Major life changes can be a mixed bag. On one hand, you’re over the moon for landing your dream job. On the other hand, being diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer and told by your doctor that you’ve got two years to live (at best) puts a bit of a damper on the celebration. You’re determined to remain positive — after all, you wouldn’t be the first to beat fatalistic odds if this thing were somehow turned around, so there’s no harm in being hopeful. You wouldn’t say you’re lost, but you do want to ensure that you make the most of whatever time you have left — however long that may be. We can only imagine what you’re going through, but on this Feedback Friday we’ll do our best to offer how we might spend our time if confronted with the worst news possible — but armed with your incredibly deep well of positivity.
And in case you didn’t already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now let’s dive in!
On This Week’s Feedback Friday, We Discuss:
- Interested in doing some prison time with Jordan next February? Reach out to email@example.com for details!
- How do you make the most of the time you have left with positivity when doctors have given you two years to live?
- People have preferences about looks, personalities, and religious backgrounds for their significant others. Is wishing they hadn’t slept with 100 people before you a valid preference?
- What does it take for a successful and single 51-year-old woman who travels frequently to find someone with whom to build a family when the dating pool of quality candidates seems so microscopic?
- While a policy to never pursue romance with a professional connection has served you well in the past, you’ve met someone who makes you want to reconsider this policy. How might you make your interest known while remaining professional?
- You’d like to improve the relationship with your parents and the way you communicate. What can you do to make things better?
- If you wanted to start a new business online without using the topics of your current or past expertise, how would you pick a niche and establish your credibility? (Thanks to Brian Clark from Copyblogger for fielding this one!)
- While you’ll be laid off soon, you’re not worried because you have a generous severance and plenty of leads already. How do you network without people assuming you’re just trying to get a job through their connections?
- Aside from buying decent mics and recording in a space that’s not echoey as hell, what advice do we have for someone just starting out with podcasting? (One: Join Jason’s free podcasting club!)
- Life Pro Tip: If you are travelling with someone else and you’re both wearing backpacks, swap them around. When you need stuff from your bag, you’ll have both hands free and you’ll know where your own stuff is.
- Recommendation of the Week: The Green Prince
- A quick shout out to Reed!
- Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org!
- Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
- Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks.
Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!
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Borderlands 3 lets you shoot and loot your way through a mayhem-fueled adventure and gives you the chance to save the galaxy from a fanatical threat this September 13th! Pre-order now at Borderlands.com. (Rated M for Mature.)
Filled with action, battles with the undead, love triangles, conflicting loyalties, and of course gold, We’re Alive: Goldrush stands out as a truly unique Theater for the Mind experience for both new and old listeners. Check it out on PodcastOne here!
Resources from This Episode:
- Kobe Bryant | Dissecting the Mamba Mentality, TJHS 249
- Nir Eyal | Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, TJHS 250
- Scott Galloway | Solving the Algebra of Happiness, TJHS 204
- How to Deal with Retroactive Jealousy | Feedback Friday, TJHS 200
- How to Make Your Mark on the World at 50 | Feedback Friday, TJHS 242
- Djibouti Country Profile, BBC
- Six-Minute Networking
- Me Too Movement
- Seth Godin | Shining in the Light of One-Star Reviews, TJHS 234
- Chris Brogan Media
- Charles Ryu | Confessions of a North Korean Escape Artist Part One, TJHS 84
- Ramit Sethi | I Will Teach You to Be Rich, TJHS 199
- The Club for Podcasters
- The Green Prince
Transcript for Help! I Have Two Years Left to Live | Feedback Friday (Episode 251)
Jordan Harbinger: [00:03] Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger, and I'm here with producer, Jason DeFillippo. On The Jordan Harbinger Show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most brilliant and interesting people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life.
[00:18] This week on the show we had Kobe Bryant, Black Mamba, talking about all things, creativity, and skills that he's learned on the basketball court that he's now applying to business and the business of creativity. He had some pretty surprising takeaways in there and he had some pretty surprising statements. One of which, spoiler alert, he said he loves Taylor Swift, so that was kind of funny. Yeah, I was not expecting that. There was a point in that episode at which he told me earlier that he listened to actors and looked at Hollywood people to kind of get their alter ego mindset for use in business or on the court, and I was like, "Oh, who are you learning from?" Thinking he's going to be like, "Oh, you know, I channel my inner Rambo or my inner Schwarzenegger Terminator, or something like that." He's like, "Hilary Swank." I'm like, "Huh?" He's like, "I learned a lot from Hilary Swank." And I was like, "Okay." I did not see that coming. I mean, I thought at the very least he's, you know Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction, you know, going and taking no shit from anybody, but now Hilary Swank.
Jason DeFillippo: [01:20] Wow, that's out of left field.
Jordan Harbinger: [01:21] Yeah, totally. There were a bunch of other names he dropped in there too, which I thought was really funny. So that episode was great, done on location. I really got along well with him. So, make sure you go back and check out the Kobe Bryant episode as well as our Nir Eyal episode. He talked about focus and distraction as quite the differential in our episodes this week.
[01:42] Of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guests' wisdom and experiences and our wisdom and experiences and insights to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you and that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us at email@example.com and I'm now in a groove where I can function on five hours of sleep for six days in a row and not want to die the entire time. It's great having a baby and he's adorable, but it is a little hard to stay on the game. Before I forget, I'm having my birthday in prison. Those of you who are on the newsletter have been hearing a little bit about this, but I'm going to prison in February, at the end of February, around February 26th or so for my birthday to a maximum-security prison. It should be amazing. It should be life-changing. I'm inviting you to come with me. I've got several dozen spots that I can fill with that. I expect them to go fast once we start actually taking payment and stuff, but it's going to be around 1200 plus travel and the whole fee goes towards the program. I don't need it. I don't need your money. I'm giving it to the prisoners for their educational program and I'm taking the NBA there as well. Not necessarily on the same trip, but there are some NBA players that want to come on the birthday trip. So that should be pretty cool too. If you're interested in coming with us, email firstname.lastname@example.org. That's email@example.com. I'd love to meet you behind bars. All right, we've got some fun ones and some doozies. So, let's dive in. Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?
Jason DeFillippo: [03:08] Question one. Hi Jordan. I'm a 25-year-old longtime fan of the show and have occasionally reached out in the past. Since we last connected, I went through two major life changes. I got my dream job and found out that I have an aggressive form of brain cancer. I feel as great as I can ask for and have continued to work full time. I'm so grateful to my team at work too who have been completely supportive. But the long-term prognosis for my condition is discouraging, to put it mildly. I'll be lucky if I make it two years. My current approach has been to stay positive and optimistic. Who knows what innovations might come and prolong my life? And live life to the fullest by still going forward with my dream job and traveling. I wouldn't say I'm lost, but I do want to make sure that I make the most of whatever time I have left, however long that may be. I'm sure you're super busy with your newborn. Congratulations, by the way. But wonder if you might have a moment to share what you might do or any insights you may have if you were confronted with something like this. Huge thanks in advance for any wisdom you may share. Signed, Lemonade from Lemons.
Jordan Harbinger: [04:09] This is a little rough. I spoke with her on the phone the other day at length actually, and we gained out a quite nice strategy here, but the gist of it is this. Plan this out instead of being reactive. You're already reacting to something horrible. So, what you need to do is get a reasonable treatment timeline from your doctor and then make a huge list of things you'd like to do, going to travel, going to meet people, going to do certain activities, learning certain things. Order it by priority, and this has to be your priority, not what other people want, not what other people want for you, not what they think you can do. Don't live by other people's values. That's what you have to be careful of here, and don't be afraid to leverage this a little bit. Call the hotels in advance. Let them know this might be your last hurrah. You want to make the most of it. Don't be afraid to reach out to people that you really want to get in touch with and say like, "Look, I don't want to be so forceful, but I've got a little bit of a situation here." You know, I'll tell you this, I would have an amazing guest roster for this show if I were in your shoes because I'd call everyone and be like, "I might die. Please let me interview you." And I would follow up mercilessly and if they're like, "Hey, you're annoying." I'd be like, "I'm dying. Dammit."
[05:19] And again, if I seem like I'm making light of this, I did talk to Lemonade from Lemons at length the other day, so we're cool. We're friends now. But yeah, I would leverage the crap out of this and I know that might sound a little weird, but like you don't have the luxury of trying to be polite about everything. You know, being polite, we'll get you to a certain place but the squeaky wheel gets the grease. That's what my parents always said and there's a way to do this politely and persistently. Also, get friends and family involved and see who will come on trips with you to places that are on their list as well. So, what I would do is think, all right, maybe I'll spend two weeks going to Disney and I'll see and do everything in the whole park. So, I'm renting a house near Disney. Now I'm asking all my friends which dates work for them. Get the general consensus. Rent the house for two weeks, have people pop in for two days or two weeks. It doesn't really matter because being around your friends and family, that's going to make the biggest difference for you. That's going to be the memories you really remember.
Jordan Harbinger: [06:13] Keep your job if that's what you love and you think will make the biggest difference for your quality of life as well. See if you can work part-time from home. If your treatment starts getting you down a little. Staying connected to your purpose or things that you find valuable or purposeful is just as important as staying connected to family and friends and I would say plan some trips, even local trips. Invite loads of friends. Get them to confirm, get them to commit. Maybe start a Facebook group or something where everyone can communicate and plan. Maybe not a Facebook group. Do a text group. If people say, "Oh, this is too much work." Be like, "Oh yeah, it's too much work for you. Huh?" Use that. Use that guilt trip. Take everyone on it with you. You're not going to be annoying. Everyone loves you. They want to be around you. You just have to make sure that you get the logistics in order. I know this sounds kind of weird to say, but this is going to be one of the most memorable times of your life. I think everybody will want to hang out and spend time with you. Scott Galloway wrote about this in his book, The Algebra of Happiness, about when his mother was dying, also I believe of cancer. A lot of people came to visit and he stayed with her and it was just the most amazing time and he really remembers it. Well, you're going to remember people much more than you remember places. Science proves this out as well. It's all about experiences and people that are there with you when you have them. So, if you're choosing between, go into Greece alone or hanging out and playing UNO and a yurt full of mosquitoes and 10 of your closest friends, choose the yurt every time.
[07:38] Much love from everyone here on the team as you recover and please keep in touch and I know that you will because we're talking about a whole lot of stuff. It's my honor to help you. I'm so glad that you wrote in here and I'm so glad to know you because you're an amazing person, Jason. I got to tell you this young lady, she is just amazing. She's so cheery. She's so positive, so smart. And it's not like the kind of positive where she's like, I'm going to ignore this. She's just like, look, this is happening. How do I make the most of it? And she's just not in BS mode. She's just in to get it done. And she works for somebody who's amazing. She has a job that she loves and she's like, yeah, I'm just going to keep the job. I just find that commendable in so many ways.
Jason DeFillippo: [08:18] That is so amazing. So amazing. I'm glad we got to connect with her.
Jordan Harbinger: [08:21] Yeah, she's a great person. I wish I could talk more about it, but the person she works for is so well known that it might give her away. That's how much ass she's kicking. She's on such an upswing. I love it. But also, of course, you know, it sucks to have to plan for something like this, but, well candidly if anybody can make it through this with a positive attitude and a can-do attitude, it's going to be her. All right. Next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [08:44] Question two. Hello Jordan, Jason, and Jen. The girl I'm dating is in her early thirties and she has just revealed to me that she slept with over 100 men. This is an overwhelming number of me. She has been tested for STDs and is safe. She's an amazing person. We get along wonderfully and I know this doesn't mean she's disloyal and I don't disrespect her for it. If she wants to have lots of fun, then great. More power to her. I think I just prefer someone who chooses to connect sexual actions more to love with a specific person than to wild fun. Maybe because this is the way I've always been in my past. People have preferences about looks, about personalities, even religious backgrounds. Is this a valid preference? It seems a lot of people say the sexual past should be ignored, but I always feel like these things make up a person too and their choices reflect their personality towards sex and love as a compatible partner in the present and the future. Otherwise, everything is great with us and I really liked her. Not sure what to do. Thanks again for all the great work. Deal Breaker or Happiness Maker.
Jordan Harbinger: [09:44] Well, okay. I feel you here a little bit. I agree. First and foremost that you are projecting a bit of your values and preferences and probably your insecurities onto her. This is normal. Don't beat yourself up about it, but it's good that you're aware of it. Frankly, I think a lot of guys just go, "Oh, I'm mad at my girlfriend because I'm feeling insecure, so I'm going to treat her like a whore now," or you know, view her negatively. It's not fair. As your comment about preferences for looks and things like that. Preference for looks makes sense. That's a big factor and a biological attraction. That makes sense. Okay. That's nature. Personality preference makes sense because you're dealing with this person every single day and you have to get along. Religious background makes up a set of core values and rituals that you usually use to guide your entire life. These are not small things.
[10:30] I would take a sexual partner number out of that category. The number of sexual partners somebody says is not something that affects you each day unless of course, you're going to let it nag at you forever, nor does it really illustrate how someone continues to live their life after committing to somebody. Just as somebody who used to be a construction worker doesn't affect your life. Now that they've decided to become an accountant, it doesn't mean they're going to be sneaking out of work and going in doing some stone masonry without telling you. If you catch my drift. Just because she used to love going out and having fun and viewed sex totally differently doesn't mean she's more likely to cheat on you or anything like that if that's what you're worried about, but I have a feeling this is more of a subconscious worry and insecurity rather than you being like, "Oh no, she likes sex and she's going to go have a bunch more of it because you already had so much earlier." It doesn't mean anything like that. I will admit the sheer number here does illustrate some personal values that you guys should hash out. For example, she doesn't necessarily have the same emotions and feelings around sexual contact as you do. She might now, she might not have in the past. This is not a problem if it's not a problem, but once you have kids, this type of value could be something that you later disagree on. I think you should talk about it. You might want to raise your kids with different thinking and you'll have to get her to buy on this and she might think you're a prude little wazbag dude. So you know, maybe feel her opinion out on this. It's not just about you.
[11:53] I feel you though. Look, I get it. I get it from a visceral level. I wouldn't want to think that about a woman that I was serious with either. But in the end, I can't tell you what will matter and what won't. What I can say is that strong connections with people don't happen every day and it seems unfair to hold someone's past against them, especially when that past isn't necessarily negative outside the limited scope of your own personal values that might not be the same as hers. In addition to this, I will note that I think a lot of us guys, myself included, might be a little intimidated by a partner that's had so much sexual contact with others. So you need to make sure that however, you make your decision and whatever you do, you are making a decision based as much as possible on what you think affects your present life and your future life with this woman, and not simply basing the decision on your own insecurity because that would be a shame and a waste. In other words, if her having had so many partners freaks you out, this might actually just be your problem and you should talk to somebody about it instead of throwing away an otherwise great relationship, because you're worried what other people might think or because you can't shake the image of your wife's past or your replaying of nasty imagination made porn movie that never happened in your own brain and you're replaying it over and over. I can tell you from personal experience all that past sexual partner stuff rarely stops mattering a few months, maybe a year into a relationship. You just stop caring because you realize someone's past actions aren't the majority of what makes up their current personality and who they are. And your experience of them with you in a relationship is like 99.9 percent of what you know of them. And then there's this weird detail that used to bug you that's really going be it. So, if I were in your shoes, I do my best to let it go. Move forward with a clean slate. Maybe get a couple’s therapist. If you think it's a problem, you both need to hash out. And like I said, this could just be your problem and not hers, man. Besides she's probably awesome in bed. How do you think she got that way? Never mind. Don't think about that.
Jason DeFillippo: [13:51] Where's my rim shot sound effect?
[13:58] This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [14:00] This episode is sponsored in part by Cloud Control cat litter by Arm & Hammer. I know that's random, but y'all know I love my cats. I love Momo. They're hairless. They're cute, they're snugly. They look like little gremlins that you fed after midnight. But what I don't love is when I have to clean up their litter box, which smells like death previously, I should say. Now we've got this Arm & Hammer Cloud Control cat litter, not only does it work great to his litter, but it doesn't have that cloud of stuff when you scoop. You know when you scoop cat litter, that stuff that flies out of there. That's dust, perfume which is probably not great for you, airborne dander, little fecal matter particles. Yum. Yeah. So, this stuff, Cloud Control, there's no cloud. That's the point. The cloud stays in the litter box. So, what happens in the litter box stays in the litter box and I don't want that stuff around my newborn son. Come on. New Cloud Control cat litter by Arm & Hammer. Thanks for sponsoring the show today.
[14:52] This episode is also sponsored by Rocket Mortgage
Jason DeFillippo: [14:56] Support for The Jordan Harbinger Show comes from our friends at Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Home is so much more than a house. It's your own little slice of heaven. That's why when you find the perfect place for you and your family, getting a mortgage shouldn't get in the way. Finding the right house isn't easy, but finding the right mortgage can be. Rocket Mortgage is doing more to help you understand the home buying process so you can get exactly what you need because it's not just a mortgage, it's your mortgage and they found a better way. Their team of mortgage experts is obsessed with finding a better way, which means that their number one goal is to make the home buying process smoother for you. They make the home buying process work for you. In fact, Rocket Mortgage is there with award-winning client service and support every step of the way. Quicken Loans has helped millions of Americans achieved their dream of homeownership, and when you're ready to purchase the home of your dreams, they can help you too. When you work with them, you get more than just alone because Rocket Mortgage is more than just a lender. Visit RocketMortgage.com/JORDAN and take the first step towards the home of your dreams. Equal Housing Lender. Licensed in 50 states. NMLSConsumerAccess.org #3030. Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. Push a button, get mortgage.
[16:04] Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit Jordan harbinger.com/deals. And if you'd be so kind to please drop us a nice rating and review on iTunes or your podcast player of choice, it really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, head on over to jordanharbinger.com/subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [16:32] All right, next up.
Jason DeFillippo: [16:33] Question three. Hi Triple J Team. On a previous Feedback Friday, you featured someone who is still looking to make their mark after 50. I have the opposite problem. I've got a good career that takes me all over the planet where I get to help people in need while defending our national interests. It's very rewarding and interesting. Unlike last week's letter writer, I'm making my mark on the world, but there is no one to come home to that makes it all worthwhile. I'm a 51-year-old woman who's in good shape, considered pretty and looks younger than my years. I've only dated a handful of times since divorcing seven years ago. It's not that I don't want to. My problem is threefold. First, women come with an expiration date. Look at any online dating site and you'll see the vast majority of men are only looking to date women their age or younger. These blatant ages and tells me all I need to know about their shallow nature and I immediately eliminate them from the realm of dating possibilities. I decided I hate online dating and realized for me that I must meet someone in real life. Secondly, I've moved around a lot due to military work and travel quite a bit in my civilian job. This makes it even more difficult to meet someone and when I have met someone, the geography is always too much to overcome. And lastly, I have to feel a strong attraction to someone before I'll consider them a prospect. I'm willing to give it a little time and see if something develops. But at this age, I usually know right away I need the spark and learn through experience to not settle. This has shrunk my dating pool to the size of a microscopic droplet.
Jordan Harbinger: [18:02] I was raised to be independent. Guess what happened? I'm financially stable, own a newly remodeled home, have two advanced degrees, I'm a former pro-athlete, and well-traveled. Can you feel my dating pool going subatomic? I have no family or significant other to call my own. I didn't want kids when I was younger. I was afraid I could never afford them. Since my ex didn't exactly bring home any bacon and I wasn't ready. Now that I'm older, I long for a family of my own. My friends are scattered across the planet and I have no local tribe to call my own. Everyone I've met is busy with their own lives and making friends doesn't get any easier with age. I've looked into fostering and adopting, but can't see how I can make that happen. As a single person who travels frequently for work, it has no real support system. It's like being punished for being a responsible adult. I feel rudderless and completely unfulfilled personally, which now makes work a lot less fulfilling too. I get tired of hearing the same old tropes about you must be happy while single before you can find love. What nonsense that's highly discriminatory against single people. It implies that longing for a significant other is some sort of personal failure. We're humans and wired to connect. For me, I've realized what life feels like without purpose or meaning without family or the prospects for one. I've gone to therapy but it can't solve the underlying problem. Humans need to connect. I keep trying, but I'm running out of steam. I feel like I've tried everything and I met my wit's end and life barely feels worth living at times. I'm getting ready to come home from a deployment and with nothing and no one to come home to. I'm not exactly looking forward to it. Any advice would be helpful. Signed, Disconnected in Djibouti.
[19:39] So I understand where you're coming from here. You sound really discouraged. It sounds like it might be bringing some negativity into your life and I'm not one of those like think positive all the time. I understand getting down on the whole situation and being like, "Oh, this blatant ages on the apps." I understand that. I would also be annoyed at people who tell you platitudes. I can certainly get behind. There's somebody out there special forever. No, there's not. No, and if there is, maybe they live in Akron, Ohio and you live in Djibouti, which by the way is an Africa for a lot of people who think we just made up that country. Being in a role where you constantly travel, especially to places like Djibouti where there's basically like goats and a special forces base that's going to be tough. Do you need to put down roots? You need to develop a social circle. There's no real way I can think of where somebody who's on the road all the time can simply grow roots overnight and continue picking up and moving around all over the place and maintaining those relationships in the same way you would if you were there in person. This is a choice you likely have to make. Can you take a year or three in your career and move around less? It might be an office job, might be less exciting, might put you on a slower career path, but if not, this problem is likely to pop up again and again. And if you're able to stay put for a while, start developing a social circle.
[20:56] The standard advice for this would be to make a list of skills you want to learn like Italian cooking, jujitsu, rock climbing. Honestly, you can probably do a lot of jujitsu and Italian cooking in Djibouti because if memory serves that area was an Italian colony and there's a lot of special forces guys there that probably do a lot of jujitsu and rock climbing, so those three random examples are probably pretty good. Hopefully, you're into some of that. If not, it doesn't matter. Pick some activities you want to learn and go find local classes and clubs for these and make sure you actually go. If you meet people, great. If not, you've learned a skill you can put to use and you'll likely enjoy, rinse and repeat. I'm not going to go too much more into that because we do discuss this in Six-Minute Networking in a little bit more detail. That's at jordanharbinger.com/course and it's free, so don't worry about that. And that said, no tricks, no tactics are going to work if you then have to pack up in three months and then leave the continent for half a year or more. I hate choices like this, but almost everyone has to make them at some point. And at 51, just real talk, you're quickly coming outside the window for even adoption and fostering depending on the law where you are or if you're adopting closed adoption from a foreign country.
[22:05] I wonder what other people who are deployed do about this kind of thing. It seems like you could potentially adopt from a foreign country, which would make things a lot easier and these are usually a lot less tricky and have fewer requirements such as age and family-life situations. So, if you're going to do that, move on it. You know, you might just have to make some lifestyle choices that involve your career in a negative way. And I'm sorry, I hope, there's another way, but I just don't understand what that way might be. And it's not just because you're female and you're 51, there are a lot of guys who are 29 that write me letters like this too. I live in a base in such and such and I can't meet anyone. It's the same problem. Yes, you have a different problem because you want children. These guys aren't necessarily worried about that. But the core problem, the fundamental problem is very much the same. This is just a matter of somebody who moves around a lot and it needs to put down roots somewhere. When you finally do, you'll be able to maintain relationships using this stuff in Six-Minute Networking, but creating relationships only online. It's really tough to make real friendships that way. And it's also a little dangerous. And if you don't believe me, watch a couple episodes in 90-Day Fiancé, there were catfish, and you'll see what you might be in for. If you try to exist socially, exclusively online. All right, Jason, what else we got?
Jason DeFillippo: [23:21] Question four. Hi there. J family. First off, congrats to you and Jen on the new baby. You're giving me major baby fever. I've been a journalist for over 10 years and interviewed celebrities like athletes and musicians. I listened to your segment on name-dropping so I'll spare you. As an attractive woman, many of these guys hit on me. I've always been very professional and never crossed the line romantically with any of my subjects. That is, I met this guy, let's call him Joe. I interviewed Joe last year and we hit it off like gangbusters. He's not a celebrity but as well respected in his field. We share many mutual friends, both real friends and work contacts, and I'm very attracted to him. How do I show him? I'm interested while maintaining my respect. Sure. A lot of people meet their significant others at work, but as a woman in my field, it's hard to balance being sexy and inviting without looking like a total groupie. I also want Joe to know that my interest in him is both professional and personal. Signed, How Do I Shoot My Shot With Him.
Jordan Harbinger: [24:20] Ooh, it could get tricky first. Make sure any professional dealings you have with him are coming to a close. I remember when a journalist wanted to write about me, I won't say for what because you can Google the publication and find her, but it was well before I met Jen, relax, years before and she was writing about me, writing about me, writing about me, and I was like, I felt like this girl is really vibing on me. That's what we said back in my early thirties' vibing. It sounded cool at the time. Anyway, she published a story and I was like, this turned out great. And she goes, "I'm done writing about you." And I was like, okay. And she's like, "No, I'm done writing about you forever." And I was like, "Okay, why do you keep hammering that in? Like, let me enjoy this. Don't make me feel less interesting." She's like, "No, I'm done writing about you. So what are you doing tonight?" I'm just like, "It's 10:00 PM on a Friday." Oh, wait, oh, got it. Got it. All right.
Jason DeFillippo: [25:08] Jordan is in his early thirties and was a little slow on the uptake.
Jordan Harbinger: [25:10] A lot slow on the uptake. Yeah. So like you've interviewed him now if the interview is published or will be soon, great. You're good to go. If you've got some ongoing professional relationship tread very lightly, I would say don't do anything because it's not worth your career. But let's assume you're wrapping up any professional connection. Now what I would do is the following one, make sure he's single, simple social media stalking should take care of this, maybe find a couple of mutual friends and throw that out there. I can sort of drop this and say that I think you are interested in him, but I'm not sure. And then when he reciprocates, I can sort of middleman this and that might sound a little immature, but if you're just not sure if it's cool professionally, it does make sense to still do this. Because normally, I'm all go direct do it, but if you're worried that he's going to go, "Oh, this is so unprofessional. I just sat with you for an interview. I feel so uncomfortable now." It's not worth that risk. So if you're in this situation and you don't have mutual friends, the letter writer says she does, but I'm going just say for people out there who are like, "Ah, I don't have any mutual friends." Then in that case what I would do is shoot him an email or a text, tell him you're getting great feedback on the piece. You found it really interesting. Is there any other feedback that he would have liked on the article or any feedback on the interview process? This opens a little window for him to say something to you that might not be strictly on the record, you know, he might say, "No, it was just fun getting to know you." That kind of thing. You know you're opening that window. But you've got mutual friends, go the mutual friends' route and then anytime you're talking with him after that, once you're a go turn the conversation personal. You can always ask or discuss something he's interested in. You can find what those might be on social media as well. So you can literally say, "Hey, I was Facebook stalking you and noticed you cross country ski. That looks like a lot of fun. Do you do that all the time?" That's the window to personal conversation. If he replies, "Yeah, whenever I can. Nice meeting you. Bye." Then you know he's not interested. But if he says, "Yeah, it's a lot of fun, I try to go as often as possible. Would you want to learn how to do that?" Now you're on a roll and it's funny because this really seems like some basic social stuff, but adults who have professional concerns, we got to be so careful about this right now. And bear in mind, if you are a woman and you're going after a guy that you're interested in, he's not just going to be like, this is great. He's going to go, is this a trap? Is this something that I missed reading and that I'm going to get in trouble for? Because we're in a different era right now with the me-too stuff. I personally think that me-too has done more good than harm for a lot of us. But I think most guys, myself included, we have to be so careful now not to do or say anything that looks like it might actually have been improper even when taken out of context entirely.
[27:47] So he might be being really careful about this. So if he seems cold, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's uninterested. It means he doesn't want to get sued or fired or chastised or embarrassed in front of all of his friends and family on social media. So, unfortunately, me-too has been really bad for dating, but that's, you know, kind of the point is it's not supposed to be good for that. It's supposed to be good for people to further their careers and not get groped by weirdos. So you've got to do that dance. And if he doesn't take the bait here, he's either dense or he's not interested, and most likely he's going to take the conversation personal and he's going to continue it. Eventually, ask you out or ask you to do something socially. You've just got to make an opening, drop the hanky a little as they called it back in the day. He may at first think you're just being friendly but professional. So if the first attempt at this doesn't work, you can try again to take things personal by asking him out if that's something you're comfortable with. Because I don't think anybody's going to go, "Gee, what does she mean when she says, let's go out for a drink on Friday. I'm getting mixed messages." I mean, you might not want to throw it out there that hard, but if that's what it takes and then that's what it takes, just make sure your professional business is done and sealed before then. All right. Jason, what else we got?
Jason DeFillippo: [28:57] We've got question five. Hi Jordan. I'd like to improve the relationship with my parents in the way we communicate. They're in their late fifties. I just turned 25 so there's always been a big generation gap between us. I moved out when I was 19 and I spend less and less time at home as I get older. I've never been happy with the relationship with my parents. I feel like I have no idea who they are and I've never been able to connect with any of them. Our conversations have almost always been superficial and strictly informative. What can I do to make it better? Signed, Mind at the Generation Gap.
Jordan Harbinger: [29:29] Ah, the generation gap. What I would do in this situation is to call it out during a visit or a phone call. There's not a whole lot you can do here to beat around the bush. They've known you for your whole life. So you're going to have to be pretty blunt about it. Call it out during a visit, during a phone call, see if they're open to improving this, you know, go home and visit, lineup a therapist beforehand if you've talked about this. I wouldn't ambush them with it. You know, you could say, "Hey, you know, we don't have a super close relationship and I moved out early and I feel like we could be closer. What do you think?" And they might go, "Yeah, you know, sure. What do you think?" And you go, "Maybe we should have somebody help us talk about stuff. I don't have any big issues, but I'd like to improve that. Would you be open to me getting like a counselor when we go back and just go to like one session as a family and open up some dialogue? And they might be like, "Sure, whatever you want." Or they might be like, "No, it's stupid. We don't care, our relationship's fine." And then you have their answer on this. If they're not open to it, they're not open to it, but I have a feeling they will be. Be aware that old habits die hard. They might have trouble doing this. It might not even be that they're unwilling. It just might be that they don't know how it's been...They're in the late fifties teaching an old dog new tricks after your 25 years in the house as their kid, that's a whole can of worms.
[30:41] So I think the indicator here is going to be what's their relationship to each other if they seem close in your distance? Yeah, it could be the age thing, but if they're all kind of distant with one another, that's probably the personality type that your parents have. And if you're feeling like you're not close enough to them, it's not impossible. It just might take you a few years of rapport building with each of them individually before you can really create a really strong close family unit, and they might never get closer to one another. But you can certainly lead the charge on this. And I would say it's worth doing. You know, if you feel like you want to be closer to your parents, you're not going to get another set of parents. And if you think, Oh well it's late in the game and they don't really care. This is a skill worth building even for you to have with your own kids. Because even if they're not receptive, knowing how to build a close relationship between parent and child is going to serve you when you finally decide to have your own kids, unless you want this same kind of relationship. And it sure sounds like you don't. So I would go and get this skillset regardless of whether or not mom and dad are on board, buddy,
Jason DeFillippo: [31:43] We'll be right back with more feedback Friday right after this.
Jordan Harbinger: [31:46] This episode is sponsored in part by Mighty Networks. Building an online community. It can be tough. I mean, I've tried it a lot. I have a small one that I maintain here and there, but there's a lot of places that don't make it easy and it's a huge pain if you're using a mess of different services and Facebook groups and stuff like that. I know Jason, you're using Mighty Networks to create a little community of podcast-related stuff, right?
Jason DeFillippo: [32:07] Yes, I am. It's called The Club and Mighty Networks has been great for this because you're not under the thumb of one of these social networks that are going to take all of your friends' data and sell it back to them. There are no ads. And you can even charge for a community on Mighty Networks, which is amazing. And they even have courses for different levels of networks so you can build your own community and then sell them a course, on top of it. It's amazing and there are a lot of people who are actually using Mighty Networks to build their community. There's a yoga instructor who doubled the size of her community to 90,000 members in just a month away from Facebook. There was an author who was able to debut on the New York Times Bestseller List from the books that she pre-sold on her Mighty Network. It is fantastic. The tools are great. They're easy to use. I set mine up like over a weekend and it's amazing. They've got all the tools that you would expect for any kind of community site that you want. It got chat, it got topics. You post things, you post videos. Then right now they're offering the best deal they have available anywhere at mightynetworks.com/jordan. You get three months free when you sign up for a year, but you have to go to mightynetworks.com/jordan. This is their very best deal. Three months free. Go right now to mightynetworks.com/jordan.
Jordan Harbinger: [33:18] This episode is also sponsored by Borderlands.
Jason DeFillippo: [33:21] Let's make some Mayhem. Shoot and loot your way through a mayhem-fueled adventure in Borderlands 3. Blasts through new worlds and enemies as one of four new playable vault hunters. Each with deep skill trees, abilities and customization. Play solo or with your friends to take on insane enemies. Score loads of loot and save the galaxy from a fanatical threat. Mayhem is coming September 13 on PC, Xbox One, and PS4. Pre-order now at borderlands.com. Rated M for mature.
Jordan Harbinger: [33:49] This episode is also sponsored in part by Ship. So Jen and I have been together for seven years. We just had a baby. I never thought I'd be able to credibly advertise a dating app ever again. But there's a new app called Ship. I love this thing. It's so fun. So what this does is it lets you swipe for your friends. I set up my brother-in-law in here. He dates a bunch. But if you're single, you invite a group of friends to join your crew and these friends help you find matches in the app. And the best part, if you're not single like me, you can still join, help your friends out. You don't have to make a profile, you don't have to do any of that stuff. You just join your friends' crew. You get to search through all the profiles and swipe and it's hilarious because there's a little group chat, and I see who Jen is selecting for him versus who I'm selecting for him and you could see his reactions to all of them and who he's matched and everything like that. It's so funny. It's so funny because it's like team dating except for my brother-in-law is the point man. Your friend is the point man or woman. It's so hilarious. This is endless entertainment and you can download this app and swipe for your friends just when you were worried about getting caught swiping for yourself. There's an app that lets you swipe for your friends instead. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [34:57] Finding a date is more fun if you do it with friends. Download Ship, the dating app that lets you swipe with friends. That's S-H-I-P. Search for Ship dating in the app store and start swiping today.
[35:07] Thank you for supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts who just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com/deals now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.
Jordan Harbinger: [35:23] Next, we've got a business-related question, so I got my friend Brian Clark from Copyblogger to help us answer it. He is an expert in setting up businesses both online and off, and he's just been very successful. So Jason, let's read the question and we'll get Brian Clark on the horn to help us out.
Jason DeFillippo: [35:40] Question six. Hi all. If you wanted to start a new business online without using the topics of your current or past expertise, how would you pick a niche and establish your credibility? Thanks. Signed, Thought Experiment
Jordan Harbinger: [35:54] for me. I dread, Brian, the idea that I might have to pick another niche. I like doing what I'm doing. The fact that I interview people in all different stripes is because I don't want to pick one sort of vertical. What about you?
Brian Clark: [36:06] Yeah, it is a difficult proposition that I don't think people appreciate. They figure if you have an audience and whatever you decide to do, that audience is going to go with you. But I watched Seth Godin try to change from marketing to motivation, and it didn't work and he went back. I watched Chris Brogan try to go from the social media guy to health and wellness, and it didn't work so he had to go back. But of course, I'm stupidly doing that with my project further, but I just come at the beginner's mind. I've got 20 years of experience that I'm going to use to make this work as opposed to kind of riding the coattails of what I've done before, and I'm just trying to have fun with it and thinking about it in terms of, okay, I've got a skill set so you're going to have to put it to work, especially since these people don't really know who you are.
Jordan Harbinger: [37:01] Well, you mentioned Seth Godin, Chris Brogan. Reinventing yourself or pivoting is very tough and I know the conventional wisdom is screwing it, go all-in on with your pivot, and that way you can test it and see if it works. My pivot was slow and over the course of a decade. You know, I used to teach like dating and before that, it was going out to the bar and pick up chicks because I'm 26 years old and that's what I was into. Right now I'm 39 and we're talking about science and psychology, it was a slow pivot and it worked because it was a slow pivot. Now that's what happens with personal brands. I think it's easy enough to do that. Maybe it's easier to go all in and decide, I'm not going to be the dating person anymore. I'm not going to be the marketing person anymore, I'm going to be motivational, or I'm going to be health and wellness. But that didn't work for those two--very smart, very talented people with a lot of resources. So I'm not going to say that pivots have to be slow, but I certainly see that they can be fast and fail very, very quickly. They could have just picked the wrong thing but Chris Brogan and Seth Godin are pretty sharp cats. So it seems like something else might have gone wrong there.
Brian Clark: [38:05] Well, I think you hit it on the head when you said they tried to do a sharp pivot, and I started two of my new projects beyond Copyblogger further and unemployable four years ago as just fun side projects. And now they're ready to become businesses because I didn't rush right into it. I didn't say, this is the new Brian. I slowly introduced where I was going over time and so some people have followed me. But again, you can't always count on that, but you got to bring people along slowly and you just also have to be open to the idea that you're just going to do the hard work to earn a new audience, to earn their trust and attention, and go from there. I take nothing for granted and I think that keeps me humble. And therefore I've had some success moving in a new direction.
Jordan Harbinger: [38:58] What if maybe she wants advice on picking a niche and she threw in, you can use none of your past expertise because she doesn't want us to go, "Well I know a lot about this so I'm going to pick that niche." Maybe she was just trying to get us to avoid an answer like that. So what would you say for people who want to start a business but have no idea what niche they want to be in at all, what advice would we give her in that scenario? Because for me, I would say, well what do you know a lot about and what are you able to get paid for? You know, because that is also not a bad way to pick a niche.
Brian Clark: [39:29] Yeah, no, it's key. So first of all, you don't go for an area that no one's doing or there's no competition. You want to go for big, big areas where people spend money like health and wellness or anything related to money like work, career, entrepreneurism, any of that personal growth. Those are huge areas where people spend money that allow you to carve out your little spot in that. Okay, so that's rule number one, which you pointed out. Number two, for me, it's got to be, at least at this time of life and career for me, it's got to be purpose-driven and really 10 businesses over 20 years, they've always had a sense of purpose now more than maybe early days, but it's like a personal alignment that keeps you going when stuff gets hard, because it is hard. I don't even want to call it passion necessarily, but the sense that you're serving in the audiences or a group of customers as almost a mission is a good indicator when you pair that with an arena where people are apt to spend money.
[40:42] So I'm a big proponent of when you're starting out choosing specifically the type of person you want to talk to, choosing your audience. And I don't think people think that way. They're like, "Oh, I just hope someone shows up." No, that's terrible. What if you don't like those people? What if you have to be inauthentic and someone you're not to please those people. That's a horrible way to live your life and certainly to run a business. So what's amazing to me that you can get started and literally target exactly who you want with a low amount of say Facebook ads or something like that and get started with a very small audience. Kind of cut your teeth before going all in, but make sure these are people that you feel comfortable serving because that's what entrepreneurs are. We're servants to the general sense of the market, but in the specific sense, the very specific group of people that you were talking to weekend and week out.
Jordan Harbinger: [41:44] Yeah, so I assume that if I'm interested in it then there's probably like 80 percent of my audience is going to be somewhat interested, maybe 90 percent. And that's good enough for me. But what I don't want to do is be like, all right, I'm really interested in mobile recording gear cause I do a podcast. Well, that's a little bit too niche. Most of my audience won't care. My gut says that it would be a fun conversation for me to have, but not really good for the majority of the audience. I can't see 80 percent of my audiences being interested. I can see like 1 percent of my audiences being interested in that and I didn't want to do that so I don't worry about what the audience is interested in. I see a lot of content creators, as much as I hate that term, it's pretty apt right now and they start a podcast and they go, "Oh, you know, I've got to put it on YouTube." I agree. That's a good place for a podcast, for any content. They start going on YouTube and they go, "Man, I've been doing my podcast for a year and I have 10,000 listeners, but when I go on YouTube, I can spend money and I get better analytics and I've got 8,000 views a video and next month I've got 18,000 views." So they start optimizing for YouTube. I know plenty of shows and I won't mention them because I still like the people that produce them. I remember there are some popular shows out there where early episodes, they're talking with brilliant inventors, brilliant entrepreneurs, scientists, and the show is really high level and highbrow and the audience is really smart and then they start optimizing for YouTube and they optimize for this big audience instead of an educated and affluent audience. And now they're interviewing people that are pretty much just people who are going to get a lot of views on YouTube. Literal cult leaders, 17 episodes on meditation with random gurus. I mean the show has just completely lost me. I don't listen or watch it all anymore, but the audience is much bigger and that's a problem because you have to be careful who you optimize for. And I optimize for myself with a primary focus on what I think the audience who's most like me would like.
[43:44] You and I are both former lawyers. I'm an advocate for the audience. They are my clients. I have a fiduciary duty to them. So I look for the segment of the audience that I think is probably most like me where they are in their life or above or older or more experienced, educated, that kind of thing. I don't go, oh man, there's probably a lot of 19 year olds that want to learn how to make money online. When creators start doing that to appeal to the trend of entrepreneurs or the masses, that's when I see these really cool niche businesses that were doing really well. Start turning into literally every other Instagram TV channel that you've ever seen that you never watch.
Brian Clark: [44:23] One way or another if you're going to stay true to who you are while also serving that audience. I love fiduciary duty. That's geeky lawyer speaking, but it's true and I've always ended up focusing on the things I have in common with the audience. Even though you know, both you and I, in a certain sense, if you're leading an audience, you're a step ahead of them in certain areas because that's what you do and yet it's the commonalities. So the same exact thing for me, if I think it's fascinating, interesting or useful, most of my audience is going to like it and those who don't, that's okay. They can leave. I mean that sounds mercenary, but no, it's, you cannot please everyone the minute you try, which I think was the point you were making. You've either sold out or you've just created something vapid. And who wants to do that?
Jordan Harbinger: [45:19] Agree. I don't think most people will leave though to go back to Jen's conundrum here. Most people won't leave. Look, if I do 20 episodes on escaping from North Korea, some people will leave. If I do one, a lot of people will go and love that, but I'll go onto the next thing. But mostly what's been happening is people go, you know, I didn't think I was going to be interested in that North Korea guy, but I listened because I like all your stuff and all my gosh, that was an incredible story. They don't want to hear 15 more versions of it but they like it. And so at some point, your audience trusts you enough to consume what you're producing, and that is the highest compliment. Ramit Sethi said this a while ago, and it applies here really well, the market will constantly try to pull you into becoming vanilla, and the second you do, you will be punished into basically bankruptcy, right? So the market will tell you, we want more of this, we want you to be more of that. And the second you start doing that, all of your actual fans, the people who are willing to pay for your stuff, they just bounced because you've commoditized yourself. So bear all of these things in mind when you're picking a niche and of course establishing credibility in that niche, it's easier to go narrow. What's that saying? The riches are in the niches.
Brian Clark: [46:24] Yeah, absolutely. And of course, you have to understand your audience and pay attention to the feedback they're giving you. But your primary job is to give them things they didn't know they wanted. Just like Steve Jobs said consumers don't know what they want. It's your job to figure it out. That's our job.
Jordan Harbinger: [46:41] Jason, what's next in the hopper?
Jason DeFillippo: [46:43] Question seven. Hi Jay Quad. Congrats and welcome to parenthood. It's a great adventure. I've been a listener since the old podcast and started on Six-Minute Networking. I'm now successfully reconnecting with old friends and colleagues. However, my company is shutting down my location and I'll get laid off. I'm not worried. Good severance package and plentiful jobs in my field right now, but when people ask what I'm up to, it's hard to avoid mentioning the shutdown in layoffs. It's a known event and much of what I'm doing is currently related to transition processes, so it's hard to avoid mentioning it. So some of the responses I get are like, "Hey, good to hear from you. Check our job postings on our website. Bye." I'm really trying to rebuild relationships for the long haul. How can I share but not be asking people to find me a job? If they respond like that do I just thank them, move on and try again later? Am I overthinking all of this? Thanks. Signed, In Transition.
Jordan Harbinger: [47:38] These types of answers, --check for the jobs on the website bye-- that's the result of not digging the well before you get thirsty. I'm not trying to be a jerk about it. It sounds like you're on it now, but most people will blow you off if they feel like you're asking for something. And the reason they'll feel like you're asking for something as they haven't heard from you before. So this is the difference between somebody who knows, likes and trusts you, and the responses you're getting now. So I know that if I had to reach out to somebody for something, they'd be like, "Hey Jordan, what's up man? What can I do for you?" Because I've probably talked to them within three or six months and it sounds like you haven't spoken to them in a long time, so they're giving you the, ah, what do you want? Oh, you're looking for a job. Yeah, there are jobs on the website. See you later. That's why they're not willing to vouch for you. Recommend you. You can call this out. So when people ask like, "Hey, what's up? What's new with you?" Or you're giving your update. You could say, "My company shutdown, but that's actually not why I'm texting you. If you did have a job lead, I wouldn't turn it down, but that's not actually why I reached out, so get rid of that suspicion and handle their assumption. If that is kind of why you're reaching out, you kind of have to bury that a little bit until they know, like, and trust you. Because if you have an agenda, they're going to smell it and it's going to come across very poorly. They're going to think you're using them and they're going to vanish. It's going to be worse than not reaching out.
[48:50] Use the scripts from Six-Minute Networking, especially the scripts from the Connect-Four Drill, which is one of the first ones that we send you. Also, be sure to use the layoff lifelines exercise and do that one soon. If you haven't already. That drill is really apropos for you right now, really timely. What this is it's described in detail in Six-Minute Networking, which is at jordanharbinger.com/course. But in brief, what this is you think of all these relationships like your old boss, the college professor that you had that you lost touch with that you really liked, your adviser, your friend's dad who owned that one company that you haven't talked to since college or high school. Make that list and reach out to people before you need something and just get back in touch. And I include the script that you need in Six-Minute Networking. When you reach out to these people before you need or want anything, then it's really easy to get back in touch. They'll be thrilled to hear from you. And then later on, if you do need something, you re-engage these weak and dormant ties and re-strengthen them. And it's very simple. It'll take like half an hour at most and that includes thinking of the people and writing their name down and then shooting them a message. So it's really, really a good use of time. Again, that's in Six-Minute Networking and you can find that for free at jordanharbinger.com/course. Last but not least.
Jason DeFillippo: [50:03] Question eight. Hi J, J, and J. Congratulations on baby J. I work in law enforcement in the UK speaking to small and medium businesses, critical national infrastructure organizations and community groups about cybercrime scams and how to protect their devices and data, et cetera. I want to explore the idea of podcasting as a means of informing people about current trends and discussing mitigation in a more conversational way than I could say through social media and articles. My problem is that it's quite a dry subject that might struggle to gain traction. I know that Grumpy Old Geeks doesn't suffer from this problem at all, but I'm not sure the bosses would appreciate me putting out something quite as, let's say, informal. It has to remain broadly professional and it has to somehow draw an audience and keep people hooked. Aside from decent mics and a space that's not echoey as hell what advice do you have for someone just starting out with podcasting? I'm already getting started with Six-Minute Networking, but anything else you can recommend would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance, Your Friendly Neighborhood Cyberman.
Jordan Harbinger: [51:07] Podcasting stuff. Well, people ask us all the time about this. Jason, you're doing a course about this stuff, right?
Jason DeFillippo: [51:13] Eyeballs deep in getting this course finalized and out the door, so it will be here very, very soon.
Jordan Harbinger: [51:19] Yeah, I may do a course on how to host a podcast from an interview perspective if that's what you're doing as well. And lots of companies are using podcasting internally to communicate information. Primary tips though, keep them short. There are a lot of long podcasts that could be 20 minutes but are instead 90 minutes or two hours or three hours and that's a huge waste of everyone's time. Keep them like 20 minutes, to begin with, because it's really hard to keep 20 minutes. Interesting when you are new. Also no need for bells and whistles. Forget musical beds, forget the voice-over introduction to the show. Don't do any of that crap. Just start producing something. Make sure it's tightly edited. Release every other week or so. You don't have to do it weekly. Every other week is just enough so that it stays a hobby. It doesn't become a chore and you can sort of slowly editing it, slowly record it, trash it if you need to rerecord it, all of that stuff. And unless your company's paying you for this, do not use company resources because a lot of employers. This is true for the US probably true overseas as well. There are a lot of people that write in the go, "Oh I started a successful podcast and I was doing it at my work office and it's really great and I soundproofed one of the conference rooms and now I'm leaving and guess what they're telling me they own the show. What the hell?" I'm like, they probably do. They probably do. Because they're paying for your time, they're paying to create it. You were an employee, why you created it and you created it in the office, not good know, not good. So be very careful if it's even just in your industry and you're making it at home and you're employed by this company, they still might own it or have a claim to it. So just be really careful about this and maybe get something in writing that says you can create this, or if you create it outside the company, make sure you use no company resources at all and then make sure that you own all the accounts and you don't use your work email or anything. They could still claim they might own that intellectual property, but they're just not going to sue you for it. It's just not worth it at the end of the day. So if you turn it into a business, you can probably get a release when you leave, but you should definitely check with an attorney if you're starting something and you're planning on using any company resources or even just doing something that's in your professional industry. You're running, you're sort of running a little bit of a dangerous game right there. Jason, anything else I'm missing?
Jason DeFillippo: [53:37] Yeah. The flip side of this is if they're going to pay for it, they're going to buy the mics. They're going to let you do this on their dime, and you're okay with not owning the IP. Then maybe that can be part of your job and you get paid to learn how to podcast. So it's, yeah, I mean, it could be part of his day job, which would get him away from having to go on the road as much in speaking person, unless he really likes that too. But this could be something as an upsell for the company because they want to podcast. I know many places that actually do that. People have transitioned from one job into doing internal and external podcasts and have a really nice job from it and you still get paid to do it and you're actually learning on the job. So in the future, if you do want to start your own podcast, take all of Jordan's advice, do it on your own time, but you can get paid to learn if the company is willing to float the bill.
Jordan Harbinger: [54:26] Perfect.
Jason DeFillippo: [54:27] Also, when you're starting out, I started a little social network over on Mighty Networks called The Club. It's at club.podcastschool.co. It's all free. You can sign up, ask as many questions as you want. We've got a nice little community there. It's growing every day and ask questions from other podcasters and we are more than happy to help you out. And it's just an easy way if you know, okay, what mic should I get? What interface should I get? Do I need USB? What is XLR? I don't understand that. Just come on in and ask your questions. We're more than happy to help you learn.
Jordan Harbinger: [54:57] Life Pro Tip of the Week. If you are traveling with someone else and you're both wearing backpacks, swap backpacks...This isn't always easy because you know if you're carrying 70 pounds worth of stuff in your five-foot-tall wife is carrying 40 pounds worth. It might not be nice. But if you've got a day pack, you know you just left the hotel, you both got your bags, you swap them around because then when you need stuff from your bag, you've got both hands free. You know where your own stuff is. You can just have her stop and you can open up her bag and do the same. That way, you don't have to stop, take your bag off, put it down on the ground or a chair, and then dig through the thing, and then hope you don't get snatched. You can just sort of reach in there and grab it. So that's been useful for me when I've traveled years ago and I feel like technology just hasn't changed much since then. And this is one of those little tips where I'm like, "Oh yeah, I remember doing that a long time ago."
[55:43] Recommendation of the Week. The Green Prince, I saw this on Amazon Prime Video. So this is a documentary and this guy, he's the son of a founding member of Hamas, which is the government and in the Palestinian territory, West Bank and Gaza. And this son of this Hamas leader becomes disillusioned with their tactics because he goes to prison and all this stuff for all this BS, and he becomes a spy for Israel. And this guy is in the documentary. It's not like reconstructed from somebody's memory. It's the guy in the thing. He lives in San Diego now and he's recounting all the stories and they found his handler from Israelis internal secret called Shin Bet, and he's talking about the whole thing. It's just a look inside the highest level informant that Israel's probably ever had inside Hamas and straight from the horse’s mouth, so-so interesting to look at the spy game being played. It's called The Green Prince and it's available on Amazon Video and we will link to it in the show notes.
[56:43] Hope y'all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. A link to the show notes for the episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com. If you want to go to prison with me, email me firstname.lastname@example.org. It's going to be life-changing and super fun and interesting. If you email me, it means you're interested, that's great. It doesn't mean you're like signed up. So if you're thinking about it but you're not sure if you can go, shoot me a note email@example.com and let me know how likely it is for you to attend.
[57:08] Big shout out to Reed who took my calendar and organization tips and is now enjoying a hell of a lot more free time and conversations and enjoying that transition to becoming a father. So thank you very much, Reed, for listening to the show and for actually applying what you hear. I appreciate that.
[57:23] All right everybody, go back, check out Kobe Bryant and Nir Eyal if you haven't yet. And if you want to know how we managed to book all these amazing folks and managed hundreds slash thousands of relationships using systems, I'm teaching you how to do this for free over at Six-Minute Networking. That's jordanharbinger.com/course. Don't let your relationship stagnate. Don't wait until you need something. That's the number one mistake, not digging the well before you get thirsty. Once you need relationships, you're just way too late. These drills take just a few minutes per day. Ignore it at your own peril. Again, free, not putting your credit card free, but free, free. jordanharbinger.com/course. I'm also on Instagram and Twitter at Jordan Harbinger. That's a great way to engage with the show. Videos of our interviews including Kobe Bryant. Those are up at jordanharbinger.com/youtube. Jason.
Jason DeFillippo: [58:11] you can check out my tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks over at gog.show or your podcast player of choice. And if you're a podcaster, check out The Club. That's at club.podcast.school.co.
Jordan Harbinger: [58:23] This show has created in association with PodcastOne and this episode was produced by Jen Harbinger, edited by Jase Sanderson, and show notes for the episode are by Robert Fogarty, music by Evan Viola. Keep sending in those questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Our advice and opinions and those of our guests are their own. And yes, I'm a lawyer, but I am not your lawyer. So do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. Remember we rise by lifting others, so share the show with those you love and even those you don't. We've got a lot more in the pipe and I'm very excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show, so that you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
Jason DeFillippo: [59:04] If you're looking for something on the cutting edge of audio entertainment, there's a new series called We're Alive, Goldrush. It's an end of the world comedy adventure to recover $1 billion in gold in the middle of the apocalypse. Crazy, right? That's just the start. This 10-part epic features, familiar voices such as Christy Carlson Romano from Kim Possible and guest star, Danny Trejo from Practically Everything Awesome. Our very own Caitlin Bristow and more. This old spaghetti Western takes listeners across the wastelands with high-speed chase scenes battles against the infected, horrors, heroics, love triangles, and of course gold. Listen to the audio drama that started at all and be transported into the theater of the mind with We're Alive, Goldrush from Wayland Productions and PodcastOne. The first episode is available now on Apple Podcasts and PodcastOne.com.
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