want to help, but I don't know how to be supportive while drawing the line in the sand. Any suggestions on this situation? Regards, Moans, Groans, and Loans.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:42] Oomph, this is a gut punch. Alrighty. Well, first of all, find a debt counselor to help fix her issues. Ideally, somebody who is a fiduciary and what that means is they're not just going to upsell you to a bunch of other stuff. They're going to be fee-based and help you get through this. You might also need a lawyer and see if you can put your house and other things that you buy in your name alone. I'm not totally sure how this works in your state because I don't know where you are, but you're going to want to make sure that if she goes bankrupt, it doesn't affect you at all, in terms of you owing part of the debt. You don't want her name on the house, she declares bankruptcy and suddenly you're getting your house confiscated. You got to be careful that this doesn't trigger liability on your part if she goes bankrupt or that might also, of course, be something you don't want to do because you're married. It really depends on things you've co-signed, what state you're in. The lawyer can help here, especially a bankruptcy lawyer. Just be careful. They don't try to immediately sell you a bankruptcy package. Make sure they're trying to help you avoid the bankruptcy package.
[00:50:44] This, however, does not fix the underlying communication issues with you and the wife. You're going to need some therapy to fix those. This is just not okay. These issues are, in my opinion, lies by omission. The fact that she didn't tell you any of this knowing that it would come up later and affect your relationship negatively. This is bad. This is a lie by omission. She should have told you she decided not to. There might be other things that you need to know. You're going to have to get real, real clear on her financial situation and make sure there are no other skeletons in that wallet. If she has issues with spending clearly. This could be a self-esteem issue, a self-worth issue. Couples in marriage therapy will help you and her enforce boundaries both financially and personally. There's something going on here and you need to uncover the root cause, but in the meantime, you need to protect yourself and your finances. Like you said, you've worked too hard to let anything take you down at this point. You setting boundaries protects you and protects your marriage and relationship with your wife because you will still have stability while she recovers. So, you're saying, “Look, I can't just bail you out with my savings.” It's not just, “Well, you’re screwed up and you're on the hook for it.” What you say is, “Look, this savings is what keeps us clothed, fed and housed while we work out your stuff.” Because if you just say, “Well, you know, this is my money and that's your money and you spend all your money,” that's going to make her feel abandoned, it's going to damage your relationship. But what you don't want to do is just fork over a bunch of cash because that's going to not solve the problem. And then you're putting your actual lifestyle at risk, your finances. You know, if he ended up having kids and stuff like that, this is going to set you back years. I'm really sorry to hear about this. I know you must feel really blindsided by all of this and it's going to rock your relationship, your trust. Everything you thought you knew about your wife to the core. I know how I would feel and so I do have a lot of sympathy for you and I think that this is something you can get through, but you need proper professional help and you and your wife both need to be on the same page with laying all your cards out on the table.
[00:52:48] Life Pro Tip of the Week. When you start your day at an amusement park with kids, take a full body picture of each person individually, so that if anyone gets lost, you can show security exactly what your kids look like that day I was just in Orlando and I saw a family doing that and I was like, ”Taking photos even before Disneyland.” And they were like, “Actually what we're doing is we just take a photo and I keep it on my phone and that way if I lose one of them,” they can forward this photo and they don't have to say, “Oh, it's this photo, but you know, you can't see her pants and she's wearing blue pants. and also, she's three years older. And also, it's not the kid on the left, it's the kid on the right.” You know, you just have, “This is what they looked like this morning. This is what they were wearing today.” And there's no one else in the photo. So much easier for security to help find your kid if they get lost at an amusement park or anywhere for that matter. So, try that when you go to a busy place like Disneyland or Disney World or anywhere for that matter.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:53:41] The other option is you can all dress exactly the same. So, when the security guy comes up and says, “What's your kid look like?” And he goes, “He looks just like me.” You're wearing exactly the same thing, but shorter and a girl because it's my daughter.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:54] Yeah. Right. I would just go with the photo idea.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:53:58] Probably easier. Yeah and less creepy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:00] I'm just going throw that out there. Yes. Easier and less creepy. Recommendation of the Week. The Family on Netflix, have you checked any of this out, Jason?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:54:07] Binged it in two days.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:08] Nice. So, you're further along than me. I'm only like midway through. But how creepy is this?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:54:14] Oh, it's pretty creepy. This is one of the old boys’ clubs in DC. There are a couple of them, but this is definitely one of the big ones because these are the people that organize the national prayer breakfast.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:25] Yes. So, this is an enigmatic, conservative Christian group known as The Family. They have a huge influence in Washington, DC and there's global ambition. They want to have one in Russia. They want to have one in every country in the world. They have massive influence. They have a ton of money and look, there's nothing wrong with religious groups per se, but this group is designed, I mean there is a video of the founders saying we want to maintain secrecy. The more secret we are, the more influence we can wield. I mean that is not something you say when you're like, look, all we want is to make sure that XYZ is at the forefront of people's minds. I mean that's beyond lobbying. That's, that's a low-key influence in puppet string-pulling and they believe that there are certain leaders that are chosen by God, not voted in but that God made that happen. Look, whatever your beliefs, these types of groups with disproportionate levels of influence and secrecy and that kind of stuff, they're creepy. They're creepy. Even if you agree with their aims, it's still creepy. Check out The Family on Netflix, especially if you enjoyed our two-part series on cult with Steven Hassan. He's the one that turned me onto this as well.
[00:55:33] Hope you all enjoy that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com.
[00:55:41] Quick shout out to Brett Jesperson who gave us an awesome suggestion for new parents who said every time your kid does something really funny or memorable, throw it on your calendar, and make it a recurring annual event. So, in a year, two years, five years, 10 years, you'll see a little alarm or a little note on your calendar that's like this. On this day, 10 years ago, you pulled your pants down in the middle of a Walmart and took a poop on the floor or something ridiculous like that. Actually, that was the example he gave because I guess one of his kids did that.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:11] Nice.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:12] And I'm thinking that's really funny because we had a photoshoot with Jayden yesterday and he pooped four times on the floor because they have naked babies, I think that's the thing that photoshoots. Poops four times on the floor and five pees, and the woman who was shooting who was just a patient angel was like, “That is definitely a record. Your kid is super healthy. He's definitely eating enough food.”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:34] He's a poop influencer.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:35] Yes, he certainly is. I love that idea though. Marking it in your calendar so that you remember it each year because if you just put it in a journal, you've got to look back on it. But if it's in your calendar it's like, “Oh yeah, the on this day, five years ago we were at a baby photoshoot and he pooped on me twice, four times, whatever.”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:51] Yeah. Bambam ate the couch two years ago today.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:54] There you go. Go back and check out the guests we had this week, Richard Clarke and Scott Young, if you haven't yet. And if you want to know how we manage our networking and relationships, it's all about systems and tiny habits. Check out Six-Minute Networking. It's our free course over at jordanharbinger.com/course. I know you want to do it later, but that whole procrastinating thing that leads to failure. The number one mistake I see people making entrepreneurs, students, whatever, you got to dig that well before you get thirsty. Once you need relationships, you are too late. These drills take a few minutes a day. It's free. It's not put in your credit card and charge-you-later free. It's just free, free. I've got nothing else to sell you. All right, I wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago. jordanharbinger.com/course. I'm also on Instagram and Twitter at @JordanHarbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show and videos of our interviews are at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:57:45] My personal websites over at jpd.me. I'm on Twitter at @jpdef, that's J-P-D-E-F and check out my tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks at gog.show or your podcast player of choice.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:56] This show is produced in association with PodcastOne and this episode was co-produced by Jen Harbinger, show notes for the episode are by Robert Fogarty, music by Evan Viola. Keeps sending in those questions to email@example.com. Our advice and opinions and those of our guests are their own. And yes, I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer. So do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. And remember, we rise by lifting others, so share the show with those you love, and even those you don't. We've got a lot more in the pipeline. Very excited to bring it to you. And in the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:33] Calling all true crime fans. The Court Junkie podcast is now once a week on PodcastOne. Imagine being wrongfully convicted for a crime you didn't commit, or a killer is still on the loose, even though there's enough evidence for an arrest. The Court Junkie podcast shines a light on the injustices of the judicial system through deep dives into court documents and interviews with those closest to the case. Download new episodes of the Court Junkie podcast every week on Apple Podcasts and PodcastOne.
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