So your abusive ex has basically invaded your home and claimed squatter’s rights when the police showed up to escort them away. What can you do to get them out — and keep them out — of your life forever? Listen to this Feedback Friday to hear our take on the matter!
And in case you didn’t already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Should you be searching for a new job when you’re in extended treatment for a serious medical issue? Is it fair to your current or potential future employer?
- After time off from your relationship to finish grad school, you’re back with your significant other. But how can you get over the retroactive jealousy you feel?
- When you’re the parent of a junior high schooler, how can you create opportunities for your kid to build social skills with adults?
- When your mentally ill mother gave your estranged sister her house — from which she was then kicked out — do you have a legal claim to at least part of that house?
- How do you retain clients — without bashing your old employer — when it’s time to move on to a job that will be a better fit in your small, gossipy industry?
- Do you take on a higher paying, riskier job with a long commute to boost your debt repayments, or stay where you are where the growth is slow but more secure?
- You fired one contractor for shoddy remodeling work and had to hire others to fix it. What are your legal obligations regarding unfinished payment and equipment left behind?
- What can you do to keep an intrusive, abusive ex out of your life forever — especially when they move into your house and claim squatter’s rights when you try to kick them out?
- Life Pro Tip: If you’re a student planning your career, look up postings for your entry-level dream job, find the skills and qualifications you’ll need, then work backwards from there.
- Recommendation of the Week: I Am Mother
- Quick shoutouts to Corbin Payne, Esq. for helping with some of the legal stuff here, and Manny Dhillon!
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at email@example.com!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!
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Hosted by Brooke Gittings and Bill Kurtis, Cold Case Files explores some of the most difficult-to-solve murders, which stymied investigators and went cold, sometimes for decades. Check it out here on PodcastOne!
Resources from This Episode:
- Mike Abrashoff | It’s Your Ship — Here’s How to Shape It, TJHS 231
- Daniel Goleman | A Logical Look at Emotional Intelligence, TJHS 232
- What Happened When I Was Featured in The New York Times by Jordan Harbinger
- Jayden Harbinger’s Baby Registry (Only because people asked!)
- How to Deal with Retroactive Jealousy | Feedback Friday, TJHS 200
- NYC Relationship Expert Susan Winter
- Dating & Image Expert Kimberly Seltzer
- Boy Scouts of America
- Girl Scouts of USA
- Six-Minute Networking
- The People’s Court
- How Do Squatter’s Rights Work? Mental Floss
- Record Audio Calls on iPhone and Android, TapeACall Blog
- Recording Phone Calls and Conversations 50 State Survey, Justia
- I Am Mother
- Corbin Payne at Twitter
Transcript for How to Keep an Abusive Ex out of Your Life | Feedback Friday (Episode 233)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:00:03] Welcome to Feedback. Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger and I'm here with producer Jason DeFillippo. Here on The Jordan Harbinger Show, we love having conversations with our fascinating guests and on the show, we decode the stories, the secrets, and skills of the world's most brilliant and interesting people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you.
[00:00:23] This week we had Mike Abrashoff with some no-BS leadership and management military style. He turned around one of the worst-performing ships in the entire Navy and made it one of the top-performing ships in the entire Navy. That's no easy feat. It's not your ordinary sort of corporate motivational BS leadership interview. We also spoke with Daniel Goleman who literally wrote the book on social and emotional intelligence. He's the author of one of the seminal works in the space and it was an honor to sit down with him. He and his work are just incredible.
[00:00:56] I also write every so often on the blog and the latest post is about what happened when The Jordan Harbinger Show, myself and my cat Momo were featured in the New York times, mostly Momo to be candid. There are some insights there about how people reacted and I hope you dig that sort of impromptu piece that we did. I've learned a lot of things about appearing in media and how people reacted to that. It was unusual wasn't expecting that. That, of course, is at jordanharbinger.com/articles and that article will be linked there as well if you haven't seen the New York Times piece. So, make sure you've had a look and a listen to everything we created for you this week.
[00:01:32] Of course, our primary mission is to pass along their, the guests, and our experiences and insights along to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you and that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. We do that every Friday, of course. You can reach us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
[00:01:50] In other news, the baby is here. His name is Jayden and thanks to the several hundred of you who replied to the email that I sent out to our list asking for your feedback and your suggestions. It was a crazy experience. He was delivered at home, which is crazy for a lot of people, but of course, we didn't just randomly deliver him at home. There was a plan and it was just nuts. Unbelievable seeing a baby come out of my wife. Not something that I'd seen ever before. I guess I'd never seen childbirth for real. I've only seen it sort of dramatized in movies. It is very different as everyone who has kids knows, everyone who was in the room.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:02:36] What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:02:38] That is for sure true. But it's amazing, man. I'll tell you, even changing diapers is kind of fun and he wakes up at 3:00 a.m. and cries and I'm like, “Oh, it's okay.” You know, I thought I would be much more annoyed and that might still come. It might be like the babymoon phase, like the honeymoon phase, where I'm like, “Oh, it's great,” and then six months I'm like, ”Okay, somebody kill me. I don't know. I don't know how that's going to go. I'm playing it one day at a time right now. I love it. I hear him cry and if I'm not recording something, I just run in there and I'm like, “What's going on?” And of course, my wife has already there. She's basically housebound for a month, which is what I'm doing too, for the most part. A lot of people have asked, there is a registry, no pressure. I was very much on the fence because I feel a little douchey, especially since a lot of the least expensive stuff has already been purchased and some people ask, so we're sharing the link, but please know that your well-wishes and love are more than enough for us. You guys have been so awesome about that by the way. A lot of people responded to my newsletters the past few weeks when I asked about baby names and everything. And if you're not on the newsletter, I keep it short and keep it tight. I keep it infrequent. It's always about the show. It's not about random stuff in my life by the way. And you can sign up for that at jordanharbinger.com and if you're in the Six-Minute Networking course, you should be getting it all ready. And the registry is linked in the show notes. It’s at jordanharbinger.com/baby and again, no pressure, just your kind words have been more than enough for us so far.
[00:04:04] As always, we've got some fun questions and some doozies and I'm excited to dive into Feedback Friday. It's great to be back in the mix. Like this baby is not even a week old and people go, “Why aren't you taking time off?” And I'll tell you, I am kind of, but I miss doing the show, so I like doing it. It also keeps me sane, I think right now. That's kind of important for me. So to those of you who are like, “Wait a minute, why are you recording a show when you just had a kid?” That's why. I think there's something to be said for getting back into a routine. It would be different if I had to go to a bank and hate it or hated my job, but that's not the case here. I feel like not talking to Jason, not talking to you is kind of like not calling my parents. You just feel that little twang like I better, I should do that. So Jason, what's the first thing we got out of the mailbag here?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:04:53] Hi guys. I'm currently dealing with a brain tumor, a grade 2 meningioma, which was partially removed from surgery a few years ago. This type of tumor is slow-growing, but the main part that was giving me trouble is now gone. I'm now in a monitoring stage to determine if and when further treatment is necessary that would require six weeks of daily treatment at 15 minutes a day. My doctor says that I can go back to work and function normally. However, there are potential side effects like fatigue. He wants me to wait as long as possible before initiating treatment, not only to limit the obvious side effects but to also limit exposure to radiation. In general, I'm employed with great benefits with a company that seen me through the initial surgery phase. However, I want to change jobs for the usual reasons, like more pay responsibility, et cetera. Plus, I feel that I'm stagnating with limited upward mobility. Furthermore, my manager is nearing retirement and I don't expect that I'll be identified as the successor. Needless to say, this has really clouded my outlook on the future here, so I'm actively seeking a new job. However, I feel some guilt and fear that my next employer won't take it too kindly if after a few months, possibly even years, I need to get further treatment for my tumor. I live and work in Canada, so medical expenses would not be an issue. For example, getting denied coverage for a preexisting condition, but am I doing a disservice to the new employer? Also, could this lead to a potential dismissal because I can't perform up to the standards because of my tumor and its treatment? Should I stick it out with my current employer so that my medical situation is resolved even if I'm miserable and falling behind or should I ignore this eventuality and make hay with a new job, build up credibility and capital with the firm so that I can take a few months to slow down and deal with the treatment? Signed, Concerned Canadian.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:32] I would say definitely the latter here, so there's no sense being miserable now and then you have treatment and then you leave. I think you're putting your career behind for months, possibly even years, depending on how long the treatment takes and since medical expenses aren't a factor, you don't have to worry about coverage. That's a huge relief because that was one of my first thoughts, Jason, was “Oh my gosh, this guy better be really careful.”
Jason DeFillippo: [00:06:56] Yeah. You don't want to lose your insurance. Oh, Canadian, no problem.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:06:59] Right, Not a problem. Yeah. Human rights and stuff. Your new employer is hiring you because you can get the job done now. Sure you might have some fatigue later. It doesn't mean that you can't do your job or that you won't catch up. Right now, you're not even sure when you're going to get treatment or if it'll even affect you or how. Your current employer was kind for helping you get through this phase. That does not mean that you owe them your career. I just want to highlight this because it would be different if they helped you and then you left them in the lurch and they're like, “Hey, we gave you eight months paid time off,” and then you quit at eight days, eight months in one day. Like that's kind of crappy. But right now you're saying you're not moving up. You're not being challenged. You're not being promoted to your manager's role. So you're not leaving them when they need you most. Through these actions, they are telling you that they don't need you in those higher positions even though you feel that you're qualified.
[00:07:54] You should consult an attorney in Canada for this next bit. But here in the USA, and again, I'm a lawyer but I'm not your lawyer, so anyone listening to this should consult their own attorney, employment attorney, preferably in their state in these cases. Your next employer probably, I'll put a little underline on that, cannot ask about upcoming medical stuff, not ignore current medical issues anyway. They can't say, “Hey, so you had that surgery, you got any weird treatment coming up, you might need to take time off for.” I don't think that's a thing that they're even allowed to ask and they also likely cannot terminate you because you need treatment for this. So, I certainly wouldn't go in worrying, “Oh, I'm going to get fired because I'm tired at work because I'm having chemo.” If they fire you for that, you dodged a bullet because they're horrible people if they do that. That's really, really bad. You don't have to go in there and say, “Hey, by the way, I'm going to be tired for months and months and I have no idea what this is going to look like.” Like you don't have to do that. You're not leaving them in the lurch. You're already qualified. I do understand this. If you're concerned about ethics, get the job, crush it, go above and beyond the call of duty. Then when you need treatment, get the treatment and communicate with your employer, so they can work around your needs. You might even be able to work from home. You don't even know. Then when you come back to work, come back with a freaking vengeance, so they can reaffirm that you are the right guy for the job and were the right guy all along, and this should absolve you of any guilt that you might have. I get it. You're feeling bad because you know that you'll have to downshift a bit in your workload in the foreseeable future. The fact that you're even worried about this in the first place, to me, shows that you're an employee any company would be lucky to have. Most people don't go into it like, “How's this going to affect the company?” They don't even care, right? They just think that it's a company and they'll deal with it. Besides, you don't owe your employer your life. You don't owe your employer your health. You've got to take care of yourself and you shouldn't have to sacrifice your career mobility to do it. So, best of luck out there and keep us posted on what you decide. I am very curious how this all works out for you and get well soon. All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:09:57] Hey guys, my girlfriend and I agreed to split while we both went to grad school and data around to see if we still wanted to be together after we finished. I did my best to put myself out there and mostly casually dated and slept around. It was a great experience and I never found the right one, but while I was doing that, my girlfriend had at least one serious relationship and she was still talking to the guy as of a few months ago. She told me he's not a threat, but I know he had a tendency to send her dirty messages up until she told him to cut it out recently. What's worse is that we're both moving together to a new city, but she's going a few months ahead of me since her job starts before mine. The problem is this guy also lives in that city. I'm actually less worried about something happening in my absence. We have a dog. We lived together and she's never cheated, but I find myself getting hateful and jealous anyway. I can't stop fixating. I know this is called retrospective or retroactive jealousy. I'll have to deal with this at some point or our relationship is doomed to fail and I don't want that. I'm 30 and love where our life and partnership is going. How do I work on these feelings with a partner? Do you and Jen never get jealous? Would love your help and advice? Sincerely, Privately Paranoid.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:11:03] I can tell you from personal experience, this subsides overtime. We did an episode of a long time. Was it episode 200 that we did on and touched on some retroactive jealousy. This goes away over time. I know it doesn't seem like it will. My experience when I first started dating Jen six years ago, I think even five, six years ago was when I stopped feeling this and started dating Jen around seven years ago now. I was like, “This is horrible. It's a terrible feeling. Every time I think about any of our past relationships, I feel horrible. I don't want to see any pictures of her with other guys on Facebook.” All this stuff, right? I called my friend Susan winter. I called my friend Kim Seltzer. These are women who are relationship coaches and they told me, “Hey look, this is super normal.” Everybody goes through this completely makes sense. It subsides over time. I didn't even remember feeling this way before. Of course, I felt this way in other relationships. I just don't remember it. Right. I didn't remember it. This is actually a good thing. It shows you still really care about her, communicate about it with her, and not in a way that seeks reassurance. Don't go, “Oh, I need reassurance and placating every time I feel insecure.” Communicate with her in a way that lets her know you've still got the hots for her. That's fine.
[00:12:17] I don't get jealous now with Jen because we lived together, we worked together. Cheating would literally be impossible. We have a baby now that changes the relationship. What you're feeling is normal. It only breeds trouble when it becomes insecurity and you need to be placated constantly or if you become passive-aggressive. Like let's say --and this is some bullshit I used to run to-- like you see a photo of them on Facebook with somebody else, it's like five years old and you're feeling kind of insecure about it, so you act pissed off. Then you go out with them and then she's like, “What's your problem?” And then you're like, “Nothing.” And it's this photo that she took five years ago and then you find out like…Think about this, are you mad for a good reason? Would you still be mad if you found out that photo was her cousin? If you start to go through that dialogue with yourself and you're like, “Oh no.” You realize it's just jealousy. And also remember you, your girlfriend or your wife, whatever, is not some whore because she had a relationship before you any more than you're some dirt ass because you had a relationship before her. You have to be pretty careful about that because it really is easy to start going down that road, and it's your biology trying to sort of protect and make sure that your genetics are propagated, but it's really, really going to be a disservice to you if you indulge with this. It's going to let you ruin your mindset. It's going to piss her off. It's going to piss you off. It's going to ruin your time together. Don't indulge. Don't take the bait. It's your psychology trying to trick you. It'll pass. It will pass. Trust me on that. Six months from now you're going to be like, “Oh, I'm fine.”
[00:13:50] The other thing you might want to look at is if it's been a while and you're still feeling this way. See if there's something else that's making you feel insecure. And then this is kind of the boogeyman that you're aiming at because a lot of times we'll feel jealous. Maybe you lose your job and your girlfriend makes more money than you, so you feel a little emasculated and now you're like, “Oh, she's going to meet some guy at work,” and then you see a photo of her with coworkers and you're like, “Who's that guy sitting next to you? He's got his arm on the back of your chair. Who is that guy?” You know that's you feeding your insecurity and then making it feel like you're jealous when really that guy has nothing to do with it, even she doesn't have anything to do with it. It's about you. You've got to observe your own mindset, your own circumstances. Find out where you are in your life right now because that's probably playing the largest role in this. Trust me on this. I've done all of these things wrong. That's why I know this topic so well and it will pass. I promise you that.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:14:44] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:14:47] This episode is sponsored in part by HostGator
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[00:17:42] Thanks for listening and supporting the show to learn more and get links to all the great discounts from our amazing sponsors and to help keep this show going, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:10] All right, next.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:18:11] Hello, Triple J. Congrats on the new baby. How can parents create opportunities for their kids to build their social skills with communication with adults? I'd like for my son to learn some of the concepts you teach before he hits junior high school. His only sibling is six years younger and we live in the country with very few neighbors. While he's known as a nice kid and adults enjoy him because he's respectful, he's lacking in some areas. Any tips? Thanks. Immaturity Be Gone.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:18:37] I'm a recent parent as you know, and I've never done this before, but my gut says sleepaway camp, Boy Scouts, stuff like that. That's the solution I'm thinking of. If you're able to travel and go with them, then cool. Travel sports teams are probably pretty good too. Junior high though, that is rough for everyone and he'll learn some skills there and I know you want to smooth the path out for him cause you think he's lagging behind. He's going to get his butt handed to him in junior high. I get that. I admire this. I wouldn't stress about it too much. He does need time with peers as much as possible. Can he go away for a few weeks or even a month during summer or something like that to get a lot of social experience all at one time? There's no magic bullet that would do this automatically. There's no kind of easy cure, but I think a month, a couple of weeks away would do a lot. Kids are good at catching up. I mean they learn fast, especially social skills, especially if the camp has older and younger kids in it where he can learn to get along with different age groups and get some leadership skills under his belt. That kind of thing is going to go a long way. If he's lagging behind a little, I wouldn't worry too much, but yeah, he's going to be able to reinvent himself in junior high, so you want him starting off confident, feeling like he knows what he's doing. Coming off on sleepaway camp will give him that. If he comes in kind of timid and shy and introverted, he's going to have a little bit of a hard time. Trust me. I know that also from firsthand personal experience. It would be much easier if he comes in knowing how to talk to older kids, how to deal with younger kids, and realize that he gets a chance to reinvent himself and he's already had some practice with that over the summer, but let us know how that goes. I'm very interested in this of course. Because now I'm thinking, well, how do I teach my own kids social skills in this way? It's, there's definitely no easy way to do it. My example, growing up certainly wasn't the right way. Okay, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:20:24] Hi, Jordan and team. I learned that title insurance on a house keeps anyone else like a long lost brother or sister in this case from just showing up and saying they're entitled to their share. The thing is it's got me thinking. As the long lost sister, could I or should I pursue this and show up and maybe play this card at my mom's house. My mom, who has divided the whole family and has an undiagnosed disorder, put the house title all in my estranged sister's name. My sister later proceeded to have mom kicked out of the house for whatever reason. I'd stopped contact with my mom a few years before all this and moved forward with my life. How do I find out if I can get in on this if my sister sells the house or should I just leave it alone and enjoy my peaceful life? My sister won't return any of my calls, even though there's no bad blood between us. Your input would be much appreciated. To Pursue or Not To Pursue.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:21:16] Okay. This is a legal question. So again disclaimer, I'm a lawyer, I'm not your lawyer. Consult a lawyer in your state that specializes in this, et cetera. Trust me, you're going to want to do that anyway. First things first, while the mom is alive, your mom, if she is still alive, basically the only one, she is the only one who can bring any action against your sister. You didn’t tell us whether she's still around after your sister kicked her out. So, I'm going to assume she's not still alive, but if she is, you have your answer already. You have no standing. It's all up to her. Yes, you can try to go after this if she has the best way, you can try to go after this but you're going to likely have to prove that there was some undue influence on your mother that caused her to give the house to your sister and then you will almost certainly end up in court quite a few times if not an open litigation on this issue. Lawsuits, firsthand experience, stressful, expensive--Take it from me. I'm doing it right now with the old company. Stressful and expensive, even if you win, you lose. How bad do you want the house? I mean you're not going to get the house. You might get some cash from the title insurance company, but likely not that either. There might be something actionable here after your mother passes away trying to claim that the house is part of the estate and I think you're probably kind of screwed on the title side of things. However, in some states, you can make an argument that the house was a living bequest that might not be the right term. You should double-check on that, but you could argue in court that the value of the house should get deducted from your sister's share of the estate. So, if each kid is supposed to get 100 grand from the estate, then you could argue that the house, okay, that was worth 90 K your sister only gets 10 K out of the estate.
[00:22:59] I don't know if your mom had an estate big enough for that to be a concern that that's all details as far as it goes. As far as the title goes, that stuff is super hard to beat. Those insurance companies, they do a little bit of investigating on that stuff because they're insuring it, right? That's their business. The only way I know how to beat that stuff is through a lawsuit. Again, at your own expense. So in closing here, if you're looking for a quick pay date, this ain't it. I'd relish your piece and go on with your life. You already won. You're able to move forward. You're happy. You're not a crazy person. And anyone who kicks their own mother out of their house, I don't have her house is probably not living a life any of us would envy. I don't know your particular situation, but even if I hated my parents, I probably wouldn't trick them into leaving me their house and then kicking them out. That's kind of a predatory thing to do. Happy people don't do that stuff. And if you want to be in court with that person, that's one thing but remember that means contact and you're fighting them. I would use this as a good reason to just cut, cut and run. You've already done that. You've already built a life for yourself. I would say this reinforces your decision to have done just what you did, which is kind of no contact everybody and bounce and go on with your life. You've already won. That's the end of the game. The end game is happiness. You're optimizing for that. You're not trying to get…Unless your mom was a multi, multi-millionaire and we're talking about a really nice house, it's not worth it. Even then, I don't think it's worth it, especially if you're happy now. You don't want to rock that boat. Lawsuits are a nightmare. They really can be. Even a smooth lawsuit is stressful and expensive. I won't beat that dead horse, but man, if you're right now enjoying what you're doing, I would say stop trying to get that money and just move on. All right. What else we got?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:24:46] Hey, Jay's. I'm super excited to announce that I will be switching locations. My current place of business has been undergoing some shady act including opening a second extremely large location when the first is less than thriving, treating their employees and clients is less than a priority. To top it off, both of the owners are going on maternity leave at the same time as the new location opens, leaving us without a manager or boss of any sort until they return. Because of this, I don't feel safe and secure in my job. I've decided to switch locations to a new place in the same field, run by two friends that I respect and admire in the industry. They're going the opposite route, growing low and slow as the business thrives. This move will also allow me to expand my certifications and endorse products that are better for the environment. I'm so excited for this move within this industry. Switching locations is a very risky move. I'm entirely commission-based. My clients have been brought in by me personally and expect to see me when they return. It's unlikely my old location will tell them where I've gone and they'll try and retain them within the business and planning to turn in my resignation letter at the end of the week and send out an email to my guests announcing my move and also posting on social media is, I know the large majority of my clientele will want to follow me. How do I phrase the announcement to my guests with excitement and enthusiasm without bashing the old location? This is a very small industry and word gets around. I would appreciate any words of advice. Signed, Moving On Gracefully.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:26:13] Moving on gracefully, this is good. Focus on the benefit to you having moved on and to the client or customer for joining the new company and the team. Something like, “I'm so excited to be joining ABC company. This is a fantastic experience for myself, my team, and my clients. There's lots of upside. There's a really great all-star team we're joining. I can't wait.” I would just not say anything about the old company at all in this case, because you're not dealing with them trying to damage your reputation. They're not taking anything from you. They didn't eat, jacked you in some weird way that requires you to remediate the situation. I would just move on gracefully like that. If anyone asks, you can have a phone call with them. If someone's like, “Hey, what happened? I'm thinking about doing business with them. What's the deal?” Have a phone call with them. Do not ask them to leave the old company and join the new one. You can tell them you'd love to work with them in the future or something equally kind of vague, but you cannot solicit, in many cases, you cannot solicit or your old employer might have a cause of action. And you should make sure of this. For example, I would advise you to check the terms of any employment agreement or other contracts that you sign. In fact, have a lawyer do that so that you're on the side of right. This stuff can be so state-specific on whether the former owners, the owners of your old company, can sue you for solicitation. It might be worth consulting an attorney just based on that. Some states make it pretty hard for owners to go after former employees, especially if you're a contractor or something like that. Other states are much more open to all of that.
[00:27:48] Since you know the majority of the clientele will want to follow you like you said, you should make sure that they know you're leaving. Don't take any customer lists. Don't take anything that might belong to your employer either. Don't download, print out, whatever. You know a list of everybody who you had an appointment with over the last six months that is, that is theft. What you can do is notify your current customer base that you're leaving and ask them to keep in touch. You can talk to them after you leave. You just cannot entice them to leave a current contract they've got with the current business and go with you unless your employment agreement allows for this. So, be careful here technically and again, depending on the state, you might be free to solicit former clients unless you have a non-solicit or non-compete agreement in place and that's some fine print you need to check. That said, I still stand by my advice in the prior is that they can still sue you for other things. They can say, “Oh, you're slandering us,” if you say, “Oh, I'm glad to be out of there.” That's like, you know, “They did all these things that are unethical.” You got to be careful. It's not slander if it's true, but it might not benefit you. Theft of trade secret. That's something the old company tried to get me on and it's like, “Cool, I'd love to see the evidence.” Of course, there's nothing, there's no evidence because I didn't do that. I was very careful with that and you should be too. There should be nothing where they say, “Well you took this process or this, this info. ”Customer list is the most common complaint. Stolen customer list, stolen customer list. That's the most common complaint.
[00:29:17] This is something I'm very glad I paid attention to when I left the old company. I didn't solicit anyone. I simply informed the relevant parties that I was leaving. The split then was grossly mishandled by the company that I left and freaked out all the advertisers for the old show. Many of the vendors, many of the team prompting a lot of people to jump ship and come with me. That was their mistake. I baited them into it maybe, but that was their mistake. You don't want to be on the wrong side of that. They tried to say, “Oh, you solicited these people.” There's no evidence because it didn't happen. And that's a really good way to get some sleep at night and rest easy is to know that you didn't screw up. It's a major reason that The Jordan Harbinger Show is so much more profitable than the old company because the relationships you've built with your clients will stick with you. They are loyal to you. Even if legally right now they might not actually belong to you. You've done the work to build those relationships and now your reward is that they'll carry you through the rest of your career. That's why a lot of salespeople when they leave companies, companies have to pay salespeople, because yeah, “Oh here's a non-compete. Ah, there's a non-solicit.” It doesn't matter. Clients like the people they deal with at companies. And that's why salespeople have to get paid what they do because if they leave companies know that come hell or high water, they're probably taking their best clients because they've got the relationships. And this is why networking and relationship management stuff is so crucial. That's the dig the well before you're thirsty. This is the best insurance policy that money can't buy. So, if you're not doing this, if you're not creating a lot of relationships, check out the Six Minute Networking course. It's free. That's the whole point, jordanharbinger.com/course is going to teach you how to do this. This is a, like I said, insurance that is not available anywhere. You have to make it and I highly recommend that you do. It saved my bacon
Jason DeFillippo: [00:31:10] We'll be right back with more Feedback Friday right after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:31:13] This episode is sponsored in part by FIGS. So, here's something I never thought I would care for at all. These are scrubs that are high quality and I never really thought about scrubs being bad quality but FIGS came along and they were like, “We want you to try the product.” I'm like, “Well, I'm not a doctor or in the healthcare field,” and they like, “Try the product anyway.” I thought. “Oh, who can't use another pair of pajamas, right?” Because we've all seen the nurse, the doctor, or the dentist or other awesome medical professional wearing like these bed sheets that are ill-fitting and cut and then dyed in the worst possible colors, and they're just not designed with innovative technical properties like most clothing is. And yet here, here it is in the ER. So, FIGS creates the highest quality medical apparel so that medical professionals look their best, feel their best, perform their best. It's antimicrobial. Probably I don't have to explain why you don't want germs and bacteria on your scrubs. They've also got yoga waistband. So, that's not like this crummy drawstring that's going to cut off all the circulation. They know you're wearing this for a long time, they know you're moving around in it and every time you shop at FIGS, they give scrubs to healthcare providers in need around the world. So they give a pair theoretically to somebody who needs it and can't afford it. So that's kind of nice. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:32:25] So whether you’re one of the awesome humans that work in healthcare or someone that wants to say thanks to these deserving folks, FIGS is going to make that easy by providing you with 15 percent off your first purchase by using the code Jordan. Get ready to love your scrubs head to wearfigs.com. That’s W-E-A-R-F-I-G-S wearfigs.com and enter our code Jordan at checkout.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:46] Oh, and by the way, these make great gifts for people in that field as well. So even if you're not in the field, think of somebody you know in the field. They're really nice. They've got zip pockets. I mean all the stuff you thought scrubs probably should have any way they finally do.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:32:58] This episode is also sponsored by Progressive.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:33:01] Saving money on your car insurance is easy with Progressive. It's an average savings of $699 a year for customers who switch and save. In fact, customers can qualify for an average of six discounts on their auto policy when they switch to Progressive. Discounts for just starting a quote online or owning multiple vehicles. Get your quote online at progressive.com and see how much you could be saving. Discounts not available in all states and situations.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:33:27] This episode is also sponsored in part by Better Help. You've heard me talk about Better Help before. I love these guys. I can't believe this didn't exist before. This is therapy and counseling for the 21st century. Anxiety, stress, relationships, sleeping, trauma, anger--you name it. They've got professional counselors and this is all safe. It's all private. It's all online. That's what I love about that. The convenience factor is just unmatched. No driving, no parking, no scheduling issues. Generally, it's all confidential. You can text, you can video chat, you can do the phone session. I mean it's just like, hello, how was this? Not a thing before and these are licensed, professional counselors. Not, not like life coaches. You know who you are. Sorry if you're offended by that, but these are licensed, professional counselors. That's the key. These are people that have real clinical experience in this area and it's affordable. Jason, we've got a deal for him.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:34:19] Yes, we do and it is a truly affordable option for our listeners. You can get 10 percent off your first month with discount code Jordan. Get started today. Just go to betterhelp.com/jordan and fill out the questionnaire and it's really short, it won't take very long and that'll help them assess your needs and get you matched with the counselor you'll love. That's betterhelp.com/jordan.
[00:34:39] Thanks for listening in supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air and to learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard so you can check out our amazing sponsors, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:34:57] Okay, what else?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:34:59] Hi, Triple J. A few years back, we closed our business at a great loss and I chose to get a job close to home while we press the reset button. By doing so, I've limited my income substantially though I've been really enjoying my work life and the people I work with. The company is great and is international, offering great opportunities, or at least I thought it would. A lot of changes have come about recently and I don't know if those opportunities will be there anymore and now I'm getting offers for roles that are twice what I earn though perhaps with less security as their contract roles. They're also two hours away, which would mean commuting or perhaps getting some cheap accommodation closer to the job during the week. This would help our immensely so I would be away a lot more and I really don't want to do that. Do I take on such a role in boost my debt repayments in the short term or do I stay where I am and continue the slow but steady path to a positive financial future and maybe get into a better position in the company? How should one make these decisions? Keep up the great show. Cheers, In a Dilemma.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:35:58] Well, only you can make this decision, of course. It sounds like one decision will keep you away from more, but it leads to more freedom from debt, which leads to flexibility. So I'll repeat that. The less debt you have, the more flexibility you have. And that's amazing. Flexibility, freedom is what I mean, right? If you've got debt, you can't necessarily buy a new home. You can't necessarily move, you can't necessarily undertake another project or take a riskier job or take another job. You can always go back to your old company probably. Plus you'll have leverage with them because they know you can get other offers because you actually did get another offer. So by taking a contract offer or two, in my opinion, you stand to get both of the things that you want. One, you get higher pay, which makes it worth the commute or staying away from home during the week or whatever you decide to do. And two, you get major leverage over the other company because unless they were trying to get rid of you already, the company closer to home is going to see if you decided to come back, they're going to say, “Oh, we better pay him what he's worth and apparently what he's worth is XYZ because he got two jobs at that rate.” So I don't see much of a downside other than that long-ass commute or having to get a place closer to the new office. Two-hour commute as a long way especially if that's one way that's pretty long. You might consider looking for cheap Airbnb or a youth hostel or something like that where you can get a good night sleep or a cheap hotel. That's what I would do anyway. Otherwise, yeah, I guess somebody catching up on The Jordan Harbinger Show and a few audiobooks if you've got a two-hour each way commute. But I would take the money because it helps you get out of debt. If you just wanted the money and you weren't sure what you were going to do with it and you're like, “Ah, I just like money,” then I might advise otherwise. But for this getting out of debt that's going to buy you freedom, which leads to a lot of good things. Later on down the line, you could go back to the old company and even if they couldn't pay you what you are worth, you could take a job closer to home and you wouldn't have to worry about the amount you're getting paid because you don't have debt piling up. So if there's a lot to be said for that and that commute, it's not going to be the end of the world but having all that flexibility, man, it's a huge luxury. Okay. What's next?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:38:12] Hello, Triple J. I hired a contractor to do remodeling projects on my home due to a short notice work trip. I didn't have time to get a very clear contract written before he started working one year later and I'm in the hole over $30,000 with this contractor, plus the parts I bought that he says are unusable, even though he told me to buy the specific parts or appliances. I've since fired him with about $3,000 worth of the original estimate remaining and I have yet to pay him that remaining 3,000. His work is terrible and I'm having to pay plumbers, electricians, and truly professional contractors to fix his mistakes. Should I consider taking him to small claims court due to the lost money time, et cetera? I'm concerned because the contract is so flimsy without specifics regarding how the repairs were to be made and in what timeline. He's since vacated my house but has left a ton of his work equipment and supplies in my garage that includes a lot of lumber tools and a full-size jacuzzi hot tub. I asked him to come remove them, but no response. What are my legal obligations regarding all the stuff he left behind? I don't want to toss it out and then he drags me to court claiming I threw away his equipment. Thanks for all the help and the excellent show. Signed, Stuck in a Money Pit.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:21] So, this is a tricky one because it is a legal question. Again, I'm a lawyer, I'm not your lawyer. Seek a lawyer's help. And Jason, you and I were talking off-air about this because small claims court typically a waste of time. But speaking of small claims court, somebody watches a little bit of daytime TV and has an opinion about this. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:37] I do have a little bit of a habit of watching the people's court quite a bit. I love judge Milian. She is awesome. And they have a lot--
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:46] I just remember Judge Wapner.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:47] Oh, yeah.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:48] Did they still use the same theme song?
Jason DeFillippo:[00:39:51] Of course, they do
Jordan Harbinger: [00:39:54] Oh my gosh.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:39:54] And guess who does the man on the street interviews? Harvey Levin from TMZ. “I'm a lawyer.”
Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:00] Oh my God.
Jason DeFillippo:[00:40:02] Yeah, it's a fun show. It's a fun show when you just need some downtime in the middle of the day to recharge. But I've seen a lot of issues that they've had with contractors on there. And the one thing that I know you cannot do is you cannot hold their gear hostage for like services and return or money in return. That is basically you stole it from them. So, you do need to talk to a lawyer locally to find out what the rules are in your state about what you can do with that. If there is a period of time where then it becomes abandoned goods that are left in your garage that you can get rid of. Because I mean the guy with the jacuzzi, I wouldn't want a jacuzzi in my garage. Jeez, I mean what was he doing with the jacuzzi in your garage?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:40:46] Yeah, that's very strange. Like was he supposed to install that at your place or he just went, “Hey, let me just put this jacuzzi down and I'll pick it up in a jiff. I don't get how that happened, but it's a little outside the scope.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:40:58] It is outside the scope, but I would love to hear the story sometime. But yeah, definitely check with what is legal in your area about how you can at least get rid of the stuff because that is the sticky wicket for sure. You don't want to destroy it and get have to pay for it.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:41:10] No, and there are laws that have to do with abandonment of property and things like that that might be different because it's in your personal property and he might say, “I tried to go get it,” and it's like you need to be able to document you reaching out to him. Most small claims courts have a maximum limit of a few thousand bucks at most. This is not going to qualify as small claims. I'm not sure it's worth waging a fight down there at all anyway. As far as the equipment and supplies, I would say you've got that stuff. It's yours right now theoretically and you can say look and again a lawyer just as Jason mentioned, but he can buy it back from you or you can sell it as abandoned once. It actually is legally abandoned and then if he wants the money you say, “Okay great, so you abandoned this stuff. I sold it legally and you owe me 27,000 for this work, I owe you 12,000 for that stuff plus storage fees, so handover a check or we can just call it even.” And you'll never hear from that guy again. I would send him a certified letter with a return receipt requested about the equipment. Say, “I've got your stuff here. When are you going to come get it? Also, you have to finish this work at your expense because you didn't cover what we did, dah, dah, dah.” If you don't get a response within a certain amount of time, again consult your lawyer about what that amount of time needs to be. You can consider the stuff abandon and then you can sell it to recoup some of the costs.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:42:32] In the meantime, take lots of photographs so you have everything documented and if you do send them a certified letter, make sure those photographs are in there so you have proof that you have sent him photographs of all the materials. Because if it does end up going to court, it's for some reason or another, you want to have timestamped photos of everything that's been left in your house.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:42:50] Exactly. Yeah. Good call. What this also does though, if you sell, the property is abandoned, he would then have to come after you at his expense for that property, right? And then he's got to take you to court and you go, “Great. I'm loving the opportunity to tell you that this guy hosed me for $27,000 is an unlicensed contractor. He's screwed up all this work. Here are the expenses I incurred having to fix his mess. He left this stuff here for, you know, three months. I contacted him two times with a certified letter. Here's the photo, here's the return receipt. He never came to get it. Now he's suing me for this. He owes me $27,000.” No judge is going to want to put up with this crap. They're going to tell you to settle in. This guy's going to, he's going to evaporate. I can promise you right now. He knows you have his stuff and he knows he screwed up and he's afraid to even talk to you because he knows that he's in the wrong. I think he's already said, “Well crap, I'm never going to see that jacuzzi again.” I think that's what's going on in his head. He knows he's not getting that stuff back. So, you just need to be able to be, you just need to be able to show the right people that you tried and then yeah, I would sell that crap and get it. Get some of your money back. Sorry for your loss. Last but not least.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:43:59] Dear Triple J, I need advice on keeping an ex out of my life forever. After a few months into our relationship, he started staying over at my house most nights. He even got a job nearby, so then he was always there, practically moved in. Although it wasn't something we discussed beforehand, but I didn't give it much thought. Fast forward a few more months and I had serious concerns about the relationship. I didn't like the fighting or him growing increasingly verbally abusive. I kept asking him to leave, but he wouldn't. He said he couldn't just go back to where he was living before and I needed to give him more time to figure out where he could go. He never made concrete plans and some days would straight up refuse to leave. One night I was so upset by the fighting. I locked myself in my bedroom and he broke the doorknob to get in. He got up in my face yelling about how I'm a bitch and a whore. I couldn't get him to leave me alone, so I called the police. Much to my surprise, I couldn't just kick him out because of squatter's rights. The police were unsympathetic and didn't want to get involved with domestic disputes. The officer advised me to go to the courthouse and file an eviction notice. I did the next day and when I was there I inquired about other measures that could be taken in case he kept refusing to leave. The Sheriff's office I was directed to was extremely unhelpful. Basically, they told me I'd have to just come back to court if he hadn't left in 30 days and file another notice and in the meantime, I should call it domestic abuse hotline to hopefully get free legal counsel since I can't afford a lawyer right now. That hotline kept giving the other numbers to try and I ended up leaving several voicemails and calling every day and no one ever picked up or responded to my messages. In that time, he actually had to go to jail for driving on a suspended license and he had two warrants out for his arrest in another state for failure to appear in court. He recently called me and said that the state hadn't shown up to pick him up and take him back to their state. So, the jail was just going to release him. He wanted to come get us stuff and needed a place to stay, but he doesn't have a car or any means to even get to his mother's house. I told him it's not my problem and he couldn't stay with me and he got very angry and started getting aggressive saying he didn't want to hear the shit out of me and I couldn't just throw him out on the streets. I don't know what to do to protect myself and get him out of my life. When he shows up at my house, should I just give him his stuff and call the police if he doesn't leave? What if they're not helpful? Again, he won't have a ride because I'm the only person he knows nearby, so should I be understanding and drive him to his mom's house, which is several hours away. He's been manipulative and toxic and I don't want to go through that again. I felt trapped in my own house because he would get drunk and start yelling and pick fights and be aggressive, although not physically abusive, but I couldn't force him to leave. I wake up with nightmares about him breaking into my house. I thought I could always call the police if I needed someone to leave my house, but now I understand that's not the case and it's very unsettling. I know I should seek therapy because I've developed anxiety over this and it's starting to affect all areas of my life. It causes a problem though at this point. I worry it's all about power and manipulation to him and I'm worried he's never going to leave me alone. Thank you so much for your time and advice. Sincerely, Feeling Helpless.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:46:59] First things first, are you okay? This is heavy-duty cut contact with this guy immediately? Don't answer anything from him at all. Nothing. Change the locks immediately. I mean like yesterday, get a deadbolt, get a solid core door one that you can't just kick through. You know those, Jason, I don't know if you know this well you probably do. There's a lot of different types of doors and like people use interior doors on the outside cause they're cheap or some apartment building landlord will be like, “I'm not going to replace this with a solid core door. I'm going to get a cheap interior door because it's not outside.” So, they'll replace it with this fricking $30, you know, run into it sideways by accident and put a hole in its door.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:47:46] You, like made of balsa wood.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:47:47] Yeah, balsa wood. Yeah. Really made out of like crappy. What's it like? Plywood kind of composite, composite is what was going. Tell your landlord and neighbors this guy is after you and don't let him into the apartment building or the house. Yes. It's embarrassing. This is your life. Who cares? Sorry. Yes, it's embarrassing. You want your people looking out for you, not thinking you're an idiot. I mean it doesn't matter what they think. You want them to know this guy was a mistake and is dangerous. If he wants his stuff back, do not be manipulated into opening the door unless he is with the police again. Do not contact him at all in, do not answer anything from him directly because what he's going to try to do is manipulate you into giving his stuff back, aka opening the door and you don't know what's going to happen when that happens. The police can facilitate getting his stuff back if they care to do so. Also, you can shove his crap in those big industrial trash bags and you can leave them outside, not necessarily out on the curb as garbage. I mean, that's maybe a last resort. You can leave them outside the apartment or outside the house. Tell him he has until the trash collector is swinging through the neighborhood to come and get his stuff. The key is to have it ready to go. So, if he shows up with cops, it takes two minutes, not two hours with seven arguments in between. If he shows up without cops, do not answer the door. Call the police immediately. He's abusive. He's going to try to charm his way into the house. I've seen this before. This is not going to end well. If you let him charm you, it's not going to end well if he gets in the house.
[00:49:19] And yeah, you're right about squatter's rights. It's insanity. Some a-hole can shack up with you for a certain time period and then he becomes a tenant with rights. It is bat crap crazy. That's another rant. It depends on the time frame. There's all kinds of, don't believe what you heard on the phone. This is something a lawyer might be able to tell you when they have squatter's rights, and frankly, I know you don't have a lot of money. You might be able to call a law office, tell them what's going on and somebody who does this day in and day out can say, “Nah, he doesn't have squatters rights for 90 days. You have there for 90 days. Only 30 okay. No, he doesn't have any rights. Yeah, good luck, bye.” You'd be surprised. You can call lawyers you've never spoken to before. Ask them one or two questions and they'll, most of them will happily answer you because they already know the answer in their state. In a certain sort of black-and-white cases. Like this, “Do you have squatters rights?” “Well, he was here for three weeks or a month.” “No, he doesn't have squatters rights.” The end. No kind of ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you have to get out of your place, go to a shelter. That guy's abusive. He's controlling. He's dangerous.
[00:50:24] I'm sorry for any delay in response here. I just saw your email. I hope you're okay. And police departments, they obviously, as you've experienced, they hate getting involved in this stuff. The next time he acts abusive, call the cops. Press charges show up to testify against him in court. That's the key. A lot of people don't do that. Under most domestic assault charges, he either has to physically hit you or put you in legitimate fear of imminent bodily harm. Now, while those charges are pending, he can't be around you. He can't contact you. He is not allowed at your house except with your permission. Do not give it to him and escorted either by someone that you trust or the police department to pick the police department. The last thing you want is to find out one of your impartial mutual friends is actually just on his side. You do not want that. You want someone there who's going to taze his ass if he tries to act a fool. Alternately, you might be able to apply for a version of a restraining order or order of protection. This involves going before a judge, but the fact that you've called the police before and you tried to evict him, those are both points in your favor. Usually, the judge will issue a temporary restraining order, TRO or order of protection until a dispositional hearing can be held on this. And the bonus is that if he fails to show up, he automatically loses. But again, your safety is first. Change your damn locks, get a deadbolt, get a sturdy door. Put that on a credit card. If you don't have any money, this is your safety. Lock the windows, lock the doors.
[00:51:53] Get the TapeACall Pro app for your phone. I'll link to that in the show notes table called pro. You record all your calls with them. It may be illegal in your state to do so. Check your wiretapping laws in your state. Google wiretapping laws in your state, but even so, record the calls. All right, this is not legal advice. This is what Jordan would do. Record the damn calls regardless if you need the calls. It's worth having them cause you're proving threats against your life. The last thing you want to say is, “Well, I couldn't get the call because wiretapping laws.” You want to say, “Yeah, I broke the wiretapping laws, but here's him threatening to kill me 17 times while high on meth and seven different phone calls.” That's what you need. This is a part where I have to say I'm not your lawyer. Get a lawyer. See competent legal advice. This isn't legal advice. This is safety advice from a layman for what it's worth. And yeah, if you change the locks, yeah you might be subject to a claim from him for unlawful eviction if he's got squatter's rights. But guess what? His broke just got out of jail ass has to go get a lawyer and proceed with that claim and that ain't happening. And if it does, you get to fight it with the evidence you have of him abusing you and coming after you. He doesn't want that on a public record, which is what happens with court records. So in the end, I think you roll the dice here. I think you play those voicemails if you ever get sued, unlikely. I defy a judge or jury to look at the evidence of abuse, acknowledged that you were in fear and then declare that you got to pay your abusive POS ex-boyfriend money for changing the locks and leaving him without a place to live, even though he didn't have a place to live in the first place. He can go right to hell. That's my advice.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:53:26] Preach it sister.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:53:28] Life Pro Tip. If you're a student or you're planning on another sort of career, you're coming out of college. It doesn't matter if you're a student or not. If you're just planning on a new career, look up postings for your entry-level, dream job. Lookup any sort of posting for your dream job, find the skills, find the qualifications you'll need and then work backwards from there. A lot of people, they go, “Oh, I want to be in broadcasting,” or “I want to be in this.” And then they go and they go to school for that and that's great. But doing this specific thing will not only give you an idea of the skills you actually need and which courses you might need to take, but it makes you reflect if the job description actually sounds like something you'd want to do in the future. Because a lot of people, they think the job is one thing, like law for example. They think it's Law and Order trials. Look at a description for a paralegal. That's really what you're going to be doing. You might not even want to look at the posting for the job you want. Look at the job posting for somebody who assists the person in the job you want. If you want to be a lawyer, look at a paralegal job posting and you'll see, it'll be like, you better know Microsoft Excel. You better know Macros. You better know Word. You better know how to use a copy machine. You better know how to do basic court filings and you're going, well wait a minute, I'm going to be yelling in front of a jury and performing. No, you're not. You're going to be doing all that stuff for years. And then, you're going to get a paralegal, and then you're going to do that stuff with your paralegal. And then your paralegal's going to go home cause it's 7:00 p.m. and you're going to be there until 11 and you're going to keep doing that same stuff. So, you got to be careful with that and also talk to people who actually do the job. I know this sounds like dur, but most job postings are generated by people in HR. And a lot of people in HR, not everyone --don't warm up your email fingers, HR people-- but a lot of people in HR have no clue what a job actually entails. And they have all these requirements that are not actual requirements. And that information gets spread around thanks to the Internet. People failing to do their diligence, of course, and stuff like that. But you know, you're going to find that there are tons of people, especially in corporate HR will be doing it. If you're looking for something that HR is not hiring for, you’re looking for like a biology position at a university, that's going to be different. This stuff you've got to be very careful. Talk to people who do the job, look at the job posting, those are the skills you want and look at the skills of the assistant to the person of the job you're looking for because you need to master those skills.
[00:55:55] People don't hire assistants because they need a different set of skills done. They hire assistants because that's a huge amount of their job and they know they can train someone else to do it, but it's still the bulk of their job. I don't know that many people, there's no CEO that can't answer his own phone or schedule his own appointments. There's, those are gatekeepers. There's no lawyer that can't do the job of a paralegal. Actually, there are tons that can't do the job of a paralegal. They're supposed to do it, but they forgot how, and they have the paralegal doing it now, but you have to have mastered those skills. So, that's how you find a career path. Don't just look at the job and decide, Oh well there's a law school near me. I'm going to take courses there. Or there's biology courses here. I'm just going to take those. Just having a degree in that area is not, as you should know, by now going to be even nearly sufficient for that. Plenty of people get hired with no college education to do a job while someone else has a degree in that field. They want somebody who can do the job, not somebody who's got the paper.
[00:56:50] Recommendation of the Week. Jason, did you watch I Am Mother on Netflix?
Jason DeFillippo: [00:56:55] I had have not. What's this one about?
Jordan Harbinger: [00:56:57] So this is like, it's sci-fi. I normally don't watch sci-fi, but I thought it was really interesting. There's a robot in an underground facility somewhere and it's raising this little girl human girl by herself. And I'm trying not to give away too many spoilers here, but basically, there was some mass extinction event outside and there are no people outside and its nuclear winter or whatever. And this little girl grows up watching like 1980s tonight show episodes with Steve Martin and John Carson on her iPad of the future and she's learning all this stuff and taking all these exams and then plot, twist, all is not exactly as mother had explained. It's not a horror movie, it's just a sci-fi thriller. I thought it was really good. She's raised by this robot. She calls mother and her job is kind of to repopulate the earth following this extinction event and then a stranger arrives with some alarming news. I thought it was pretty, pretty good movie.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:57:54] Oh, I'll check it out. You know I love me the sci-fi.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:57:56] That's right. Netflix original. I hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week linked to the show notes always at jordanharbinger.com. Quick shout. It's a Corbin Payne Esquire for helping with some of the legal stuff this week. Remember, get your own lawyer in your own state for your own stuff. And a shout out to Manny Dhillon, who's a big fan of the show as well. Go back and check out the guests, Mike Abrashoff and Daniel Goleman if you haven't yet. And if you want to know how we manage to book all these great people and manage relationships with all of these amazing speakers and guests you hear on the show as well as the people that help us here with Feedback Friday, I've got a Six-Minute Networking course that is free at jordan harbinger.com/course. It replaces any course that you took from me with a different name. It's not the same thing. Dig the well before you're thirsty, people. You leave your company, you want to take those relationships with you. Once you need relationships, you're too late to make them. The drills take a few minutes a day. It's the type of habit you ignore at your own peril. It's not fluff. It's crucial. I wish I knew it two decades ago, jordanharbinger.com/course. I’m on Instagram and Twitter at @JordanHarbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Videos of our interviews. Most of them anyway are at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:59:08] I also have a tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks at gog.show or you can follow me on Twitter at @jpdef. That's J-P-D-E-F.
Jordan Harbinger: [00:59:15] The show is produced in association with PodcastOne and this episode was co-produced by Jen Harbinger, show notes by Robert Fogarty. Keeps sending in those questions to email@example.com. Our advice and opinions and those of our guests are their own. And yes, I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer, so do your own research before you implement anything you hear on the show. And remember, we rise by lifting others. The fee for the show is that you share it with friends when you find something useful, which should be in every episode. So please share the show with those you love and even those you don't. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
Jason DeFillippo: [00:59:52] The hit podcast based on the Emmy nominated A & E series. Cold Case Files is back with new episodes on PodcastOne. Listen to powerful stories of crimes, almost forgotten by the passage of time with interviews of the people involved as investigators shine and new light on these cases, and bring those responsible to justice. Download new episodes of Cold Case Files every Tuesday on Apple Podcasts and PodcastOne.
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