At work, you’re the youngest person on the team — but you’ve also been there longer than anyone else. Your boss (who lives in another state) refers to you as his site lead, but you don’t have an official title to reflect this. Your group needs the organization you know you can offer, but you don’t want to come off as a power-hungry usurper. How do you get your boss to clarify your role — to you and the team? On this Feedback Friday, we’ll show you how to ensure your authority is respected.
And in case you didn’t already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Interested in doing some prison time with Jordan next February? Reach out to email@example.com for details!
- Is there a moral and/or legal obligation for Airbnb hosts to inform their guests when there are security cameras present — whether or not they’re recording anything?
- Are there any online courses or coaches specialized in social skills we would recommend for making conversation and connection easier?
- You’re worried you don’t come across as friendly. How can you improve your outer emotional reaction to people without feeling like you’re overacting and being fake?
- Your boss communicates with you as if you’re in a leadership position, but you feel like you have no authority. Do you need to ask him to clarify your role — to you and your team?
- Is sharing photos useful when you’re reconnecting with someone you haven’t seen in a while, and is there networking value in alumni associations?
- You tend to forget the lessons you learn from audiobooks after a couple of months. What is the best way to memorize and apply the key takeaways of these books?
- What are the logistics of carrying on a successful long-distance relationship with a significant other whose sister doesn’t like you and will probably undermine you from afar?
- You want to start a family, but your spouse’s fertility issues may prevent this. Additionally, they’re averse to therapy that might help lessen the impact or present options if you receive bad news. How can you be as supportive as possible?
- Life Pro Tip: Buy daily necessities in bulk when they’re on sale, and pay close attention to unit prices!
- Recommendation of the Week: Losing Sight of Shore
- A quick shoutout to Becky, Robin, and all of the women’s college volleyball players who listen to the show!
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
Resources from This Episode:
- Steven Hassan | Combating Cult Mind Control Part One, TJHS 237
- Steven Hassan | Combating Cult Mind Control Part Two, TJHS 238
- The Right Way to Manifest What You Want by Jordan Harbinger
- What I Learned Spending the Day in a Maximum-Security Prison by Jordan Harbinger
- What Are Airbnb’s Rules about Security Cameras and Other Recording Devices in Listings? Airbnb
- Six-Minute Networking
- The Science of Resting Bitch Face and How to Prevent It by Vanessa Van Edwards
- Alex Kouts | The Secrets You Don’t Know About Negotiation Part One, TJHS 70
- Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini
- Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People by Vanessa Van Edwards
- How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- Amazon Kindle
- Better Help
- Mike Abrashoff | It’s Your Ship — Here’s How to Shape It, TJHS 231
- Losing Sight of Shore
Transcript for How to Ensure Your Authority Is Respected | Feedback Friday (Episode 239)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:03] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger and I'm here with producer Jason DeFillippo. On the show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most brilliant and interesting people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you.
[00:00:18] And this week we had Steven Hassan at frigging fascinating two-part series on cults. If you've ever wondered how cults developed their crazy mind control techniques and how they managed to exist even in the age of the Internet and open information, the open information landscape, you have to check out this week shows besides, he tells us how to break cult influence in friends and family members and a spot if we're being recruited into a cult. These were just freaking awesome. So interesting.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:00:45] These are some of my favorite shows ever.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:47] Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:00:48] Ever.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:48] He's amazing. I love this guy. And also, I write every so often on the blog. The latest post is about excuses and how we believe them, especially when they come from us. And that's at jordanharbinger.com/articles. Make sure you've had a look and listen there to all of that. Of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guests’ experiences and our experiences and insights along to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you and that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us email@example.com.
[00:01:22] By the way, I'm going to be celebrating my 40th birthday early next year in 2020 and I've decided that I'm going to do it at a prison. Now. I know that sounds very strange, but we're going to go in and work closely with inmates who are graduating from a special program and I could not be more excited. I've talked about this before. I know I mentioned this on the show about my last trip to the prison and it was life-changing and I'm going to go again in February 2020. Guess what? I'm inviting you guys along with me. The details are being hammered out right now, but basically, it will be just outside Reno, Nevada, we think. We're, we're pretty sure about that. You'll have to get there. It's really easy to get there actually. There's a donation you'll make to help educate and rehabilitate and sort of do some job training type stuff. That's for the inmates. It's a for-purpose business run by a friend of mine. So, if you're interested in this please reach out to me and let me know. It will be something along the lines of 1200 plus the cost of travel and get in lodging and stuff like that. If you're interested in that it will be amazing. I'm going to get a lot of amazing people to go there with me as well and you are invited. Just email me firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com. I'll put you on the interest list that we're putting together. Obviously, space for this is very limited so it's going to be first-come, first-serve. There's not a lot of spots. It's going to be a larger group, but the relative size of the group…Trust me. Last time my friend was like, “Oh, I want to go to prison. Who wants to go with me?” And I think he filled 80 spots in a couple of days and that was just in a small Facebook group. I expect this to be something that gets quote-unquote sold out pretty quick. So firstname.lastname@example.org let me know if you're interested in this. Not a lot of spots. Last time was such a game-changer, very moving for me. I really wanted to share the experience with you guys as well, so I'm really excited. They came up with the idea that we could do this and I think it's going to be phenomenal. All right, on the Feedback Friday, we've got some fun questions. Oh, by the way, my birthday is in February, late February. That's when we're looking at this. I know, I just totally avoided the most important thing, which is when it's going to be around February 26, so that's when we're looking at going. We're looking at going exactly on that date, but you never know. It could vary by one or two days, February 26, 2020. You'll probably come in on the 25th and we'll probably go to Reno. Standby for details. In the meantime, email me email@example.com. All right, Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:03:55] Hi guys. I rented an Airbnb and I've been here for two weeks. While on the floor doing yoga in the living room, I saw a green light above the curtain rod and discovered there was a semi-concealed camera. They're recording all my movements and maybe sound as well. After my initial panic and wave of nausea, though I don't think I did anything more embarrassing than yoga in my PJ's or singing off key, I realized it's probably only there for the security and peace of mind of the owner when they're home. I reached out to her and told her I felt violated, mainly because I wasn't informed the camera was there. I made the suggestion that it was probably for her own peace of mind and told her I unplugged it and would plug it in at the end of my stay. We haven't talked yet and I'm hoping she uses the out I gave her and doesn't try to justify it or asked me to plug it back in, but I would really like to know even if she forgot about it, why didn't she tell me about it when she remembered. Don't those apps send alerts every time a motion is triggered? Isn't recording someone unknowingly, especially with video in a private space illegal, not to mention creepy? With all the new surveillance tech inside homes these days, is there a moral and legal obligation to inform your guests they are being recorded or that a camera is present? It was illegal in hotel rooms, scandals of the ‘90s but we've also all heard about nanny cams made popular in the early 2000s. Now with Ring and Nest and all the others, what obligation do you have to house guests? And what about paying house guests staying in your home when you're not present, such as a house sitter or Airbnb? Thanks for tapping into this one. Signed, The Walls Have Eyes.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:05:19] Ooh, this is kind of creepy. I get it. I understand your concern here, especially because a lot of these apps and alerts every time emotions triggered, but you can always turn off the notification settings. It's possible that she turned those off. But the camera may be recording in the Cloud for 90 days or however long, depends on the model of camera, depends if she has Cloud recording. We have cameras in the house. I'm not going to say where because of security. Jen was happy to tell everybody. She was like, “Oh, tell them we have cameras here, here, here, here.” I'm like, “No thanks. Also, the cameras we have, as far as you know, are not concealed. We do have some, but when guests come over, we try to mitigate, but we often forget--
Jason DeFillippo: [00:06:05] Yeah cover [indiscernible] [00:06:05] we're good enough.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:09] Exactly. We often forget the cameras are even there and so sometimes we have forgotten to notify guests. It could have been an innocent mistake that Airbnb forgot to let you know. They could've put that in there. They could've thought like, “Oh, I better write that in the description and then forgot and that was the end of that.” Or they just don't know. They say the following: we require hosts to disclose all security cameras and other recording devices in their listings and we prohibit any security cameras and other recording devices that are in or that observe the interior of certain private spaces such as bedrooms and bathrooms, regardless of whether they've been disclosed. I can link to those that support article for Airbnb in the show notes as well. And hotels, this is definitely not allowed. It's not legal. There's an expectation of privacy. That's what this is all about. Even if you're in someone else's home or business, you know there's a certain amount of privacy that you might expect in one place versus another. Businesses and even cars, like a taxi or an Uber, they have signs that say smile, you're on camera. That comes with the camera in large part because depending on where you are --and I think it might even be nationwide now that I think about it-- you have to know that you're on camera. I would give Airbnb the listing person the benefit of the doubt. I would ask if there are any more cameras you should know about and then just get back to singing and yoga. It's a little creepy and I get why you feel violated. And that said, it's not in the bedroom, it's not in the bathroom. So, I'm less worried that this is creepy nefarious stuff and I'm thinking more, it's so your friend doesn't get robbed or assaulted. If she's like us, she's forgotten about the cameras for months or years already. So, who knows?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:07:50] Well, this is a situation that comes up on Grumpy Old Geeks all the time and we've covered it extensively for the past six and a half years. Having security cameras in your home that you are renting is not illegal, period. It may violate the terms of the rental agreement, but if you don't disclose it right, but it's their home and when you're in their home, pretty much all bets are off. There was a case not too long ago about someone who didn't disclose that they were cameras in the house on Airbnb in the guest, actually stole the cameras and took him to the police department and tried to file a complaint with the police. That person was actually arrested for stealing the cameras from the Airbnb hosts home.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:08:34] Wow.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:08:35] Yeah, because that's theft. I mean, it's flat out theft now. It is illegal if the homeowner posts the videos to the public Internet because you didn't consent to that and the rules are a little bit fuzzy about Cloud storage. And there hasn't been a definitive court case about this yet and we're hoping that one will come soon. There’s a need to be court cases about this and there’s a need to be laws on the books. But the fact is there was a light on the camera too, and in that case, it lends credence to the fact that it wasn't concealed. She didn't turn off the light because with every security camera you can turn off the light in the settings panel, so I don't think there's any recourse since it was also in a public area. You can complain to Airbnb, but that's probably not going to get you much except make it a little bit harder for you to rent in the future because you're probably going to get a negative review from the homeowner at that point. Now, the rule of thumb that we always say is in this brave new world, because we believe in our Aldous Huxley over Georgia Orwell, the rule is to assume that you are being recorded all the time and act accordingly, especially if you're in someone else's house.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:09:46] That's why I always pull my hat down when I pick my nose in someone else's house, just so they have to play the whole clip of me pulling my hat down and then picking my nose if they want to prove that it was me. Otherwise, it's too long to fit on most people's social media.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:02] Gross.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:10:04] Yeah, Life Pro Tip of The Week. Assume you're being recorded and put your hat down before you pick out a booger. Yeah, I mean, I sort of wish that I was lying, but seriously, whenever I go to an Airbnb I do in a paranoid way, look around and go, “Okay, it seems legit,” or “All right, I met the people who run this seems cool.” But I'm always a little bit like, “Oh you know, I'll be on the pot and I'll look up and I see the fan and I'm like, what's in there?” And also, I've definitely shown a flashlight up in two events or two in my day.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:10:36] Me too. I check every smoke detector to make sure they're legit smoke detectors because you got to press the button, then you can pull it off and take a peek to see what's in there. There have been lawsuits about this because people had been surreptitiously recording people at Airbnb's, but we don't have the definitive court case yet. But I always, if I'm in an Airbnb, I'm walking around with a flashlight, checking out everything. I'm like, that's not a real Teddy bear. All the stuffed animals go in a closet period. I don't want any nanny cams.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:07] I'm one of those people who's like, if you want to see me naked, that's your problem.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:11] Exactly.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:12] But then once I got married, I was like, “Okay, I'm doing this to sort of protect my wife's privacy.” Like, look, if you put a photo of me walking around in my me undies or something like that, that's your weirdness, I seriously do not care. But yeah, when it comes to like having your wife around that, that's a little different.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:29] We're not women. We're not women. It's a different beast when women are involved
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:33] Yeah because it can be used to sort of blackmail. Like I'm waiting for somebody to try to blackmail and be like, “I have pictures of you naked.” And I'm like, “Sorry about that.” You know, like, “No, you don't understand. I'm going to put them on the Internet.” “Okay. Well.”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:44] Good for you.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:45] Yeah, I'm sure that's going to get it.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:46] Yeah. You never get 0.0 Bitcoin for that one, mister blackmailer.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:50] Yeah, exactly. Good luck. That's not going to get any likes. Yeah. Good luck buddy. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:11:56] Dear Triple Jay. I'm a divorced father of young children, originally from the UK now living abroad. My divorce happened last year through the whole process took over two years. My divorce was a big eyeopener about my behavior and how I interact socially with people. Thanks to programs like Six-Minute Networking. I've reconnected with many weak or dormant ties. I've joined sports groups and taken up singing in an effort to meet new people and rediscover old hobbies. I've also taken up improv to work on my fear of new social settings. However, my big problem is still with face-to-face contact and making friends with strangers in social settings. I've become a lot better at approaching strangers and starting conversations, but I find it hard to maintain their interest. Do you have any tips for making conversation and connections easier? Are there any online courses or coaches specialized in social skills that you would recommend or is it just a case of practice, practice, practice? Thanks again for everything that you do and many congratulations on the new baby. Enjoy every minute. Very best regards, Socially Awkward Sammy.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:12:54] All right, Sammy, I do have some advice for you and in fact, this is such a common question that I've actually made a video of this and I added it to the Six-Minute Networking course as a bonus for those of you who are in there. If you finish the course, you can go in and get it. If you haven't done the course yet, it's at jordanharbinger.com/course and it doesn't drip a lot of the other content drifts. This is just there available for everyone. Let me know if you have a problem with that seeing it It's in there, should be up there even now. The gist is this It's called the F.E.W. or the Plunging Stone Technique. I call it the Conversational Rapport Formula and F.E.W. is Facts, Emotion and Why that's what that stands for. For example, a fact might be something like where do you work. You would elicit that in a conversation and that's a really easy sort of small talk topic. Emotion and eliciting emotion would be something like what's your favorite part of your job, and that elicits the emotion. It sounds a little bit like a fact, but it will lead to an emotional answer. “Well, I just love helping kids. It makes me feel great.” That's how that usually goes. What do you do for work? I'm a teacher. What's your favorite part of your job? Helping kids learn. It makes me feel great. Then why would be something like what is it about your job that makes you like it so much or what keeps you coming in every day beside the paycheck and these questions might sound similar, but they're actually very different and the resulting conversation is much deeper. In most conversations, most people will stop after the first question after getting a fact. Some people will ask the second question and rarely only a skilled conversationalist will have the knowledge or skill to dig deep enough and ask the third question, which is actually the most important part. It is organically with friends and things like that, but that's, that's pretty much it. Otherwise, you're not going to find most people doing this.
[00:14:44] Let's say you have a lake outside of your house and the local beavers constantly build up a dam. They've raised the water level of the lake. They create this still sitting water. That's what beaver dams do. It actually happened to my aunt and uncle’s property. When the water level starts to get too high, you got to break the dam down again and it may take like 20 jabs with your shovel to break the dam, but you don't know exactly which hit is going to be the one to release the water flow. So, guess what? It’s similar with conversation. It's similar with getting people to open up. Sometimes you ask a person three questions, they don't respond with much. You push a little further. You asked that fourth question, they find out you're really interested. They get interested in the conversation themselves and boom, floodgates open and they start sharing more than you really could have ever imagined. So, remember, just like I said before, sometimes you'll get a great answer from just one question and sometimes they aren't going to give you a much, even after the third question.
[00:15:35] For example, you might ask someone what their favorite trip to New York was and they could say, ”Oh, I love New York and I love this or that,” and then they go off on it. However, it's not always going to be that easy. Let's say you went through the first two steps and they're taking a music production class. That's a fact. They say they really enjoy it. All right, fine emotion and then you ask them why they like it so much. But instead of getting a great story or understanding, they just say, “I like the people in the class.” Now you're shrugging and rather than giving up or accepting that, that's the end of the topic. You can try to dig a little further. You could say something like, “Oh, interesting. I expected you to say you really liked the course material, but you're saying it's the people that really make the class enjoyable.” Or you might say something simple to the point like, “What is it about the people in your class that you liked so much?” You just don't know. That might be what is needed to really open up the conversation. And a little note if the answer to the why is obvious like you're talking about someone's divorce and the question would be, “Why did getting divorce make you feel bad?” You don't want to do that. You don't have to do that. You can ask about which part of something felt a certain way, like, “Oh, what's the hardest part about starting over and dating after being married for 10 years?” So, it sounds like a fact, but it's a feeling question. This is the basic curiosity curve. First, get the facts, probe for the emotion behind the facts, then ask for their why. This is what leads to real conversation instead of just surface fluff. And again, I made a video about this. I added it to Six-Minute Networking. You can find that for free at jordanharbinger.com/course and if you're looking for coaching, I do have someone I can refer to you as well and that goes for anyone listening. This coach does a really good, really, really great work so far with a lot of people that I've referred and getting rave reviews and I will happily refer you if you email me firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks for writing in.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:28] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:17:31] This episode is sponsored in part by Highline Wellness. Highline Wellness is an NYC-based CBD brand and they are making some badass products. I got to tell you, they have natural, affordable, and effective CBD supplements. I know Jason, you're like a huge fan of CBD these days.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:17:50] Oh my God. It's like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my back. I used to wake up every morning with like anxiety around seven out of 10 and now I'm like at a one or two thanks to CBD. This stuff has literally changed my life for the better.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:04] Yeah, it's, it's kind of a tricky product in a lot of ways, right? Because it's trendy, so you never quite know what's going on with it a lot of times. Brands that are really interested in making something all-natural, that's what you want to aim for. Something that's really easy to travel with. I know people are big on like these oils and things like that, but you got to be careful. A lot of times they use weird chemicals to extract it. This is not the case with Highline Wellness. They've got chews that are literally just little gummy bears. You can throw them on your desk, you can throw them on a plane. They've got regular and they have vegan options for people that are like, “Oh, gummy stuff doesn't work for me.” Tons of brands out there. Not all CBD is created equal and Highline has hundreds of five-star reviews. They use broad-spectrum CBD. There's no THC. So, there's no high effect and also, it's not going to…You know, put a little asterisk next to this and you should test yourself, but there's not supposed to be any THC, so you're not going to trigger a test or anything like that. It's third party tested to confirm. It's not just them going, “Yeah bro. There's no THC in here.” They have third party lab tests. It doesn't get you high. It’s non-psychoactive. It's 100 percent legal to consume and travel domestically here in the United States and you can get that at highlinewellness.com. Do we have a deal for them, Jason?
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Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:46] This episode is also sponsored by Blue Diamond Almonds. Whenever I hear Blue Diamond Almonds, I think of like, “Blue Diamond Almonds.” They should make that little da na na na da na na na.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:19:57] I think of Lou Diamond Phillips, La Bamba.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:19:59] Lou Diamond Phillips. Oh my god, now that's going to get stuck. They need him as a spokesperson. Honey roasted-flavored almonds, sriracha-flavored almonds, wasabi & soy sauce-flavored almonds. These are so bombed. We thought, “Oh, we got this huge bag.“ We're like, “Oh, we're going to end up giving these away, but let's try them.” And there we housed those things. You can go to the store pickups Blue Diamond Almonds right now. Work, bored at work, leaving work, the almonds are the perfect snack. I love these things. You don't feel guilty when you eat a bunch like some other snacks. I know you can listen to podcasts on your way to the store. Don't deny those cravings. Go pick up some great flavors right now. Blue Diamond Almonds created victoriously.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:40] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts from our amazing sponsors and help keep this show going, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, just head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:05] Okay, next up,
Jason DeFillippo: [00:21:07] Dear Triple Jay. I run a successful customer-facing business in a reasonably small town. Image and how I'm perceived is very important to me. I often get recognized when I'm out and about on the town with my family and I always thought I came across as friendly and approachable. The other day when I was out, I met a customer of mine. By chance as we greeted each other, I cut my reflection in the glass storefront opposite me and was utterly shocked at how miserable I looked. I genuinely thought I was smiling from ear to ear. The dissonance between my inner feeling and my actual facial expression was very disconcerting. Now I'm worried that I don't come across as friendly at all. Is there a way to improve my outer emotional reaction to people without feeling like I'm overacting and being fake? I should mention that I'm 37 years old and I'm wondering if this old dog can be taught a new trick. Thanks for the great show and all the fantastic work you and your team do. Best regards, Active Grump Face.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:59] Ah, the old active grump face, not much can be done about your resting face. I mean this is the product of years and frankly, a lot of people carry stress in their face so they just don't look happy. The trick here is to remember to be interested in other people. It's not just about smiling and acting friendly and fake. That might be hard. It might seem fake, but if you become interested in others, you can rescue almost any perceived impression that you might be unhappy or you know you're uninterrupted. For example, use the Plunging Stone or the F.E.W. Principle, the conversation curve, the rapport curve that I outlined above. I should just pick one name for that but I like all of them. This is in Six-Minute Networking. That gets the conversation going a bit more. You don't have to go all the way to the why. If someone sees you at the grocery store or whatever, you don't have to be like, “Oh why do you love teaching?” I mean you know that you're just making small talk. Get the facts, maybe get some emotion behind it, that's a great small talk formula. The first two are even the ones that will show people you're interested in the conversation. So, even if you might not look interested, at least you will seem interested and of course, this gets easier over time and as you relax more in your interactions, this will just get easier and easier. And while you're working on this, try to remember to smile. You don't have to act fake; you don't have to go goo-goo all over everyone. But a little friendliness in the eyes, especially in the eyes. That can go a really long way. If you're one of those people who's like, “Oh, I don't like smiling, my teeth. I'm self-conscious.” It's all about the eyes that the little friendliness in the eyes, that's what people are looking for and I wouldn't judge yourself too harshly. I even know me when I'll take like a test photo for a video shoot and I'll be like, “Oh my god, I looked like a serial killer and my wife and a bunch of other people would be like, ‘Dude, you look fine. You look fine.’ ” I'm like, “No, look at my face and look at this.” And they're like, “Dude, you look fine. And I'm just very self-conscious. You might have the exact same thing. All right, one and done. What else we got?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:23:56] Hi Jordan, Jason, Jen, and Jayden. I'm a 27-year-old working in clinical research through a contract company. I started my job fresh out of grad school when my group was literally four people. Fast forward two and a half years later and our group has expanded to a whopping 11 people and personnel has changed. So, I'm now the most senior individual at my site. My boss refers to me as his site lead. He lives in a different state than the site, so I'm his boots on the ground to coordinate for the studies as well as to conduct data collection, apply intervention, and assist with analysis. My boss was onsite when I started and because we were so small when I first joined, we work collaboratively. My boss is so busy, he's very hands-off and now outsources a lot of management to me. Now that we've grown, I know my group needs to improve in an organization, but I don't feel like I have any actual authority to implement. I also don't know how to do this tactfully. Bottom line, my group needs organization and my boss communicates with me is if I'm now in a leadership position, but I feel like I have no authority, do I need to ask them to clarify my role? It makes me feel like I'm a power-hungry usurper but I also know that I have the most understanding of our work's history and future vision. Side note. I happened to be the youngest person on the team as well. Thanks. Respect my authority.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:25:13] I get why you're between a rock and a hard place on this one, at least in your own mind, but bear this in mind, keep this in your head. You have knowledge, you have experience. This isn't power-hungry. This is what's best for the project and for the business and it's great for you too, but that's a coincidence. This would be different if you are not the best fit for the job, but you just wanted the job because you wanted to move your career along. You wanted it because you're ambitious. This happens to be what's best for the project and what's best for the business. That's great. That's a win-win for everyone involved. Yeah. You might get some backlash for being the youngest, but I think that just comes with the territory. I would absolutely ask to have your role clarified and then make sure everyone knows where you stand. Also, I think your boss needs to elevate you and let everyone else know that too. What you don't want to do is have your boss be like, “Yeah, just so you're clear. You're the boss over there. You're the manager, you have managerial authority,” and then you go in the next day and everyone's like, “What are you trying to do? Why are you bossing us around?” “Oh, well Tim said that I have managerial authority.” “Okay, well Tim is not here and we didn't hear anything about that, so you're still the youngest guy and go fly a kite.” Right? You don't want that. You don't want that to be a problem. This is his job as a manager to be like, ”She's in charge. This is what's going on, et cetera.” You should also ask for a raise because, look, you're getting an official increase in responsibility. The buck is going to stop with you. There's no reason you shouldn't get a raise at that point. Remember the best time to ask for a raise is when you have another offer on the table. And I would have, I'm not going to get too deep into this, but I would refer you to the Alex Kouts’ negotiation episodes, but you might want to make damn sure you've got something here because you're going to have to say, “Look, I've got this going, I've got that going. I think I should be the manager of this. This is what I want to do. This is how I can improve things.” Because they'll go, “Yeah, go ahead and do it. And then if that works out, we'll give you a raise.” It's like, “No, I get a raise when I start being a leader, which I've already done. If you're going to give me more official responsibility, I need a raise.” And if they're like, well, it's not in the cards right now, you can be like, “Cool, the project is not doing as well. And I just want to make you know that,” but that's not necessarily going to work in your favor. But if you say, “Okay, FYI, I'm also exploring some offers and I got some stuff in writing,” and you should not be bluffing. “I've got some stuff in writing from some other places and I don't want to take them because I love working here. I think it's amazing but I do want to move up and get more responsibility and I would think my salary should match that.” And that's completely fair, right? That is completely fair and you need that leverage. If you don't have that leverage, you are up the creek without a paddle, up the creek without an offer. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:28:01] Hello. Congratulations on the baby and thanks for continuing to provide excellent and useful information. I'm going through the Six-Minute Networking course and I'm disappointed by how few contacts I've maintained over the years but unfortunately not thirsty right now. I have two brief and related questions. First, how useful are photos when connecting or reconnecting? Do you find that people are more or less likely to respond if you share a current photo? In a broader sense, how important are photos in my LinkedIn profile or sites where I promote my freelance work? In Europe, photos on CVs are common, but I'm wondering whether sharing or posting context-appropriate photos and emails and texts would make stronger impressions. I don't use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, so very few people know what I currently look like. Second, I don't believe that. I've heard you discuss alumni networks as a useful resource. I have a number of degrees but I've never become involved with any of the alumni networks. Do you perceive any value in alumni associations or would you equate them with the non-curated events or groups that you recommend against? Thank you again for your hard work. Sincerely, Photo Curious
Jordan Harbinger: [00:29:07] Photos. Great idea. I would test this. See if you get a better response to the photo, but I'm going to tell you right now I think that having a photo in a profile is mandatory. If I see a profile without a photo, I just assume that a person is not an actual user. They never really updated their profile because it's like the first thing you put in there a lot of the time. If there is no photo I kind of think like, “Oh they're not really that detail-oriented or they just don't use LinkedIn.” As far as the texting and stuff like that, I've been using some recent baby photos of my son and I get like a hundred percent response rate. Now that doesn't make a whole lot of sense for some people who don't have kids or whatever. But I would try this in a way that makes sense. It might just be weird to be like, “Here's my new headshot.” That's kind of a strange text to get. Resumes by law cannot have a photo attached in the United States. I believe CVs in Europe always have a photo attached because I think they're just a little bit more realistic over there about what people are using these for. Social profiles should always have a photo, get some headshots or get pro photos done. You don't have to be like all glamour shots about it and you don't have to be ridiculous, but you should have something that looks good and puts you in a good light, no pun intended. It's easy. And then you're off the hook for like five years once you get your photos done. This is important because man, I'll tell you I know that you're not supposed to hire employees based on photos and age and stuff like that, but I will say for freelancers and things like that, I'm certainly looking and going, does this person look normal and do they look like somebody.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:30:48] Define normal?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:30:50] I probably shouldn't because I don't know if I'm toeing the line here because you're not supposed to be able to look at someone's CV and dah, dah, dah, dah. But I want to talk to people and see if they are a good fit. And if I don't know what you look like, I just don't know. You know, I really don't have a good feel for you. That doesn't mean I won't hire you, but it means that I'm more likely to hire somebody who came across really well and that I can look up online. You know, I don't know, Jason, who would you hire as a freelancer? Somebody who's got photos and you're like, “Oh, they're cool. They'd go traveling and they do this.” Or somebody who you just see their resume, but there's not a single photo of them anywhere on the Internet.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:29] Yeah, that sounds creepy to me. I need to find out at least something that they're an actual person and some kind of social profile really does help because otherwise, you might not be hiring an actual person. You might be hiring some guy that you know, doing digital arbitrage and, and sending your work out to somebody else. So, I know that people that I'm working with are actual humans.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:51] I do worry about that. I do worry about the digital. People might not know what that is. A lot of times you'll go, “Oh, I'm looking for a graphic designer,” and you'll hire Jim from Wisconsin. And he's like, “Yeah, I would love to do this. The project ranges from $300 to $600. Is that cool? Here's what some of our work.” And I'm like, “Cool.” And then I get, I'm trying to work with them, I'm getting lax communication and then it's like, “Sorry, I'm having trouble getting some stuff back from my people,” and I'm like “What people? I thought you were a freelancer.” And then dot, dot, dot, actually he's outsourced this to Vietnam.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:22] Yeah, exactly. It's like, “Oh, I can't, I can't give you your job today because the power went out because it rained a lot today because we're in monsoon season here in the Philippines.”
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:31] Right. And I'm like, “I thought it was hiring Jim from Wisconsin.” And look, I don't have any problem with outsourcing, but I want to know that it's outsourcing and that's otherwise I feel like I'm being deceived. Especially with things like design, there's going to be cultural differences. If you've ever hired a designer from another country like I hired as a designer in central Asia, and all of the colors were like green and red and in white. And I was like, “I don't really love this.” And they're like, “Oh this looks really strong.” And I'm like, “I don't want this.” A good designer can always sort of change things, but the design is heavily influenced by culture. So generally, if you're looking for something for a North American audience, you hire a designer that's in Europe, North America, Australia, it doesn't make sense to hire somebody who does most of their design for East Asia.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:20] Yeah somebody that knows your targeted audience and knows their tastes.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:23] Exactly. So as far as alumni networks, this depends on size. The University of Michigan is huge. I think they have like 40,000 students at any given time or more. That alumni association, that might as well be triple A. It's not exactly an exclusive club. Some small private liberal arts college in New England though where each class is 90 people and it's thought they are 190 or 500 people. You know, there could be a couple of thousand active people in that alumni network and you could have really active alumni that get together all the time and you know that might be really great. A super high end private high school that might be a really curated, a well-curated alumni network that might be better than a state school that has 40,000 students. And so, it depends. I don't have anything to do with any of my alumni networks and even Michigan law was relatively small. I did nothing with those alumni. I'm not in the industry, it's not really a thing for me. But look, if you went to a boarding school and you lived with people for 10 years from K through 12 or whatever that is, 12 years, 13 years, that might be a great alumni network because you grew up with everyone and even if they weren't friends with you, they knew everyone that you knew. That could be a great alumni network. Somebody you had anthropology 101 with and then the other 39,000 you never met. Not great, not very tight, so it really does depend on size and activity. Great questions though. I'm glad you're enjoying Six-Minute Networking and if you're not in that course, that's at jordanharbinger.com/course and it's free, not tricky free, or enter your credit card and we’ll charge later free, but just free. I literally have nothing to sell you. I just want you to learn these skills, so check that out and feel free to ask me any questions. That's what it's all about.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:35:13] We'll be back with more Feedback Friday, right after this.
[00:35:16] Support for The Jordan Harbinger Show comes from our friends at Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Home is so much more than a house. It's your own little slice of heaven. That's why when you find the perfect place for you and your family getting a mortgage shouldn't get in the way. Finding the right house isn't easy but finding the right mortgage can be. Rocket Mortgage is doing more to help you understand the home buying process so you can get exactly what you need because it's not just a mortgage, it's your mortgage and they found a better way. Their team of mortgage experts is obsessed with finding a better way, which means that their number one goal is to make the home buying process smoother for you. Take the home buying process work for you. In fact, Rocket Mortgage is there with award-winning client service and support every step of the way. Quicken Loans has helped millions of Americans achieve their dream of homeownership. And when you're ready to purchase the home of your dreams, they can help you too. When you work with them you get more than just a loan because Rocket Mortgage is more than just a lender. Visit RocketMortgage.com/JORDAN and take the first step towards the home of your dreams. Equal Housing Lender. Licensed in all 50 states. NMLSConsumerAccess.Org #3030. Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Push the button, get mortgage.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:24] This episode is also sponsored by Progressive
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Jordan Harbinger: [00:36:51] This episode is also sponsored in part by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Everyone knows about the risks of driving drunk. You can get a crash. People could get hurt or killed. But let's take a moment to look at some surprising statistics here. Almost 29 people in the United States die every day in alcohol-impaired vehicle crashes. That's one person every 50 minutes. And even though drunk driving fatalities have fallen by a third in the last three decades, drunk driving crashes still claimed more than 10,000 lives each year. That's such a waste of human life. And here's the thing. You know, it's not just the drunks. Not that that's any better really, but they're killing a ton of innocent people. It's so horrible and it makes me scared for everybody out on the road. Drunk driving can have a big impact on your wallet too. You can get arrested; you can incur huge legal expenses as well; you could lose your job. And I frankly, I don't know about that. That's horrible. But look, drunk driving is stupid and you don't want stupid people in your office. So, what can you do to prevent drunk driving? Plan a safe ride home before you start drinking. Don't wing it. Designate a sober driver. Call a taxi. You could do that. I mean, you can use many apps on your phone to call cars. We all know about those. If someone who knows been drinking, take their keys and arrange for them to get a sober ride home. I know a lot of people are like, “Oh, I don't want to do that. It's awkward.” I've done this before and people have been mad in the moment and thanked me the next day. It's not that big of a deal. It just shows that you're a good person. We all know the consequences of driving drunk, but one thing is for sure, you are wrong if you think it's not a big deal, so drive sober or get pulled over.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:21] Thank you for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air and to learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard so you can check out those amazing sponsors, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday
[00:38:39] Hi, Jordan and Jason. Congratulations Jordan on the baby. May he grow up to be as funny as you. I mostly listened to nonfiction audiobooks, introduced on the shows such as The Psychology of Persuasion, Captivate, How to Win Friends and Influence People, et cetera. And my question is what is the best way to memorize and apply the key takeaways of these books? I tend to forget some of the lessons that I learned from these audiobooks after a couple of months. I Googled this question and the most common answer is to take notes, but I wanted to hear your thoughts on this and know if there's a more systematic approach. Thanks for all you do. Signed, Calling an Audible
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:13] for me, I seem like I kind of naturally am good at this, and that's not actually true by the way, it's the product of being in college for four years in law school for three years and studying for the bar exam and then becoming an attorney. So, there was quite a process for me, but Jen, when I consulted her on this, she said she has the same problem where she's trying to do a recap of a book to a friend. She realizes, “Oh, I can't really explain this properly,” and then she has to go back in the book and reread key parts. Being able to teach someone really shows how much you've actually absorbed. So, I recommend having a friend and doing the summary and summarizing that book for the friend. I don’t know if it's a game we play, but Jen used to and still does fall asleep during movies and she'll, “Go, Jordan, I want one of your famous recaps.” What we found out purely by accident, purely from her asking me this all the time for it to tell her what she missed, it became Jordan's famous recaps because for some reason, even if I think I've only been half paying attention to the movie the next day or later that week, I can recall basically the entire story and a lot of little details and I can tell it in chronological order and people go, “Wow, I've never heard anybody recap a movie like that.” And I always surprise myself because I really didn't think those details were in there. It has to do with the way that my brain parses this. But for most people, I think one of the reasons, for example, that I do the show is because now I get to read, I get to an interview the author of the book, and then I get to sort of teach this stuff to you guys during that show, and then later on Feedback Friday or during your course. I also take notes, but I wouldn't probably bother taking notes if I wasn't prepping a show for you guys. So that's been a huge help. I kind of need a reason or motivation to do it. Teaching something to others, even just the key concepts is a great way to make sure you hammer this stuff home for yourself. Jason, I know you've got some thoughts on this.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:41:09] Yeah, if he's using the Audible player, there's a really handy notes feature. You can just tap it while you're listening in. It'll pop up a little thing in, it'll add a bookmark, which is what I generally do, and then I'll go back later re-listened to it and make notes. Or if you have the time you can stop and actually put in a note, type in a note or do a little voice note thing and just go back later in. What I like to do is journal them. I personally don't read non-fiction in Audible anymore because of the retention factor. It's hard for me to actually retain stuff from non-fiction books in an audio format. So, I just read fiction for the most part and I read non-fiction on Kindle because the notes feature there is amazing and you can export those to text. It's so cool. But when I was doing audiobooks in non-fiction, I would use that notes feature and saved my notes, go back later and then I would keep a folder in Apple Notes per book and then I would just transcribe it. I had listened to a little bit in the bits that I really wanted to remember to drive home. I would make a note for that section in the book and I'd put the little time stamp on when it started so I could go back and reference it later if I wanted to hear it in its original state and its original fidelity. But for me now audiobooks are mainly enjoyment. Like I just listened to them for fun. I listen to fiction books because I found that for me it is. This is a hard thing to do is to get stuff like this out of non-fiction books in audio. You've mastered that art for sure because you do it every day and I don't have to do that. That's your job. My job is on the other side of this show. I'm jealous that you can pull that stuff out and make it work. But I think definitely use that notes feature in Audible if you're listening to audiobooks on the Audible app if that's something that you really want to do because it just gives you the bookmarks. It's like, “Oh, that was cool.” Just hit the bookmark button. Then you can go back later, scrub back 30 seconds here where it started or a minute or however long it takes and then just journal it after that and that's going to solidify that in your brain about what you wanted to learn from that and just keep a notebook with it. I mean, you can either write it down or like I said use the Apple Notes app that I do.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:28] Perfect. Yeah, I like that idea. For me, it's been a process. I had to study law and I had to study for the bar exam. I mean I had to learn all of that plus I've been doing the show for like 10, 12 years, so I've read a lot of books, taken a lot of notes.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:41] I went to art school, so for me, it's a little different.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:43:45] Exactly. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:47] Hi Triple Jay. I'm dating a 16-year-old and I'm 18. I checked the laws for my state and it's legal, so no worries there. I really enjoy spending time with her, not just because she's attractive, but also because she's very cheerful and lighthearted, which I don't experience very often. I'm going to college and we'll be about 70 miles away from her in two months and her sister doesn't like me even though I've been nothing but nice to her and I'm pretty sure she tried to sabotage the relationship. I still want to be with her because my day feels that much lighter. But I'm worried about the logistics of a long-distance relationship and getting undermined by a vindictive sister. Overall, this is a very confusing situation and I think I'm thinking more with my nether regions than my brain right now. And my parents have had almost comically disastrous lives, so they are no help at all, nor are my friends who mostly have never been in relationships. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Signed, Hopeful Romantic.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:44:41] So this is going to sound a little callous. Just take it in context here. I do hope your relationship lasts and you're happy and all this other stuff, but look, you're probably going to break up when you get to college. It's not the end of the world. It happens to almost every single relationship when you go to college and someone else's staying home is almost certainly going to happen. You might not. But at the end of the day, look, it doesn't matter. There's nothing you can do about this sister. It's her sister. She's never going to take your word over hers, almost never. Unless she gets married or something and you're her sister's just a total mess. But the sister might tell her, “Oh, he's off with other women. Now, look at his social media. Look at you should be worried about this. All you can do is keep in close touch, have her visit often. She gets a really good peek into your world and doesn't think you're sneaking around but even this might not work. And to be honest, man, I know that you really love her and you really concerned and you're really worried about this, but I would not worry too much. You're really young. Your world is about to pop off and blow up big time. I think you should enjoy college and let whatever happen happens. I think you should be very straight forward with your girlfriend back home. But I think you should let whatever happens happen, man. I don't think you should stress over this and try to marry your high school sweetheart. In fact, if you guys both go off and have great relationships for four years at different colleges and then you get back together again later, great. You need to grow as a person. You need to let college happen with you. You can't live your life at home and your life in college. It's just going to drive you crazy. You're going to miss out on a lot. You're going to end up resenting her because of this and it's not going to be her fault. So that's my opinion on the matter. Jason, I know you've got some thoughts on the sister thing.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:46:19] Yeah, I'm pretty much lockstep with you on this and I think I mean you don't want to ruin her last years of high school and you want to enjoy your first years of college. You know, these are intersecting worlds here. So, I definitely think that it's time to just move on. Personally, I would be totally okay with that. Be upfront with it and just make it a clean break honestly. I think that is the best way to do it because you know you're going to come, your world is going to explode, and your mind is going to be blown for all the stuff that you're going to see in college. And she can't come along for that ride because you're going to be at warp speed and she stuck on impulse power, from my little Star Trek reference there, and she can't keep up. And I think that's going to actually build friction in the relationship, for sure, for sure. And you're so young, so just go have fun. But I do have a little bit of advice about the toxic sister.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:16] Okay.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:47:18] I've been in the toxic-sister situation before. Have you Jordan?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:22] No, I'm usually pretty good with family and siblings.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:47:26] Yeah, I've been in the toxic-sister situation a couple of times. And here's the way I found that it works. If your girlfriend is really into you, she's going to ignore the sister. But at the turning point, when she starts to listen to the sister, that's when the relationship, you just call it off. It's done because that means she's lost faith in you as part of the relationship and she's listening to other people's opinions. So, at that point, it's time to cut the cord. But until then you have a window of opportunity to bring the sister around or the brother --the brothers of the hardest ones-- Trust me, they are the hardest ones. Sisters are usually okay. You can be really cool with the sister and bring her around to your side eventually, but the brothers are really tough. But once she starts listening to the family members about imaginary things that you're off doing, then just cut the cord for sure. And this is, this is evergreen advice. It'll serve you for the rest of your life because you're eventually going to probably run into it. Like I said, it's happened to me a couple times. and I knew the relationship was over when she started throwing things back at me that the sister said that weren't even true. Once you get to that point, it's like, “Okay, I know what's going on here. You're just not that into me anymore. Let's move on.”
Jordan Harbinger: [00:48:47] Right. Looking for an excuse. Yeah.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:48:49] Exactly. They can use that as a crutch to move on. And I'm just like, “Okay, I understand what the scenario is here and that's cool. That's cool. You're just not that into me anymore. Okay, move on.”
Jordan Harbinger: [00:49:00] Speaking of moving on, last but not least.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:49:04] Hi Jordan and Jen. Congratulations on baby Jayden. I hope Jen has recovered from the birth and both of you are adjusting well to parenthood. I was married in May and my wife and I would like to start a family as soon as possible. We recently learned that my wife has a large uterine fibroid that will make this a challenge. She has a follow-up procedure in September to determine where the fibroid is located and what surgery is required to remove it. Some surgeries might eliminate her ability to get pregnant, which would be devastating news. My wife's a nanny. Her primary identity is being a caretaker. She mostly wants to be a mother and have a family. Part of what makes this difficult is the uncertainty. We don't know much. Only that they get pregnant, my wife will need some form of surgery. She's already petrified at the thought of going under the knife, even for minor outpatient procedures. Adding to this is the time pressure. We're already on the old end of having children. My wife is 37 and I'm 41 I'd like my wife to talk with someone, a therapist, family or friends to help her process the rush of emotions and prepare for when we receive more definitive news, but she wants to keep our situation private. She fears she'll be judged or pitied for not discovering this sooner. Besides myself, she's only shared the details with her younger brother. My brother-in-law has a caring person, but neither he nor I are equipped either physically or mentally to deal with women's health issues. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how to get her to open up to someone qualified to help her. I've already identified a therapist who specializes in fertility issues, but my wife is particularly averse to therapy. She had a really bad experience with a therapist after being bullied as a child. I'd also like your thoughts on how I can support her and get her ready for whatever we will learn in September. I'm doing my best to comfort her, but I'm not confident either of us, we’ll be emotionally ready if we receive bad news and her worst fears are realized. She's already very emotional and has cried herself to sleep multiple times in the last week. Thank you for any insights you can share.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:51:02] Oh man, this is a tough situation. I really do feel for you. I now understand the joys of having children and all that, so I really do feel for you and therapy is your start here. This is probably your start and your answer. You do need to get in therapy, both of you. I would say go with her all the time. So, if she's worried about something or she had a bad experience with a therapist or something like that, go with her. That’s fine. It's not just her issue. It's going to be both your issues, especially with the children and if you use something like BetterHelp, which is a sponsor of the show, be on the calls with her. There are no worries about bullying there. Maybe she can get her eggs frozen. Maybe there can be a surrogate mom but made out of her eggs and your sperm. You guys can adopt. There are tons of options here. By the way, betterhelp.com/jordan if you want to get the first-month discount thing there. She needs to know that she's not defective or something because of this. Plan ahead. Talk to a fertility doctor, not just a GP and not just the person doing the surgery. A fertility doctor will have options that these other guys might not even be considering. Make it a priority to discuss these options as well and start planning for this. You've got to plan ahead. Don't after the surgery and go, “What should we do? Oh, well, if you hadn't had the surgery, we could have done all this stuff. Now you're as well.” Plan ahead of time, so start now. This is hard, but it's definitely not the end of the world and this is not something you can't get through together. You can certainly raise children and you'll be great parents. This is just a stumbling block, but you're going to be just fine. Just get your options early so that you don't run the clock down and then have fewer options and then add stress to your life because of that.
[00:52:44] By the way, a few people have written in and you all really love our sponsors. Some people have had a little nitpicky issue here and there. If you have any issues with any of our sponsors ever, do let me know. I can sometimes get a button or two kicked on your behalf if you have a problem. Some people mentioned they were having a little problem with a sponsor; we don't even have anymore and I was able to resolve it with a couple of emails. I also want to know about your experiences with our sponsors, both good and bad, so please do let me know. You can reply to any newsletter email that I send. You can reply to any Six-Minute Networking email that I send you. You can also reach out to me directly. I really value your trust and I want to make damn sure that everything you experienced from the show is of the highest caliber. So, if you've got something that really didn't work out for you, let me know, I don't want to keep sponsors around that are jerking you guys around and if somebody is really going over, above and beyond, I want to know that too so that I can do an extra, extra good job for that sponsor as well.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:39] Life Pro Tip of the Week. Jason, you got something this time?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:53:42] Yeah, buy daily necessities in bulk when they're on sale. I mean there are things that we all use on a daily basis that we usually just get one-offs for like a when we need them like deodorant and toothpaste. One way to save a boatload of cash is to look for great sales and deals when you find them and then just buy a year's supply. I live by this and let's say your toothpaste is on sale. It's $6 a tube and you use two tubes a month. I'm just using this as an example you might use four or whatever. That's $144, right? So, if you see a sale for $4 a tube that works out to $96 a year, and if you buy a year supply, you just saved $48. It works great on things that you have to buy over and over and over again. It's like you need this every day. It really works. And don't believe the prices at warehouse stores like Sam's Club and if you compare unit costs, which are those little numbers at the bottom of the price tags when you see him at the store, you know what I'm talking about, Jordan?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:54:44] Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, “Oh this Amazon has them to where it's like 17 cents each and you're like, wait a minute, this bigger bag is 12 cents each or this bigger bag is actually 21 cents each. How is that possible?” Because otherwise you're stuck trying to divide weight and like unit. You got to look at the unit cost and you'll see that sometimes you'll buy this huge thing and just because of where it's shipped or how much the supplier got it from, it actually ends up costing more. You just don't know.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:12] Yeah. And, and here's a real tip one that I've found that is saved me a boatload of money. Paper towels. When you go to the store and you're buying paper towels, look at the unit cost on paper towels. It's incredible. You can, the difference in price on paper towels is astronomical. You can be going and getting the store brand that is like, you know, supposedly the cheap brand and it is four times as much as getting a name brand for actual like square yardage for paper towels.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:55:46] That's crazy.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:55:47] And so look at those unit prices. Those unit prices are key. But I have saved so much money by just buying things in bulk when they go on sale because you know you're going to need them. I've got a drawer full of deodorant, I've got a drawer full of toothpaste and mouthwash and all that stuff. And I know it's always there, but I saved hundreds of dollars over the course of the year, just buying things when I know they're on sale or if they're having some kind of deal like, buy two, get one free and then you just do the math on that real quick and you're just going to save so much money.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:20] It reminds me of Captain Mike Abrashoff when he was talking about how he would go out and get civilian brands for his ship.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:28] Yeah, yeah. That was, that was great. Yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:30] Yeah. And I was like, wait a minute, how are civilian brands that taste better, cheaper? And he's like because if you make something for a submarine and it has to fit in a certain submarine cabinet and that cabinet has to hold X number of boxes, they just charge a dollar more for a box the box because they know they have $1 billion serial contracts. It's like, what. So yeah, then you just go and get fruit loops or whatever, whichever one wanted anyway. And yeah, it's a little bit more like, “Oh, some of these fit in the counter and we got to throw some under this sink.” It's like, “Oh well whatever. Now everyone's eating better and it's cheaper.” It's crazy to me.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:57:05] Yeah. And just be a smart consumer and check those unit prices, those things are key. They're key. They're there for a reason. They're for your protection. So, you can see how much that slice of cheese is going to cost.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:17] Recommendation of the Week. This is yours too, Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:57:19] Yeah. I watched an amazing documentary this week called Losing Sight of Shore. It's from 2017. It's a little older, but it was on Netflix and you know me, I love like long distance and those kinds of stories where people like put themselves in a situation where they have to like grind it out for long periods of time. I've always wanted to walk across the United States. So that's like, that's a thing with me. This is a couple of women. I think there were four of them, British women, who decided to row across the Pacific Ocean in a rowboat with no support boats.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:00] Jeez, no thanks.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:01] It’s incredible, it's incredible. Some of these women have never even been rowboat before.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:08] Stop. What?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:09] I'm serious.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:10] Why would you do some herself?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:12] Some of these women were professional rowers and some just wanted the challenge and it's an amazing story. They did stop off at a couple of ports to like top off, get some more supplies and things like that. But I mean they rowed across the Pacific Ocean on this little one-ton boat and they did two hours on, two hours off, two hours on, two hours off for months. I think it took them six months to get across the ocean. It's an incredible story and I highly recommend it. They're badasses, they're badasses.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:46] I would never do that ever.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:58:50] Well, you're terrified of the ocean, so of course you wouldn’t.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:58:53] I mean, yeah, in the ocean. The boat thing doesn't scare me as much as just wanting to kill everybody who's on this boat with me. I also like, aren't they getting a lot of sun and wind and I don’t know, there's just, I don’t know, I can't even, and I'm definitely going to watch this and that's as close as I'm going to get to rowing across the ocean.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:59:10] Oh yeah. You've got to watch it. It is, it is really, really good. It was just one of those gems that Netflix just bubbled up for some reason and I saw it. I'm like, “Eh, I got it. I've got an hour and a half. Let's watch it. And it turned to be a gem of a find.”
Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:23] We'll link to Losing Sight of Shore. It is on Netflix, so you can just search for it there and we'll link to it in the show notes. I hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com. Remember to let me know if you're interested in the prison birthday by emailing email@example.com.
[00:59:43] Quick shout out to Becky, Robin, and all the women's college volleyball players who listened to the show. Apparently, some of our episodes are big among college volleyball players, which is great. I'm fine with that.
[00:59:52] Go back and check out Steven Hassan, parts one and two, that special we did on cults this week. If you haven't checked that out yet, it's so interesting and if you want to know how he managed to book all these great people, manage loads or relationships using systems and tiny habits that take a few minutes a day. Check out Six-Minute Networking. It's free. It's at jordanharbinger.com/course. It replaces any other course that you might be in for me, and of course, you cannot make up for lost time when it comes to relationships and networking. Procrastination leads to stagnation when it comes to this, and I see this mistake a lot. Once you need relationships, you're too late. The drills take a couple of minutes a day. Ignore it at your own peril. I wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago. jordanharbinger.com/course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at @JordanHarbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show and videos of our interviews are at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [01:00:44] I'm over on Twitter at @jpdef. You can find me on Instagram at @JPD and you can also check out my tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks wherever fine podcasts are sold.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:00:54] The show is produced in association with PodcastOne and this episode was co-produced by Jen Harbinger, show notes for this episode are by Robert Fogarty, music by Evan Viola. Keep sending in those questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Our advice and opinions and those of our guests are their own. And yes, I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer. So do your own research before you implement anything you hear on the show. And remember, we rise by lifting others, so share the show with those you love and even those you don't. Lots more in the pipe. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
Jason DeFillippo: [01:01:31] Want a podcast, got a podcast, then check out LaunchPadDM, powered by PodcastOne. LaunchPadDM is a totally free platform and service for anyone who wants to podcast, offering unlimited hosting and access to a dashboard with all of your show’s analytics. You own and control everything, including, of course, your subscribers and it's a great discovery tool to help people find your podcasts. And you may even get invited to join the official PodcastOne roster with us here at The Jordan Harbinger Show with even more perks like access to producers, marketers, sales teams, and more. Sign up today at launchpaddm.com
Jordan Harbinger: [01:02:10] I love how they thought it was a selling point that you might have to work with us. You might have to put up with us, but there are other good things about LaunchPadDM that had nothing to do with us and you should probably focus on those, launchpaddm.com.
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