Your narcissistic sister with special needs thinks nothing of “borrowing” thousands of dollars from you to invest in every sure-to-lose scam that comes her way, and now she wants to “borrow” more to check herself into an assisted care facility (which would make your life easier if you knew that’s where the money was actually going). What should you do? This and more here on Feedback Friday!
And in case you didn’t already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at email@example.com. Now let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Your narcissistic sister with special needs thinks nothing of “borrowing” thousands of dollars from you to invest in every scam that comes her way, and now she wants to “borrow” more to check herself into an assisted care facility. What should you do? [Thanks to cult and scam expert Dr. Steven Hassan for his help with this one!]
- You moved back home to accept what turned out to be a crummy job. The good news: your old, better-paying job in a city you actually like wants you back. The bad news: your girlfriend might not be able to make the move with you for a year and a half. Should you stay or should you go?
- Your brother and his wife are lazy, negligent parents to your nieces, aged four and six, allowing them free range of the neighborhood until 11 p.m. You fear for the children’s safety, but you’re not sure how to bring up solutions without starting a huge hullabaloo.
- You strive for excellence in all you do, but you want to do a lot. A wide range of hobbies keep you mentally stimulated, but you don’t feel like you’re able to focus on any one thing in order to excel. Is now the time to switch gears and leave some of your interests by the wayside to really shine at your career?
- Your little brother gets bad anxiety and overreacts to everything. You know that therapy could really improve his quality of life, but your mother is involved in politics and worries about what effect this would have on her image. How can you convince your parents to get your little brother therapy without it sounding like they’re failing as parents? [Thanks to clinical psychologist Dr. Erin Margolis for helping us with this one!]
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi.
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Resources from This Episode:
- Philosophy: Nietzsche | The School of Life
- Benjamin Hardy | Minding the Gap and the Gain | Jordan Harbinger
- General Michael Hayden | American Intelligence in the Age of Terror | Jordan Harbinger
- Steven Hassan | The #iGotOut Guide to Quitting QAnon | Jordan Harbinger
- Steven Hassan | Combating Cult Mind Control Part One | Jordan Harbinger
- Steven Hassan | Combating Cult Mind Control Part Two | Jordan Harbinger
- Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs by Steven Hassan | Amazon
- Combating Cult Mind Control: The Guide to Protection, Rescue and Recovery from Destructive Cults by Steven Hassan | Amazon
- Jewish Family Service of L.A.
- Multi-Level Marketing and Self-Help Cult Groups: Learn the Warning Signs | Freedom of Mind Resource Center
- SP Panel 6 | Vimeo
- Scam, Fraud Alerts – Protect Your Digital Identity | AARP
- Are You a Scam Victim Waiting to Happen? by Doug Shadel | AARP
- LuLaRich | Prime Video
- Can There Be Merit in the Extramarital? | Feedback Friday | Jordan Harbinger
- Bobby Hall (aka Logic) | This Bright Future | Jordan Harbinger
- Limitless | Prime Video
- Scott Adams | Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don’t Matter | Jordan Harbinger
- How To Build An Edge: Develop Your Talent Stack | Personal Excellence
- The Kristina Talent Stack | Scott Adams Says
577: I Wish It Were Cheaper to Be My Sister’s Keeper | Feedback Friday
[00:00:00] Jordan Harbinger: Thanks to our sponsor Glenfiddich Single Malt Scotch Whisky. For the next few weeks you're going to hear me talking about Glenfiddich and their new body of work. That aims to challenge the traditional notions, commonly portrayed in culture, of what it means to be wealthy and live a life of riches. It's not about 43 cars, Rick Ross. It's not about a bunch of dough. Glenfiddich believes that beyond the material, a life of wealth and riches is also about family, community, values, fulfilling work. These are the values that led Glenfiddich to become the world's leading single malt scotch whisky. And on Feedback Friday, we're always trying to help solve problems that get in the way of you living your richest life. More from our partners at Glenfiddich coming up later in the show.
[00:00:37] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with Feedback Friday producer, Gabriel Mizrahi. And if you're watching us on YouTube today, today, he looks like a TA who's about to get fired for doing cocaine with his students.
[00:00:55] Gabriel Mizrahi: Yeah, it definitely looked like a guy who was on his 18th year of working on his comparative literature, PhD.
[00:01:00] Jordan Harbinger: Or like philosophy, yeah.
[00:01:02] Gabriel Mizrahi: I didn't shave. I just threw on the glasses today.
[00:01:05] Jordan Harbinger: Yeah, I'm definitely like the sketchy cool TA you want to hang out with.
[00:01:08] Gabriel Mizrahi: Yeah. Or like that you buy drugs from. Yes. And then don't invite to do them with you because you start talking about Nietzsche.
[00:01:15] Jordan Harbinger: On The Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. We want to help you see the Matrix when it comes to how amazing people think and behave. And our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker, much like Gabriel's philosophy 102 course. So you can get a much deeper understanding of how the world works and make sense of what's really happening even inside your own mind.
[00:01:44] So if you're new to the show on Fridays, we make fun of each other apparently, and give advice to you and answer listener questions. The rest of the week, we have long-form interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks from spies to CEOs, athletes, authors, thinkers, and performers. And this week, we had Benjamin Hardy on some psychology of positive thinking, but not in that corny ass way that most people do it. He's really got some good practicals here. I always love having Benjamin on. A few years ago we had him on and it was our most popular episode ever, which I didn't really see coming because he's not a celebrity. He just is a guy who resonated with a ton of people with his psychology.
[00:02:20] We also had general Michael Hayden on the show. This is one from the vault. This is about decision-making, crisis leadership. I really enjoyed this conversation with him. This was really some insight. He was the head of the CIA and the head of the NSA. So this is a guy who is a full on deep state basically. So make sure you've had a listen and a look to everything that we created for you here this week.
[00:02:41] All right, Gabe, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?
[00:02:43] Gabriel Mizrahi: Dear Jordan and Gabe, I have an older sister in her 70s who has MS. And it's progressed to the point that she requires a lot of care. She's also been, and currently is the victim of multiple scams. She can't pay all of her expenses, which include hefty IRS and credit card debt. And she consistently reaches out to me for financial support. My parents have supported her for most of her adult life. And my dad also left her a nice chunk of change, which she has blown on various scams and, quote-unquote, "businesses" she started and walked away from. When I sold my mother's condo last year after her death and sent my sister her share, I pleaded with her to run any investment ideas by members of the family, several of whom understand sound investing. She agreed then ignored us and dove into her latest scam. She's also a textbook narcissist complete with gaslighting skills, lying, and self-serving manipulation. This morning, she texted me to ask me to loan her $5,000 to move into an assisted living facility where she can get more help than at the boarding house where she currently resides. She has apparently forgotten the $10,000. I loaned her two months ago, which I am still paying down on my credit card. I told her at the time that I would not be doing this again. And she's conveniently forgotten that as well. My plan is to tell her no, although I could help her if need be. I look back over my life with her and I feel used and sad. I don't have an issue with telling her no is I know she'll be safe, but I'm worried about my feelings about myself and the thought of being a heartless sister. For those who don't really know her, it will seem like her stingy sister has turned her back on the poor handicapped senior. My niece and I talked to an attorney about getting a guardianship to take control of her money. And we were told we had very little chance and would spend a fortune trying. We did find out the name of an assisted-living facility that would provide for her needs and switch her over to Medicaid when our money runs out as a will. Am I handling this correctly? Am I a monster for not giving my sister more money? And how do I manage this relationship going forward? Signed, My Sister's Keeper.
[00:04:42] Jordan Harbinger: Well, this is a super sad situation, but mostly it's incredibly frustrating. Your sister, she's obviously vulnerable. She's in need of care and she deserves care, but she's also put herself in a far worse situation by falling for all these scams, ignoring your advice constantly, pushing you away. I'm assuming some of the scam she's getting caught up in are multi-level marketing or MLM, or maybe they're just straight up fraud schemes. It's hard to tell from the letter, but either way, your sister is being reckless. She's essentially asking you to bail her out, just like your parents probably always did. And now you're thinking of drawing a line, which on one level probably feels quite good. Stand up to her, stand up for yourself. But on another level, yeah, it feels kind of awful. You're being cruel to somebody that you have been taught to look out for your whole life. So there's a pattern, right? And that's quite a conflict, but I love how clear you are on this. And I think your head and your heart are in the right place. So let's get into it.
[00:05:34] We wanted to get an expert opinion on your situation. So we reached out to Dr. Steven Hassan. He's been on the show a bunch. He's a good friend of mine, of ours at this point. Dr. Hassan is a mental health counselor who has been writing and talking about undue influence in cults for over 40 years. He's the author of Freedom of Mind and Combating Cult Mind Control, both great books. He knows what he's talking about in this area. And Dr. Hassan's first recommendation was that your sister, she obviously needs care for her MS. But she also needs a professional evaluation for her state of mind, like a psych eval.
[00:06:04] And Dr. Hassan mentioned an organization called Jewish Family Services, which provides a ton of amazing services for people of all ages, including the elderly. They have experts who can do mental health evaluations, assess dementia, make recommendations for caregiving, and you don't need to be Jewish to ask them for help. They will apparently help anybody. And there are tons of organizations out there just like it, by the way. So find one near your sisters. See if they'll help facility. The ARP is also an awesome nonprofit that has resources for virtually everything. So check them out as well.
[00:06:36] This evaluation would be a good first step, regardless of what you do, just so you have a solid picture of how your sister is doing, right? And if they find out that she's really far gone, then you'll have the ammunition to advocate for certain arrangements, like getting her into an assisted-living facility or getting her psychiatric care or whatever it is. Beyond that Dr. Hassan agreed that getting your sister into a facility or a boarding house, helping her get on Medicare, getting the treatment she needs, that is definitely the right move. And it sounds like you're already on that, which is great.
[00:07:07] But let's talk about the million-dollar question here. Do you cut your sister off? Well, in general, Dr. Hassan says he's almost never in favor of blankly cutting people off. He's of the opinion that you can usually be of more help by staying connected to somebody who's caught up in a scam or a cult or some other sketchy situation than you can by cutting them out of your life completely. And in principle, I agree with him. I take that route with politics. I take that route with a lot of things in my own life. Dr. Hassan also pointed out that you can often assist people by making your support conditional upon they're getting help.
[00:07:40] So for example, you might say, "I'd really like you to agree to a mental health evaluation. And if you do that, then I'll help you sort out your bank account," or, "I can stay on top of your doctors and subsidize your expenses, but you're going to have to move into this assisted-living facility that I found." I know that feels a little quid pro quo, but given your sister's mental state and personality, that might honestly be the best way that you can help her. But if she refuses to cooperate or she continues to manipulate you or hurt you, even when you help her, then yeah, you might need to draw a harder boundary.
[00:08:16] And that's where Dr. Hassan and I might disagree a tiny bit because the truth is your sister, look, let's call it what it is. She is a problem. She's narcissistic. She lies, she gaslights, she's asking you for more and more money. She forks it over to the next scammer du jour. She refuses to accept your family's guidance to get around that. Whether she's pathological or not, she's not treating you fairly. And she isn't making it easy for you to help her. Just one more reason to get a professional evaluation done, by the way.
[00:08:44] But to me, from where I'm sitting, this is a huge liability, a massive waste of time and money and energy altogether. And if this were my sister, I'm almost certainly cutting her off financially, as difficult as that is. That doesn't mean you have to stop talking to her. That doesn't mean you can't help her navigate her medical decisions or arrange her living situation. And if there's really no one else who can do that for her, then maybe you should, but I would not hand over any more money to this person. I just do not see how that's helping her or being fair to yourself for that matter.
[00:09:14] Gabriel Mizrahi: I agree 100 percent Jordan. The sister, again, super sad, she's a lost cause financially speaking, and maybe even emotionally too, because I don't sense that this relationship is all that fair or fulfilling to either of them. But I can see why this is so hard for her to do. She feels used. She feels sad. And even though she knows her sister will ultimately be okay without the money, she's also worried about what kind of sister she would be if she cuts her off for good. And I get that conflict. It is a huge conflict and adjust that conflict says so much about the relationship, doesn't it? It sounds to me like the whole family has been kind of colluding with sister's bullsh*t for decades, probably. I mean, they always supported her no matter what. And now that the woman writing in is trying to draw a line in the sand, even though that's totally legit and it's clearly the right thing to do, that feels like a betrayal.
[00:10:04] And it is a betrayal. It's a betrayal of the super dysfunctional agreement that they all have with this sister. It is very scary to stand up to somebody who's taken advantage of you for your whole life. It is probably even sadder to withdraw support from somebody who's obviously very vulnerable, but the fact that it feels so dangerous to her, I think that's actually a sign that this woman is on the right track because the opposite of, you know, quote-unquote, dangerous would be perpetuating the same relationship that's making her feel so used in sad and that got them into this mess in the first place. But this fear of being thought of as a heartless sister, by other people, that's part of his template too. Because wrapped up in this sister relationship. It's also an expectation that other people — mom and dad, sounds like for sure. And then probably everybody else who's involved in this situation, family, friends, doctors they visit, attorneys they consult, just random people they interact with when they have to take care of their business. An expectation that all of those people should see her as the, quote-unquote, good sister too.
[00:11:07] And so I guess my question for you is what does it mean to be a, quote-unquote, good sister? Does it mean writing your sister a check every time she asks you for money when you know, she's just going to turn around and sink it into some weight loss MLM, or does it mean helping her sort out her Medicare or finding her a nice place to live, protecting her finances, even if that pisses her off sometimes? And at the same time, what does it mean to you to be a bad sister? I mean, does it mean protecting your finances and honoring your integrity by saying no to somebody who's clearly manipulating you? Or does it mean playing along even when it makes you feel terrible and you know that the money is just going to go to waste? And also why do other people's opinions about you matter so much in the first place?
[00:11:45] Those are the questions that I would be asking yourself right now, because look, candidly, it might seem to some people from the outside that her stingy sister has turned her back on the poor handicapped senior, to use your word. But A, you know, that's not the real story and B, refusing to give your sister money doesn't mean you're not helping her. It means you're looking out for her. It means you're looking out for yourself and it means you're just being responsible. And you can still support her emotionally and logistically, even if you're not, you know, covering her losses on an essential oils pyramid scheme that she's fallen for, for the third time.
[00:12:16] Jordan Harbinger: Yeah. Agreed, Gabe. This is where we're in a hundred percent agreement with Dr. Hassan that you can, and probably should still stay connected to your sister, but in a way that is safe and fair to everyone involved.
[00:12:26] We're going to link to a bunch of resources for you in the show notes, including a great talk. Dr. Hassan recently gave on MLM recruitment and maintenance techniques, as well as the AARP scams and frauds division. The AARP also has a fraud watch network. There's a fraud expert there, his name is Doug Shadel. He's a top expert on how frauds and scams affect the elderly specifically. So check out his work.
[00:12:47] And by the way, as far as loaning money to people goes, Dr. Hassan also recommends putting all loans to loved ones in writing. This is useful for anyone listening right now. You know, like you write it down. "I'm loaning you $10,000 on May 6th, 2021 to cover your assisted-living facility dues to be paid back by November 1st, 2021," or, "I'm gifting you $10,000 one time on December 18th for medical expenses," that kind of thing. Dr. Hassan recommends having the other person sign that record. So it's on the books. And then when they forget that they owe you money, you can bust out that paper. Like, "Here it is. Remember?" And that avoids some of the drama of people pretending you gifted them the money when it was alone or claiming you never gave them anything at all, or misusing the funds or assuming that you'll continue supporting them like your sister is obviously doing now.
[00:13:35] As Dr. Hassan puts it to us, people who have problems, they need reality testing and a record is the best way to confirm reality. And I know you've already handed the money over, so that ship has already sailed, obviously. I just want to mention this advice for anyone else listening right now, who's thinking of loaning money to somebody in the future. And this is key.
[00:13:54] I know how hard the situation must be for you, but I think you have the right lens on it. If you can find ways to support your sister without compromising yourself, then you're on the right track. Good luck.
[00:14:05] You can reach us email@example.com. Please keep your emails concise. Try to use a descriptive subject line that makes our job easier. Tell us where you live that can help us give you detailed advice. If there's something you're going through, any big decision that you are wrestling with, or you need a new perspective on life, love, work. What to do if you're in love with a married one? That was quite a situation last week as well. Whatever's got you staying up at night lately, hit us up firstname.lastname@example.org. We're here to help. We keep every email anonymous.
[00:14:35] You're listening to Feedback Friday here on The Jordan Harbinger Show. We'll be right back.
[00:14:39] This episode is sponsored in part by SimpliSafe. There's big news from everybody's favorite home security company. SimpliSafe just launched their new wireless outdoor security camera. That's right. SimpliSafe, the system that US News and World Report named the Best Home Security Systems of 2021. It just got even better. The brand new wireless outdoor security camera is engineered with all of the advanced tech and security features you want and need to help keep you and your family safe. 1080P HD resolution with an eight zoom, no more bank security cameras. So you can zoom into faces and license plates, just like 007. It has color night, vision, two-way — how does that work? Two-way audio so you can scare off intruders. And set up, it's super simple to set up. It only takes a few minutes. Plus it's rechargeable battery means you can put it anywhere you want. No outlet needed, which is pretty damn cool. No drilling holes in the walls. The new SimpliSafe wireless outdoor security system takes whole home security to a whole new level.
[00:15:30] Jen Harbinger: To learn more about the exciting news, SimpliSafe wireless outdoor security camera, visit simplisafe.com/jordan. What's more SimpliSafe is celebrating this new camera by offering 20 percent off your entire new system and your first month of monitoring service free. When you enroll in interactive monitoring. Again, that's simplisafe.com/jordan.
[00:15:50] Jordan Harbinger: This episode is also sponsored by Glenfiddich. Glenfiddich #Richest25, they love their hashtags. This campaign aims to challenge the definition of wealth and what it means to live a life of richest. And our culture is obsessed with this stuff and doing it backwards if you ask me. Glenfiddich breaks from the single malt scotch whisky norm and helps redefine what it means to be rich. It's really easy to get bogged down in material success when the currency of the new rich is getting more time and enjoyment out of what you've already got. Your peeps in your backyard if you're me. Many of these episodes have indeed been fueled by Glenfiddich, especially Feedback Friday, as you might expect. I've been a fan of theirs for a while now. For me, living my rich life is learning and teaching new skills, reading books, and talking to smart people or just people with insane stories. So mission accomplished on my end. It's a great honor to produce this show for you and make a living doing it. And thanks to Glenfiddich for chipping in on those bills to make this a reality for all of us. So here's to you and your rich life. It's good to be here with you. I hope you enjoy the show.
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[00:16:53] Jordan Harbinger: Inc. New York, New York.
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[00:17:08] And now back to Feedback Friday on The Jordan Harbinger Show.
[00:17:13] All right, next up.
[00:17:15] Gabriel Mizrahi: Hey Jordan and Gabe. At the beginning of the pandemic, I left my job and moved from the Rockies back to my hometown in the Prairies to take a new job as a specialized electrician. Now that I've settled here though things aren't working out as planned. This company assured me a 40-hour-a-week role, job security, a vehicle, and paid training. None of that has happened and my hours have been reduced indefinitely as they don't have any work right now. I now have the opportunity to go back out west with my old company, which has monopolized the region and has tons of work. Overall, I was much happier with my life out west. The thing is the day I moved back, I bumped into my high school sweetheart, and we've been together every day since. It's the healthiest and happiest relationship I can imagine. She's awaiting her MCAT results and hoping to get into a medical school out west so we can both move, but that might take up to a year and a half. My life quite honestly sucks here. She's the only highlight and I hate that. I am largely dependent on her to feel any happiness. She's my best friend. And I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with her. What should I do? Move west and hope she gets accepted to an MD program and follows me out or stay here and continue to be depressed and have a less than ideal work situation? Signed, Caught Between the Rockies and a Flat Place..
[00:18:27] Jordan Harbinger: Ah, yes, a man stuck between love and profit, a tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, stuck in the Midwest.
[00:18:35] Sorry. Well, we don't know if he's in the Midwest, but sorry. You're in this position, but I know it sucks. But in a way, this is a really high class problem, right? To have to choose between tons of work and the love of your life. If you were working steadily, but you were single, you'd be sad that you were alone. And if you were in love, but you're unemployed, you'd be frustrated with your career. So I know that doesn't make this choice any easier, but I do think it's worth just taking a moment to appreciate how fortunate you are to have these two parts of your life in place.
[00:19:01] So bottom line, you're going to have to make a choice. Either way, that choice is going to have an opportunity cost. I know that sucks. Them's the rules of life. If you move back west, you have to sacrifice time with your girlfriend. And if you stay, you'll have to give up steady work. And it sounds to me like both of these opportunities are very important to you, but at the end of the day for you right now at this stage of your life, given your goals, which one did you say is more important? Which one is creating the life that you want for the next five, 10, 20 years? Which one deserves your priority right now? And I wish I could answer that for you. Only you can answer that. But I will share a couple of things that might help.
[00:19:37] First of all, moving back west doesn't mean breaking up with your girlfriend. If you guys really are in love, if you guys are truly each other's people, which it sounds like you are then spending a year apart, it's not the end of the world. It does suck and it will be frustrating sometimes, but it doesn't have to be a relationship killer. She's working on making her way out there. It's very possible she can go to school out west, get a job out west, whatever it is. So maybe you guys do the long distance thing for a while if you have to. You get your career back on track, she figures out medical school, you guys take turns visiting each other once a month, twice a month. What do I know? And the next year, year and a half, that's just this weird transition period of your lives together and it's in the past.
[00:20:16] And I've talked about this on the show before. Jen and I did this when we were dating, it was not ideal. We were a lot closer, by the way, we were like an hour flight away. I had to spend a few grand on flights to visit her and hotels and back and forth. But honestly, we loved each other. We knew we wanted to be together. So it was pretty simple. And that's just what we had to do until we could be in the same city again. It was just money well spent. And in a weird way, you might find this time apart, it's kind of romantic in its own way because you have to make the extra effort to call and FaceTime and write emails and stay connected and just missing each other, even that's exciting in its own way.
[00:20:50] And then when you do see each other in person, it's more meaningful, it's a lot more fun. It's kind of like everything bold, highlight, italics. Point is being apart might not be this terrible thing you think it's going to be if you guys find a way to stay connected, which I bet you will. And if there's light at the end of the tunnel, it's not like we're long distance for the next 10 years. You know, that's hard. Long distance for a year with a due date, that's a lot easier.
[00:21:14] The other thing I'll say is that there's a good, practical reason to prioritize your career right now, in my opinion. I assume you'll need income. You need a path in life. And if you continue stagnating out in the prairies that could set you back for a while, and that could make it hard to provide when you guys do settle down, especially if your girlfriend is in med school for another four-plus years, not making any money, maybe dealing with student loan debt. I know that's very common. So you're not just chasing work for yourself, you're chasing it for both of you. So you have to factor that in as well.
[00:21:47] So I know I said, I can't tell you what to do, but I am sort of leaning toward you taking the job or getting creative and scrounging up some work in your area for the next year or so to keep you going. Whatever you decide, the only way to deal with the opportunity costs is you get super clear on what's important to you and accept that life comes with trade-offs or you find a way to lower that opportunity cost or create new opportunities out of it.
[00:22:11] So, for example, you take the job out west. I would create new rituals to stay close with your girlfriend. Use this time apart to deepen your relationship in other ways. Plan fun weekend trips once a month. So you get to have new experiences together, that kind of thing. And at the same time, I would use the uninterrupted time you have out west to really invest in yourself and your career so that when you guys are back in the same city, you'll have a great professional foundation in place. And maybe that'll free up even more time to spend with her down the road.
[00:22:39] That's how you can turn a crappy situation into a productive one if you roll with it, adapt, and put in the work to make the most of it. So congrats man, on finding the love of your life. I know that's a tough call, but remember that one day soon, this chapter, it's going to be a footnote in your amazing relationship. So good luck.
[00:22:57] By the way, if you're joining us for the first time, or you're looking for a handy way to tell your friends about the show, our episode starter packs are the way to do it. They're collections of your favorite episodes, organized by popular topic. That'll help new listeners get a taste of everything that we do here on the show. Just visit jordanharbinger.com/start to get started.
[00:23:16] All right, what's next?
[00:23:17] Gabriel Mizrahi: Hey guys, my brother and his wife are negligent parents to their children, but not negligent enough that Child Protective Services would take the kids. For example, he lets his girls ages four and six have free range of their entire neighborhood. He doesn't check whose houses they go to and he even lets them stay out until 11:00 p.m. My brother and his wife are very lazy, which is why they're so negligent. They blame it on being overweight. But I know a lot of overweight people who are great parents. Anytime the topic of parenting comes up, they become very defensive and close-minded. I genuinely fear for the kids' safety and would love to have them live with my family or for my brother and sister-in-law to see how dangerous the situation actually is. How can I broach this conversation so that it's well-received? Signed, Summoning the Gahl to Deliver a Wake Up without Starting a Huge Brawl.
[00:24:05] Jordan Harbinger: Oh, another tough situation. I totally get why you feel the need to intervene with your brother here. This has potentially scary stuff. Their parenting is just absolutely negligent. It's neglectful. It's probably going to have an emotional as well as a practical impact on how their kids turn out, even if nothing truly terrible ends up happening. But the problem is it's incredibly hard to criticize somebody, a family member knows less about their parenting, but when that parenting also hooks into something as sensitive as being overweight — yeah, that's a sticky wicket. If they're going to be able to hear this feedback, you're going to have to make them see the situation clearly, without them getting emotional and defensive, which is not going to be easy.
[00:24:44] So here's what I do. I'd sit down with your brother one day and I might do this one-on-one without his wife, at least at first, since I'm guessing you're closer with him and tell him what you're noticing. And I would start by acknowledging him for all of the good parenting you see him doing. There must be some things he does well, whether it's keeping a nice home or making dinner or being kind to his kids when they are around. I realized that is absolutely table stakes as a parent. He's not winning any frigging awards for that, but we're trying to lower his guard here a little bit. And then I'd say that you want to share something with him.
[00:25:15] But you want him to know that it's coming from a place of total love and concern and not judgment or criticism. Then I would tell him what you're noticing, the letting the kids run the neighborhood, not checking whose houses they go to, letting them stay up super late. Tell them why that makes you concerned, what you're afraid could happen. And tell him that as his sister, you're a little worried about the effects that parenting might have on them. Namely, growing up with parents who don't seem to care about them, who aren't offering them some structure and guidance. Then draw them out, make it a conversation, ask him if he sees where you're coming from and if he doesn't, why.
[00:25:49] If he brushes you off or gets defensive and it sounds like he might do that, try not to escalate things. Maybe you can shift your approach by making it less about him than about his kids. Something like, "Let's just imagine for a second, what this is like for Katie and Madeline, imagine being four and six and feeling like your parents don't care where you are at 11:00 p.m. Do you think that's a good feeling for them to grow up with?" That kind of thing, right? It could be pretty hard for him to argue with that, but he might. In which case you might have to appeal to his fear by imagining frankly the worst case scenario, maybe you ask him, "Do you know where Katie and Maddie are right now? Do you know what kind of people are at their friend's houses? What happens if she ends up in some creeps house and he does something bad to her? I realized this is a little alarmist here, but we all know this stuff happens. It happens all the time." And maybe forcing him to realize that this is a real possibility for his kids. Maybe that's what he needs to wake up here.
[00:26:41] Gabriel Mizrahi: Yeah, I agree. Sadly, I think it might actually take something that frightening for him to really get it. It feels like he's in his own little reality or he's just in total denial, like, "That happens to other people. It doesn't happen to my kids. I wouldn't happen to my children. I'm such a good, you know, I'm a good guy," but it's like, yo, when you're that kind of parent, that's when it happens.
[00:26:58] Jordan Harbinger: Totally.
[00:26:58] Gabriel Mizrahi: But even when you have this conversation with him, I would keep being supportive with your brother. If you manage to get through to him, if you strike a chord with him, which I hope you do, he might be overcome with shame or sadness or anxiety about the way he's been parenting. In fact, him being so close-minded as you put it, that is probably a preemptive defense against those exact feelings. So I would keep reminding him that he can be a great father, that you see him being a great father in certain moments. That you want to see him in his wife succeed as parents. That you'll do everything you can to help them. It sounds to me like he could really use your guidance. So you really want to make sure that he feels safe, opening up to you rather than judged for his failure.
[00:27:37] And if things don't get better, if he doesn't realize the position, he's putting his children in and start keeping a better eye on them, then really the best thing you can do is stay close with your nephew and niece. You know, with a childhood like this, they're going to need a good aunt looking out for them. That's you. I can almost promise you that having neglectful parents, that will inform their lives in some way. It's not your job to parent these kids. You can't keep tabs on them every second of the day, although I totally get what you want to. But even if they can't actually live under your roof, they can still benefit from your friendship, your relationship, your care.
[00:28:07] So call them, come by and visit, you know, take them out for ice cream, ask them how you're doing, what's going on, how's school, how are your friends, how are your hobbies, what are you up to? That could go a very long way in reducing the damage of your brother and his wife's parenting. And if those kids ever do need help, I bet that you would be the first person that they'll call.
[00:28:23] Jordan Harbinger: Yeah, I agree. This is just such a hard place to be as an aunt because the risk isn't necessarily immediate or concrete enough to justify a huge intervention, but it's also not minor enough to just ignore. But I think to your point, that's why she also needs to recognize the limits of her responsibility here, as painful as that will be sometimes. I hope you can help your brother. See what's going on here before it's too late. Good luck with that as well.
[00:28:46] And Gabriel, this reminds me of the episode we did with Bobby Hall aka Logic episode 563. His parents were the worst and he basically raised himself, not healthy at all. It's a miracle. He's not dead or in jail. And it's a really interesting episode with a great artist who won the lottery in terms of not being a total screw up. That's episode 563.
[00:29:07] And remember if you want to navigate on the web to an episode of this show, just go to jordanharbinger.com and then the episode number. So jordanharbinger.com/563 will take you to that episode on the web as well.
[00:29:21] This is The Jordan Harbinger Show, and this is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back.
[00:29:25] This episode is sponsored in part by Bambee. When running a business, HR issues can kill you. A lot of businesses get crushed by this HR stuff. Wrongful termination suits, minimum wage requirements, labor regulations, and HR manager salaries are an average of $70,000 a year. Can you afford that? I think not, most of us anyway, speaking for myself, Bambee, spelled B-A-M-B-E-E was created specifically for small business. You can get a dedicated HR manager, craft HR policy, and maintain your compliance all for just 99 bucks a month. With Bambee, you can change HR from your biggest liability to one of your biggest strengths. Your dedicated HR manager is available by phone, email, or real-time chat. From onboarding to termination, they customize your policies to fit your business and help you manage your employees day-to-day all for just $99 a month, month to month, no hidden fees. Cancel anytime. You didn't start your business because you wanted to spend time on HR compliance. Let Bambee help, get your free HR audit today.
[00:30:21] Jen Harbinger: Go to bambee.com/jordan right now to schedule your free HR audit. That's bambee.com/jordan, spelled BAM to the B-E-E.com/jordan.
[00:30:30] Jordan Harbinger: This episode is also sponsored by Better Help online therapy. The best way to think about therapy is through a bunch of analogies. Here's a car one, I know you never saw that coming. You tune up your car to prevent bigger issues down the road, right? Okay, fine. You get annual checkups. You go to the gym, you maintain physical wellness and prevent injury and disease. That is more important as you get older. Trust me. Some of us, we do chores regularly. We want to avoid a giant mess of a house and those like weird bugs that crawl out of things when you don't clean them? I didn't say they were good analogies. Okay. Going to therapy is like all of the above, it's routine maintenance for your mental and emotional wellness to prevent bigger issues down the road. Therapy doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It just means you're investing in yourself to keep your mind healthy. And I like that. That's why you're listening to this show. Better Help is customized online therapy. You can do it via video phone, live, chat, whatever you want. You don't have to be on camera. You can do it from your own bed. It's more affordable than in-person therapy and you can get hooked up in less than 48 hours. So why invest in everything else and not your mind? Come on, people, you know better.
[00:31:30] Jen Harbinger: And our listeners get 10 percent off your first month of online therapy at betterhelp.com/jordan. Better-H-E-L-P.com/jordan and join over a million people who've taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced Better Help professional.
[00:31:44] Jordan Harbinger: This episode is also sponsored in part by Peloton. In a perfect world, we'd all have an hour to spare to go to the gym every day. 24 hours a day sounds like a lot, but somehow it's never enough time to fit in work and family and friends, and you know, Xbox. So fitness and self-care are often the first to get set aside when my schedule gets bananas or when there's a new Far Cry out. That's why I love Peloton because even if all you have is 15 minutes, you can seamlessly fit cardio and strength classes into your routine. On light days, wake up, do a quick stretch class, right in front of the Peloton app on my TV. And it's easy to spare 30 minutes for a quick cardio sweat session on the Peloton bike, motivated by the famous Cody Rigsby that Jen can't stop talking about. And now the original Peloton bike is 400 bucks less. Moreover, you need one subscription for your entire family. Jen and I and my brother-in-law who literally lives next door, we can all share Peloton, all-access membership. You don't have to like stack them together and have a huge additional cost. So get after it.
[00:32:36] Jen Harbinger: Experience motivation, like never before with the Peloton bike, now $400 less. Go to onepeloton.com to learn more. That's O-N-E-P-E-L-O-T-O-N.com.
[00:32:47] Jordan Harbinger: And now for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.
[00:32:51] All right, next up.
[00:32:52] Gabriel Mizrahi: Hi, Jordan and Gabe. I'm somebody who strives for excellence and all that I do. My problem is that I want to do a lot. I'm 25 years old and a developer by trade, but I've always had a wide range of hobbies. I've always loved writing and I've written a novel a year for the past few years. I also love learning new languages and I'm about to take a proficiency test for my fifth language. The thing is I'm now beginning to see my peers surpass me in a lot of areas and I'm not where I feel I could be in my software career. The coworker I'm close with even recently remarked that I'm a great programmer, but I could be an amazing one if I focused on it more. Not to mention the fact that my writing skills are far behind those of my writer friends, but between starting my current job, maintaining my network, staying healthy and growing my skill set by taking on side projects, I've had even less time than I use to. Is now the time to switch gears and leave some of my interests by the wayside to focus on my career? Do I have to focus on a handful of things to be really successful or can I really do it all? Signed, A Jack of All Trades with Talent in Spades, Afraid of Being Dismayed.
[00:33:55] Jordan Harbinger: Great question. This is something everyone deals with to some degree, but it's extra challenging for people who are super curious and good at lots of different things. And that sounds like you so I can see why it's a bit of a conundrum. The short answer is that, yes, I do think you have to focus on a handful of things to be exceptional at them. At least that's what I've found. I know most experts agree. Becoming truly excellent at something, it takes a long ass time. And if you're also trying to become excellent at three, four, or five other things, it's unlikely that you're going to become a true master in any one area, unless you're just insanely talented innately, or you sleep four hours a night, or you're like Bradley Cooper and limitless popping illegal nootropics from Serbia or whatever the hell that was, which I don't recommend. That usually doesn't turn out too well. Been there, done that, got kidnapped.
[00:34:41] Focus, that's really the secret. For me, that meant whittling my life down to a handful of things. I, A, really love doing and B, want to become great at, and C, can make the greatest impact doing. So becoming the best possible host of a podcast, this interview show right here, building my business, being a great partner and father — those are my things. And every year I turn down a bunch of opportunities that are not part of my core competency or would distract from my other priorities, whether it's writing a book or doing live events or starting a new business or going on a lecture series or whatever it is. I might revisit those in the future, but I deliberately take them off my plate now. And that frees me up to do my focused high-quality work on the things that I care about the most. And I reevaluate what that is every single year. And people go, "You're leaving money on the table." And I say, "I know, but I'm also retaining sanity. And becoming better every year instead of being stretched thin and freaking out."
[00:35:37] Now that said there are some caveats to this. If you just want to do something for fun, like I do video game voice overs and stuff, I think it's okay to spread yourself a little thin in that area. Maybe writing is like that for you. If you're not trying to be frigging Stephen King, then you don't have the same pressure to focus as intensely on your novels. Same with languages, if you're not trying to become a UN translator or whatever interpreter, then you can just do Duolingo, get some coaching online, have some Skype convos, do conversation meetups for fun. So a lot of this is about your relationship to these hobbies. Although they'd still be taking time away from the goals you do want to prioritize, and won't probably damage, put too much of a ding in it.
[00:36:15] The other caveat is that there are people out there who managed to succeed at a high level, in multiple different fields at once. I know a few people like this. They always amaze me. Some of them are on the show, right? But what I've noticed about them is two things. First, they are insanely disciplined. I'm talking, calendar planned out from 6:00 a.m to 10:00 p.m. or earlier. Blocks carved out for different projects, every meal and phone call, and workout scheduled down to the minute, detailed-project management, systems and habits set up to get stuff done, bam, bam, bam. That's the only way that they can juggle so many things at once and actually do them well.
[00:36:52] And when you talk to people who are like rappers and also movie stars, they're not making an album at the same time, they're filming Fast and Furious 9. The other thing about these people in my experience anyway, is that they tend to gravitate more to a managerial role. You know, they weigh in on other people's work at a higher level, oversee projects, make the trains run on time. They're usually the conductor, not necessarily the musician, a lot of the time, unless they're a creator, of course. And I think that's because it's extremely hard to be a great technician on multiple things, to build an app, and write a novel, and translate a book and so on. Whereas being at the management layer, that is much more doable. You can jump from thing to thing if you have people doing a lot of the heavy lifting for you, like CEOs, for example, but these people, they tend to view their careers more as a wide ranging portfolio to manage than as a deep project to execute. But that's because that's where their talent lies. That's where they get their fulfillment up at that managerial level.
[00:37:51] So my advice to you is this: first figure out what truly lights you up, what you can imagine becoming amazing at, and put that in pole position in your life. If you don't know what that is, then you have more exploring to do, which is totally normal, especially at your age. You might find that you're spreading yourself thin, not just because you're super curious, but because you don't know what you really care about yet. And that's okay too. But as you learn more about yourself and get a little bit older, you'll start to figure out what really needs your time and attention. And second, I would start figuring out what relationship you want to have with your interest. If you want to become a master, then you'll eventually need to focus on one or two things. But if you want to play with different hobbies and be a bit of a dilettante, which is totally fair, then there's less pressure.
[00:38:34] I'm not trying to be the video game voice over guy, number one in the industry. I'm grateful to get one game a year. That's fine. Regardless of the details though, there's always going to be some element of focus in a great career. At some point, you will have to go deep in order to get great even if you also go wide. Honorable mention here is skill stacking. We've talked about this before with Scott Adams on the show. So I won't belabor the point too much, but the gist is that it is much easier to become, let's say top 10 or 20 percent in two or three areas instead of top one to two percent in one area. So I don't have to be the best interviewer on the planet, but if I'm top 10 percent and I'm also a top 10 percent podcast marketer and a decent/passable manager and business owner, then I'm one in a handful of people in the world who are able to combine those skills at that level, resulting in a lot of success in the industry and economically.
[00:39:29] And I want to clarify that because I don't want people to think that they have to drop everything and be the best in the world at one thing. Become A-minus, B-plus level at two or three or four things, ideally things that can stack together and the rest can just be hobbies and that's okay.
[00:39:45] All right. What's next?
[00:39:47] Gabriel Mizrahi: Dear Jordan and Gabe, my little brother is 10 and my parents divorced right after he was born. My parents still get along and make it work for us so things aren't too. But I worry about my little brother. He gets bad anxiety and overreacts to everything. Once the fire alarm went off because it needed new batteries and he started to freak out and cry on the floor, then proceed to say that we were going to die even after we explained to him what. He is also super attached emotionally to our dog. If he doesn't see the dog every five minutes, he panics and won't stop until he locates it. He also avoids interacting or joining his longtime friends when they play. No matter how hard we push him, he gets awkward and sometimes mean because he tries to overcompensate for being so awkward. Every time, I try to communicate my concerns and encourage my parents to send my brother to therapy. They brushed me off. My dad says he's good with therapy, but it's up to my mom. Then when I asked my mom, she always gives me excuses. She's in politics and she's really big on her image. And I think she believes that if he gets help, people will view us as unstable. I've tried so hard to explain that therapy is not a bad thing, but this is something every person could benefit from. That it doesn't mean you failed as a parent. He just needs a little more help for his anxiety. No matter what I tell her though, she says, "Maybe not now. Our schedule is busy. I'll just try later." Or he won't want to do it and he doesn't need it anyway. How can I convince my parents to get my little brother therapy without it sounding like they failed as parents? Signed, Battling the Chiefs to Get My Brother Relief.
[00:41:16] Jordan Harbinger: This one makes me a little sad, Gabe. We do have real siblings looking out for siblings theme here today though.
[00:41:21] Gabriel Mizrahi: Oh, you got a good point.
[00:41:23] Jordan Harbinger: This is a good question. Your brother is clearly wrestling with stuff. Some pretty intense anxiety. I mean, it sounds kind of terrifying actually for him. It would be great if he could talk to somebody. He needs to talk to somebody and we wanted, of course, to get an expert opinion on this. And so we reached out to the one and only Dr. Erin Margolis, clinical psychologist and friend of the show. And Dr. Margolis confirmed that your brother is definitely going through it right now. It sounds like he doesn't feel very safe in general, which explains the fire-alarm freak out and why he's so attached to the dog. He probably feels like he needs more security, control, consistency in his life. And the problem though, is that he's a minor. So you can't just throw him into therapy without your parents' involvement and consent. So Dr. Margolis' idea was to figure out how to talk to mom about all of this in a way that she can really hear.
[00:42:11] It sounds like she's threatened by the idea of therapy. Maybe it's an image thing or a scheduling thing, but I honestly doubt that's the full story. Dr. Margolis pointed out she might be afraid that your brother will actually reveal something about her in therapy or about the family and that is what is so threatening, which is a great point and a little disturbing, not like something. It doesn't have to be super horrible what he reveals, but it could just be like, "Oh, my mom's always busy and never pays attention to me." Like it could reflect on her.
[00:42:37] Gabriel Mizrahi: Right.
[00:42:37] Jordan Harbinger: And she knows that that's coming and feels guilty about it. And whatever it is, I would try to talk to your mom and try to get her to articulate why she is so resistant to therapy. She's probably not going to come right out and tell you like, "Oh, I think Cody's going to tell the shrink. I'm a monster and I'm never home. And I always leave him alone and never show up to pick him up from school, whatever." But she might say something like, "Well, I don't trust therapists." Or, "I don't want some therapists giving Cody the wrong ideas," or something like that, right? You can ask her some more questions, draw her out. Maybe get her to recognize that the fear she has about therapy might not be realistic or valid, or at least that they shouldn't stop her from getting her brother the help that he needs. Dr. Margolis' insight was to approach your mom with curiosity first and then go from there.
[00:43:21] Gabe, it's funny, mom is really the one who should be in therapy right now from the sound of it. It sounds like—
[00:43:25] Gabriel Mizrahi: I'm going to say the exact same thing.
[00:43:27] Jordan Harbinger: Yes, she's got some work to do, man, but sadly, I don't see city council woman who one, thinks shrinks are the devil and two — look, I don't mean to insult somebody's mom, but it sounds like maybe she has a little bit of an inflated sense of how important she is to the world at large. I don't see her getting on the couch anytime soon.
[00:43:43] Gabriel Mizrahi: No, I don't see that happening anytime soon, either. But if your mom absolutely refuses to take your brother to see somebody, then I would explore some other options. One idea Dr. Margolis had was to encourage your brother to talk to a school counselor in the meantime. Maybe that'll be a little less threatening to your mom. So he could maybe just go during his lunch hour and talk to whoever's on staff at school. And maybe that could be his entree into therapy down the road.
[00:44:07] Your other option here is to get your dad more involved in this conversation. It sounds like he is more open to therapy, but it also sounds like — I don't know, I'm getting a sense, Jordan, that maybe he's a little checked out or he's just kind of backing down, letting mom run the show. But if your dad is actually worried about your brother, maybe he can lean on your mom privately, get her to come around. Personally, I'm a big fan of this option because he does seem to be an ally and she might be more willing to listen to her husband than her daughter in this situation.
[00:44:33] Also, what does your brother want to do? Does he want to go to therapy? Or is this just your idea? I'm wondering if your mom would have a different response if this came from him directly, rather than through you. She might still brush your brother off, but it'll be much harder to ignore if your brother's like, "Mom, I am freaking out. Like I am constantly afraid. I feel like everyone's going to die. I feel like you're going to die. I need help." So maybe talk to your brother, help him articulate how he's feeling to your parents. Maybe they'll hear it differently from him.
[00:45:01] But if you do all of those things and you still can't get your parents to help, then sadly, you might have to let this go for a few years. Your brother, he is a minor. There's only so much you can do. Wait until he's 18 and then definitely encourage him to go see somebody on his own. But in the meantime, keep being a great sibling to him. It sounds like you are. Be supportive, be present, be loving. Based on how you're describing your parents, I'm not convinced that he's getting a ton of love and validation at home, besides the dog, of course. So you're probably his best bet there.
[00:45:31] All that said at the same time, I would also be aware of the role that you're playing for your brother. It isn't the healthiest thing in the world to be in this parenting role for him as a sibling, either that could lead to some complicated experiences for you, resenting your parents, having your own mental health challenges, being a little confused about your role in the family. It's very common with siblings who look out for other siblings and when parents are neglectful or just not fully in the picture. So just keep an eye on that and maybe talk to your therapist about how to maintain that balance for yourself and make sure that that role doesn't get too fuzzy, too complex.
[00:46:05] Jordan Harbinger: Yeah. Good point, Gabe. It is really sweet that she wants to help her brother, but she also can't be the parent he needs just because their parents are frigging checked out or withholding or whatever. So talk to mom and dad. Get creative and if all else fails, just be a friend to your brother. And then buy him a Better Help gift card on his 18th birthday.
[00:46:22] No, seriously though. I'm worried for this kid, he's 10 and he's having issues. Like I've never even heard of anxiety that strong really in a child, right. I'm sure it exists. I'm not a therapist, but that's severe.
[00:46:32] Gabriel Mizrahi: It happens, yeah.
[00:46:33] Jordan Harbinger: And if he waits eight years to get help for this, it could take forever to repair the damage and that he's missing out on the best part of childhood in the meantime, right? Like that self-actualizing sort of like teenager, I mean, all of that spent freaking out over fire alarms and car horns, and can't find the dog. I mean, geez, man. He's going in the world, not one down, but several down, right? It's just a huge disadvantage.
[00:46:57] I wonder if the brother could approach the school and tell them what's going on and then have the counselors seek out the child during school hours. That's got to be a thing, right? That could maybe get him some of the help that he needs under the radar a little bit before mom can put her image and ego before her child yet again, right? Because if he's getting it at school, it's kind of like, "Oh, nobody really needs to know in the beginning." And then maybe it helps. And then maybe everybody gets on board, right? So I don't know. I feel for this kid.
[00:47:23] Hope y'all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone who wrote in this week and everyone who listened. Thank you all so much. Go back and check out Benjamin Hardy and General Hayden if you have.
[00:47:31] If you want to know how I managed to book all these amazing people on the show, it's because of my network. I'm teaching you how to build your network for free over our Six-Minute Networking course. Again, that's on the Thinkific platform. You can find it at jordanharbinger.com/course. The drills take a few minutes a day. That's why it's called the Six-Minute Networking. I wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago. Again, all for free jordanharbinger.com/course.
[00:47:54] Show notes at jordanharbinger.com, transcripts in the show notes. Video of our Feedback Fridays, go up on our YouTube channels, occasionally jordanharbinger.com/youtube. I'm at @JordanHarbinger on Twitter, Instagram. You can also hit me on LinkedIn. You can find Gabe on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi or on Instagram at @GabrielMizrahi.
[00:48:12] The show is created in association with PodcastOne. My team is Jen Harbinger, Jase Sanderson, Robert Fogarty, Ian Baird, Millie Ocampo, Josh Ballard, and of course Gabriel Mizrahi. Our advice and opinions are our own. I am a lawyer, but I am not your lawyer. So do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show.
[00:48:29] Dr Margolis, his input, his general psychological information based on research and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. Ditto for Dr. Hassan.
[00:48:45] Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love. If you found this episode useful, please share it with somebody else who can use the advice that we gave here today. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
[00:49:02] You're about to hear a preview of The Jordan Harbinger Show about how you can be affected by ransomware and cyberattacks on the rise now, all over the world.
[00:49:10] Nicole Perlroth: We still don't know just how deep the Russians are into our government systems. So it's going to be at least a year or more before we can stand up and confidently say we've eradicated Russian hackers from nuclear labs, the Department of Homeland Security, the Treasury, the Justice Department. How do you trust that any of the software you're using is secure and not a Russian Trojan horse?
[00:49:37] We live in the glassiest of glass houses. That makes escalation, you know, not much more of a risk. We're getting close enough that I think we're going to see a cyberattack within the next four years even, that causes substantial loss of life.
[00:49:53] Jordan Harbinger: For more with Nicole Perlroth on what the US should do to push back against cyberwarfare, check out episode 542 on The Jordan Harbinger Show.
[00:50:04] Are you ready for a podcast that doesn't hold back? Check out The Adam Carolla Show, the number one daily downloaded podcast in the world, five days a week, and completely uncensored. Join Adam as he shares his thoughts on current events, relationships, politics, and so much more. Adam welcomes a wide range of special guests to join him in studio for in-depth interviews and a front-row seat to his freewheeling point of view. Download, subscribe, and tune in to The Adam Carolla Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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